Disconnect the Dots (1426 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.57 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-08-02 10:20:01 EDT
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Entry 1
"Frank? Wake up Frank."The sunken milky eyes of Frank Schaeffer opened, blinking as he tried to focus. His knees made small jagged mountains in the otherwise flat bed sheet.
"Frank? Get up Frank. It's time to get ready to go to the community room for breakfast." The massive woman was speaking too loudly and enunciating each syllable with obvious annoyance. She yanked the thin covers down and pulled Frank's legs over the side of the adjustable metal-framed bed.
"OK Frank, let's get you dressed." The woman leaned her shoulder into him like a linebacker, lifted him with one arm around his waist and dropped him into his chair. She released the wheel brakes and turned him towards the bathroom door.
He could've walked. Just moments before he was chasing fireflies in the field with his beloved, now dead, wife Ellen. He could've walked, but he chose not to.
Even as the oversized sized woman stripped his pants and lifted him onto the toilet he would've said there was nothing wrong with Air Force Lieutenant Frank Schaeffer. But Charlotte, the weekday morning nurse had never bothered to ask and he never told her.
He had lived alone for three years after Ellen died. Six months after she was gone and the doctor's bills arrived; he sold the hollow old farm house along with the Maples he and Ellen had planted beside it. He moved into a small apartment. He had managed things, but he, like everyone, had 'situations'. He increasingly couldn't recall where he had left his car and eventually what his car looked like or how to drive it.
He was convinced that it had to have been a mechanical malfunction the day the stove was left on and the paper towel caught on fire. He had managed to drown the incident quickly in his small kitchen sink but not before setting off the smoke alarm in his and four other apartments in his building. The second time it happened, he found himself signing the admittance papers for Horizon Manor Senior Center with the understanding that eventually he would be released and could go home.
"Frank," the nurse repeated his name with every sentence like a curse. "Frank, do you want to wear your brown or your blue sweater today?"
"Brown," Frank thought. The baby blue sweater was coarse and the tag poked his neck.
"Broil." Frank said.
"Blue? OK, blue." Charlotte grabbed the blue sweater and pulled it over his head.
He knew when his brain retrieved the wrong information. And if he managed to run back and return with the corrected version, his lips failed to make the connection. Usually the circumstances wouldn't wait around for the second try anyway.
His brain, however, had no difficulty recalling April 1966 when the F107 aircraft he was flying abruptly jerked and lunged to the right, he had radioed a panicked distress before he ejected. The plane spiraled and fell from the sky into the lush forest of North Vietnam and Frank reluctantly followed. He, woke up two days later, in Hoa Lo, his legs strapped to a wooden stock and his mind and body confined in a small brick room. They would spend the majority of the next seven years getting to know each other and enduring the poor service at the Hanoi Hilton.
"After Breakfast you can stay in the community room for the Forever Fit program at 11:00 and the Sally's Singers will be in after lunch." Charlotte maneuvered his wheel chair through the opened door turned him in the direction of the smell of warm processed mush. He heard the squeak of her white-soled tennis shoes trail off behind him. He, like the others, followed the same routine every day. Still the nurses repeated the instructions as if they were new. He pushed the large wheels forward.
The wheelbarrow teetered on the slope. The heavy load of rocks shifted slightly. Frank caught and steadied the weight ignoring the needle of splintered wood that pierced the palm of his left hand. It was best not to flinch when they were watching, and they were always watching. The work was heavy, but he was out of his cage in the arms of the sun.
He saw the others, his comrades slowly wilting by the weight of endless confinement. Some would risk speaking, others merely gestured, still others hid quietly within, but no one thought they would ever leave these confines alive.
The corridors were in slow motion. Residents of various forms of ability plodded, rolled or just stood staring in the direction of the community room. Most of the faces were blank in concentration. Very little real conversation occurred between those going to the same destination; they were busy getting there.
As they reached the community room they were hastily guided to the farthest available chair as not to cause a bottleneck at the entrance. As usual, 86 year old Glenna sat in the corner flipping through a deck of cards saying "I win. I win. I win..," once after every turn.
Harold Jackson stood at the door and said "Hi. Hi. Hi" and flipped a boney hand at everyone who entered. No return greeting was expected, nor were usually offered.
The population was systematically served its portioned food, the dishes were cleared, and the exercise program started right on schedule.
Frank had resisted participation. He had no intention of conforming to their protocols, of meeting their demands or submitting to their conditioning. He sat motionless as those who had long ago lost their will raised their arms in unison then bent low to touch their knees.
He thought about Ellen and how she had surprised him at the airport when he returned from the medial center in New Jersey. He had proposed on the beach with a sea shell ring tied with seaweed. She never mentioned the scars on his back or insisted that he tell her why the toes on his right foot bent at odd angles. Eventually the memories insisted and he shared his stories. She carried the weight with him and he surrendered to her.
The music stopped. Most of the residents floated out of Frank's periphery, back to their rooms to refresh before lunch. Frank remained seated and still, looking at the ornate wooden Lobby doors.
Razor wire coiled its way around the top of the chain link fence. A scrap of cloth still hung on a razor tip where Pvt. Charles Stockwell had attempted an early release last spring. He was denied by his captors and was never seen doing crafts again.
"RESIDENTS NOT ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT" The sign reminded without bothering to specify the consequences. Everyone knew that those who wondered would be properly dealt with to ensure their safety and no repeat offenses. The stark contrast between the carved cherry wood doors and the institutional community they sealed was evident to all who entered and more so to those who stayed.
Frank watched, as hurried visitors rushed in, guilty and anxious to leave before the doors closed behind them. He saw Margie the receptionist leave her post in the Lobby to eat lunch in the staff room with the others on duty, safely away from the unappetizing company of the facility's occupants.
Frank waited for these moments to see beyond the sign into the room with the overstuffed leather chairs, the large silk bouquet and the cheerful yellow wallpaper. Frank could see beyond the guest registry and the receptionist's desk to the tall glass doors that separated the Lobby from the outside world, the swirling fall winds and his former life. He saw the cars passing unaware along Hoa Lo Street.
"Frank? Wake up Frank." The day started like all the others.
Frank forced himself awake and went through the motions as directed. They all did. The guards moved among them, they too had become dulled by the routine. The halls filled with the murmured voices and random yells of undefined anguish. A young girl dressed in autumn orange ran by clutching a red balloon.
Doors shut, keys clanked and the lucky of the prisoners stood in line hoping to eat. "I win. I win. We'll win. We'll win. Hey, hey, hi, hey, you're gonna get out today." Frank waited in the line and his world spun out of control around him.
He sat staring for hours, strapped to the chair intended to break him. The doors swung open. Frank tasted the cool outside and caught the metal safety latch the moment after Margie slipped past. She didn't see him anymore than the peeling paint on the ceiling above her. He didn't see Margie either, just that the guard left his post leaving the front gate unattended.
Without thinking he crouched through the hole into the unguarded space between captivity and freedom. The sirens would sound any moment, they would open fire and damage the lovely wallpaper. He moved quickly, as best he could, to the large glass doors and pushed them outward expecting to feel a bullet punch his chest. None came and no one saw him emerge on the outside. He stood. His legs strong, his mind alert, he ran, and then flew with the autumn leaves in the direction of home.
"Frank? Wake up Frank."
- VS -
Entry 2
"Human networks are distinct from electronic ones. They are not the Internet. They are political and emotional connections among people who must trust one another in order to function, like Colombian drug cartels and Basque separatists and the Irish Republican Army. Not to mention high-seas pirates, smugglers of illegal immigrants, and rogue brokers of weapons of mass destruction."- Joel Garreau, Washington Post
--
When I was in high school, I didn't realise that you could analyse those who were supposed to be your friends in terms of their importance to a group. Sure, I realised that not all animals are created equal, but I never knew it was possible to put a number on popularity and usefulness; or that they were not necessarily one and the same.
--
"A very centralized network is dominated by one or a few very central nodes. If these nodes are removed or damaged, the network quickly fragments into unconnected sub-networks. A highly central node can become a single point of failure. A network centralized around a well connected hub can fail abruptly if that hub is disabled or removed. Hubs are nodes with high degree and betweeness centrality.
A less centralized network has no single points of failure. It is resilient in the face of many intentional attacks or random failures - many nodes or links can fail while allowing the remaining nodes to still reach each other over other network paths. Networks of low centralization fail gracefully."
--
Back then, I tended to think of the Clique as the former kind of network. I assumed that without Anna, the whole thing would fall apart. After all, she always seemed from the outside to be the leader. Anna with the long legs and blue eyes, Anna with the hottest boyfriend, Anna with her friends clustered around her. Anna, who made my life hell for being that shy guy with freckles who dared to ask her out on a date.
Of course I should have realised at the time that she and the Clique would go on to far bigger and better things than Sunnydale High School had to offer them. Marriage to an up-and-coming politician here, a signing to the New England Patriots there, climbing the corporate ladder at a rate even the Wall Street Journal couldn't fail to miss, a prime-time spot on a national television show, the most promising young research scientist... Oh yes, they had it all. The fame, the fortunes and all the glamour that Daddy's money could buy. What was I doing whilst they achieved those lofty heights? Writing economics articles for the New York Times. The perfect job to foster connections.
My place in the Clique had always been an outside one, a glitch on the surface of an otherwise smooth sphere. I never quite fit with their shiny perfection, but I guess I had a use to them. Well, I know I had a use to them. They might not have wanted my company, but they sure wanted the high GPA's I could ensure them. So I was tolerated, if not liked, and somehow we made it through to the end of high school.
--
"Social network researchers measure network activity for a node by using the concept of degrees - the number of direct connections a node has. In our kite network, D has the most direct connections in the network, making hers the most active node in the network. She is a 'connector' or 'hub' in this network. Common wisdom in personal networks is "the more connections, the better." This is not always so. What really matters is where those connections lead to - and how they connect the otherwise unconnected! Here D has connections only to others in her immediate cluster - her clique. She connects only those who are already connected to each other. "
--
The Clique were useful to me in my earlier years. They gave me a leg-up and the status I needed to get to where I wanted to be, but they'd out-lived their use to me now. All they represented were the years of fake smiles and hidden anguish. I couldn't sit back and watch them take the things in life that I'd helped them get without so much as a thank you.
Before I learned about network analysis I assumed that if I were to displace the central hub, the whole problem would be sorted, right? How silly and naive I was to believe that things could be that simple.
It was easy to remove Anna from the group. Even friends who have been so for a long time tend to be somewhat unforgiving when you sell their most private and intimate secrets to the tabloid press. All it took was a phone call to an old friend from college, and with a few drinks she was spilling everything. Well, that and a paparazzo snapped her fellating a rising star in the art world, who just so happened to be dating Louisa at the time. Her husband wasn't too impressed, since it cost him his seat for the upcoming election.
Unable to face the ire of those around her, Anna cut her hair, cut her losses and emigrated to St Lucia.
--
"F and G have fewer connections than D, yet the pattern of their direct and indirect ties allow them to access all the nodes in the network more quickly than anyone else. They have the shortest paths to all others -- they are close to everyone else. They are in an excellent position to monitor the information flow in the network -- they have the best visibility into what is happening in the network. "
--
The network continued to thrive. I'd underestimated the power of what I had thought were purely superficial bonds. Even with Anna gone, the Clique continued to meet, make headlines and increase their social standing. Even though my name was automatically high-profile through this attachment, I couldn't allow them to continue to get what they didn't deserve.
--
At school, Louisa was always the one with the most information in the Clique. You could guarantee that if there was a rumour going around she'd know about it, and she didn't miss anything that happened. I hated her almost as much as I loathed Anna, because she wouldn't let me forget. Every time I saw her, I saw the mocking in her eyes. Out in the real world, nothing had changed. She still saw me as the loser who had dared to dream above his station, even though I was now powerful in my own right.
Not only was Louisa a mine of information, she was the only one of the gang who had any intelligence. She had always shown a flair for organic chemistry, and had recently been selected to head a team of the most brilliant young academics researching a drug to prevent cocaine crossing the placenta to an unborn child. It was unfortunate that nobody knew about her recreational habit, and a tragic loss to the scientific community when she was found dead in her laboratory one morning. The coroner recorded a verdict of accidental death and much ado was made about more thorough background checking.
It's a shame when your coke is cut with anthrax.
--
"Nodes that connect their group to others usually end up with high network metrics. Boundary spanners such as F, G, and H are more central than their immediate neighbors whose connections are only local, within their immediate cluster. Boundary spanners are well-positioned to be innovators, since they have access to ideas and information flowing in other clusters. They are in a position to combine different ideas and knowledge, found in various places, into new products and services."
--
Joe had been something of a floater in the Clique, maintaining his position by virtue of his potential to be a star. Anna had liked stars in the ascent around her; their glow made her shine all the brighter. Joe did stand-up comedy at several local clubs in high school, and had been picked up by Saturday Night Live when he was at Yale. He had immediately stopped majoring in History of Art and had gone on to pursue much greater things.
One night after the show had finished, he went for a drink in a downtown bar with a couple of his colleagues. It was a real shame that the pretty young Thai girl he'd taken home was only 15, and very unfortunate that her lesbian partner was an undercover police officer. Someone must have tipped them off about his penchant for underage sexual partners, because they also raided his computer. Such a fall from grace must be hard to take; the last I heard was that he was serving an 8-10 stretch for paedophilia and statutory rape.
--
The Clique was falling apart. Little by little, just as it should. How could it not, when its high-flying members were slowly being exposed as the flawed humans that they were. A model of perfection is precisely that - a model. A strong network can stand up to many intentional attacks, but even the mighty must eventually fall.
--
Jeff was a big, dumb jock. I don't say it to be insulting, merely as a statement of fact. Had someone else not been doing his classwork for him, he'd have been lucky to scrape a 1.0 on graduation. Luckily for him Harvard wasn't interested in his academic record, but his prowess as a wide receiver. On the playing field he didn't look like anybody's fool.
After barely passing his Liberal Arts degree, Jeff was picked up by the Patriots. He started every game in his first season, and had been singled out by all the major sports channels as someone likely to go a long, long way. Companies wanted Jeff Tucker to endorse their latest product; from boots to juice to hair care and beyond. It seemed that nothing was beyond the reach of this handsome football star.
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to implement the plan I had to take Jeff down. After a particularly hard tackle in a game with the Steelers, Jeff was subjected to a random drugs test. Turned out he'd been pumping anabolic steroids to build that muscle tone and keep his place in the starting lineup.
--
"Most people would view the nodes on the periphery of a network as not being very important. In fact, I and J receive very low centrality scores for this network. Yet, peripheral nodes are often connected to networks that are not currently mapped. I and J may be contractors or vendors that have their own network outside of the company -- making them very important resources for fresh information not available inside the company! "
--
Bit-part players, you might call them. Gina, who had inherited a large sum when she turned 21, had never bothered to complete school. She'd married Randy, her high school sweetheart, and lived on her Aunt Hortense's money and the not insubstantial salary her husband made. He'd started off on the trading floor, but had quickly moved up into middle management and then to a global directorship where he spent his days analysing the fluctuations of government bonds. It was harder to break them - Randy had a good reputation, no reports of insider trading, and Gina was just, well, bland.
Randy's downfall was his golf buddy, Jim. He introduced Jim to the Clique shortly after Louisa's death, hoping that Jim's sister Felicity would be a suitable partner for me. What Jim hadn't told Randy was that he himself had a nasty criminal record which involved several covered-up occurrences of assault against gays and blacks.
Naturally, all it took was a newspaper article insinuating that Randy had withdrawn support for certain country's bonds because of his association with a man known to be a racist to cause an immediate suspension pending investigation. A broken man, Randy resigned his job and was committed to a psychiatric unit shortly afterwards suffering from severe depression and panic attacks.
Gina, Gina, Gina. So pretty, so well-maintained. So damn boring. The few dates I took her on (to console her after Randy's breakdown, you understand) were perhaps the most excruciatingly painful hours of my life. But they - and the weekend in a villa in Florida - were enough to reassure her that our old "friendship" had not died, and when I recommended that she invest her millions in a particularly volatile company she agreed without question. After all, who else would know but an economics reporter?
It was a risk; there had to be risk or she would have known straight up that I was killing her. My risk was the stock rising indeterminably, and the final nail in the Clique's coffin never being cast. Her risk was the stock dropping, and losing everything. I had a feeling that if I were patient my seemingly favourite horse would collapse just short of the winning post.
It went better than I ever could have imagined. The first six months the stock rose; not by a lot, but enough to almost double the amount she'd invested. Silly girl didn't want to pull out then though, just as I'd banked she wouldn't. Greed is a powerful thing, and Gina was desperate to make up for Randy's lost income. Even when the stock began to drop, she still wanted to hold out. When the company (some dot com selling bluechip technology) went into liquidation and the share price plummeted, she couldn't sell. Nobody wanted 500,000 shares in a company that had been declared bankrupt. It turned out that the CEO had been embezzling for quite some years, and he'd finally milked the cash cow dry.
Robbed of her assets Gina could no longer afford the lifestyle she'd enjoyed, and the financial newspapers ran twelve column inches on the downfall of the Greenes.
--
"There is always a delicate balance between usefulness/value and risk. Social networks thrive on the usefulness factor, but they often fail to mention the risk. "
- http://more.theory.org/archives/000110.html
--
The Clique lived for the usefulness of each to each other. They took the risk of trusting someone without really knowing them, and that's how I broke them. Anna, Joe, Louisa, Jeff, Randy and Gina. The coolest of the cool, reduced to nothing but empty shells. Like grains of sand on the beach, there will be another Clique. I don't doubt that there is one out there right now. I just hope that the person who sits on the outside will disconnect the dots like I did, and exact their revenge.
Me? I'm sitting here in my office, copy filed for the day, drinking a coffee and looking out over Times Square. Life couldn't be better.
--
(all unreferenced quotes modified from http://www.orgnet.com/sna.html)
Entry 1:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Berty
BLITZKREIG_BOB
blondee03
Circe
comicbookguy
ConorJS
Crystle
darko
Davros
doctorj24
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
i_walk_alone
indoninja
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
kabeem
Kre8rix
loki
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
missflibble
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
Natsukau
olivia_tremor_control
ParlorTrick
RyuFu
Slovin
Snark
stevie_says
swamp_donkey
thecaes
ThineJericho
thorpe
35 eligible votes (40 total) *
Entry 2:
AwesomeJohnson
bigbabylons
bob
CaptainThorns
Chinaski
ess-arr
firefly
HadToBeDone
JonnyX
Katastrofadark
LadyPlural
rad1101
satchel
Siren
sparkle_pink
Spuds002
Stin
supadupapupa
zakalwe
17 eligible votes (19 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-07 03:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Stin - I thought your story was VERY well done and certainly a more creative approach to the title. I'm lucky to have gotten this far and suspect I will suffer a forced retirement in the very near future.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-07 02:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice job, P_T. I liked the way you did this very much. Now go on and kick some butt!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-06 20:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And people are saying that DPM has difficult titles!
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-04 15:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where in the blue fuck did this title come from?
It isn't on the title suggestion page.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-08-04 13:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The first one is my grandfather.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yipes. Very good effort, with a real cunt of a title.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-04 08:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOO PERT ANALYSIS
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-04 07:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed both, but I loved the way entry 1 became more and more disjointed, how the past and present melted into each other by the end. Well done.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-08-04 06:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-08-04 04:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked both of these entries, but I thought entry 2 was more intruiging, and made better use of the title.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Decent job from both authors considering a tough title!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-04 02:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two was pretty damn reminiscent of 'For I Have Tasted The Fruit' (Razor's winning UM I entry), but Entry one didn't have much to do with the title.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-08-04 01:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A tough one to vote on, I liked them both. Though 2 was a little slow at the beginning I think it pulled through in the end. Number 1 was deviously good.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ME sah HONNEEE
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-03 21:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-03 21:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-03 19:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sigh.. shadow people's opinions don't count.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-08-03 13:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was good, really liked the concept but could have used some expansion in my opinion.
Entry 2 again had a good concept yet didn't grab me. I think your charecters just didn't resonate with me. Well written though.
-Dave
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i loved the way entry 1 melded the past with the present. awesome job putting together a scenario that otherwise wouldn't have much piqued my interest.
couldn't get into entry 2; although you obviously put a lot of effort and research into it, it just didn't hold my attention the way entry 1 did.
Submitted by blondee03 (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 was sweet and mostly well-written. Nice use of the title.
#2, I believe I understand the concept, but unfortunately I can't process all that while I'm at work. As a result, #1 tickled my fancy more.
I'm old-school, I suppose.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-03 10:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You both did excellent with such a shitty title.
Submitted by kabeem (user info) at 2005-08-03 10:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Speechless...or I mean no comment.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-03 06:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed one, although I hate the 'wake up, its all a dream' ending.
The second .. was interesting, and I fully understand where the author is coming from (networking, the only way to get anywhere), but I'm happy with my vote staying at the first entry.
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Two
--
Was
--
Crap
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both stories very good. Shame that only one will go on.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked old Frank.
#2, your quotes took me OUT of the story, so it was hard to build up any feeling for the characters or the climax.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-08-02 16:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-02 16:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Free Frank! That was beautiful writing, #1. Muy bien.
Good concept, #2, but it's too bad you had to go against #1. I like how you used the title more explicitly, though.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was tough. #2 did a brilliant job with the title but #1 was a better story overall.
You both did a great job.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 did a good job of weaving past and present together in Frank's addled head, and likening the old age home to a prison camp. Nice job. Actually quite sad.
Entry 2 had a great idea, but I felt it wasn't executed well. The motivation for taking these people down was lacking -- you want to fuck these people over because they shouldnt' have gotten such good grades in high school? Also, that's a great fucking high school, if everyone from that clique went on to have such wildly successful lives...NFL star, SNL actor, organic chemist, etc etc. Your lead character didn't seem sinister enough or maltreated enough for me to be chilled or happy about exacting his revenge.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh. seemed vaguely familiar... just better than post #2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a pretty good match up.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's my vote you damn commie, I'll vote how I want to
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i swore I wouldn't vite in any ubermadness 'cos if i dont vote in governmentl elections, why should I vote here...? but this made me stop and think.
made me think a little too much I feel.
Submitted by olivia_tremor_control (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOOK OUT FOR CHARLIES UP IN THE TREES!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough choice, both where wuite exceptional. I thought 2 was a little bland though (relativly speaking) so 1 gets my vote by a nose.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-02 11:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked entry 1.
entry 2 had a great idea...but it kidn of dragged and didn't really go anywhere. st ill good though.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No comment.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I liked #1.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Before I even read these, I have to ask, what kind of shit ass title is Disconnect the Dots?
Fucking seriously, that is the worst title I've seen so far, and if EITHER of these stories turn out to be ANY good, it is in spite of, not thanks to the title.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment