Bleugh (817 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 2 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stin (View user info) at 2005-07-30 17:58:04 EDT
Bastard mutant American germs have taken over my body. I think I have the equivalent of Freshers Flu, except that I'm not at college and I probably don't have the flu. I just have a wonderful hacking cough, more phlegm than you can shake a stick at and a burning feeling when I pee.
Actually, the burning when I pee may not be related to the bastard mutant germs, but I don't know. All I'm sure of is that I'm STD-free, because the US governement told me so.
I'm sweating, whether I'm hot or cold. My temperature is changing approximately every thirteen minutes, through the range "oh fuck it's freezing" to "OMG get me ice RIGHT NOW". My glands are swollen, my tonsils are giving me all kinds of aggro and the ends of my fingers are all tingly. I think that the fish tried to talk to me earlier; would that be some indication of auditory hallucinations? I talked back to them just in case - didn't want them to think that I was ignoring them. Would that be some indication of insanity?
So I'm sitting around in my PJ's at 6pm feeling sorry for myself, hoping that the next cigarette is going to be the one which miraculously makes me feel better and eating mashed potato because it's all I can get down my poor, battered throat. I did try and start writing my UM post, but what came out was incoherent gibberish so I gave up. My mental capacity doesn't extend much beyond "Oh LOOK, it's a PUPPY!" right now, so I figured that a nice essay about Van der Waals bonding in relation to ligands of the blah blah blah family probably wasn't the way to go, although it might have been fun. Especially if I'd started writing PUPPYPUPPYPUPPY in the middle of a sentence, which I fear I may have done. I can't even go to the pharmacy, because I don't have the car and I'm buggered if I'm walking anywhere feeling like this.
Look at what a sad case I am today. Someone put me out of my misery. Please.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-09-05 04:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll kill you if I get your laptop.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-09-05 04:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your hair looks good. The rest of you looks ill.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-08-15 00:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Stin! Wanna see something freaky?
Take a look at you beautiful home post, specifially the view from your window -
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71522
.. then mine -
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71602
.. and tell me we don't live across the road from each other.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-15 00:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so I'm what, 16th in line to hump you over the internet?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-14 23:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww, I'm sorry.
: (
Do you want to fuck?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-03 10:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see you're going on one of your camwhore binges again...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-31 09:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easy answers, darling.... make Chris take care of you, of course. What good is being married if they don't take care of you?
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-07-31 01:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh look, it's a Puppy!" - If you're not going to use that, can I have it? Cause that's better than anything I'm coming up with so far.
Sorry you're sick, although I figure you falling into a flu-induced coma may be the only chance I've got.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-07-30 19:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you look awful.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-30 19:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let Dr. Shlongy have a look at you, my dear.
Now take off your panties, bend over and say "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh"....
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2005-07-30 19:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a description of the undiagnosed sickness that hits all smokers at least once a year.
The trick is to quit smoking. Not for long, mind you. Just long enough for it to stop sucking.
Then you're free to light up again.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah.. I know how you feel
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too cute to be put out of your misery!!
How about we get drinks instead?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 PJ camwhore.
I like your hair like that.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I assure you! I've been so careful with the hookers, my UK doctor said I was clear and I've been tested twice for teh ghey AIDS in the last year and they still say I'm fine.
So careful with the hookers....
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I'm sure of is that I'm STD-free, because the US governement told me so.
____________________
You're confident in something the government told you? For God's sake, woman, think a little! The government is quite obviously witholding the fact that you have every STD in the book, and is using you as an experiment to see how long you can live and how much the germs will proliferate from one person in your average society.
No need to thank me, I'm an expert on these conspiracies.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does it help if I tell you that your laptop is nicer than my nonexistant one?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sleep is the only answer to illness. This is what I believe.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-30 18:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH YEAH YEAH STIN WOOT!