Strange Sea-Creatures That Have Tried To Get Into My Pants: Episode I - The Sea Cucumber (1202 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.96 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SG The Platypus Master (View user info) at 2005-07-27 09:50:06 EDT
What the fuck? I don't even have any pants. I AM GOD DAMNED PLATYPUS YOU FUCK!
Nevertheless, as I swam through the Pacific Ocean one day I came across a sea cucumber. Now, these sea cucumbers were very rare in my area of the ocean so I decided to go up close.
Me: "Why Hello sea cucumber. I am Platypus. The great Platypus of Platypi."
Sea Cucumber: "Ohhhh. A platypus...I always had a thing for platypi."
Me: "Oh...OK Then."
Sea Cucumber: "Hey, why don't you come a bit closer..."
Me: "Uhhhhh..."
I quickly looked at my arm.
Me: "Whoops! It's already 3 PM! I must be going home now to sacrfice one of our fellow platypi and then eat him and then poop him."
Sea Cucumber: "You don't even have a watch."
Me: "Uhhh. Yea you see, our arms are watches. They are like...scientifically proven to tell time...and stuff."
Sea Cucumber: "Please, come to me. I just want to make love to you."
Me: "Sorry!"
Sea Cucumber: "COME HERE MANBITCH!"
Before it could molest me with it's cucumber, I swam away as quickly as I could to shore. When I finally reached it, I was quite relieved.
But the sea cucumber was unrelentless. As I began to fall alseep on the beach I noticed something small walking towards me. Looking up, I saw that it was a hot dog.
Me: "A hot dog? Walking on the beach? I should suspect something suspicious about this, but surprisingly I don't! This is quite normal! In fact, I think I will eat this hot dog that is oddly walking on a beach for some reason!"
I motioned for the hot dog but it suddenly fell apart to reveal the cucumber hiding inside.
Sea Cucumber: "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP THE ASS!"
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I ran as fast as I could down that beach, and knowning retarded platypi, it wasn't very fast. Thankfully, the sea cucumber wasn't very fast either so I was safe.
That is, until the sea cucumber splooged all over the beach, causing me to fall.
Me: "HELP! I'M A PLATYPUS AND I CAN'T GET UP!"
Sea Cucumber: "NOW YOU WILL BE MINE FOR THE TAKING!"
The sea cucumber made it's way towards my ass. I was so afraid then. Those tentacles would definitely not feel good inside my anus. As it approached closer and closer I squinted my eyes, waiting for what seemed like days for the pain to arrive. But instead I got a massive pain in my stomach.
Me: "SHIT!"
Sea Cucumber: "Huh?"
With all the power I could muster, I shat all over the cucumber.
Sea Cucumber: "OH GOD!!! THE STENCH! THIS IS HORRIBLE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EAT?! OH GOD!"
And once again, the power of poopy saved my life.
User Reviews
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-29 05:59:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 04:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-03 01:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"HELP! I'M A PLATYPUS AND I CAN'T GET UP!"
hahahahaha. I'm almost tempted to get this as a tattoo it's that funny.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My head hurts now from laughing...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me: "HELP! I'M A PLATYPUS AND I CAN'T GET UP!"
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am reminded of that scene in Jackass, where they stroke off the sea cucumbers...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have nothing to contribute
Needs more tits!!!!!!!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OW! That looks like it would feel all prickly and scratchy.
If I live my life withouut a prickly sea creature forcing itself up my ass (or getting cancer) I win.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SG = EbolaMay
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel so...
So....
Violated.....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61909
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent as always
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sea creature scat fetish erotica gets me hot.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OHhhhhhh fuck. So I guess it is just "relentless"?
Jesus I am stupid.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hable Ingles? Comprendes?
What the fuck is an 'unrelentless', you cunt?!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sea creature erotica gets me hot
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard somewhere that platypi had stingers or fangs or something. Some sort of really nasty venom. But then again, I think sea cucumbers do too.
Good thing the poop saved you or this could have gone down a whole lot worse.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:16:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Phallic trashed is awesome.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for flattery
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:13:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YOPU MAN I'M NOT EEN REading this post.
Im drunk see, ?
BUT I trust yopu to be +2 so ill do that!
Irf this isnt +2 and i see it i;l fuckin -02 y08 bitch
\
but i truxst you donkety.
plus 2
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Donkey?? I AM A PLATYPUS
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poop
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've learned my clicking on links lesson... so I'll click on that link later, when at home. and not on a heavily monitored compooper.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YOPU MAN I'M NOT EEN REading this post.
Im drunk see, ?
BUT I trust yopu to be +2 so ill do that!
Irf this isnt +2 and i see it i;l fuckin -02 y08 bitch
\
but i truxst you donkety.
plus 2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bwahahahahhaha!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it wrong that I clicked on Adam's link?
-Dave
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah great!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64478
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha, dammit Adam. I actually clicked on that.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess this is a flattering bandwagon tribute post
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.Platypusorgy.com
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haaha
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its funny because usually little fishies hide in the sea cucumber's anus, and now it wanted to hide in yours.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are so fucked in the head. And pentameter had best appreciate this.