I Think About Asia Before Taking a Dump (659 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.79 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-29 15:24:50 EDT
Whoa whoa whoa.... Put the -2 racist guns away their quick shooter. This post has nothing against the indigenous people of Asia, no matter how bad they may smell.
So anyway, I guess I should probably explain myself a little bit, as many of you are thinking to yourself at this point "What is this strange little man talking about?"
First off, I should state that I'm completely insane. I suffer from OCD, and due to that, my life is a set of consistent routines. I walk the same way to work every day. I hold my glass of water in the same hand every time I fill it up before bed, I put my glass down in the same spot on the table after every drink.
And now, I think about Asia right before I take a dump every day.
At work, we have a bathroom with two stalls. One is the handicapped one that is all spacious and clean, while the other is the size of an otter, and always seems to have piss on the floor. Needless to say, I prefer the prior.
I also prefer there to be no one else in the washroom when I go in. I don't know why, but I don't really like the people I'm working with to know that I'm dropping a load. It's not so bad that I won't shit if there's already someone in the washroom, but I'm just happier when there's no one there.
I can be superstitious at times, and so whenever I went into the bathroom and found it empty, I used to say thank you. To who, I'm not quite sure, but it seemed to work about as well as something that has no influence on something else does. That didn't stop me though from diligently saying thank you to some higher power every time I walked into an empty bathroom.
Don't worry; I'm getting to the point now.
About a month ago, I had to drive to work (I usually walk), as I had a client meeting in the afternoon. On the way to work I found myself flicking radio stations to find some good music, all to no avail. I got fed up, and decided to just leave the station where it was, after having randomly chosen a station.
The next thing I know, Alanis Morisette is screeching her terrible voice from my car speakers. I quickly changed the channel, but the damage was already done (foreshadow, foreshadow, foreshadow...).
Later that day, I had to pitch a loaf. Upon entering the washroom, I found it empty, and so I said my thanks.
This is when Alanis jumped back into my mind. Rather than just saying a silent thank you to nothing in particular, I thought to myself "Thank you India, Thank you Pakistan".
I'm and superstitious OCD freak, and so I did the same thing next time. And the time after... and the time after.
Now, every time I walk to the bathroom, I find myself asking India and Pakistan for help, as to assume they would help me would be rude. Whenever the bathroom is empty, I thank them.
It's great to be insane.
Have a great weekend everyone!
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-30 08:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
^^
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-07-30 00:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-07-29 16:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-07-29 16:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Horsefaced.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poopreport.com
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Caul right in his frech-speaking pooper.
Here we got ourselves a real bona-fide Canadian with one a them there "brain conditions."
Ha! It ain't just us 'Mericans anymore.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The first line alone gives this a +2.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
she looks stoic.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that song
<ducks>
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to stick it in that dump.
Huh?
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Today is Shit-post Friday.
But only because so many people are posting about taking shits and such.
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
O.o
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oh. I thought you were talking about the band 'Asia'.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-07-29 15:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the picture is the dump you
took right? good weekend to all.