Thoughtless (1074 hits)
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Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-08-01 18:30:02 EDT
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Entry 1
He pushed his way onto the train, jostling a pregnant woman, causing her to drop her bag of groceries. He barely noticed as she stooped to pick up a few stray tomatoes and muttered angry words at his feet. When he arrived at the office he brushed past his secretary, ignoring her greeting, and slammed the door in her face.He sat down in his leather chair, reached over to turn on the computer, accidentally spilling yesterdays coffee on the stack of mail that had been there, unread, for two weeks. "Sarah!!" he swiveled his chair around to face the door, shaking the cold coffee off of his hands.
Sarah scurried into his office with her head hung low and her eyes down. She stood in the doorway while he chastised her for leaving the coffee on his desk, for not greeting him properly in the morning, for failing to have fresh coffee ready for him when he arrived, and finally, for being too timid. She profusely apologized, retrieved a fresh cup of coffee, and worked around him to clean up the mess on his desk.
She went back to her desk in the atrium and buried her face in her hands. She cried, angry with herself for working for a man like Mr. Edmunds, angry with her husband for dying and leaving her with no money to care for their son, and angry with the world, because it would surely corrupt her son.
She heard a tick-tick-tick sound approaching. She hurried to wipe the wetness away from her eyes, coughed slightly, and sat up straight. A blind man came around the corner, his cane thrust out before him, helping him feel his way along. She smiled, grateful that he would not be able to see her disheveled appearance. She could see his lips moving as he approached her, apparently counting his steps. He walked directly towards her, as if he could sense her appearance.
"Miss?" His voice was smooth as silk, deep and lovely. His skin was a radiant chocolate color, and it contrasted beautifully with his cream suit.
"Yes, sir?" She held back her annoyance at his assumption that a woman would be the secretary. They lived in an age where men were almost as likely to attend to busy offices as women. Normally she would have kept quiet, but her morning had made her bitter, and she found herself addressing the issue before the blind man could tell her what he wanted.
"Excuse me," she began. "Why do you assume there is a woman sitting here? Do you also assume that your nurses are always women, and your cab drivers are always men? Surely you've noticed that gender roles are changing, and even if they weren't, it's extremely rude to make assumptions about who does what!" she paused to breathe, and started up again. "I could just as easily get a job in a factory!! You wouldn't assume I was a woman then, I'm sure!"
He stood, rooted in his spot, with his cane resting gently at his side. His smile was as beautiful as his voice, "No, I smelled your perfume... not many men wear such sweet scents. But you are right, it isn't kind to assume you are a woman simply because you smell lovely. Perhaps I was just hoping I'd have a chance to chat with someone sweet before having to face the gorilla that sits in the office behind you. Accept my sincere apologies."
"Oh." she was hot with embarrassment. "Should I tell Mr. Edmunds you're here, then?" He smiled and nodded.
***
The blind man surprised her the next day. She didn't hear the ticking of his cane, nor the soft fall of his steps. He politely coughed to announce himself to her.
"Did you forget your cane?" she asked.
"No, it's here, in my pocket." he reached inside his jacket pocket, flipped his wrist, and the cane snapped out, long and straight. "I didn't need it today- I simply followed the scent of a beautiful woman through the building." Sarah's laughter came out in a hoot, and she stood up to show him into the inner office.
"You counted your steps, didn't you?" she asked him, with a silly grin spread across her face. He chuckled and nodded. They both stepped into Mr. Edmunds office, chatting and teasing each other.
The men stayed in the office the entire day. She brought them lunch, and shuttled full coffee cups in, taking the empties out. At the end of the day she found herself in an uncomfortable position. Mr. Edmunds had never stayed later than 4:30, and now it was 5:00, and she had to pick up her son within the hour. She wondered if she should just leave, or if she should ask to leave, or perhaps she should just tell him she was leaving. She stood outside of his door, contemplating her options, and she heard them arguing.
She leaned in a bit, to hear better. She stood before the door for a few moments before coming to her senses and opening it. The blind man was already standing, facing her. Her boss jumped in surprise, thrust out his arm, pointed at the door, and bellowed, "GET OUT!".
Sarah quickly told him that she was leaving for the day, retreating as she spoke. Mr. Edmunds looked as he always did- angry and bitter, oblivious and stupid. He continued to yell at Sarah, accusing her of being all of the things that were really only alive within himself. "You are such a stupid woman! I'm doing business here, and you're oblivious to the world around you! You're just bitter with men, isn't that the problem? You angry, bitter, stupid oblivious bitch. You leave now, and I don't need to see you back here. Ever again. I won't stand for this!"
She stood in the doorway, looking at the two men, with surprise on her face, and hot words in her mouth. Before she could retort, the blind man approached her, took her hand in his own, and led her from the building.
Sarah started to cry. Not because she had been fired, but because she was touched by the kindness of the blind man. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, and he offered his handkerchief to her.
"My name is Marcel" he said as he pulled them to a stop at a busy intersection.
"How did you know to stop right there?" she looked around for clues. "Oh, I'm Sarah." she added.
He explained that he could hear the patterns in the traffic and could feel the gentle downward slope in the sidewalk.
"Marcel, you must always be thinking. Analyzing what you hear and smell... isn't it overwhelming?" she noticed that they still walked, hand in hand, and she noticed that she enjoyed the dry cool feel of his palm in hers.
"I'd rather be thinking too much than too little. Your old boss is thoughtless in many senses of the word, but it is insulting for me to tell you this, as if you didn't already know he was such a man. I'm sorry for what he did to you, Sarah." he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and they began to cross the street. "And before you ask, I knew we could cross because I heard the traffic stop, and also because these lights are all timed the same, so I knew it was time."
They were walking towards the train station, when Marcel paused, pulling her to a stop alongside him. "You have to pick up your child? Is that it?".
"Yes, but how would you have known that? You can't smell things like that!"
"It doesn't take much thought to know a young woman who is in a rush to leave work at a particular time has something important to attend to. If it were another woman I might wonder if she had a boyfriend who threatened to strike her if she didn't arrive home at a certain time- but you are not a woman like that. Do you have a son or a daughter, and more importantly, are we walking in the direction of this child?"
Sarah laughed, and pulled him towards the station, "Yes, I take the train to the southside, that's where he is. And you? Where do you go?"
He explained that his loft was on the north end of town, near the park. As they walked, he described the sounds in the morning, the birds that stood on his sill to wake him, the children laughing in the park, dogs barking as they chased squirrels. They parted ways with her thanking him for his support and kindness, and him thanking her for her curiosity. "Not many people ask me how I know things, and how I think. You make me feel special, Sarah."
Such a statement would have usually made her ill at ease. It seemed cliché and overly-sensitive- too soft. Hearing Marcel say it only assured her that he was a good man, who thought enough about life to appreciate the small things that most people took for granted.
Her thoughts stayed on Marcel as she rode the bumpy train through the city. She picked her son up from daycare, and told him stories of the blind man as they walked the two blocks to their apartment.
They ordered Chinese for dinner, stayed up late watching movies, and slept in the next morning as a forced celebration for her having freedom from her job. The phone shook her awake. She wiped the sleep from her eyes, scooted her sons small body to the side, and reached for the phone.
Mr. Edmunds voice boomed in her ear, "You're not here! I have no coffee! Behavior like this isn't to be tolerated in this office, Miss Kline!"
Anger shook her voice as she told him that he had fired her. Annoyance peppered his words as he scolded her for taking things too seriously, "If you make a man angry, you must expect for him to speak in angry terms, Miss Kline. Are you really stupid enough to think that you were allowed to take the morning off?"
"The morning off? You fired me!" she was astounded by how thoughtless he was. He fired her, then yelled at her for... being fired?
"You have ten minutes to get here, or you have no job!" he hung up, and she kept the silent phone to her ear.
Of course she needed the job, she no longer had the luxury of being a stay at home mom. She hurried to dress, woke her son, and they headed out the door. She kissed his head as they arrived at his babysitters house, and ran for the train station.
Thirty minutes had passed by the time she arrived in the office, out of breath, sweaty, and defeated. She made a pot of coffee, and took a few phone calls. When the coffee was ready, she poured a cup, added exact amounts of cream and sugar, and entered Mr. Edmunds office.
She was surprised to see Marcel sitting in his usual spot, talking with Mr. Edmunds. Her boss accepted his cup of coffee, and ordered her to leave, as if she had grand plans of staying to chat with the two men. She turned and asked Marcel if he'd like a cup of coffee, but before he could answer, Mr. Edmunds spoke up again, telling her to get out. Marcel gave her a kind smile and shook his head.
She pulled the office door shut behind her, and leaned against the wall. She could hear them talking, Mr. Edmunds bumbling along, saying things without thinking, Marcel with his calculated and controlled replies. Curious as to what business these men had, she stayed near the door for over an hour. They seemed to be speaking of the past, of the future, of family... The tones of their voices sounded business like, but the words sounded as if they were of personal nature.
At the end of the day, Marcel came from the office, and asked if he could walk her to the train. She blushed and smiled, and said she'd like to walk with him again.
Their conversation stayed general until they reached the station. Before they parted ways, Marcel offered her a job.
"Your boss is a thoughtless man, and he has tried to ruin many lives, including my own. I know you work for him because you have few options, so I'm presenting you with a solution. Come work for me." His voice was steady and low, his face serious, his body rigid.
"Why do you do business with him, if he has tried to ruin your life?"
"Why do you always seem to ignore my questions, and instead ask me questions about the less relevant things? Will you work for me?"
Her brows furrowed, she was not used to kindness like this, and found herself distrusting of it. True to his nature, he sensed her unease, and invited her to talk it over during dinner. They made plans to meet at The Centurion for dinner, at eight.
Sarah hurried to the daycare and asked the old woman if she could watch her son overnight. Then she hurried home, showered, changed into a light dress, and headed towards the restaurant.
Marcel was already seated when she arrived. He was wearing a burgundy suit, and sipping on a glass of wine of the same color.
"Your wine and your suit are exactly the same color" she said, as she sat down.
He smiled and nodded, "Red wine is rich and smooth, and so I'd like to be. I'm too blind to be rich, and too caring to be smooth." Sarah laughed, but then she wondered if he was smoother than he'd like her to realize.
She wanted to know more about this job, what it was, and why he was offering it to her. He could sense her impatience with their small talk.
"I know you want to know about this job. To be honest, Sarah, I don't know what I'd have you do, but I won't have you working for him any longer."
The statement bristled Sarah, "That's very kind, but you must understand how cliché this whole situation seems. The poor woman who is widowed early in life finds a rich blind man to save her from her lowly job and awful boss. It's almost like Cinderella, but less believable."
Marcel's chuckle rose deep from his belly and filled the restaurant. People at nearby tables turned to look, smiles washing over all of the faces. This did nothing but anger Sarah, reminding her of the shame that her boss made her feel on a daily basis.
Her voice rose as she repeated herself, "Marcel, I will not be a character in a clichéd story! I will not be the fool who walks the expected path!"
His laughter stopped, and his tone turned serious. "My brother caused my blindness, he led my mother to her grave, and he will ruin your life, as well. He doesn't do these things after careful plotting and planning, he is thoughtless."
"Your brother?" she asked.
He pulled out his wallet and handed her his business card. "Sarah, my name is Marcel Edmunds."
She read his card, surprised at his name, his relations, and his title. "Psychic" she read, looking up at him. "You're a psychic?"
Again he chuckled, "No, of course not. I'm perceptive, and I pawn it off as a special ability. It makes money, and it allows me to offer help to people without having to sit through classes on psychology. My title is 'psychic', but my ability is really an affect of empathy and perception. I imagine that's true of anyone who says they are psychic, but I can't be sure."
"And you're Mr. Edmunds brother?"
"Yes."
"He made you blind?"
"More or less, yes."
"How?"
Their waiter came over to take their dinner orders. Marcel ordered steak, Sarah asked for the same.
"Sarah, his thoughtless behavior as a child... I was 5, he was 9..." he sighed, obviously impatient with the telling of the story, but when Sarah didn't allow him to dismiss it, he carried on. "We were playing with squirt guns, he filled his with bleach from the housekeepers bucket, and squirted me, multiple times, in the eyes."
"You can't be serious." she really didn't believe what she was hearing. Her thoughts immediately shifted away from Marcel, and to her own son. What if he was playing in bleach right now? What if the old woman had fallen asleep and allowed him to toddle around the house playing with rat poison? "I'm sorry, of course you're serious," she corrected herself. "And your mother?"
"He left her in a hot car."
Sarah sat still, barely breathing, fearing that she might laugh at such a ridiculous statement. Any question that she could ask about it would surely expose her doubt, and maybe even reveal that she found humor in the situation, so she stayed quiet.
"I know it seems ridiculous, but I assure you, it did happen. He left her in the car while he visited his financial planner. The windows were all rolled up, and they believe that she could not figure out how to get out."
"Why wouldn't she just open the handle?" Sarah was grateful for Marcel's blindness at this point because she knew her face was awash in disbelief.
"Sarah, she was an old woman in a car that was advanced beyond her understanding. She lived in an era of simple things. She simply didn't know."
"And why wouldn't he have gone to jail, for killing her?"
"Because she was an adult, because the family insisted that she had been ill, because my brother is a man of influence. It could be any of those things, or all of them. The point of this dinner is not to bare my family secrets, but to convince you to work for me."
Sarah had accepted the invitation to dinner, hoping it would make things more clear. Instead it made things more obscure and unbelievable. She sat back, closed her eyes, and let her mind wrap itself around the things she had just been told. She heard a great shuffling, and when she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Mr. Edmunds pulling a chair up to their table.
"Marcel. Miss Kline." he greeted them as if he weren't surprised to see them together. His fat head swiveled around, looking for a waiter. He waved his arm and called out when the busboy passed by. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and be quick about it if you expect a tip!"
The waiter came by with the drink, took Mr. Edmunds order for steak, medium well, with a side of vegetables- Not Potatoes!- and two pieces of toast with butter. He called the waiter back to add a side of coleslaw to his order.
When the food was served, Mr. Edmunds insisted that he got his meal, first. He reached past Marcel to get the salt, and spilled the wine on his brothers lap. "Sarah! Get a napkin and clean this! We can't eat with wine dripping from the table!"
Marcel excused himself, and went to the bathroom to clean himself off. Mr. Edmunds used Marcel's knife to cut his steak. He ate his food quickly and noisily. When Marcel came back, he felt around the table for his silverware.
"Mr. Edmunds used your knife, Marcel." Sarah offered her own knife to him, but Mr. Edmunds was quick to hand Marcel's knife back to him- blade first. Just before Marcel's hand wrapped around the sharp blade, Sarah jumped up to intercept.
"How thoughtless! You might have cut him!"
"What? What? Maybe you should leave. I make it a point not to socialize with anyone who works beneath me." Mr. Edmunds wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and shoved another bite of steak into his gaping maw.
Marcel gently told his brother that Sarah was staying, she was his guest, and he wouldn't have her be dismissed.
Mr. Edmunds angrily released his fork and knife, shoved his chair back, and said, "That's fine. You can take advantage of the poor woman. You can hope she wants to fuck an ugly blind man. I won't get in the way of that!" He left in a flurry that was unusual for a man of his size.
Sarah asked Marcel what she'd be doing, if she worked for him. He told her that he needed her to manage his household, buy groceries, fix dinner, keep things neat and organized. She told him that she didn't need his generosity, but she did need his friendship, so she accepted.
***
Sarah and her son moved into Marcel's grand house. Her son loved running through the tiled corridors in his stocking feet, sliding from room to room, filling the house with his light laughter. Things went well for a month.
One month to the day, things started falling apart. It started with a knock on the door. Sarah opened the door, and stood face to face with a large old woman who claimed to be Marcel's mother. The woman didn't seem surprised when Sarah displayed disbelief. "Marcel's mother is dead" Sarah announced.
"No she ain't. Where's he at?"
"He's working. Would you like to leave a message or come back later, ma'am?"
"You tell dat boy to stop his lies, and to come see his ma when he has time!"
Sarah heaved a huge sigh and sung the heavy door shut in the old womans face. The woman knocked again, and Sarah hesitated before opening the door once more.
"Hey girl!" the woman bellowed.
Sarah swung the door open, and she stood before the woman again.
"Dat man is thoughtless, so don't go a-fallin' in love with him. If you wanna man you can love, you should meet my other son. He da nice boy of the family. Not manipulatin' like Marcel. He ain't too smart, but he ain't evil, neither. You gotta watch out!" Her large bosom heaved up and down with her laughter. "Listen here, girl. Marcel is a thoughtless man, full of trickery!"
Sarah shut the door again, refusing to or believe the woman on the stoop. She imagined Mr. Edmunds had sent her in another one of his thoughtless acts. When Marcel got home that night, she told him about what had happened, and his hearty chuckle assured her that the woman was lying.
A week later the phone rang. Mr. Edmunds was trying to keep his voice controlled, but she could still hear the anger peppering his sentences.
"Listen here, Miss Kline. I'm not the type to get in someone elses business, especially since it's not my job to make sure stupid people don't do stupid things, but my mother told me you were living with my brother, and I'll have you know that it's a bad idea! He's been a bitter man since the day he was born!"
Sarah felt her anger rush through her veins, "Easy for you to say, isn't it, Mr. Edmunds? Don't you have any regret? How does it feel to go through life knowing you blinded your brother? And Marcel already told me about your mother!"
"Blinded?"
"YES!"
"He's not blind, Miss Kline. That's thoughtless of you to assume such a thing. He's just a little clumsy. Blind! Ha!"
Again, when Marcel came home, she confronted him.
"How thoughtless of you to accuse me of not being blind!"
"But that's what your brother said!"
"My brother killed my mother!"
"Your mother was here!"
"Did she bring pie?"
"No."
"Then it wasn't my mother."
"But I thought your mother was dead!"
"She is dead. Would you make some pie?"
"But-"
"But nothing. I'm not paying you to think. I'm paying you to do what I need. Remember the position you were in, just last month? Please go make some pie." He patted her gently on the shoulder and retreted to the den.
- VS -
Entry 2
Frantic yelling from the lookouts managed to drown out the nighttime celebration. A crowd of villagers stood dumbstruck in the heavy rain, thunder roaring over the grassy plains around them, staring at the distant figure of an approaching shadow. One thought struck them all immediately: Never before had the Masckai come during a storm.Ordered chaos gripped the crowd as the women and children loaded their wagons and sprinted for the caves. The men seized their spears, rope, and arrows and took careful aim from behind sacks of wheat and piles of stone. The solitary shadow grew closer; such an odd calm over its every motion they hadn't seen in a Thoughtless until now. Knuckles white on hardened wood, they waited for a lightening strike to reveal the face of their enemy, and whatever weapon of hell it may be carrying.
A bright flash and a crescendo of thunder brought them hope. They could still see its eyes.
"MASCKAI!" shouted their leader, the Elder Timofei. There was no response; it walked closer. He drew an arrow, and with shaking hands, aimed for its head. A moment later it stopped, then raised both hands outward, palms facing them.
Timofei hesitated, rain dripping down over his eyes. He motioned for the ropeman to prepare to restrain it. He carefully adjusted his aim and let the arrow fly.
A sickening crack hit the air as the sharpened tip of the arrow lodged itself into the figure's right shin, penetrating to the bone. It howled in pain and fell on one knee, grasping the arrow with both hands. The villagers rushed forward, whispering excitedly. "Not a Thoughtless," they repeated several times.
==========
It was dark and humid in the hut, the sound of raindrops tapping on stretched leather overhead resonating in their ears. The dim torchlight illuminated the man's blue-gray skin. "I am called Ivan," he said through his hood, taking a drink from a leather pouch inside his coat. "I have been hunting one."
His words hung in the air for several moments as the nurses cleaned his arrow wound and the rain faded into the distance. Timofei broke the silence. "You mean to hunt the things no living man has ever seen?"
Ivan was silent. He looked out the doorway into the tall grass. "I have seen it, Tïma, and I will kill it."
Timofei's face became dark as he scowled. He lowered his voice and spoke. "It will take you. It will send you back to fight us, and then it will leave you for dead, with no thoughts of your own. You wish this upon yourself, upon us?"
Ivan's face slipped into a grim smirk as he took another drink. He was about to respond when a piercing shriek cut through the village and ended their conversation - the storm was over.
==========
"Thoughtless!" they called out. "THOUGHTLESS!"
Once again a rush of sharpened wood, rope, and screaming children overtook the village. Their attacker was not approaching from the outside.
A large, strong, bald villager stumbled awkwardly out of a nearby hut and landed a heavy fist squarely into the face of an archer, crushing his nose and knocking him down. It was a fresh take, its eyes still present, but unblinking as a cloud of dust rose into them.
"We may not be able to keep this one," Timofei said sadly. "Dmitri was always our strongest." He drew an arrow.
Ivan said nothing. He pulled a wooden knife from his belt and a rope from the ground, and walked briskly forward.
"VANYA! IVAN, NO! VANYA!"
The Thoughtless turned to face him, two arrows lodged in its shoulder and another in its right arm. Its eyes were open, covered in dust and turning dark red. It lunged at him, teeth bared, arms ready to strangle him.
Ivan threw himself to the ground and rolled to the right - Dmitri's weight carried him too far and he ran past. Ivan jumped up and threw a knot around its left hand as it grunted and turned around, grabbing his neck with the right and holding tightly. Ivan winced, unable to breathe. He took his knife in the other hand and sliced the muscles in its hand at the wrist - its grip loosened as tendons snapped grotesquely. He wrapped the bleeding hand in the other end of the rope and pulled.
A strong kick in the back brought it to the ground as he continued hog-tying it tightly. It thrashed violently as they all backed up, Ivan finishing the knot and joining them. Timofei smiled. He was good at this.
After a few moments, it was still. The Masckai had left.
Ivan took a drink, and then spoke into the silence. "This was the one I've been looking for," he said, looking upward at the sky in all directions. "Most choose randomly. This one picks the strongest in the center of a group to cause the most damage." He paused, then added, "It knows I'm here."
Dmitri's wife rushed forward through the crowd of spearmen, sobbing into her hands as she reached him. "It's not too late... please, Timofei, we must help him... Please, it's not too late..." She collapsed against his bleeding arm.
It took three villagers to turn the man over. His eyes were now very dark red, completely dry and covered in dirt. They found a pulse - he was still alive... in a very deep sleep from which he would never recover. His mind suspended forever. Thoughtless, just like the countless villagers before him.
"Mercy," Timofei said shortly, and the word was echoed around the crowd. "NO!" shouted his wife urgently, tears streaming down her face as Timofei took up a spear. A group of villagers restrained her as he stepped forward, holding the spear in both hands, pointing it directly at Dmitri's chest. "May your soul be at peace," he said softly, and heaved down the spear into his heart.
==========
"We cannot let them do this," Ivan repeated loudly, his gray eyes scanning the crowd of villagers. "They will not leave us alone. They have destroyed entire villages without ever showing their face, save once." He paused. "I saw it. I saw it hiding in a tree nearby, watching the products of its destruction as my village burned to the ground, red eyes glowing like hot coals."
Excited murmurs filled the crowd. "Glowing red eyes?" He reached into his bag and pulled out a shining, metal arrow.
"Silver," he said, holding it up for them to see, drawing loud gasps from the excited archers. "This is one of two forged from an object dropped by a Masckai during the attack on Errivek, the Siberian village. Its sister resides in the skin of the monster that attacked us tonight, the one I have been following since it destroyed my home using my friends and neighbors as puppets."
Sympathetic anger rose in the crowd as he paused for a drink. They had known such horrors - killing and maiming loved ones and friends with their own hands, people who would never return to them. Now, it seemed, they had hope of striking back at the phantoms that came in the night.
"Join me," he yelled, over the cheers from the crowd, "and retribution will be yours!"
==========
The rage and pride Ivan had instilled in the villagers overcame most of their reservations about hunting such an elusive prey, especially one that seemed to be more successful at hunting them. They were unsettled, however, by the specifics of his plan.
"We wait for the next attack," Ivan said.
Timofei's excited expression faded into a frown. "We must lose another before we can strike back?"
"It is the only way."
Murmurs rose from the other elders in the hut. It was clear they didn't like this idea at all. "Then what?" asked Timofei.
"We do what no one ever does. We ignore the Thoughtless."
Angry outbursts came at once. "Ignore it!" "What about our homes!" "You can't be serious!"
Ivan put up a hand to silence them. "We ignore it, and we turn our attention to the outside. Their influence is not long range, if there is an attacking Thoughtless there must be a Masckai near to the village."
There was an odd kind of silence as they thought about this. It seemed so simple they wondered why no one else had thought of it before. Timofei entertained the idea that someone had, and was killed shortly after. The real wonder was clearly how Ivan was still alive with this knowledge.
"Instruct the villagers to line the perimeter of the town at the next attack and watch the trees for glowing red orbs. I have ten silver arrows to be given to your best archers, and one for myself. Wood is not strong enough to break their skin."
The thought of a monster with skin thicker than the hard leather of the beasts they already hunted was unsettling. The villagers readied themselves for its inevitable return.
==========
Ignoring a large attacking villager turned out to be the greater challenge of the early night. Many were forced to run from their lookout positions as it chased them, but eventually it gave up and resigned itself to the destruction of their houses in the hope that they would return to fight. The villagers watched in despair, but kept searching for the Masckai they would bring to justice.
A young boy ran up to Ivan as fast as he could, then gave his message panting: "Timofei... Timofei sends word that they've spotted a pair of red eyes at the south end of the village. The archers are... are on their way." Ivan dismissed him and ran to where the boy indicated, drawing his bow and a silver arrow.
Ivan saw the frightening red eyes and knew it would be expecting an attack from the village. He positioned the archers around the tree, hidden behind small hills and rocks and in the tall grass, not telling them what he was about to do. He ran the long way around the tree's hill.
As he was about to lose sight of the eyes he noticed something. There was no shimmer of a silver arrow.
This was the wrong monster.
Ivan paused, then believed they would still benefit from the destruction of another Masckai anyway. Perhaps they could find further weaknesses. His hunt would have to be concluded at another time. He reached the back of the tree and crouched down, looking up the hill, ready to attack as he awaited Timofei's signal. He took a drink from his leather pouch. "This will be a great victory for the village," he thought to himself.
A booming crash from behind startled him. He jumped up and drew back his arrow. A heavy arm snapped outward and knocked it away from him, and as he fell backward he heard Timofei's signal, unable to join them. He stared upward at the glowing red orbs of the Masckai's eyes and saw the glistening silver arrow protruding from the side of its neck. It bent down to examine him as the fire from the burning village illuminated its face.
Its shining, metallic face.
As it stepped into the light, Ivan was barely able to contain his horror. It was a monster of metal.
It spoke in a voice of sharp music, producing a flat, monotonous voice. Never before had he heard such a sound.
"UEC DR 1050. Identify yourself." Its eyes flashed brighter. It was demanding a response.
"I am Ivan of Ranïv. I have come to kill you."
"You show no markings. You are the enemy. You will be controlled. Your treachery will be reported." Its eyes flashed blue for a moment, then back to red. It moved closer. "Advanced Argyria. You have ingested colloidal silver in ionized water. You have violated U.E.C. code 583, Avoidance of Psychic Military Subjugation via chemical shielding. You will be controlled."
The monster was speaking in its own secret language. Ivan slowly reached for his arrow.
The Masckai opened its mouth and breathed flames. Ivan screamed in agony as his blue-gray skin melted away, foul-smelling steam rising into the night. The monster's eyes flashed blue once more.
Ivan felt himself fade into darkness, unable to fight, or move.
He was suspended.
Thoughtless.
==========
[02.09.4023] - RoT: Dmitri: 471. Subject controlled. <-> UEC DR 1050 <->
[02.11.4023] - RPT: Previous reports confirmed. Rebel encampments have been destroyed with minimal damage to UEC DR robotic units. No signal received from UEC headquarters since 06.30.3412. Will continue mission in sector RUS06: "All humans showing no United Earth Confederation markings are enemies to be eliminated." <-> UEC DR 1050 <->
[02.11.4023] - RoT: Elder Timofei: 471. Subject controlled. <-> UEC DR 1168 <->
[02.11.4023] - RoT: Ivan of Ranïv: 583. Subject controlled. <-> UEC DR 1050 <->
Entry 1:
absolutes
Ananda
blank_mind
BLITZKREIG_BOB
CaptainThorns
Confuzitron
corn_nugget
darko
doctorj24
firefly
Genko
hollygolitely
indoninja
iradney
kimmy02721
loki
Method
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
NumLock
Orla
QueenAshlee
rad1101
salmonofdoubt
Spuds002
stevie_says
Stin
tlozoot
23 eligible votes (28 total) *
Entry 2:
Adamdidit2u
bob
BuckeyesTHEGAME
c1ndy
Circe
comicbookguy
Coyote
Davros
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
electrictoothsyndrome
engine13
GodLovesALittleLovin
Hirilnara
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
Natsukau
omnifica
OnEdge
peckerhead
Razor
rushtawin
RyuFu
satchel
Slovin
Snark
sparkle_pink
SullyThePirate
supadupapupa
thecaes
ThineJericho
thorpe
William_Q_Percy
zakalwe
37 eligible votes (40 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
suckfest.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-05 23:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
O yeah........ after being redirected to this by Jack,
I see that it was good.
Hell, I even voted for it.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-04 20:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks yo. Sorry if I'm a bit defensive of my first piece of non-comedy.
Your original comments seemed a bit negative.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-04 17:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slovin! Come on buddy, YOU read into MY comments.
I was merely stating that it *reminded* me of Van Helsing, not that you ripped from it. No way. It was entirely different. I didn't think that at all.
Secondly, I read every entry fully. I have to pass the time at work somehow. I was knocking on you naming the humans-turned-creatures Thoughtless because, stand-alone, that seems like a lame name. You should've named them something else (Masckai or whatever was sweet) and then had the fact that they were thoughtless be your use of the title.
Nevertheless, good job.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-04 12:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woohoo! A few comments.
Psychic robots? Yeah. It's 2000 years in the future (read the timestamps at the bottom). Given how far we've advanced in the last 2000 years I figured mind-control powers were the LEAST that technology could bring us by 4023.
What are the robots doing there? They were law-enforcing robots built by the UEC. Unfortunately the UEC hasn't existed for 600 years, and hence no one is wearing the UEC markings anymore. So basically they've just been killing every human they find, resulting in the entire race reverting back to primitive times.
I probably should've made some of this stuff more clear, but what the hell, this is arguably my first piece of serious writing on Ubersite. I wrote a longer ending but it sucked.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:28:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 - Made me think of that movie, oh what was it, that one with Dracula and Frankenstein and it had a hunter of all those, a recent movie. Whatever. It wasn't that good.
______________________
One of the unfortunate side effects of being able to come up with original and interesting plots is that everyone immediately assumes you stole it from somewhere (not that you'd know a damn thing about that). No, I did not rip off Van Helsing, the stories are NOTHING alike with the exception of the word "hunter" and a supernatural force, the nature of which is entirely different here.
______________________
A Thoughtless. What an innovative (read: not) way of presenting your title. Just name the creatures Thoughtless!
______________________
OK, now it's just painfully obvious you didn't even read my entry. They are called "thoughtless" because they have no thoughts of their own (literally). They minds are entirely dependent on the Masckai - they're puppets. It's also descriptive of the comatose state they're in after the monsters leave, Dmitri being an example. Your insinuation that their name doesn't fit can only mean you didn't read past the first few paragraphs.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One more note, I actually liked the sudden ending in #1. It gave it more of a 'shock' effect. Like the end of a Hitchcock or Twilight Zone episode "eek eek eek eek".
JMG was right about the woman's character seeming a little too rigid in places. And it reminded me a little of The Village too as I was reading it.
Circe was right though about you failing to put a few of those little details in so when you thought back, you went "A-HA! So that explains it!"
The ending was ballsy, I thought. I didn't feel it was overly rushed. It was just a different pace than most of us are used to. Different is good though.
You said all that needed to be said, I felt, to get the point across that it's probably better to be thoughtless than be malicious. For those looking for the 'moral', that's it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed both of these entries. It was a tough decision, but I'm going to give my vote to #2 because their story was just a smidgen more entertaining.
#1 was great though too. Like I said, this was hard.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 reminded me of my writing. My best writing. If I'm lucky.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 seemed odd. It read like a fairy tale, or one of those fables. You know, with the morals and everything? Plus the ending was all 'what the hell.'
And then I wanted a piece of pie.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-08-04 01:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
chose #1 even though the ending was kinda shitty
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, I remember the movie now. Van Helsing. #2 reminded me of Van Helsing.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-03 15:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 - You forced the word thoughtless into your story way too many times. Plus, your ending was thoughtless. And it is spelled retreated. Not good to end on a typo. You had a good story that ended way too abruptly. I was waiting for the twist that never quite came.
#2 - Made me think of that movie, oh what was it, that one with Dracula and Frankenstein and it had a hunter of all those, a recent movie. Whatever. It wasn't that good. A Thoughtless. What an innovative (read: not) way of presenting your title. Just name the creatures Thoughtless!
It was hard choosing which one to vote for. At least #1 interested me. So I'll go with #1.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhh, Sci Fi. Sweet.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed both, but number one just didn't flow quite well enough.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-08-03 02:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 seemed to be missing an ending.
Entry 2 could have used some expansion.
#2 gets the vote though.
-Dave
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-02 19:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking alien cats
Submitted by Ananda (user info) at 2005-08-02 18:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was wrong.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-02 16:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's getting harder and harder to choose...
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was very, very promising, but the ending was too sudden.. there was no buildup. With a surprise ending like that, you should be able to go back, and reread the story, and say "oh, of course, there were all these hints, how did i miss those?"
It was a little lacking in that area.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was a cool idea, but seemed really disjointed.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't like either all that much, but #1 just annoyed the hell out of me with the ending.
Seriously, how rushed did that author feel?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-02 07:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-08-02 05:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-08-02 04:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-02 04:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-08-02 03:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were very good but flawed. Something about the first one stuck with me better. Both had rushed endings though.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-02 03:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 had the stronger ending.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-08-02 01:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was too confusing, though I suppose some think that is good
#2 reminded me of starcraft... I just broke the habit a few months ago.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-01 22:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no contest
2 all the way. creative as hell.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-01 21:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-08-01 21:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-01 21:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-01 20:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice, #2, you had a little Harlan Ellison thing going on there....
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess I'll take a ride on the 2 train.
Unexpected tale on the title. A little cofusing at first, fun payoff.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I seriously hated the ending of Entry 1, but the rest was so much fun to read that I can't help but to vote for it (guess I'm a romantic). I also thought that the title was over-referenced. It was a good idea at first, but seemed a little much towards the end.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1, what happened? The story was consuming me and then it all just fell apart! Did you run out of time? I mean, was the ending supposed to come across as 'thoughtless?' If it was, it totally did nothing for me. For shame, because it was going great.
#2 was a solid overall effort. Mostly benefits from #1's collapse at the end.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry one had an interesting mystery, but the characters seemed more like one-dimensional caricatures than real people. It also told far more than it showed.
Entry two had a great twist that reminded me of The Village, although it was different enough to certainly shine as its own story.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked 1 alot better than 2. but what the hell happened at the end. wtf mate.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man.
Number 1, every time you said the word 'thoughtless' after the first four times, it felt like I was getting hit with a hammer. Edmund wasn't thoughtless, he was just a jackass. And Ms Kline's dialogue wasn't very believable. And the ending? "Make me some pie?" What the hell?
Number 2, I didn't like your ending either...I liked the twist that it was a robot of sorts, but I would have liked to have seen that explained further...like how does a robot get mind control powers? Something just didn't work for me in that story.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not gonna read this right now, but I'll probably end up voting for number 2.
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-01 18:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment