You Think You’re in Love, But You’re Not (5652 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.47 on 145 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JMG114 (View user info) at 2005-07-27 10:29:21 EDT
Something that has been growing on me for the past year and a half is the way people (of both genders) throw the word "love" around with reckless abandon. Like the currency of the United States, I find that this word is often backed by nothing, often mistaken for empty lust or infatuation.
Love is the closest we as humans can make it to a truly divine experience. To be in love should be a change in your life equal if not greater than death in its power. Being in love with someone should, and by definition must, affect you forever.
Take a look at the person with whom you claim to hold feelings of love. I'm sure you LIKE them a lot, but liking someone is to loving them is as different as the distance from one galaxy to the next.
Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love. Love is endlessly merciful and forgiving. Maybe he or she doesn't love you if he/she is unfaithful, but you? You're in love, so you must, by definition, forgive. Love can take hurt and love can take pain. Love must be forgiving of faults. Are you?
Would you die for him or her? If you're in love, then the answer must be yes. You should give a hearty yes for dying a thousand times for this one person. A second thought should not even enter your mind on the subject.
If he or she was horribly disfigured and crippled in an accident; I mean if his/her face was lopped off but his/her brain was unaffected and he/she could still somehow communicate... what about then? What if it happened today, and you still have the rest of your life to potentially spend with him/her? Would you? No? Then you're not in love.
It's being able to sacrifice everything you hold dear for this one person. It's devoting yourself unconditionally and without reservation. It's seeing the divine reflected in another. It's selfless.
There's no rush to be in love. I once dated someone who claimed to be in love with me after a week. It was a nice compliment, but I didn't believe it for a second. Love is not instant. Love at first sight, while romantic, is a dream. Love grows, and can take months or even years to blossom. It's worth the wait, and will be all the sweeter if actually meant when said.
What, though, when time goes on? Like it or not, romantic love generally dies. You're going to wake up next to a 65-year-old in bed one day (if not earlier) and wonder what you still see in him or her. Where romantic love leaves off is where compassion must pick up. Suffering with, living aside, and adoring him/her for his/her faults and for who he/she is becomes the final key to the puzzle. The love is still there, only in a different form.
I've confessed love to two people, but in retrospect, I only meant it for one. The moment I said it, after a long courtship, was the moment by which I measure all other happy moments. Nothing so far has come close, although I'm looking forward to one day saying it again.
Too many people throw it around to "get lucky" or to "give a nice compliment." Beware false love, as nine out of ten times when you think you have it, you don't. If you are truly in love, then congratulations. You're one of the very few.
Being in love isn't liking how someone looks, liking how he/she treats you, or how smart he/she is. Love is the most powerful human emotion, that which (according to Dante) "Moves the sun and all the other stars," a primal energy. We feel it and we act based upon it. Empires have been built and have crumbled for its sake. To do it injustice is an affront to everything for which it stands.
User Reviews
Submitted by dougiep (user info) at 2008-02-22 11:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UberSavedMyLife (user info) at 2007-01-15 14:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Whilst i agree with Homer on the whole cheating thing, i have to disagree with it being unrealistic, before my mum passed away last year, my parents had been together for 28 years, but had only known each other for 6 weeks when they got married. I grew up telling people that my parents had love at first sight, but as i grew up i began to realise it was nothing of the sort, the way my dad explains it: "i knew the first time i ever did anything that could have potentially hurt your mum, that i could love her for the rest of my life and she was the only person in my life (bearing in mind his parents were well-meaning but incredibly selfish) who i couldn't bear to hurt even in the smallest way" - and thats where love begins. and over the years they did find real love, just as its described here, they would have died for each other. and my mum did.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-15 14:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Right on the money... self-interest makes the world go round...
If you found that person that matched up to your perfect ideals viewed through your rose-colored glasses you wouldn't love them. Picture a person that loves you unconditionally no matter what you do, no matter how you treat them, totally unconditionally. Maybe I could make an exception for your mom or dad but anyone other than that is just pathetic. If you're attracted to that person you have deep seated psychological issues. An ideal healthy partner is one that loves themself as well and has some self-respect. That's that selfishness everyone keeps mentioning when they disagree with you. Selfishness isn't always bad in all respects.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:46:47 (#)
Ranking: 1
It's selfless in the sense that it isn't independant, it involves someone else, but as far as interests goes it's selfish. I use selfish by its real meaning, and, unlike most people, not to mean 'sacrifical of othres.' I don't see why any one would be happy as a parasite who lives by fucking up other people.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-15 14:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nicely written but your idealist view of relationships doesn't exist anymore than love at first site. Nevertheless for the most part it would be nice if that was exactly the way it was for everyone... except for this part...
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love. Love is endlessly merciful and forgiving. Maybe he or she doesn't love you if he/she is unfaithful, but you? You're in love, so you must, by definition, forgive. Love can take hurt and love can take pain. Love must be forgiving of faults. Are you? "
If you continue to love and forgive a person that doesn't love you back and only shits all over you're not the last great true romantic, you're just a pathetic loser with no self-esteem. Alot of people are this way, it's unfortunate.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-01-15 14:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amen brotha
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-15 13:28:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to offer you a tissue.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-24 20:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your definition and mine might slightly alter, but I agree with most of what you are saying. I just started dating someone only a month ago and I really like her....for now
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-10-24 19:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A lovely sentiment, Jared, but somewhat naive. I didn't read the 3,000 comments, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else has said.
I agree the word "love" is thrown around like a romantic sledgehammer.
But I agree for a completely different reason: love is a word, not a tangible, achievable state. EVERY person who uses it is misled to some degree.
What you perceive to be unconditional love is more than likely a longer lasting infatuation, a general fondness for a person bred through extended familiarity and close contact, or quite simply, the insanity men sometimes are afflicted by when they take orders from their dick.
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
No, that would mean that THEY'RE not in "love". If they respect you at all, they won't go sticking body parts in them that belong to people who aren't you. If your "lover" doesn't respect you, guess what- that's not gonna change. Ever. Tell the bitch to go pound sand, and hope for better luck next time.
"Love is endlessly merciful and forgiving."
There are two classes of entity which truly are ENDLESSLY merciful: gods and fools. Which one do you suppose you are?
"You're in love, so you must, by definition, forgive."
Whose definition? God's? I hardly think he expects us to live up to His standard... if we could do that, we wouldn't have a need for Him.
"Love can take hurt and love can take pain."
Agreed. Any rational human being has limits, though.
"Would you die for him or her? If you're in love, then the answer must be yes."
Only on the condition that the person has a greater potential than you. Would I die for my five year old sister, who is the person I "love" most in the world? Yes, because she's five, and I'm twenty, and I've already done most of what I'd like to on this planet. Would I die for my mother, who I also "love"? (I put "love" in quotation marks because you and I have entirely different definitions of the word.) No, I wouldn't, for precisely the reason that I know she'd rather die for me than the other way around. Who am I to disrespect her wishes?
Would I die for my five year old sister if she were retarded? Perhaps I'm a terrible human being (and I'm sure this website is full of people ready to tell me that I am), but no, I wouldn't- because I have the capacity to achieve more in my life than her, with her limited potential under that condition.
"You should give a hearty yes for dying a thousand times for this one person."
If I thought I could die a thousand times, I might not be so stingy with expending my life.
"A second thought should not even enter your mind on the subject."
I'm certain that's the perspective most people have regarding "love"- act without thinking twice. Brilliant.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-09-09 14:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Palindrome, that's different. I'm talking about being in love, not love of a platonic sort.
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-09-06 22:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What about the love you have for a friend?
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Something that has been growing on me for the past year and a half is the way people (of both genders) throw the word "love" around with reckless abandon."
-----
I love you, Jared.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-07-30 13:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only person I've ever truely loved is Peter Falk. I spend hour after hour scouring the DVD shelves of HMV for episodes of Columbo whilst wearing uncomfortable shoes. Love hurts.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-30 12:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-07-30 04:07:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I feel sufficiently patronized. This made me physically nauseous, literally. What makes you think you can tell someone what is or isn't real love? The way you portray it makes me think of a couple driving across a territorial boundary, and there's a sign on the side of the road that says, "Welcome, You Are Now in Love!" "Love" can't be nicely packaged into a box. It's an abstract, subjective thing, like every other emotion. Everything you feel is real. I don't tell kids their problems aren't real just because they don't fit the mental framework I've personally designed for what I consider to be a substantial dilemma. Let people decide for themselves what love means to them.
---------------------------
If you feel patronized by anything I wrote here, then you completely misunderstood my point. People can believe anything they want. I'm merely stating that love is something more than a teenage-grade infatuation or obssession. I disagree that love can't be defined, as well. It's too easy to dismiss abstract notions as undefinables. It might mean different things to different people, but it's certainly used in places where it does not belong.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-30 08:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
First off I'd like to say that there are two things in life which I don't take lightly, one being love and the other being hate. It seems to me that a lot of people (that I know personally) band these words about without understanding the power of either. Not to the full extent, anyway. These are two feelings that I can't do half arsed. It's all or nothing with both.
I think loving someone in the romantic sense consists of raw passion, trust, forgiveness, loyalty, and understanding, or at least trying to.
From experience I can honestly say that I've been in love if only with one man, my ex husband, the father of my child. We were together from teenagers. I didn't love him from the get go; the love came after I'd known him for a few years. I trusted him totally and thought I knew him inside out. For many years I fell in love with him on a daily basis, and I knew that he loved me, alas, not to the magnitude of the way I felt about him. I know this because he cheated on me many times and I forgave him, not because I was an insecure fool but rather because I was still in love with him. However, when the person you're in love with keeps hurting and testing you, your love for them becomes tainted. It's something that can't be undone or worked at to be restored to what it once was - Even with forgiveness in abundance, it's never the same. Love has to be nurtured to continue to be.
I'm now on friendly terms with the ex (for the love of our son). The strange thing about our situation at present are his claims of loving me more now that he doesn't have my love than he did when he had it whole. I guess that's the cross he has to bear.
In all honesty I don't think words can describe the intensity of pure love. Some things are bigger than language
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-07-30 04:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed Lisa strikes again.
But her version is easier to agree with. Fuck, I can't end a sentence with a preposition.
Let me re-phrase this response.
Lisa's version of love is easier with which to agree.
That sounded horrible. I'll take two, please.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-30 04:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The infinite wisdom of Lisa awes me.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-07-30 04:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I feel sufficiently patronized. This made me physically nauseous, literally. What makes you think you can tell someone what is or isn't real love? The way you portray it makes me think of a couple driving across a territorial boundary, and there's a sign on the side of the road that says, "Welcome, You Are Now in Love!" "Love" can't be nicely packaged into a box. It's an abstract, subjective thing, like every other emotion. Everything you feel is real. I don't tell kids their problems aren't real just because they don't fit the mental framework I've personally designed for what I consider to be a substantial dilemma. Let people decide for themselves what love means to them.
Submitted by Flaahgra (user info) at 2005-07-30 03:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree with you about a lot of this. However, +2 for making me think and offering some valid points.
What you're talking about is more infatuation. At least, in some ways. Love is NOT unconditional. Not at all. You have to think what triggers love. Who that person is. Not how they look, not the excellent blowjobs they give, but who they are deep inside. Or, at least, who you perceive them to be. Love is when two (or three or four or more, I'm not one to place boundaries) feel connected one every level of their being. Such things can change, especially your perceptions of them. This shatters love.
Love is the only connection between people, I think, that is manditorily mutual. Because it's such a deep connection, I believe you can only truly love a person that loves you in return. You connect on every level (not the same as agreeing), and once you establish that, you can give up the connections on the more transient levels of your person (looks, communication, etc) and still have that love. But it's impossible to be in love with someone who isn't in love with you, regardless of what is said between you. Think of it in simple social situations. You feel chemistry with people who are nice to you. If someone is an asshole or ignores you, you won't like them (you may be attracted to them, but that's different). It's the same thing with love. Therefore, if someone cheats on you, or betrays you in some other heinous way, it's definitely possible (in fact, probable) to fall out of love with that person. That betrayal is not only a fundamental altering of their person which you loved, but also displays a lack of love on their part.
You can't love someone who has fallen out of love with you. you can tell yourself that you do in hopes of them returning to love with you, but at that time, you aren't in love with them. You're trying to recreate your past feelings and dwell on memories of past feelings.
Then again, what the fuck do I know? I've said "I love you" to a few people, but I've only meant it once. The past times I said it I wasn't in complete denial, though, I realized that I was a stupid teenager who didn't know what I was feeling, but I knew it wasn't love. I said it in the sense of "I care about you as much as someone with hormones going as wild and crazy as mine are can. I like to think that I love you, but I know I don't." And she understood that, and meant it that way when she said it. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong about that; neither person is disillusioned about it.
I apologize for fragmented or hard to follow or poorly written thoughts, I barely proofed this.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-30 01:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-30 01:06:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Love is not instant. Love at first sight, while romantic, is a dream."
Until it actually happens to you. Then it is as real as that burger you're chomping on for lunch, or the stab wound you received in that bar fight.
When I read your title, I thought:
You think it's boogers, but it's snot.
-------------------------------------------
Heh. I respect you a bunch, BM, but on this I think we'll have to differ. While there are girls I've met before who make my stomach drop out from under me with how beautiful and sweet they are, I think that's attributable to psychology and hormones. I see someone pretty, my mind starts making up things that aren't there.
Fair enough.
But it's not about how pretty they are or how sweet they are.
It's about chemistry.
I'm not trying to convince you here, I'm just saying that it's all about chemistry, not about how good looking someone is.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-30 01:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Love is not instant. Love at first sight, while romantic, is a dream."
Until it actually happens to you. Then it is as real as that burger you're chomping on for lunch, or the stab wound you received in that bar fight.
When I read your title, I thought:
You think it's boogers, but it's snot.
-------------------------------------------
Heh. I respect you a bunch, BM, but on this I think we'll have to differ. While there are girls I've met before who make my stomach drop out from under me with how beautiful and sweet they are, I think that's attributable to psychology and hormones. I see someone pretty, my mind starts making up things that aren't there.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-07-29 17:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was meant to be a +2. Nice work.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-29 14:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:30:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:03:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
If I did not love her I could care less who else she slept with so long as she still had time to give it up for me, but If I did love her I wouldn't subject myself to the pain of her going behind my back and getting it from someone else.
Just because you "love" someone it does not mean that you would subject yourself to emotional trauma just to be with them.
------------------------------------------
You think pain is a more powerful emotion than love and should have a higher influence on a persons actions. That is sad.
------------------------------------------
Sad? I don't get where not letting someone walk all over you just because you're "in love" is sad at all.
If a woman stays with a man who beats her just because she's "in love", that's sad.
Yeah, if I was with a woman who cheated on me I would leave her. I'd have to because she obviously didn't love me enough to stay faithful and I'm not going to subject myself to the pain of a very one sided relationship.
And it's true, there is no real love. Chemicals get released in the brain, the person becomes an addiction to these chemicals, the brain gets used to the high and starts to crave more, she buys a catholic school girl's uniform, it lasts another six months and then she gets her own room and the children go off to college...
Ok that's sad.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Love is not instant. Love at first sight, while romantic, is a dream."
Until it actually happens to you. Then it is as real as that burger you're chomping on for lunch, or the stab wound you received in that bar fight.
When I read your title, I thought:
You think it's boogers, but it's snot.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-29 12:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cooking Woman: "Sweetie, I need a can of olives to complete this wonderful meal I am preparing for us. Can you run to the corner store?"
Man on couch drinking beer: "Cram it slore!"
----------------------------------------------------
Hahaha. Well put.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-07-29 12:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear the Campbell echoing in your post...such a lovely sound.
Love is many things and our language falls terribly short by having only one word to describe the many kinds of love.
Love is a feeling that you have toward someone. You can feel it on many levels---almost like on a scale of 1-10, though without the quantititative difference that a numerical scale implies. I have had love for every person I've ever called a friend, for every person I have ever been physically intimate with, and for most people that I interact with on a daily basis. Still, I have never been "in love", or acheived the kind of love that you are speaking about in this post.
Love is also an action. The feeling of love is of little importance if you cannot act with love. When the feeling of love leaves, you can still choose to act with love, to let your love be a verb rather than a subjective feeling---indeed, this is what keeps relationships alive for the duration of a marriage. The feeling will wax and wane---that does not mean that the love is gone.
I believe that if love ever existed, it will always exist. If you thought you loved someone and you no longer love them (for WHATEVER reason) it was something else you had with them, not love. There are many people whom I will never see/speak to again whom I will always love. Certainly the feeling is different now than it was, but the essense of love remains unchanged.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-07-29 12:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My opinion:
One half of love can be measured by how far you are willing to go to please the object of your love. The verity of the love can be confirmed by the object of your love not taking advantage of your willingness, and also selflessly returning the favor.
Blind love can be fun, but it also usually leads to heartbreak (see young women and college kids). Sharing equally in building and maintaining a strong, mutual love is the way to go. Mucho compromise. Mucho trust.
You'll know the love is gone when you no longer find joy in pleasing your partner.
Example:
Cooking Woman: "Sweetie, I need a can of olives to complete this wonderful meal I am preparing for us. Can you run to the corner store?"
Man on couch drinking beer: "Cram it slore!"
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-29 09:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-29 07:15:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
They could be begging forgiveness for any number of reasons: they're lonely and feel they need someone, and begging for forgiveness to a person that loves them is their best chance of staying with someone; they could just want sex; they could want the control and could love the fact that they can do almost whatever they want and still manage to weasel back into someone else's life. If the person were really in love and were asking for forgiveness because they loved, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Let me ask this: what if the person I loved hit me but then asked for forgiveness and said they loved me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to equate the two because physical abuse is much worse than cheating, but I think in this case they're similar. The abuser does something showing they don't really respect the other, but the other is in love. Are you justifying the choice women that stay with their abusers make by saying that it's OK because they're in love?
Love is a wonderful thing to feel, but it can't make other people love and respect you back.
----------------------------------------------------
Love can be forgiving but love can still call the cops to prevent someone from hurting you. I think in that case you'd be doing something positive for both of you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-29 07:49:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Once, to a dog. He licked himself and left the room."
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-29 07:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They could be begging forgiveness for any number of reasons: they're lonely and feel they need someone, and begging for forgiveness to a person that loves them is their best chance of staying with someone; they could just want sex; they could want the control and could love the fact that they can do almost whatever they want and still manage to weasel back into someone else's life. If the person were really in love and were asking for forgiveness because they loved, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
Let me ask this: what if the person I loved hit me but then asked for forgiveness and said they loved me? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to equate the two because physical abuse is much worse than cheating, but I think in this case they're similar. The abuser does something showing they don't really respect the other, but the other is in love. Are you justifying the choice women that stay with their abusers make by saying that it's OK because they're in love?
Love is a wonderful thing to feel, but it can't make other people love and respect you back.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-29 04:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely written. I could respond for hours.
There was an old movie called... I forget.. 12 sisters, or 12 daughters or something. I don't know. Anyway, one of the daughters is getting married and her dad is talking to her fiance on the front porch. He asked, "Do you love my daughter?" the young boy responded, "yes, with all my heart." The girl's father said, "No, you don't. You won't know that you love her until you're both old people with children of your own." (paraphrased). He went on about it, and it was well worded. But that scene in that movie is what helps me define love. It's similar to what you speak of.
I'd like to say I'm damn close to loving my beau, but I've thought that before about someone who is gone from my life forever. I guess we never really know until we're tested.
Yeah, I was bored and read an uber post AND reviewed it! What of it? You wanna fight? You better pack a lunch!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-07-29 01:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heres a good one:
if kris cheated on me (not that i think theres even a remote chance of this... its hypothetical), i would break up with her.
This is because one of the big reasons I'm in love with her, is because she respects and loves me. If she cheated on me, she would, at the very least, not respect me anymore. A fundamental part of her personality towards me has changed.
The rules of the game have changed, so you have to adapt your game, or you're going to get your ass kicked.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-29 00:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jared, you still r0x0rs.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-29 00:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-28 21:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
And what do you do after you forgive them? You love them, they don't love you, and you're with them knowing this. Breaking up with them because they don't love you isn't vengeful, it's being honest and respectful to yourself.
-----------------------------------------
Why would they beg forgiveness if they don't love you and care enough to fix their damage? Love is wonderful, but humans are flawed. It's having compassion despite the flaws that seperates love from infatuation and/or lust.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-28 22:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-28 21:57:43 (#)
^
|
|
|
Worst. User name. Ever.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-28 21:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And what do you do after you forgive them? You love them, they don't love you, and you're with them knowing this. Breaking up with them because they don't love you isn't vengeful, it's being honest and respectful to yourself.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-28 21:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-28 19:58:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:11:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:37:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
For the reasons enunciated below I feel that you are partially incorrect....particularly in relation to the cheating issue.
--------------------------------------------
Love is forgiving and merciful by nature. If someone cheats on you and begs forgiveness, then if you're in love, you'll forgive them. You won't (and shouldn't) forget what he/she did, but if you're in love, you'll forgive.
----------
I don't think so. I honestly think that even if you love someone...if they cheat on you then that should be the end of it. It's about self respect. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.
----------------------------------------------
If someone cheats on you and begs your forgiveness, if you're in love, you should forgive them. Anything else would be vengeful, and a real love would not lead to a desire for revenge.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-28 20:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, what lordofthedance said.
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-07-28 20:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So what you're saying is that if I love someone and they cheat on me, that I should forgive them for what they've done because I love them. I'm expected to just ignore the fact that I've been deceived into believing that my significant other was in love with me when they weren't, ignore that they've completely disrespected me by lying and cheating. I'm sorry, but no matter how much I love anyone I will not tolerate them cheating on me simply because I'm in love. My love for them won't create their love or respect for me if it isn't there. I agree with some of what you're saying. Love should (and real love does) go beyond simple things like looks or faults. But there are some things that you just shouldn't forgive another person for so easily.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-28 19:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:11:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:37:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
For the reasons enunciated below I feel that you are partially incorrect....particularly in relation to the cheating issue.
--------------------------------------------
Love is forgiving and merciful by nature. If someone cheats on you and begs forgiveness, then if you're in love, you'll forgive them. You won't (and shouldn't) forget what he/she did, but if you're in love, you'll forgive.
----------
I don't think so. I honestly think that even if you love someone...if they cheat on you then that should be the end of it. It's about self respect. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.
Submitted by resignator (user info) at 2005-07-28 19:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I say "I love you" but what I really mean is "I sure do like gettin some"
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-28 19:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-28 15:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Love' is a word, and, as such, has as many definitions as it does users.
The emotion itself is undefinable. That is, you're not always going to be able to distinguish it with a few simple guidelines.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes I am.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meaningless relationships with plenty of women.
Submitted by Gdoub (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can read this a couple of times
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-28 12:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a pleasure to read.
Thanks.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this post.... no.... wait...hmmm
Same goes for hate. People say they hate baked beans, but I bet there isn't a single person who would wage a war over them!
I tell my girlfriend I love her all the time, but then she pisses me off sometimes, so maybe I'm just a little infatuated.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll agree, I mean even though we said it earlier, it still took me 2 years to figure out I really loved my wife. It took us breaking up, me moving away and eventually coming back for us both to realise that a) the grass wasn't greener and b)we had something very special.
To this day we agree that we have a different relationship than most. We don't argue much, we don't disagree much, we see things on pretty much the same level. We a hard time finding freinds, as a couple, becuase our 'clique' is too tight, too judgemental.
We are ok with it though, our 'clique' is our family, her, I, and the baby. It's good enough for me becuase it makes me absolutly happy.
I would do anything for her fight, kill, or be killed it doesn't matter. In fact I have know that I think about it, she's got a mouth that tends to write checks against the account of MY ASS.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:05:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
You said 'there is no rush to love', do you mean there shouldn't be a rush to love? Because there certainly is a 'rush' to love.
---------------------------------------------
I agree with you. What I'm saying is that too many people are in a hurry to be in love (and why not?) but they tend to say the words or fool themselves into pretending to feel it before they actually do. As mentioned above, somenone once told me that she loved me within a week of our dating. It was a wonderful sentiment, and I'm sure she believed she was, but there's no way that she actually felt that way. How could she know that she'd sacrifice everything for me inside a week?
I'm 25.
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a great idea for a post, continue the idea make the next one about say...hate...or...pride.
Incidently, you have well developed thoughts on this, how old are you if you don't mind.
I'm interested to hear your comments on my comments below *looks down* somewhere down there.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-28 07:00:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
You don't love someone because they're perfect for you - you love them despite the fact they're not.
--------------------------------------
Well said, and well put.
*******************************************
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:42:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
"If you are in love, then you must, by definition..."
So I see you are now the definer of the world's biggest undefinable feeling. Thanks.
---------------------------------------
Who says it's undefinable? You? I've been in it, and I can describe it. Anyone who says a feeling can't be described hasn't felt it themselves to know. People can sympathize, but empathy requires two people to have gone through the same thing. Belle's entry above demonstrates a definition. WHat I've written demonstrates another.
*****************************************
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:26:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ask Circe or Bigmike or someone. They'll tell you about the bond. All I got was a giant hole, one I must one day bring myself to fill.
-------------------------------------------
I've felt it once myself. It's the moment by which I measure all other happy times.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-28 07:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a heartwarming story Belle, I hope things get a little smoother for you.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-28 07:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Love... Funny, I was just talking about this with someone.
I have told just one person outside of my family that I love them, and I meant it.
I realised that I meant it when he was laying in a hospital bed in intensive care, throwing up stale blood for 18 hours straight.
I can honestly say that I would have traded places with him there instantly if I could, but I couldn't... and I realised that I'd sit by that beside until the end of time rather than take a break and risk not being there to help him if he needed it.
I didn't realise just how strongly I felt for him until the day that he nearly didn't make it, and I try (whenever we're having problems) to remember just how hollow it felt to not have him there.
More than that, even before then, we would both go to incredible lengths to spend time with each other, and would suffer so the other one didn't...
We have our ups and downs, some day's I hate him, but I stay and work things out because thats what love is.
You don't love someone because they're perfect for you - you love them despite the fact they're not.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"If you are in love, then you must, by definition..."
So I see you are now the definer of the world's biggest undefinable feeling. Thanks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All very true, though you have painted a rather rosy picture of love. Love is a primal thing, it's spiky, brutal and extreme. It has extremeties. It's also very hard to define because, as you rightly point out, it's form changes.
All that can really be said of love is that it is intense. It hits you, BAM, like a metiorite hits the desert or implodes whitin your heart like an underground cave collapsing under a field. Fast or slow the effect is always as massive on you. When it all works as it's supposed to and the object of your obsession responds in kind you forge a bond that well... I don't know. I never got that far.
Ask Circe or Bigmike or someone. They'll tell you about the bond. All I got was a giant hole, one I must one day bring myself to fill.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-28 05:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe we need another word...
Like, love and something in between....
I know the like and the in between... never the love. Though it has felt like it at times.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:37:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
For the reasons enunciated below I feel that you are partially incorrect....particularly in relation to the cheating issue.
--------------------------------------------
Love is forgiving and merciful by nature. If someone cheats on you and begs forgiveness, then if you're in love, you'll forgive them. You won't (and shouldn't) forget what he/she did, but if you're in love, you'll forgive.
***************************************
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:14:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
Only partly correct.
You can love someone but not stay with them when disfigured, and you can love someone but not die for them, too.
-----------------------------------------
I'd be curious to hear more of your thoughts on the matter.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For the reasons enunciated below I feel that you are partially incorrect....particularly in relation to the cheating issue.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Only partly correct.
You can love someone but not stay with them when disfigured, and you can love someone but not die for them, too.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn straight.
That said, I love you.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love my mom, but I don't think I could forgive her for cheating on me.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cannae argue with ya, man.
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well said
Submitted by Inanna (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting post. I believe I'm in love, but I wouldn't presume to define that emotion for anyone else. I agree with the people who've said there are different kinds of love, and one isn't necessarily better than any others. Love is too complicated and beautiful to put into words; everyone has to define it and feel it for themselves to know what it is.
And I also believe in love at first sight. Or at least that you can know that you are going to love someone at first sight. That's just me though.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:13:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:28:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i've only been in love once - and it's with my SO. i would happily die for him, and would still love him even if he lost his looks, limbs whatever. it's his mind and wit i love. his body is just a bonus :D
but cheating...i dunno, it depends on what the relationship is like when the cheating happens. if it's rocky, then it wouldn't be such a blow. but if the relationship was happy, then i would have to do some serious soul searching - after all, who wants to stay with a guy who has grade a steak at home, but goes out for macdonald's?
-------------
Are you the grade a steak in this scenario?
-------------------------------
Hahahahaha.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:28:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i've only been in love once - and it's with my SO. i would happily die for him, and would still love him even if he lost his looks, limbs whatever. it's his mind and wit i love. his body is just a bonus :D
but cheating...i dunno, it depends on what the relationship is like when the cheating happens. if it's rocky, then it wouldn't be such a blow. but if the relationship was happy, then i would have to do some serious soul searching - after all, who wants to stay with a guy who has grade a steak at home, but goes out for macdonald's?
-------------
Are you the grade a steak in this scenario?
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that there are many types of love and to different degree's. I have only truly loved like what you are describing once in my life.
However, I have "loved" many other people differently.
It just all depends on your perception of what love means to you...
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone below said love can't be rewarding and involve self sacrifice, which is a very wrong statement. People are so wrapped up with their possesions (Buying a Car, House Payments, HD TV's)they start to apply the same rules of dealing with products to dealing with people. What can you do for me? How much will this cost me? Its all horribly wrong.
Life is about giving, and you will feel happiest and most rewarded when you realize it. Love is about giving too. Giving yourself, completely, over to another. And its dangerous. You empty yourself of your most sought after emotions. Happiness, compassion, joy. And you give it all to him/her, not knowing if they will in return do the same. And when they don't, you are filled with other emotions, the ones that come easiest to us. Pain, Anger, Jealousy, Rage. But if they do, its easily the greatest thing one can experience.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"if you're not willing to sacrifice, you're not in 'love', you're just in 'like'."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That made me cry emo tears.
Hate is as or more powerful than love. If someone I loved cheated on me I would no longer love them, because clearly they are not the person I thought they were.
----------------------------
By all means, hate I can understand. Hate is far different than pain though. People use the word hate far to much too. I mean almost everything that is said for love can be said for hate as well, it should affect you equally.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If someone cheats on you and runs off then that's one thing. If they're unfaithful and come to you for forgiveness, then if you're truly in love, you'll be merciful.
I understand that love can't be put down on paper. I never said that that was my intent. If anything, I wanted to exhibit that too many people throw the word around as though it was just another compliment, or a synonym for "liking a lot."
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Love is, by definition, merciful and forgiving.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love hummers.
RECEIVING hummers, that is.
Submitted by atticus8913 (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
That has nothing to do with love. That has to do with how forgiving you are as a person.
If anyone cheated on my they would be gone in a second. A-N-Y-O-N-E. does that mean i can´t love?
No, it doesn´t.
I live for me. No-one but myself. does that mean i can´t love?
No, it doesn´t.
It means that I will be happy no mater what. Even if your crying yourself to sleep
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:03:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
If I did not love her I could care less who else she slept with so long as she still had time to give it up for me, but If I did love her I wouldn't subject myself to the pain of her going behind my back and getting it from someone else.
Just because you "love" someone it does not mean that you would subject yourself to emotional trauma just to be with them.
------------------------------------------
You think pain is a more powerful emotion than love and should have a higher influence on a persons actions. That is sad.
---------------------------------------------------
That made me cry emo tears.
Hate is as or more powerful than love. If someone I loved cheated on me I would no longer love them, because clearly they are not the person I thought they were.
Writing page long descriptions of what love is, and explaining how divine it is, and how nothing could break it isn't love.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Love is when I don't make her sleep in the wet spot.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:16:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
If I did not love her I could care less who else she slept with so long as she still had time to give it up for me, but If I did love her I wouldn't subject myself to the pain of her going behind my back and getting it from someone else.
Just because you "love" someone it does not mean that you would subject yourself to emotional trauma just to be with them.
------------------------------------------
You think pain is a more powerful emotion than love and should have a higher influence on a persons actions. That is sad.
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I fall in love at least twice a week. I thought this was ... ahem, well written.
I think love is different to every person. What you might define as love, through crafty metaphors or philosophical cliches, might not be what love is to everyone. Beyond pretentious, this post just really made me think: anyone who's writing prose about something of this nature probably has a lot to learn. Sorry man. I love you. Really. I do.
I used to define love as the best rollercoaster ride in the world. Some say if you don't cry, then you just don't feel it. I say, no pain no gain, and, yes, I've been in love--and still am with the *same* person (sans sex-change). Six years with a cock up your arse does a lot, as JMG surely will admit. I think I know I'm in love because every time I see him I can't decide whether to spit into his face, push him off the balcony, or give him a hug. Normally hormones make that decision for me. (read: subversive apology for pushing bf off a balcony last night; I really didn't think I was that strong. I kind of still love you, but if you don't get through physical therapy soon I'm switching to pussy. Any scars a month from now, it's over. And I mean it. Fucktwat.)
Now I'm going to figure out how to eat this salad without a fork. That's not a metaphor.
With Great Love and Adoration,
Lovely Whataefag
P.S. It might behoove you to think less about love and more about slow suicide if you ever want to garner the real McCoy. They're greatly alike, and one's about 1/10th the fat of the other.
*editor's note: love is the union between one man and one woman.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not saying you shouldn't care. I'm saying you should be forgiving.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Would you break up with the person you love for cheating on you? Yes? Then you're not in love."
If I did not love her I could care less who else she slept with so long as she still had time to give it up for me, but If I did love her I wouldn't subject myself to the pain of her going behind my back and getting it from someone else.
Just because you "love" someone it does not mean that you would subject yourself to emotional trauma just to be with them.
But yeah, define love as something other than a chemical dependancy and you're deceiving yourself...but damned if it's not the best cocktail....
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you love someone you do not let them go, you do everything in your power to stay with them.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You lost me when you told me I should stay with someone for cheating on me.
My first girlfriend that I really felt anything for slept with my best friend.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at "like the currency of the United States"
I'm going back to read the rest of it now.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i ended it with my ex due to cheating.
and i still love the person he used to be before he morphed into what he is.... i just can't tolerate cheating, thieving, and being a masochistic/sadistic alcoholic.
it makes me sad to think about him and what he became. I still have love for him and I always will though.
leaving doesn't mean you don't love someone. I left because what he was doing was having a very bad effect on me and my mental health. No matter how i feel for someone... even my own family... my mental health is my priority. I tried to help him and he didn't want the help.
selfish, yes... but i'm no use to anyone when i'm a disaster or in a nuthouse.
sometimes, there are things that have to come before love.... but it doesn't mean you don't truly love the person.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You might love me, man, but can't have my Bud Light.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*by definition the trade of a higher value for a lower value
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Who says that unconditional love is against reason? Love can indeed be both rewarding and self-sacrificial. It can't be all good or all bad all the time. It means suffering with a person through thick and thin, hardship and fruition."
Unconditional love is against reason because that means that reason isn't a condition. Reason is the only absolute I have or will ever have. If you mean uncondional as in what you two may go through, I understand. Nothing can be rewarding AND self-sacrifical, because a sacrifice is something you 'give up,' by definition the trade of a lower value for a higher value. A complete love for someone else that can't be stopped by hard times or such should EXPAND your self, and shouldn't be you 'giving up' your identity. You can't do any thing other than through your self. Though your life with them won't always be good or bad, their existence its self should make you happier and be virtuous. If their existence isn't viruous to your self as a rational being, then it isn't love, it's an irrational emotional obsession. Proper love, by definition, is conditional on what they are and what they do, because if it isn't, it's not them that you love, but their name and continuing to love for the sake of it, or your own emotional attachments.
Submitted by entrophize (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The only reason I reserve a +2 is because you didn't focus enough on the anguish that IS love lost. It's great to know what love is, yes, but let's not forget how fucking bad it sucks to have it stripped from you.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You said 'there is no rush to love', do you mean there shouldn't be a rush to love? Because there certainly is a 'rush' to love.
TV, magazines, movies, and any other media source rush us to love. Including our friends, family, and talk show hosts, love is portrayed as the be all end all, I say show the true love and then see who rushes for it.
Show the hardship of a parent who has a child with Downs.
Show the life of a woman in love with an alcoholic.
Show me going to the store at 3am to get my wife cold medicine.
Show the heart of a man, betrayed and alone, who's kids have been taken from him by and undeserving woman.
Show the twisted love of a woman who gets beat by a man who 'just needed to let it out but he won't do it again.'
I know we see these things on TV, in the news, what have you. But do we realise there is love involved here? Show this to the kids that want to rush into love.
Love is great, and so is the price.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nicely done
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who says that unconditional love is against reason? Love can indeed be both rewarding and self-sacrificial. It can't be all good or all bad all the time. It means suffering with a person through thick and thin, hardship and fruition.
Your mom goes to college.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mom is in love.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
* http://www.ubersite.com/m/71831#1483530
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://cgip.ath.cx/nph-proxy.cgi/000000A/http/www.ubersite.com/m/71831#1483530
If the love is unconditional and against reason, then that means that it's not them that you love, its a false image of their name that you love, and other problems with your self. It can, because of who they truely are, not be on the condition of how they act, but you need the condition that it's good for you and that they are who you think. Un-reason, selfless love is the exact same thing that you speak out against, infatuation. Btw, 'Rewarding but self-sacrificial' is a contradiction in terms. I wouldn't want any one to give up their selves for me. You can't say 'I love you' without saying 'I.'
Which sounds better to you?
"I love you fully, becuase of who you are. You bring me complete happiness."
"You offer me no happiness and no reward or virtue, but it would be ideal if you did. However, with no discretion based on my own convictions, I have a pretty much random and baseless attachment to you that is not dependant on who you are or what you do, but only on the vague image I get from you when your name is applied."
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like this, Jared, but I have to somewhat disagree.
You can be thoroughly in love with someone, and the next moment it can be gone. People change, sometimes drastically in a short period of time. Real love is fragile and transient, like a spiderweb. There are things that hold it up. It's wonderful when the foundation is strong, because it lasts so long. Change too much and lose it all.
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i've only been in love once - and it's with my SO. i would happily die for him, and would still love him even if he lost his looks, limbs whatever. it's his mind and wit i love. his body is just a bonus :D
but cheating...i dunno, it depends on what the relationship is like when the cheating happens. if it's rocky, then it wouldn't be such a blow. but if the relationship was happy, then i would have to do some serious soul searching - after all, who wants to stay with a guy who has grade a steak at home, but goes out for macdonald's?
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks. That's cool. She can use a date.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I won't really smash your face in...but I am taking your mother out.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*I've never said it in a romantic-relationship kind of way.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell her to bring me back some poached salmon. It's delicious and will make the pain in my face go away.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These are all good points you bring up. I know that most people that have said "I love you" haven't felt that way, but I'm still sad that I've never said it.
...but in a way, very glad.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JMG, I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that's exactly what I'm saying. True love is that which is unconditional. That's what I mean when I say that most people who say they feel it really don't. The vast majority who claim to feel it do have conditions attached, whether they admit it to thenmselves or not. I'm putting forth that, like you, I think that most people love conditionally even though they claim to feel something that is, by definition, unconditional.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Splintered piece of glass falls, in the seat, gets caught
These broken windows, open locks, reminders of the youth we lost
In trying so hard to look away from you
we followed white lines to the sunset
I crash my car everyday the same way
I think you're an intelligent guy, but I think you're wrong in this regard. Love is not permanent, nor is it unchanging. People fall out of love, and actions someone takes can damage love. The only unconditional love is that of a mother for her child, and not always, as is evidenced by all the child slayings committed by mothers ... all other love has conditions. Who put it into your head that love is ignorant, blind devotion?
Staring at the setting sun
No reason to come back again
The twilight world in blue and white
The needle and the damage done
I don't want to feel this way forever
A dead letter marked return to sender
The broken watch you gave me turns into a compass
It's two hands still point to the same time 12:03, our last goodbye
The spinning hubcaps set the tempo, for the music of the broken window
The Cameras on and the cameras click
We open up the lens and can't stop
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:05:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your mom, Jared, but if she ever cheated on me, I'd have to put my foot down...in her ass.
-----------------------------------------------
Oh, NO. You just did NOT, sucka...
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love my pet rock!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great view
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:33:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Love and hate is a very fine line.....like 20 lbs
------------
HAHAHAHAAaaaaaaaaa
I love puppies!
And boobies!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your mom, Jared, but if she ever cheated on me, I'd have to put my foot down...in her ass.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are many different types of love.
How about love shown to a parent or sibling? Different than the relationship-erotic type of love that is frequently concentrated on today.
What about brotherly love, the love that you (should) have for your fellow man?
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. I would tend to agree with everything you said.
On a side note, I love my flip flops and my Yankee hat (the one that used to be blue but is now a light grey with salt stripes, and a perfectly formed bill). If anyone tried to damage them or steal them, I would kill the bastards.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love lamp
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree with you. i have been in lust and thought it was love, but whatever hapens and no matter what I would walk over hot coals and glass for my husband.
yes, even if he lost his cock too.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a point. There was something else I was going to say but I forgot it now.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love my car.
she was recently brutually disfigured, and i still love her. i was on the verge of tears, but i still love her.
would i die for her? you bet. if someone was breaking into her, and i knew they had a gun, i think i'd stick up for her.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think we might have to agree to disagree on this. Love should not be selfish. It should be fulfilling through its self-sacrifice. Naturally, love should also be reciprocal, so what you give, you should also gain, in an ideal relationship. However, due to love's unconditional aspects, you may not receive in return what you put in.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My feelings stem from that of a sacred bond, it existed between the wife and I long before we were wed. We are partners for life, for one of us to break that...well let's just say the results would be devistating.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love... carpet.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's selfless in the sense that it isn't independant, it involves someone else, but as far as interests goes it's selfish. I use selfish by its real meaning, and, unlike most people, not to mean 'sacrifical of othres.' I don't see why any one would be happy as a parasite who lives by fucking up other people.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:40:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good thoughts. A retort;
I love my wife, have for 8 of the 10 years we have been together, but if she cheated on me I don't think I could stand it. You say love is all forgiving, yet I am not a masochist and wouldn't put myself through that. If she cheated, we would have to split, I would still love her forever but I wouldn't be able to stand her. Really, I'd most likely kill her...seriously.
Your thoughts on love seem easy to say/write but it is hard to profess some things without first stepping into those situations.
---------------------------------------------------------
I've been in unfaithful relationships, but I do have to confess that I haven't been in a relationship as long as yours has been. Perhaps if/when I have one for that long, I'll feel similar to the way you do. I like hearing the difference of opinion on the subject.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you hit the nail on the head here.
Nicely done.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think we're wired to crave and seek out love. Regardless, finding it is an act that, when done correctly, is both selfless and self-fulfilling.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good thoughts. A retort;
I love my wife, have for 8 of the 10 years we have been together, but if she cheated on me I don't think I could stand it. You say love is all forgiving, yet I am not a masochist and wouldn't put myself through that. If she cheated, we would have to split, I would still love her forever but I wouldn't be able to stand her. Really, I'd most likely kill her...seriously.
Your thoughts on love seem easy to say/write but it is hard to profess some things without first stepping into those situations.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can love someone and hate every fiber in their being at the same time.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find your outlook on love to be suffused with a lovely idealism. Not everyone finds "true love." Most of us have to make do with what we can get, and we call it love because our language doesn't have a word for what it really is. Not a nice word anyway.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree.
However, I believe I now know what love is. I've been dating, single, married, divorced etc. and it never felt right.
Now I am in love with The Bloke. My man, my best friend, for life.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If someone was truely selfless they wouldn't be worrying about their own selfish preference and happiness. If they really didn't think of themselves, they'd be hopping on a boat doing charity work or something of the like. Selfishnes is a prerequiste of personal love, which I think can be best described as someone else's happiness directly influencing yours.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree wholeheartedly, maybe one day I'll feel that way.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:35:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
I love me.
----------------------
Heh. I love me too.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i fell in love for the first time ever after a two hour conversation the other night. the next day i planned to meet her again, and got all paranoid and didnt show up because i didnt want to be some desperate loser standing, waiting for someone who wasnt going to show, thinking that i was 'in love'.
sometimes id like to not be so cynical.
either way, this was part of an experience that gave me another script idea. im back at uni this week, so a little hectic, ill email you in a few days or so.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love me.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:33:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you're a bundle of optimism today.
The older I get the more I think that most people don't ever find the perfect relationship you appear to be describing. Most people seem to find something that is 'good enough'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
You would be correct. Divorce lawyers are wealthy for a reason.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love lamp.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, but love is selfLESS and may not be self-gratifying. Of course, that's usually a pleasant side effect, but love is something you give to someone else, not necessarily something you do for yourself.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
agreed.
also the word Genius is used to much.
or until recentely spelt by me as Genious.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you're a bundle of optimism today.
The older I get the more I think that most people don't ever find the perfect relationship you appear to be describing. Most people seem to find something that is 'good enough'.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love and hate is a very fine line.....like 20 lbs
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm too young, most likely, to know real love. Therefore:
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Virgin Review! Yeah!
I disagree with the part about cheating and the person no longer being who you think they are. Love is only good if it's backed up by reason, and you do it for your self.