Life Is A Corn-Shit Sandwich, Sans Bread. (894 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Good
Rating: 1.85 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2005-08-01 23:33:33 EDT
I had a rough day.
My boss's nephews are here, screaming around the office, all damn day. Nobody says anything about it but we're all going nuts, trying to concentrate while these little shits play, fight and cry. Apparantly, it's imperative to scream at the top of your lungs, ALL goddamned day, when you're under 5 years of age. Gad I despise little kids sometimes.
I missed a court date for a civil case I'm involved in. I crashed holy shit out of my car. Totalled it. Injured a woman. I was uninsured at the time because I had just lost my job and couldn't afford insurance for a month. Naturally, during that month, I got into the worst accident of my life. That woman is now suing me for well over $100,000, which might as well be $100,000,000,000,000 because, unlike Shlongy and Jimthefiend, I DON'T have any money.
Anyway, nobody ever told me I was supposed to be in court that day. The judge entered an "Order of Default" against me. I called the courthouse today to find out just what that means. While I was talking to the clerk she said that I now had a bench warrent out against me too. I freaked out.
Me: "What does that mean?"
Her: "It means if you get pulled over the police will put you in jail."
Me: "WHAT?"
My heart leapt out of my mouth man. I don't need any trouble with the law. I already got a DUI and am STILL doing the probation for that. Shit. So I rush downtown to the courthouse to try and figure out what the heck all this means. Turns out there is no warrent for me. That clerk was a dumbass. Here I was nearly shitting my pants and that bitch was feeding me false information.
Well, fuck. That's all. I'm going bankrupt, I'm divorced, I lost my house, I'm broke, I'm alone, my car is crashed to holy shit, and I'm getting old.
Corn-shit tastes awful.
User Reviews
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-11 20:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shitty. Sympathy +2, dude.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Link exchange then, hey?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72388
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Come on down to HHI and I'll buy you a couple of dozen drinks.
That's all I can come up with here, chief. You need a break.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel better...
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title! Should I bother to read this thing?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know you can call me anytime and I'll talk you down. Unless I'm driving - as we have seen, talking on the phone and driving a stick shift are 2 things I can't do at the same time. :)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like your screwed for a long time.
Good luck
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-02 07:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, your life sucks. thanks for making mine feel better.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-02 07:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:47:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Skate it off.
All your problems are self-inflicted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He's right of course. "You do it to yourself, you do, and that's what really hurts" As the song goes. Still it's a harsh hand of cards. Have +2, though I'll take it back if I hear about you taking it out on your girlfreind in ciggarette burns.
Submitted by justsayno (user info) at 2005-08-02 02:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You dont need pity, stop being a bitch and get on with it
good luck
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-02 01:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i got a buddy who just got done with his 3rd DUI. dumbfuck.
you got bad luck with that one month without insurance thing.
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2005-08-02 00:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
schlongy and jimthefiend reference. god i love reading their arguments.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 00:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corn = tracers
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Skate it off.
All your problems are self-inflicted.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor thing.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-01 23:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' oath...