When is Incest Right? Part One. (2594 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.58 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Radley (View user info) at 2005-07-31 05:48:58 EDT
I stumbled out of bed at about one o'clock in the afternoon. My back ached like it normally did upon first arising for the day. A nice piss would set things straight.
Fast food consumption was down for me, as it was my habit normally to pick something up from either Jack in the Box or the Del Taco right after my midnight shift at the prison. A nasty habit, but I was in the habit of replacing bad habits with more bad habits. A bad habit in and of itself, you might say. "Oh, I am going to be killed on Übersite for that sentence", I thought. I also thought that italics would have expressed that thought even better, but beggars cannot be choosers, I guess.
Oh, right. No more fast food for me. I needed to change my lifestyle, and for the better for the first time in my life. An internet friend advised me that I could gain an inch on my peener for every fifty pounds I lost, which gave me the chance to have a ten inch cock. This friend also really likes the thin guys with V shaped abs, and I figure if I ever want to have internet fornication with this party, I better get into shape. Because that happens. Internet friends. Because I have no life.
The piss was worthwhile as it allowed me time to chart out the plans for the coming afternoon; a plethora of higher intentions that I would undoubtedly never follow. This was followed by some meaningless internet surfing and email checking. At about 1:30pm I was ready for some lunch. I wanted a burger.
Kilroy's is the best burger joint in town. There is not a better burger in the entire state of Nevada, and this was a place I frequented not only for the food available, (they even served complimentary appetizers to all patrons) but also for the customer service. These people definitely propagated the bartender's secret trade of conversation, and it was sincere. I say this with no real authority, but to me it seemed like a place with people who really cared and enjoyed their work; not a place bent on money and tips.
The barkeep was a lady of about 29, medium height, tight as a rail body, a bit coquettish, but not really. The thing about this broad was that she was a Long Island Girl, and she let you know it. This was partly the reason for my constant drip of the long island iced teas, yes keep them coming miss, I'll never tire of 'em. Pour it up, serve it up, open yer gullet and down the hatch. 2:00pm. Work starts in eight hours, I better eat something to soak up some of this booze. A gourmet mushroom burger should pull the trick.
Video poker machines are seated in every single bar in Las Vegas. I experienced culture shock one time I visited Grand Junction, Colorado, and there was no gambling machines in the shiny mahogany. Being a native to the gambling capitol of the U.S., I am naturally turned off by wasting my money on such sinful endeavors; at least until I had more alcohol in my system. The bartender propositioned me; she wanted to play the bar top videogame system, a little nudie photo hunt. I accepted. http://www.rockolabubbler.com/catalog/touchscreen.php
This broad wasted her own money on this machine, leaving mine out of it. I was down $24.00 on video keno, and was sore at the place. After 10 minutes of looking at twin pictures of naked babes with 5 slight differences you had to locate, I was back on the poker, and back on the booze. Another drink, another dollar lost. At the end of it, I paid up $7 for the burger, $5 for the tip, and the innumerous drinks were comped by the house. I'm sure I was the big loser of the day, the house raking in income my losses at the machines, but I figure I owe them one for the other night, whe I walked out $40 richer and 13 drinks drunker.
I was grateful, but I felt tense from losing a small stack on a tight machine. I needed an Asian Special, down in Chinatown.
The bartender said she'd see me later, sweetie, and I never looked back. I don't even know her name.
$200.00 bucks in my pocket and veins full of piss'n'vinegar I set out for a afternoon of debauchery unlike most experience on a typical day. It is 3:46pm, gotta be home in an hour to beat the wife from work.
The sun beating down on my alcohol soaked body, I get into the van, check my mirrors, and head down into the Naked City Barrio.
User Reviews
Submitted by ILL34GL3 (user info) at 2008-03-16 16:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-09-02 01:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
recalc
Submitted by Travisty (user info) at 2005-08-23 12:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blargh
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-05 08:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and VURRY drunk when this was written: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72227
(same thing as before)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-01 07:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 10:25:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck that if you felt anything at all about this let me know good or bad i need to improve ya know
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Ok, don't bang on about money all the time. Chucking figures about is both vulgar and boring. I also thought the subtext was a little hazy (!) but I assumed that was your intention, if not you'll want to look at that. Also the whole thing read a little bit like it was written by Drew Carey (the fat bloke from that sitcom) but I liked it.
Kind regards
Berty
Pompous, Dickhead, Gay 'Air, Extraordinnaire
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 20:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
did you know that the dust stuff they use in fire extinguishers will make you puke when you breathe it in?
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-31 19:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you reek of urine.
Stop hanging around my roommate so damned much and that won't happen to you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 17:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I JUST WOKE UP AND MY HOUSE WAS ON FIRE
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-31 16:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I ever tell you about the time Rad took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Rad takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Rad yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!
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That's what badasses tend to do.
Much grass (mucho gracias) to Wallstreet.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-31 16:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it wasn't for incest, we wouldn't have Shlongy.
If your nose is longer than your wick, you know your mom sucked her brother's dick.
YES!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Love,
Swamp
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-31 15:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah. Maybe I do have the right ... What's that stuff?
-- Homer Simpson
Deep Space Homer
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-31 15:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sure, it's kind of like a college guy series but without the sluts and killing and drugs.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 15:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
should I continue this or not?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 10:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck that if you felt anything at all about this let me know good or bad i need to improve ya know
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-31 09:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm scared.
+2 because I'm frightened that you'll molest my cat if I give you anything less
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STEPSISTERS?
eeewwwwwwwwwwww
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
incest is ALWAYS wrong Rad. Except cousins are ok in the UK, and also stepsisters if you have never lived with them. or something.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:04:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
When ISN'T incest right?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT RIGHT THAT VERY SECOND
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When ISN'T incest right?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My eyes hurt.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do hope there is a part two.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that song's in my head damnit
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Winded is the sailor...drifting by the storm...
Wounded is the organ he left all...bloodied on the shore...
Gorgeous was his savior, sees her...drowning in his wake...
Daily taste the salt of her tears, but...a chance blamed fate...
Little secrets, tremors...turned to quake...
The smallest oceans still get...big, big waves...
Ransom paid the devil...
He whispers pleasing words...
Triumphant are the angels if they can...a get there first...
Little secrets tremors...turned to quake...
The smallest oceans still get...big, big waves...
I'll decide...take the dive...
Take my time...not my life...
Wait for signs...believe in lies...
To get by...it's divine...whoa...
Oh, you know what it's like...
Turns the bow back, tows and...drops the line...
Puts his faith and love in tremor christ...
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually just realised who this was.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 07:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, but is the story going anywhere?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here, have some heat. I'm in a good mood tonight.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG thats the hook to make you click on this boring ass story about sex and booze and money and loose women and sister sex
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incest = Auto +2?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG THATS 1 MONTH OFF FROM SEPTEMBER 11TH!!! RAD= TERRIST!!!!!!!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:28:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh come on a story is a story and since when do I disgust anyone?
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Since october 11th 2004.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh come on a story is a story and since when do I disgust anyone?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:09:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the title, and the fact that this is "Part One" cracked me up.
I don't want to read the rest, in case you disgust me.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the title, and the fact that this is "Part One" cracked me up.
I don't want to read the rest, in case you disgust me.
Submitted by scarysmile (user info) at 2005-07-31 06:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kicker of all ass (+2)
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-31 05:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.cuddleinternational.org/
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-31 05:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment