On-air Personalities and Other Mixed Metaphors (441 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kadunkadunk <lizzirose.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-27 14:01:58 EDT
I recently made The Switch. No, I didn't switch from Miller Lite to straight piss, nor did I throw away my Foo Fighters CD in favor of "Cats Dying Vol. III." No, the choice I was forced to make was inflicted upon me by The Devil Incarnate: Infinity Radio. I think I knew it was coming when my Oldies station that had played all the groovy 50's doo-wop and soul that no one else would touch started playing the Bee Gees in heavy rotation. Before I vomited on myself, I usually could rely on the classic rock station to stick to rock-n-roll and its (albeit it corny and sloppy) roots, but lo, they started playing the new U2 and R.E.M.'s early ninety's meth-induced songs. I'll admit, both are classic bands, but they are not "classic rock." One could argue that all of Rod Stewart's contributions are absolute shite, but at the same time have some pity for a guy who's face looks like roadkill now. At least Michael Stipe is smart enough to make music or shut up, and Bono's got his little Earth's Guardian Angel-thing working for him, but new albums should be played along with their contemporaries, not with the artists that burnt out 22 years ago.
Sometimes I'd switch over to the 'alternative' station to suffer through the earsplitting caterwauling of Evanescence or the pathetic attempt at rock from Nickelback and the likes of other aural jokes. I'd even take one of Dave Matthews' bullshit instrumental ramblings if it meant I'd get to hear some classic Nirvana, or Depeche Mode, throw in some Stone Rose, Black Crowes, Goldfinger, etc.
And then one morning I woke up, switched on the radio and my alternative music station was blaring Spanish music. I then read the newspaper articles that claimed that the Spanish-speaking population in my area was three times as big as the radio stations offered to them, and so my station got whacked. I got depressed, bitched at the local bar and made the local news because of it, drank some pity shooters and woke up the next morning doubly confused. Shaking off an extended hangover, and growing ever weary of NPR and their continuous reruns, I discovered Men's Radio. It was the sports station nestled in between two god-awful pop stations (is there any other kind?) that broadcast Stern in the morning, some sports guys, Bill O'Reily, Don and Mike and some local radio gods in the evening. I started out with Stern, and then became hooked and disgusted at the same time. This complicated emotion brought me back to high school when I brought home the Details containing an article about They Might Be Giants and got a heterosexuality lecture from my mother. I had thought that my fondness for crude, irreverent radio was a side-effect of my current boyfriend, but it was more than a guilty pleasure, or an ice-breaker. I like fart jokes!
I think the main thing that is so appealing to me is that these guys do their jobs almost as poorly as I do mine. They slack off, fuck up, get turned around, get bitchy, get silly, fight and make up, stutter, burp and generally goof off. On the job! Just like me! And get paid!
Yesterday, for example, on NPR there was a smarmy segment about this guy from Boston who felt at home at Cheers, the bar, even though it looked nothing like the studio set-up. He described all the ethnographical correlations between tribes of humans and modern Americans, but in the end just admitted that he liked the illusionary relationship he felt with the fat fucks at the bar on the show. He liked them more than he liked his own family.
And after last night's dinner with my parent's, I think I'll go back to having imaginary friends and believing that Woody Harrelson was just 'acting' like a special-ed kid.
User Reviews
Submitted by Barlow (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:41:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
102.5 WDVE
That is, if you're ever lucky enough to be in Pittsburgh
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Were the side-effects from me? And please, I thought you started with Ron and Fez.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just got really of reading after a couple of seconds.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think WHFS is actually better as an all-Spanish station than it was as an "Alternative Rock" station (whatever the hell that means nowadays).
If you tune into 105.7 instead of 106.7, you'll get the same programming except for "The Big O and Dukes Show" instead of that douchebag O'Reilly.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a solid +1 if evar there was one
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At least the name kadunkadunk is funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If this was formatted better, you could have received a coveted +2 from Shlongy, Tardo.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the word you're looking for is "oxymorons."