Finish Him...Please (1043 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.45 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mike00295 (View user info) at 2005-08-02 14:18:25 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72049
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I had a lot of trouble coming up with anything for round 2 of "D-Prime Madness". So this is what you get, it works for the title.
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Hey folks, welcome to Fuddruckers where fun and flavor go hand in hand. My name is Mike and I'll be your server this evening. I'm 27 years old and I'm by no means proud of where I am at this point in life. I have a bachelors degree in communications, which I suppose I'll now utilize to let you know about tonight's specials.
We have the broiled sea bass which is served with white parsley or cheddar mashed potatoes, your choice, or the southwest city chicken which is all white meat rolled in egg yolks, bread crumbs and seasonings then pan fried to a golden brown and served on a kabob.
You'll notice that I'm not making eye contact with either of you right now due to the fact that I'm ashamed of my lowly and subservient profession and I'm scared of seeing my own reflection in your eyes, thereby catching a horrific glance of what my life really is.
Our featured appetizer tonight is the ultimate nacho platter, which is our hearth-baked tortilla chips with chunky garden salsa, sour cream, black olives and three types of cheeses. Or, if you're feeling a little more adventurous, we're also offering our cajun crawdad tails which are tossed in a spicy creole sauce and then served over brown rice.
I apologize if I'm not fully masking my contempt for the two of you, but as you can imagine, I'm having a pretty difficult time with the fact that it's my job to bring you food and clear your plates, despite the fact that you're both obviously younger than I am and that I'm most likely more intelligent.
Can I tempt either of you into starting off with one of our famous "Fuddruckers Frozen Drink Experiences"? My personal favorite is the deliciously decadent "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Martini" which is the perfect combination of Bailey's Irish Cream, Amaretto, and milk with just a hint of Butterscotch Schnapps. Or perhaps you'd prefer one of our signature oversized "Key Lime Pie Mega-ritas". Just one sip and you'll be whisked away to a tropical paradise without ever leaving your booth.
Speaking of alcohol, drinking has been my one salvation as of late. But it seems like it takes more and more of it each night to distract me from the horrors of my everyday life, such as the knowledge of my unrealized potential and the vast sense of nothingness that consumes my soul.
Okay, I'm going to let you two mull over the menus there, I know it's a bit overwhelming, and I'm gonna go grab you a couple of waters and a basket of our world-famous breadsticks. Then I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail. And, if I'm not that probably means that I finally worked up the courage to impale myself on something sharp back in the kitchen because death seemed like a favorable alternative to going on with this pointless, sad existence, and of course, if that's the case, then I'll just see you both in hell. - Mike Polk
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-06 21:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72633 <- Round Three Begins. Your title is up. You have six days. Go ubernewb!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-06 01:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72112#1506973
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-02 21:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am really fucking sick of D-Prime Madness.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Except by badass I mean brdn_nkd.
(Okay I'm almost done making up for those mistake 0s)
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike, Badass, Xcuses, and Egadz are the remaining participants in 'Division A'
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh wow I fucked up there, not that it'll make a difference.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71523 No one seems to have noticed that I already posted all the future titles.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See? Badass can look into the future and my great ideas.
For this one I was in more of a rush, unfortunately.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 17:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've already decided on that.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-02 16:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D - can I suggest for the next DPRIME-MADNESS that we do the titles similar to the UM titles where in we all submit lists?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Speaking of alcohol, drinking has been my one salvation as of late. But it seems like it takes more and more of it each night to distract me from the horrors of my everyday life, such as the knowledge of my unrealized potential and the vast sense of nothingness that consumes my soul."
Heeeeey! Have you been reading my diary again?!!
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Provoking. Holy fuck I'm stupid.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um... Sure. Bring that shit. If I do make it, I hope my title is a little more though proking in Round 3. This one was a pain in my ass crack.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike, how does it feel to almost certainly be advancing to the final four to face either Xcuses or Egadz, both of which are probably the underdogs of Round Two? Does it feel good? Do you feel proud?
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ya, the drive by's need to be dealt with. And by dealt with I mean taken out back, brutally sodomized, and shot. Or just ban them, whichever's easier.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking liar!
Where is there an open Fuddruckers?!?!?!?
AND WHEN ARE YOU TAKING ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 15:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks like we have our first winner.
I'm glad that it wasn't cheap, nor only because of that asshole on brdn_nkd's post.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck then I accidently did it anyway. fuck me in the goat ass.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as I'd like to be all vindictive and shit cause I'm going to lose to this I won't. Well played Mike.
Mine: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72293
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good point d-prime
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See now I would leave you 20% tip based on your effort.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Xcuses: Why not give it a 2 and a 1? That way you'll provide a 1.5.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, this is definitely not a camwhore.
<emo suicidal tears>
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was you last week?
Our plates were cold, dick.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-02 14:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is like a 1.5
but I had to round down in this case