White collar crime's roots (594 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple <sopher901.at.excite.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-29 18:27:22 EDT
As many of you may know, if you frequent my articles, I work retail. I'm sure most of you have had a job at some point working in a retail environment; the bad taste it left may still remain in your mouth.
Let me shape up the general aura of the retail environment. It's two parts work, three parts frustration, one part boredom, and six parts self loathing (for working retail).
It's the boredom part that makes my jittery ADD ass go crazy though. I usually try to avoid boredom by thinking of some of the most random stuff imaginable to distract myself. It usually works, but other times I just need to be constantly moving.
One day I was roaming the aisles looking for stuff to pick up off the ground (an easy task because of the piggish qualities of our clientele); when a boy appeared with his parents. He was clutching three co2 tanks, obviously to have them filled.
"Fill 'em up?" I asked rising up from the clusterfuck of a mess I was hunched over fixing.
"Yeah", he replied, handing them to me.
"It's going to be a few minutes", I replied taking them to the shop in the back.
I went back into the shop and began to fill the tanks.
Twist, Fill, Dump, Fill, Twist.
My mind began slipping into its bizarre state as I filled the tanks. I wonder what would happen if this tank blew up? Would it simply shoot out like a rocket in whatever direction it was pointed or would it blow up like a frag grenade, destroying my hand and lodging shrapnel in my face and torso?
Twist, Fill, Dump, Fill, Twist
Mankind really has made creative ways to cause death. I wonder if it is considered Darwinian if I die this way. Is death by retail modern Darwinism? Well, I don't know, I guess I won't have to worry about it if I fill them properly.
Twist, Fill PSSSHTHTHHSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
WTF?
Fill ---pssssttssssss
'Another broken burst disk I suppose. Oh well, I'll just tell him, I'm not messing with it -he can blow himself up if he wants', I thought to myself.
I went back to the counter where we ring up the co2 fills to see the kid digging through one of the bins of paintballs that were on display. He spots me and promptly closes the lid. Real smooth I think to myself. He comes around the display of paintballs he was digging in, and leaves them on the ground in front of the counter.
"One second, I got to get my parents", he says spinning around and heading down an aisle to nether regions of the store.
I reach over the counter, drawing his gaze as he paces away, and pick up the bin of paintballs he strategically placed on the other side. He was obviously worried that I was touching the bin.
I remove the lid, and low and behold there is an extra bag of paintballs in there. I wonder how that happened? I remove the extra bag, and leave it on the counter next to the bin.
He's thirty paces out, returning with his parents when he notices the lone bag on the desk. Suddenly his pace increases as he approaches the desk.
"You had an extra bag in there", I said looking him in the eye, "there's supposed to be four."
He's a nervous wreck, thinking of some sort of lie to get out of the mess. He's sweating bullets as I stare at him with my laser beam eyes and stern poker face. His parents are about ten paces away.
"It looks like you picked the lucky bin, huh?" I say half sarcastically, putting a show on for his parents. The last thing I want is something like this blowing up in my face. I can't accuse him of theft in this case (as is the case with most of the thieves I catch), and the last thing I want is an angry set of parents yelling at me for wrongfully accusing their "perfect little angel."
"Uh, yeah, um it looks like it", he says, shocked that I wasn't going to call him out on his little five finger discount, as his parents hovered over his shoulders.
His parents paid for the transaction, as I made small talk with them. All the time the boy was perfectly quiet and not making eye contact, as if he was waiting for me to spring my trap.
"Take care now, I'll see you around", I said to them, handing the father his receipt.
"Oh, you'll probably see us in here this weekend; he has a tournament coming up", his mother replied, grasping her little crook.
"Oh, well I'll make sure to keep an eye out for you then", I said sneering at him, drilling holes into his eyes with mine.
I had another period of boredom to reflect on what had just happened. I realized that the little bastards that do most of our stealing (that I've witnessed) have been kids like this one. Most of the time their upper-class, suburbanite parents pay for their shit as well. Why are these kids stealing? Is it some sort of need that they feel can't be quenched by daddy's bank account? Is stealing something that they need to do to feel better?
What do I care? They aren't paying me to think anyways.
Twist, Fill, Dump, Fill, Twist
User Reviews
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-30 12:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, that's the biggest thing I don't get, loki. Why steal when you are already throwing down for so much other stuff? And on top of that, with a credit card that bares your name.
I haven't caught someone on credit card fraud yet, but I always check. It's interesting because 75% of the time people will be happy that you check their signature or "See I.D.", but the other 25% think that you are wasting their time. Is it merely a coincidence that about that same percentage will do anything to get around me in traffic and speed up for the red light? Perhaps.
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Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-30 02:22:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm happy
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You'd better be, lol.
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Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-07-30 02:04:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think some quantity of "stealing" in one form or another is fundamental to normal psychological development.
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That's what I'm wondering myself. It's usually these teenagers that rip off recreational goods rather than stuff they need. Maybe it's because they need a job to buy stuff, but can't get one. Either way, this kid has no excuse as his parents were bankrolling his purchases.
I can understand stealing bread for your starving family, or even a paintball gun to sell for bread, but not theft by these pampered private school kids.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-30 10:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was working in a sporting goods store, I once found an empty jock strap box on the floor after this guy bought a huge pile of crap with a credit card. I still don't get it. Why pay for $500 worth of stuff and then steal a $8 jock strap? I knew it was him too because he was the only one in the store when it happened. I helped him out by just ringing it up on the credit card he had just used. I figured if he didn't do it, he would call the store bitching and I'd refund it. Odd thing though, he never did call us on it.
It was always big fun when people would come in, stack 4 or 5 wind suits on the counter and then ask for three or four different sizes of Jordans and whip out a credit card.
sure Mr. Manfransingenson, say just for shits and giggles can you do me a favor right quick and spell your own last name for me.
oops wrong answer, I'll just be sending this in to Visa for a $50 reward
On a hunch one time, I looked up the name on the credit card and called the house. A woman answered who did not sound like the sort of woman to be married to a black guy with a crack problem. I asked to speak to the guy whose name was on the card and oddly enough it turns out that he was working out at the Y down the street. I told her to page him and let him know that his car had been broken into and if he wanted to swing by the store, I'd at least let him have his credit card back.
They gave me a gift certificate to a restaurant there in the shopping center.
retail sucks
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-30 02:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm happy
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-07-30 02:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think some quantity of "stealing" in one form or another is fundamental to normal psychological development.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-30 01:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-29 21:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-29 20:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh, no shit.
Well let me add to this bizarre theft policy:
Our security monitor got laid off because he couldn't find anything (although I don't know why we have one when we can't do shit about it), so our cameras are pretty much for show.
Our anti-theft system is that bad.
What I was told is that you have to clearly see him hide the item, and he has to have left the store before you can confront him. I had those two criteria filled, but my manager still wouldn't confront this guy. He followed him out of the store and talked to him (about what I don't know). He came back into the store and said "Did you see the look that guy gave me when I talked to him? He won't be back."
He seems to think that letting them steal and then giving them a little scare will tell them not to come back. I think that's bullshit, but what do I know? I'm just a lowly sales associate.
I am getting tired of cleaning up all the empty packages lying around the store though.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, OK, so let me get this straight: even if it's patently obvious people are stealing, you can't do shit about it?
Where exactly do you work again? I want the store address.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah it would be fun.
I really want to tackle the next thief I catch, but our company policy is to pretty much do nothing.
I caught this one guy shoving shit into his pockets, and told my manager about it. He said we aren't allowed to physically search people, or accuse.
It pretty much negates looking for thieves if we can't do dick about it when we see them. Damned lawyers.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pshh. Don't tell me it wouldn't be worth it.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish. I think lighting up a fifteen year old, at work, point blank, with twenty balls per second would land me in jail.
Life is cruel is it not?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my laser beam eyes
_________
This itself could've won you a +2. It's like Maddox all over again.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-29 18:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You work in a paintball store. Don't you keep a spare behind your desk to tag obvious fucktards like that? Then, you get entertainment, and a lot of stress relief, while he gets embarassed as all hell. And shot. You both win.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-07-29 18:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Retail is indeed the work of Satan himself. SATAN I say!!!!!!
Submitted by Norman (user info) at 2005-07-29 18:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-29 18:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just realized while reading this that I forgot to mention that I didn't give him the extra bag, I returned it to the other bin. One of the bins he shut had only three, so it confirmed what he did.