MY Favorite things about hockey (Stolen from SwampDonkey) (897 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.76 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Vulva (View user info) at 2005-08-01 15:08:47 EDT
It's OK, he wont mind!
My favorite things about hockey don't have boobs. I would absolutely adore nailing the "ice girls" or any number of the players wives. I however, go to the games to forget about things in life that are constant stress, such as WOMEN and MONEY and STD's and WOMEN...the things that plague us men everday.
Men and women alike take interest in sports. I don't know many guys who watch baseball because of the way the pants fit the players asses, or to see how cute Johnny Damon looks when he shaves! I know, I know... some women DO actually care about the team and DO know the game. But I still believe we have a different agenda when it comes to sports. Hockey and football in particular.
Men watch football and hockey as a release. This is one of the only times in a guys world where it is OK to vent all raging testosterone and anger onto the world. Where else can a man yell things aloud such as: "________ you fuckin suck!" or "That call was fuckin bullshit you moron!" Try that shit at the service desk at Sears and you will see my point.
Sports are also a way for a man to relive his childhood dream. Most guys have, at one point in their lives, scored a touchdown, goal, basket, or whatever you do in cricket. By watching our favorite players do this week in and week out, we can relive the glory days of our youth and imagine what it would be like to do this at a professional level. I especially enjoy listening to every guy tell you how he could have gone pro in one sport or another, had the circumstances been different. Yeah, me too...If I wasn't 5'9" 185lbs and had a shitload more talent, I too would have gone pro!
Ah well I am rambling.
The point of this post was to show you the badass of all badassiest hockey players (in my humble opinion). I believe it was Rob Lowe in the movie "Youngblood" who said: "It's nice to know there's still a sport out there for a middle-sized white kid."
To the player who gives all of us "normal" sized guys in the world hope. And shows the world that you don't have to be a monster, to excel at a professional level, in this game we hold so near and dear to our hearts!
Thank you Mr. St Louis!
User Reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AMERICANS ARE VERY QUICK TO POINT OUT THAT I'M A FROG BUT SEEMS LIKE THEY WON'T SAY SO WHEN IT'S ABOUT OUR SUPERIOR HOCKEY PLAYERS! YES I'M BITTER BECAUSE MY TEAM SUCK ASS ! I HAVE TO BLAME SOMETHING SO I PICKED AMERICA BECAUSE THEY ARE GUILTY OF EVERYTHING! RAAAAAAAA!a
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who am I kidding...I'll talk hockey all fucking day.
You wouldn't believe how many NHL-ers live down here in the off season. I see guys in every bar...golf course, wherever I go. I know a few of them...others I don't give a fuck about.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
K, here...I just borrowed some Canadian loonies, and a I have some chili cheese Fritos...and a picture of my sister.
Ehat will that get me eh?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I'm all done educating you on the finer points of the game after THAT comment, Mr. Wizard.
Back to "you're a dipshit" for you, Barney.
Now, you'll have to PAY for my expert opinion.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's different than when Gretzky broke in and had Semenko riding shotgun with him for his first 5 or 6 years...or when Bure had Odjick the cheapshot artist with him.
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This is the most honest/meaningful thing I have ever heard you say. I have a newfound respect for Shlongy. Anyone with in depth knowledge of our sport, can't be all that bad eh! Don't get a boner, I still think your an asshead...but I can conversate with you on this topic.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy,
We folk here in Pittsburgh are wearing ourselve thin tring to get our slots liscense to fund the plans for the new arena. Our current lease is up in 2007 and I, like the rest of the city, are very confident that we can save the team AGAIN. The revenue from the legalization of gambling will easily foot the bill. The legislation should be in place in enough time to bail the team out a-la Mario Lemieux circa 1997.
We city residents started this action as a door to door petition and it has gone all the way through the system in less than 2 years. This tem has a enourmous backing in the city as do all of our sports team. We are known for being some serious die hards if nothing else, and the Pens are going NOWHERE! Dipshit <--------(seems to be a courtesy thing)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-01 22:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How effective will he be?"""
The Rimouski Océanique games were always on at the gym this year and Crosby pulled some stunts that had the guys stop working out and gather around the TV. Even immigrants who usually don't like hockey were showing interest. He IS pretty spectacular.
How many points does the kid get this year?"""
Most likely not as much as people expect from him.
Will he be worth the stir he has created?"""
In time, yes. I think.
One thing is for sure, the HABS will suck while we watch our quebec players help some random american team win the cup. I will cry again.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2005-08-01 22:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I coached a 15 year old hockey player when I was in my early 20's; he was 4'9" and maybe 95 lbs and he was a fucking lunatic!
He was a converted winger turned left D, after an opposing player had slashed the goalie after the whistle (with no repsonse from the ref or my now benched defencemen). Two shifts later this guy comes back on the ice and Frank starts shivering and plunges over the boards on a change.
He must have taken 10-12 strides with his little legs, he looked like the road runner cartoons spinnin' out of control, and absolutely levelled this kid who musta been a foot and 100 lbs bigger. I'm not sure this kids back had hit the ground and little Frank had his bucket off his head and landed 2-3 good shots.
Pure fucking gold, he asks the crowd for the belt on the way to the dressing room, gets called for a game misconduct and misses 3 games on suspension. Outstanding.
+2, thanks to you for the story.
+2, to Frank Boyes for being 24 shades of badass.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-01 21:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm liking Edmontons chances this season. They always ice a competitive, fast and tough team, and they plan on spending 33-34 million on payroll this year, leaving them with nearly 13 million to sign free agents, as they already have a full roster. So full they dealt Isbister, a decent power forward, to Boston today for a 4th rounder.
I dont agree with running the fighting out of hockey however. Without the presence of the enforcer any cheap shot artist can break Sakics/Thorntons/Sundins ankle with a slash, get his 2-5 minutes and be back on the ice while the other teams star is out for months. And thats if the ref even see's it. In the old days that guy would be taken care of because that team wouldnt forget. And there were less injuries because of it.
Which would you prefer? A broken nose or a broken ankle?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry shlongy, you can be sure that even though the leafs have no one left, they will go 40-5-35 this season, barely make it to the second round of the play-offs, get their asses kicked there, and after every win we fans will call them the best team in the league, and after every loss the worst one in the league.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I watch hockey because I love tournament formats and such (exp: DPM,) and because of the physical, mental, and strategic effort and skill put in from both teams, that is affected by these same things from the other team. Add some cool checking etc. along with a cup of team patriotism, and you got your self a hell of a sport.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Martin St.Louis is one short bitch.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/news?slug=ap-panthers-freeagents&prov=ap&type=lgns
Who does Toronto have left? Domi? Belak? Tucker?
Have fun up there next season.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fleury is gonna be great - eventually, and his chances of succeeding sooner than later is going to improve with the new economic stucture of the NHL, where the Penguins MIGHT be able to ice a semi-competitive club.
Unfortunately, they've dealt most of their talent away the last 5 years for Kris Beech.
On the other hand, the team may STILL have to fold up shop and move somewhere else in the next year or two...maybe merge with one of the other 7 cities that have no business having an NHL team (THANKS, Bettman, you asshole). The Pens need a new arena and Pittsburgh isn't relly in the mood to build them one.
Crosby will NOT have an immediate huge impact in today's NHL...because I think he's gonna have a target on his back and be in for a rough ride...like Spezza has had in Ottawa.
It's different than when Gretzky broke in and had Semenko riding shotgun with him for his first 5 or 6 years...or when Bure had Odjick the cheapshot artist with him.
Bettman is running the goons right out of the league. he'kll struggle but you'll see every game why he was the number one pick. Dipshit.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone have an opinion on Marc-Andre Fleury? Our teen, phenom, rookie, goalie who stood on his ear to make 40 saves a game for us last year...He got limited playing time last season, called up on 4 occasions I believe. They say as this kid is developed in the lower ranks, he will be a spectacle in the coming years.
Its hard to rate a golie when he has a defense, like the Penguins had last year,in front of him.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Biron is going to be traded at some point this year. Miller is the starter and Mika will be the back up.
The Sabres are going to be huge this year.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously though...
Let me ask you hockey officianatos(-1 sp) a question. Do you think that Crosby will have an immediate impact in the league this year? It would seem as though the rules have been tairoled to a player of his type.
I would think he is a lock for roorkie of the year honors...but we have been disappointed before with "new talent hype". Pittsburgh has a pretty good record when it comes to the drafting of young players. Two names come to mind, Mario and Jaromir(die pig).
How effective will he be?
How many points does the kid get this year?
Will he be worth the stir he has created?
Interested in the opinions of Shlongy, Badass, Caul, Fudge, Swamp, Peg, and other REAL hockey fans. You bandwagon fans and idiots need not apply!
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 words for you pole-climbers!
Pittsburgh Penguins!
2 more words for you dong-lickers!
Sidney Crosby!
The Lebron James of the NHL...and he is ours you porchmonkeys! Instant impact, which makes us instant contenders. You may have heard of our young goalie phenom as well?
BTW- in case you live under a rock, Domi was golfing with Mario last week. Once you have been courted by the Mario...you don't go elswhere! Ooooh, you didn't get the memo? We will be out of the basement this year, and beating some serious ass on both the scoreboard and the ice. I can't wait for the first Domi/Brashear bang job of the year!
Laugh at this...we will pull it from the archives next spring and see who is giggling!
Die Jagr!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Sabres have another big bastard goaltender in the wings in Rochester.
Look up Ryan Miller and check out the monster year he had last year in Rochester.
He'll push Biron for the job this season.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA....just made the connection after reading that: satan...devils.....satan.......yeah.
lame.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-08-01 17:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
badass...it's martin biron.
i honestly hope the devils pick up satan. they have the cash and they need another guy (aside from elias, langenbrunner, and friesen) to pick up the slack on goals.
i hope sid crosby is as good as everyone is saying he is.
and why has everyone all of sudden forgotten about alex ovechkin? that guy is going to whomp ass also. i love the russian players...they have just been the sickest in the past 5-10 years.
think about it:
pavel bure, sergei federov, alex mogilny, ilya kovalchuk, alex kovalev, nikolai khabibulin, oleg tverdovsky (k...he's only MODERATELY good), pavel datsyuk, and alexei yashin. dammit theyre good
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bills - who is the Sabres goalie this year?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Amerks had a tremendous season last year. They went like three months between losses at home...only to flame out in the playoffs faster than most of the Uber zitheads lose their erection.
I didn't see Vanek but I followed him via the AHL website and through the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle.
Also, the Sabres should call up Sean McMorrow to replace Satan's 30+ goals a year.
He'll get in 30 fights.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the new NHL Satan is not worth 4 million, unless you really need 30 meaningless goals a year.
Watch out for Vanek and the Sabres, I saw the kid three times last year when Rochester played in Buffalo. The kid is going to be a stud and the Sabres are a top 5 NHL team this year.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:32:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:26:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
b) cam neely is the best tough guy/skill guy ever to play the game.
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Gordie Howe might argue with you
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Brendan Shanahan might have something to say too
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No. It's all about Gordie. If Brendan Shanahan or Cam Neely have people fearing their bodychecks, and skating away from them when they're pissed that you hit their teammate, when they're 50 years old (like Gordie) I'll say otherwise. Until then, Gordie remains the best combination of toughness and skill hockey has ever seen. Howe was arguably the most feared enforcer of his time, and led the NHL in scoring 5 times. He also once got knocked the fuck out, almost died, then came back and won the MVP award the next year.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
give us back our frenchies and we'll take the cup for the next decade
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My favorite thing about hockey was the strike.
But, I'm sure it is popular elsewhere, so....
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey kicks it.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Flames.
Hockey is back. I can't believe it.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:31:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey rules!
You're wrong about women only liking sports for the hot guys. I like football and hockey and it has nothing to do with how panty-meltingly hot the players are. OK, I'm lying - that's at least 90% of the reason I like hockey and football.
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Did I call that one or what?
j/k - You know I have a camera and a pair of um....nevermind!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:31:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey rules!
You're wrong about women only liking sports for the hot guys. I like football and hockey and it has nothing to do with how panty-meltingly hot the players are. OK, I'm lying - that's at least 90% of the reason I like hockey and football
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the other 10% are the cheerleaders I bet
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my bad.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:26:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
b) cam neely is the best tough guy/skill guy ever to play the game.
----------------------
Gordie Howe might argue with you
----------------------
Brendan Shanahan might have something to say too
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey rules!
You're wrong about women only liking sports for the hot guys. I like football and hockey and it has nothing to do with how panty-meltingly hot the players are. OK, I'm lying - that's at least 90% of the reason I like hockey and football.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
b) cam neely is the best tough guy/skill guy ever to play the game.
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Gordie Howe might argue with you
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll take Satan in a heart beat
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/news?slug=ap-sabres-satan&prov=ap&type=lgns
I'll take Satan.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hockey does indeed kick all sorts of ass.
but... a) bob probert is sweet.
b) cam neely is the best tough guy/skill guy ever to play the game.
c) i'm freakishly large and i am sweet at hockey.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:13:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
martin st. louis is awesome, but he's no theo fleury.
i'm 5'10, 175, and jewish and am still the best right winger in my league.
and before any asshole says anything, the league is comprised of 6 teams. each team consisting of 6 defensemen, 9 forwards, and 2 goalies.
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i'm 6'2, 295, and quick on my skates and the [arbitrary number between six and fifteen]th best defenseman in my league.
and before any asshole says anything, my league is comprised of 12 teams.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I gotta start reading the reviews before I post.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...he's no Dino Ciccarelli
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's Marty St. Louis and his beave of a wife!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO AVS!
All, what... 5 of 'em right now?
WOOOOOOOOOOO WE CAN ALMOST FEILD A TEAM AT THIS EXACT MOMENT!
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey = automatic +2
BTW St. Louis sucks. If you want a tough, veteran grinder that is an average guy, look at Cliff Ronning. He's been around the league for years and is just a great player.
Not great because he puts up huge numbers, but great because he's about 5 feet tall and gives his all every single game.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
martin st. louis is awesome, but he's no theo fleury.
i'm 5'10, 175, and jewish and am still the best right winger in my league.
and before any asshole says anything, the league is comprised of 6 teams. each team consisting of 6 defensemen, 9 forwards, and 2 goalies.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that pillow line is one of my all-time fav's
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hockey rocks!
Go Wings
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for hockey and Saint Loueeeee can suck a dick!
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah !!