With Our Powers Combined – or – How I Helped My Roommate Be Bulimic (1122 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.66 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Krissi (View user info) at 2005-07-29 10:04:22 EDT
If by any chance hearing about vomit makes you grossed out, don't read this.
That said, I should start to explain that I have a generally giving personality. I have a tendency to buy things for my friends while I'm shopping if I think the gift would make them smile. I'll spend hours consoling a friend who's just been dumped without regard to my huge midterm the next day. This also means I'll help out in disgusting ways as well. For example: Sunny Sara (one of my roommates who I'm sure I will discuss at length in the future) had a pimple on the back of her neck that she couldn't pop. I offer to help get rid of it and apply an extremely hot washcloth and a little bit of squeezing. After the goop is cleaned up, I give her my prescription medication for acne. Another example: one night I get absolutely shit-faced with MyNameIsTim. I accidentally end up walking on him peeing in the bathroom where he asks if I'll hold his, ya know, while he pees. I laugh and help. I was wicked sloshed and well, I'm just helpful like that.
Now that I've laid the groundwork, this story is another example.
It all started on a Friday night. Only three of the six roommates in my apartment were going to be around for the weekend, so the three of us that remained obviously made plans quickly for how drunk we were going to become. We're good friends with the swim team two floors below us and they invite us to a case race. We agree, already knowing that that night will be a shit show by 9 PM.
The case race is set to begin at 8, so we arrive with a case of Miller Lite. (We figured if we're going to be chugging a lot of beer, it might as well go down easily.) The rule to this case race is that there are 4 people to a team. It's me, Sunny Sara, and Elaine like Elaine from Seinfeld and Sunny Sara's friend Greg - who we assumed could handle a nice portion of the beer. The team is allowed 3 funnels and any member can take them. No shot-gunning allowed.
Fast forward to me having chugged 7 beers. Sunny Sara's had 7; Greg's had 6 and Elaine's about to go for her 8th. Sara and I have enough, and all simultaneously, our stomachs will not allow us to have that much beer. We both run to the bathroom and proceed to throw up so much that I end up throwing up on Sara and Sara throws up on me. Gross, yes. But we both laugh and don't care at all. That's a bonding moment.
So, we return to the race (though we are now disqualified) and Elaine's trying to go for 9. Now, Elaine is smaller than I am, and I can tell she's really drunk because her eyes get squintier when she's drunk than anyone I've ever seen in my entire life. Greg finishes another beer and our team comes in second to last.
Elaine proclaims she needs to throw up. We get her back to our room, and hustle Elaine to her bathroom. She decides she's not going to wait for her stomach to reject the liquid, and she's going to attempt drunken bulimia. She requests we bring her the club clothes she was planning on wearing out after the case race and strips down to nothing in the bathroom. I'm holding her head up and making sure she just doesn't dunk her face in the toilet.
Twenty minutes later and the several attempts to shove the end of her toothbrush down her throat to trigger the reaction she desires have yielded no result. She starts to cry. I ask Sunny Sara to get Elaine's pajamas because Elaine will not be making it out with us tonight. Sara and I have already cleaned ourselves up, showered quickly and changed to go out.
Another ten minutes pass and Elaine is crying about how she wanted to be bulimic in high school and she used to get so mad that she couldn't do it. She keeps saying how sick she feels and how she just wishes she could throw up.
I offer her my finger. I offer to stick my finger down her throat to make her throw up. She opens up her mouth like a baby bird ready for its mother to feed it. Five seconds later, we've achieved success. She throws up. Again. And Again. And Again. And probably about 3 more times and then starts to dry-heave. We pick her up with Greg holding a trash can under her head and get her into her bed. She insists Sara and I go out and enjoy our night and 5 minutes later, Elaine's asleep and we go out to a club. She's fine now and thinks this story is hilarious.
I'll never forget my bonding moments with my roommates that night. I mean, how often does one stick their finger down a friend's throat with the intent of making them hurl?
User Reviews
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-31 23:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-29 12:44:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe I've been out of college too long, but isn't a case race where each team sees who can drink a case the fastest?
You say: The case race is set to begin at 8, so we arrive with a case of Miller Lite
Your team's tally: me having chugged 7 beers. Sunny Sara's had 7; Greg's had 6 and Elaine's about to go for her 8th.
That's 28 beers.
There are 24 beers in a case.
Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm.....
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case has 30 and i go on to describe who drank the other 2. :)
and yea, we came in second to last. at least we beat the freshmen.
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-07-30 00:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've done that for someone before...but I was way drunk too...and I didn't know her too well. Weird situation.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-29 18:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-07-29 16:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmm... College Girls
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sounds like someone would be fishing for 8 ball...
Lucky 8 ball says pull this out of my ass please
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. now THAT'S a friend!
So what would you do if she had an 8 ball stuck in her ass?
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-29 12:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe I've been out of college too long, but isn't a case race where each team sees who can drink a case the fastest?
You say: The case race is set to begin at 8, so we arrive with a case of Miller Lite
Your team's tally: me having chugged 7 beers. Sunny Sara's had 7; Greg's had 6 and Elaine's about to go for her 8th.
That's 28 beers.
There are 24 beers in a case.
Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm.....
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:22:56 (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate title with "or" in them.
---------
me too.
almost as much as the use of the word ghetto as an adjective.
and you know how much i hate that.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I hate title with "or" in them.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:48:52 (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sorry, Krissi. I tried to find this funny, I really really did. And then I thought, "Maybe I should keep my comments to myself and just let everyone else comment." But then I realised that if I did that, you might think about posting something like this again, and that made my puppy cry. So here it is. -1, I've seen better.
============================
No worries, no offense taken. I don't really have any other stories like this, so, I think it shall be the last anyway.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm sorry, Krissi. I tried to find this funny, I really really did. And then I thought, "Maybe I should keep my comments to myself and just let everyone else comment." But then I realised that if I did that, you might think about posting something like this again, and that made my puppy cry. So here it is. -1, I've seen better.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(insert self-righteous, holier-than-thou comment here>
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amateurs.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That is SO hot.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You held MyNameIsTim's peener while he peed? That's just gay.
Even for a chick, that's totally gay.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who needs caffeine in the morning?
This'll wake you up, no problem.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only 9?
Fucking weak.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hooray binge drinking
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow.....
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought, party girl.....that's kind of cool
Then it hit me, you guys are fucked up.
Still +2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha! i can't believe you told everyone that you held my "california" while i peed.
ha.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a better woman than I.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-29 10:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad I ate already