For your own good, dear. (1206 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.91 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-02 12:55:06 EDT
Day 1.
Oh god please help me. I have to get out of here; they're breaking me here. I've only been in this hell for one day and already I can hear the deathwatch beetle in the walls. My room is nice enough; I think they do it to fuck with us. Clean linen on the beds, subdued lighting, cable tv, internet access... all this in the most primitive, bestial place I've ever been.
I'm so fucking hungry. I've been eating the gunk from under my fingernails in the hope that it might yield much-needed protein. I don't think it does. My mouth tastes like a bathmat now. Oh jesus so hungry and I ache all over.
help me help me help me help me help me
Day 2
That bitch oh god that utter fucking Nazi bitch. She nearly killed me today, forcing me to do painful, humiliating things I can't even speak of yet. I hate her and I want her dead. She put her hands on me, forced me into tortured, unnatural positions, her huge booming voice scraping against the nerve endings of my soul. My body is just a screaming mess of pain and liquefied muscles. I want to sleep but every time I start to drift off, my relaxing muscles cramp up and force me to wake in agony.
I don't know what they're feeding us, but it's not food. I'm going to hunt for moths outside on the balcony.
Day 3
Pain. God let me die. Hungry so hungry. Can't hold pen, too weak. Tried to eat soap earlier. No nutritional value in soap. Just bubbles. Bubble bubble bubble
Taking me away tomorrow. Call it a "hike" but we all know what it is. Can't fool us. Is death march. Will write more if survive.
Day 7
Hike was hard, but got easier. They seem to be feeding us better, too. Haven't tried to eat bedsheets in two days. Still eat moths, though; need the protein. Nazi bitch still a bitch. My torturer, my tormentor, my bane. Helen. I remember that name and say it to myself through gritted teeth as I fall asleep every night, stomach gnawing at itself in hunger. Helen. Helen.
Day 10
Haven't written in a few days because I've been busy. Me and some of the other girls tried to escape. We made it to the fenceline before they found us. They led us back, gentle and reassuring, telling us that we're confused, that we don't really want to leave, that this is for our own good. HA! Helen at least wouldn't have tried that bullshit. She's tough, but on the other hand, she's unfair.
Day 11
I go home in three days. So happy. Helen hugged me today and told me I've made her proud. I shall have to send her a gift when I get out of here.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-05 19:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-04 04:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderous circe, thou art a comedic flower.
One of them clown ones that sprays water in your face.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
will do circe my old china.
Circe saves the day! Dent can see the punchline!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My colostomy bag is getting kinda heavy. Please help.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm losing weight too, Miss Thang. It sucks. The only things that get me through the days are cucumbers soaked in fat free, low calorie Italian dressing and lots of hot salsa and tabasco and anything that adds a lot of flavor without calories. I've gone from 110-125 and I'm down to 120 in a month's time. Unless I can count 170 pounds of man? Yes? Then I'm down 175 pounds in six weeks and I deserve a magazine cover.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, I am so sorry about the filename... I never even thought of that. I won't do it again... Dent, if you give me your email I'll rename the attachment and send it to you.
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-08-03 09:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-08-03 09:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Creepy and disturbing.
That's a good thing, of course!
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-08-03 06:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wish people wouldn't swear in the file names, it is most annoying.
I missed the punchline on account of the picture being blocked but I am guessing this is some kind of fat camp?
Most disconcerting.
The cry goes round Ubersite, Dent has lost his legendary cool! He is disconcerted! What is to be done?
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-03 06:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
by this line "She put her hands on me, forced me into tortured, unnatural position" I was beginning to think you'd got the same physiotherapist i had...
goot piece.
Submitted by Douglas (user info) at 2005-08-03 06:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*strokes penis gently*
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*clapping rises into creschendo*?
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-03 03:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-03 03:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*silences Williamson with an angry glare*
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-03 03:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*begins slow clap*
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-03 03:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-03 03:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Can't fool us. Is death march. Will write more if survive."
I'm running out of adjectives to respond to this stuff.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-02 20:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...
just wow.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-02 19:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:06:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Losing weight is easy.
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fuck you
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-08-02 19:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-02 16:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha
awesome!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too many graphics for me to be able to read here at work (They're cracking down).
Here's a +2 until I can.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No cursing in the filenames!!!!!!!!!
Someone please describe the pic to me... aw fuck it I will re-rate when I get home.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:04:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jay - see, that isn't nice.
True, but not nice.
Just lie to me and tell me it's the good kind of insane, okay?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I told you to get rid of that cellphone. Now it's too late. The radiation is causing you, and others, irreperable damage. The technology wasn't ready. Cellphones just got *thrown* out here sort of like a new version of MS Windows... and now a lot of people are paying for it. But would anyone listen? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. Okay, fine. Learn the hard way. The end.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:29:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
The bottom one looks a bit like Corn_nugget.
-------------------
I was thinking that, but didn't want to be the first to say
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bottom one looks a bit like Corn_nugget.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you overdosed on painkillers again?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fickle_muse_79: i'm not giving off insane vibes, am i?
ebola may: Naw. Those are just some damned freaky pictures.
fickle_muse_79: hahahaha
fickle_muse_79: it's amazing how different the two sides of a person's face are
ebola may: Yeah. It's strange.
ebola may: Do mine! Do mine!
fickle_muse_79: send me a pic and i will
ebola may: Ummm. wait.
fickle_muse_79: awesome. gimme five minutes.
ebola may: Ok!
fickle_muse_79: on its merry way to you
ebola may: Thanks! I'm all tingly with excitement!
ebola may: Jesus Christ. The bottom one makes me look like an AIDS patient.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Oh fuck, I shouldn't find this so amusing.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good insane.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have given you a +2 but those two pictures gave me a soft-on that won't quit.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
of course
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"She's actually afraid of food now."
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clever. I kept trying to guess the punchline but I was incorrect
So hungry...
*bites sandwich*
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd call it batshit fucking loco, but instead, I'll say you've Tom Cruise-d.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Losing weight is easy. You just need an initial kick in the ass. That would be a great idea.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jay - see, that isn't nice.
True, but not nice.
Just lie to me and tell me it's the good kind of insane, okay?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe... Dear...
You've gone insane.
Utterly batshit insane.
You worry us.
Just thought you'd like to know...
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-08-02 13:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment