Me Confused, English Stupid Language, No WONDERS We Gots Issues! (440 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.22 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ROCK'NRORY (View user info) at 2005-07-29 13:19:51 EDT
If you ever feel stupid, you should, read on, you'll see what I mean. If you've learned to speak fluent English then you understand why we Americans are so bloody brilliant! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France(Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea or is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-02 05:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Heard it before...
Many times...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-02 04:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:30:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27738
see?
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no points for copy n paste
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-02 04:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this would have been so much better if they were observations you'd made yourself..
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?! BUICK AND QUICK DONT RHYME?!?!
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving you this because:
A. No "first post" mention.
B. No FUCK YOU * (*person, country, nationality)
C. It's Friday and I'm in a good mood.
D. You might need it.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27738
see?
Submitted by Serfuzz (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Old.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whew...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I already posted this tooo, people are posting all the old shitty lists that Ive already posted.
I think.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2005-07-29 13:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
Why would you polish milk crates?