My weekend in Vegas: Relentless Smack-jivin' Hispanics. (646 hits)
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Submitted by NumLock (View user info) at 2005-08-01 15:09:23 EDT
I really wish online poker was even more popular so I wouldn't have to deal with this garbage.
Friday night, at the Bellagio, I sat down at a poker table, next to this fat guy. And I'm talking fat -- as in 80"-waist, 400-lb fat. He was sweating profusely, undoubtedly a combination of sucking a nad at the game and having enough natural insulation to keep a tribe of Eskimos alive for a few months.
The table was crowded already (10 people, corner table) and with this guy, everyone was bumping elbows.
We played for about 45 minutes when my friend (at another table) walks up behind me, and whispered in my ear, "The guy next to you has his pants unbuttoned." I snuck a peek, and sure enough, his hands are folded over his stomach, but whenever he reached out to bet, you could see that his 60" pants were far too small for the amount of fat spilling over.
About five minutes after that, this guy decided he needs a little more room. Not elbow room -- more stomach room.
So he stood up and unzipped his pants. I guess he felt the need to rearrange his genitals or something, because he started reaching in there and moving stuff around. I'm still not sure exactly what he was doing, because, like everyone else at the table, I was laughing my ass off while covering my eyes so I wouldn't go blind.
The dealer made some comment about his behavior (don't do that at the table), but he was against the wall and at least three people would have to get up in order for him to leave the table.
So, of course, he did the next best thing - he turned to the side (fortunately, away from me), and finished his business. His ass was so fat that it was nearly touching me (across the seat), and apparently his stomach was so fat that the person on the other side of him had to move over a seat in order to avoid getting smacked in the face with a penis.
He sat back down and played the remainder of the game with his pants unbuttoned, unzipped, and pulled halfway down.
--
I basically stayed at that table because the EV was so positive (2 loose-aggressives and 4 loose-passives), although I ended up losing two huge pots to the fat guy (of all people). I'll post the stories but they're nothing spectacular - raising hand preflop, flop top pair, fat guy calls to the river and makes runner-runner inside straight draw. Meh.
Anyway, it ties into the next story, which is that for most of this time, one of the loose-passives at the table was this middle-aged woman who started giving me crap about raising pre-flop. I mostly ignored her, but when my friend finally got his transfer over to my table and he started doing the same thing, she got pissy at him too, and because he's a little less polite than me, he snapped back at her. It didn't escalate much, but it was memorable while we were debriefing the play at night.
The next day, we're back at the tables, and my friend gets into another pissing contest with this guy sitting next to him. This guy had this loud, annoying, nasal laugh/voice that I could hear from my table, and clearly lacked a filter in his brain that tells normal people what to say and what not to say. To top it all off, he was Hispanic, and had this horrible accent which made it nearly impossible to tell exactly what he was saying, although by context you could usually tell.
It didn't help when my friend raised pre-flop with AQs, the annoying guy announced "you lose this hand", and after flopping top pair, my friend proceeds to lose the hand to 97o, prompting a "HA HA HA I TELL YOU I TELL YOU! YOU LOSE! HA HA HA"
Both my friend and this guy are on the verge of tilt, raising the other fairly recklessly and talking it up whenever they took down a pot from the other.
The verbal sparring goes on for nearly two hours, with both my friend and the guy nearly getting kicked out for profanity at the table (the cardroom manager came over and gave them both warnings).
Shortly after his warning, my friend mutters something under his breath as he folded a pot to the guy. The guy responds with, "HA HA HA YOU LOSE AGAIN HA HA HA WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING SHIT HA HA HA"
"Because," my friend replies, "if I wrote it down, you wouldn't be able to understand it!"
The guy was furious. He stood up from the table, and started walking over to my friend, before his WIFE comes over to calm him down.
And suddenly my friend realized his wife was the lady that he had been smack-talking the day before!
The guy and his wife both leave, and we thought that was the end of it.
It wasn't.
The next day, we headed up to the Wynn to check out the buffet (side note: better than the Bellagio!) and to play a little poker. There's a decent sized room, and my friend gets seated first. Not 15 seconds after he gets called, he comes running back to the front.
He says, "YOU. ARE. NOT. GOING. TO. [in any way] BELIEVE. THIS."
He got seated next to the Hispanic guy again.
Cooler heads prevailed; they agreed to let bygones be bygones, and then they played without further incident.
--
I came home with twice as much as I went with. All in all it was a good time.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some of my more memorable hands (all $4-$8 Hold'Em, 8-10 players)
First night:
Early Position, pocket 9's. I call, 3-4 others call, late raiser, SB folds, all the rest call. Flop: 9d, 8d, 4h. I bet, 3 callers (including the raiser). Turn: Ts. I bet, 2 callers (raiser folds). River: Jc. I bet, raised, re-raised, and I fold. Two QXo's split the pot. Grr.
The Fatty Chronicles (2nd night):
Middle Position, KQo. 2 callers (including the fat guy on my direct right), I raise, everyone calls. Flop: QTx. Checked to Fatty, he bets, I raise, two calls, Fatty re-raises, all call. Turn: J. Checked to Fatty, he bets, I raise, two folds, Fatty calls. River: K. Fatty (who has a history of check-raising on the river when he's got the nuts) checks, I check. He makes some disparaging comment about how I should have bet and I make a flippant remark about how I "had a feeling" he had an ace and congratulated him on "a pot well-won". Grr.
Big Blind, J4o. 4 or 5 callers, I check. Flop: JJ2. I bet, there's one caller. Turn: Q. I bet, he raises, I call. River: Q. I check, he bets, I call. He pulls down the pot with Q4o. Grr. I'm down to my last $20 at this point, and the dealer asks me to put cash on the table in case I need more chips for the next hand. I put the money out, and remark that it will be there so I can check-raise the table when I get dealt aces ...
... sure enough, I get dealt Ah, Ad. 3 callers, Fatty on the button raises, I re-raise. 2 callers, including Fatty. Three clubs come out on the flop, which kind of sucks, but I bet it anyway, and they both call. Turn: no ace, no club. I bet, they both call. River: Ac. Checked around to Fatty, he bets, and even though I was 90% sure he had a club, I still had friggin' pot odds to call. He had friggin' 73 offsuit. "I was just trying to steal the blinds before the flop but after that it was just too good to let go," he explained. Even though I was on the button the next hand, I was on the verge of pushing Fatty over and taunting him as he tried to get his fat, naked ass back on the chair, so I elected to take a bathroom break to calm down ...
... I only missed one hand, apparently there was a ton of action on the previous hand. I peek at my cards -- pocket aces again. One caller, middle position raises, one caller, I re-raise. All fold to the raiser, who re-raises me, all fold to me, and we cap it off. Flop comes out J42, rainbow. We cap it off on the flop. Turn: 7. He bets, I raise, he calls. River: 7. He bets, I raise, he calls. Him: QQ. He and I were both desperately hoping the other didn't have JJ. =P
At the Wynn ...
Late Position (one off button), 65s. 5 callers, I limp, button folds, blinds call/check. Flop: 987. It's checked to me, I bet, all call. Turn: 4. Checked to me, I bet, 3 callers. River: 3. Checked to me, I bet, 1 caller (mid-position). He mucks his hand and refuses to tell me what he had. He frequently showed ace-high or fourth pair when it came to turning his cards on the river, so I really wonder what could have been so bad that he was ashamed to show it.
Waiting for my flight (haha) ...
BB, 94c. 6 callers, I check. Flop: 7c, 4h, 3d. I check, person to my left bets, everyone calls so I do too. Turn: 8c. I bet, 2 callers. River: Tc. I bet, it's raised, all call. This hand was memorable only in the sense that it absolutely established me as a wild, crazy player among a table with 2 superloose/superaggressive players (the two of them squared off one hand, capping the betting on the turn AND the river, only to have an ACE HIGH beat out a KING HIGH for a $150+ pot).
---
Overall, there was very little excitement in poker. I was dealt AA about 3 times one hour, but aside from that, I garnered far fewer than my fair share of premium hands and made all of my money on upper-middle class hands like J9s, flopping top pair, and then having them hold up while loose-passives called me all the way to the river.
Lost $100 the first night, lost $100 the second night (mostly to Fatty), won $160 the third night, and $255 the afternoon before I left. I actually quit an hour earlier than I had expected because I was up so much and even the variance at a high-EV table was enough to convince me to take my winnings and run. I watched this guy play $1,000 a hand at roulette with about $30,000 in $100 chips in front of him.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
vegas is indeed sweet
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Lord. Some people have no shame.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose I should have.. Its Monday and I just got back to Boston 9 hours ago. I had to come right to work from the Airport. My brain ain't none workin none good.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have this, but you should have made up a better ending.
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We saw the fat guy in the line for the Wynn Buffet. As long as he was moving, he was okay. He had to swing his arms all the way in front of him (by twisting his upper body) to get his center of gravity far enough forward to waddle/walk, but standing still clearly put a great strain on him. He leaned on the railing and everyone felt it move. These two girls actually gasped and jumped out of the way because they thought the railing was going to collapse and he was going to roll over and crush them.
Other than that, the Wynn is kickass.
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Poker Tells I've Noticed
(1) If someone dresses like Chris Moneymaker, they try and play like Chris Moneymaker.
(2) If they're wearing bling, they're not very good at math.
(3) If two or three suited cards come up on the flop, people who look at their cards again have one card of each color.
(4) People who play at a table with people they know will magnify their tendencies - loose players become looser, etc.
(5) In a whispering conversation, the person who whispers last is the better player of the two.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-01 15:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've wanted to see the Wynn.
It was ALMOST done when I was there in March, but not quite.