I Got in a Fight Yesterday at the Bowling Alley... It Was Sweet (1135 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 1.37 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ConorJS> (View user info) at 2005-08-02 22:00:21 EDT
You may have noticed that this story is listed under politics-> republicans. That wasn't entirely without reason.
I am a registered member of the Socialist Labor Party of America, but I tend to side with the Democratic Party. I supported Howard Dean in '04, and I actually have a campaign shirt that I wear relatively frequently. You could argue that this is because I'm poor, which would be a pretty valid arguement. So to get to the story, I was wearing this shirt yesterday, when i went with some friends for a round of (if you aren't from new england, you have no idea what I'm talking about) candlepin bowling, and maybe some pool.
I got off from work early, and because I had nothing else to do, showed up at the bowling alley early. I reserved a lane and called two of the three guys that were supposed to show up, the third always runs late. Always. So, David's twenty minutes out, same with Rob, and Ben will be late. My watch said 7:28. I got my bowling kicks and sat on the bench to put them on. I do so, and look for a place to stash my shoes. (I won't tell you what kind they are, you'll only give me shit about it. I know you fuckers better than you know yourselves.) I put them, quite wisely, at my aisle. Walking back to the bench to better position myself to watch for the arrival of my friends, I caught a "Howard Dean sucks!" out of a group of three guys.
Cocksuckers. "Never heard that before, asshole," I smartly quipped. "You're a bright fucking guy, real creative."
These guys were dressed nearly identically. Two pink polo shirts, one striped one. One had plaid shorts on. Yeah. Oh, and they had shoulder length hair. Their dress had a decidedly wealthy (read: republican) look, and being rich alone is enough to get me mad if someone decides to drop a comment like 'Howard Dean sucks.'
I'm eighteen years old (recently), and stand at 5'9, weighing in at 155 lbs. These guys were probably a year younger than me, and 10-15 pounds lighter. I liked my one on one odds, but three... eh, hope for the best. So, plaid shorts pivots and says, like the really thoughtful, deep, intelect I'm sure he is, "What did you just say to me, bitch?"
I'm a mick. I don't get called bitch. I've also boxed since age 12 and wrestled since 11. I turned to face him squarely and gave him a scowl (I'm good at those). He walked forward and pushed into me with his chest. I let him push me three or four steps then take a giant step backward. He stumbled, which was what I had hoped for. I grab him by the collar of his pink polo and break his nose. I caught him with a right cross on the bridge of his nose and it snapped. (Author's note: the cliche would be to say it broke with a sickening crack, but it wasn't sickening as much as it was satisfying.)
He staggered backwards, but, too his credit, didn't fall down. Both of his friends rushed me and dragged me to the filthy, cigarette-burned, soda-stained carpet. I elbowed and kicked one off of me, then mounted, that's right, MOUNTED, the other and punched him in the throat. Try that sometime, it works really well. I learned it when i had it done to me at 14. He was done for at least a minute. The first (second?) guy was up, and kicked me in the side of the head, which kind of sucked. i crawled to a counter quickly, (alliteration!) and pulled myself up. I moved up slowly toward him, fists up for a round of good ol' fashioned head-punching, and he did the same. We got close together and I threw a punch. I only hit his hands, but without gloves, he might as well have punched himself in the face. He threw a fist a me, which connected with my eyebrow. So then I kicked knee really hard. He fell down and started to cry. I ran to my car and called my friends. I told them to meet me at Taco Bell. My watch read 7:31. I had some chalupas, then went to my girlfriend's house to soak up the sympathy over any cuts or bruises I got. It was pretty sweet.
The end.
(This is my first post, so -2 all you want. I felt like this would be an easy/UberAppropriate/fun story to write about.)
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-11-06 14:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Howard Dean DOES suck.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-06 14:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was ok, a good first post effort.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-02-14 21:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yarrr im a pirate.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-08-04 00:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Candlepin bowling +2!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:53:14 (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for throat punching
-1 for first post mention
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for throat punching
-1 for first post mention
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-03 09:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You had a +2 coming...until I saw that you gave YOURSELF a +1 shortly after posting. Thats just not cool. Good first post though.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-03 09:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Going to the bowling alley means these things must occur:
(1) Drink beer (or other alchol suffices)
(2) Wear your name tag on your stupid looking bowling shirt which undoubtely has pizza stains all over it
(3) Get in a fight after consuming several pitchers (or shots)
(4) Write story on Uber
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-08-03 08:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:40:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
Did you leave your shoes at the alley?
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Interesting story. Would like to know the answer to the above though?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-03 08:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-03 08:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for a n00b you have wuite a surprising rating. I am rating this purely on that fact, i could not be bothered to read your post as although it's only 13:05 here and I've been at work 3 whole hours, i really need a nap.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-03 07:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
100% BS, but at least the writing wasn't that bad.
On a side note you are five foot nine 155 lbs, and they were skinnier than you? It isn't cool to beat up on kids with aids.
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Did you leave your shoes at the alley?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've learned that a 'ball' squeeze with one hand, and the free hand to the neck will provide
the illusion of Superman Power, as the subject will almost lift-off the ground by himself.
If a nearby wall is available, you can actually get some serious height
Just keep your face very close to your opponents(till you have him above you),stay tight
and turn slightly to his weak side.
Done properly, and in a bar, it's good for drinks for at least a week.
*Caution: requires better than average hand strength.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-08-03 04:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm a n00b too, which sucks, and I hate people who try and act 'ard in pink bloody polo shirts!
You get points for a punch in the throat too.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From one to another, good win.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen Condom (My little bro has the same name and that is his nickname so it only feels right to call you that), this post had it all except tits and I exclude the mention of a first post because you kicked some guys ass who was wearing a pink shirt. You have done something that NO ONE has done in my two years here, which is get multiply +2's from me on first post.
Stop posting now because it will not get any better.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality first post.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fighting is fun and good for you. It's the greatest sport ever. Enjoy it often.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright. First of all, this story is true, except for the chalupas. I had chalupas today, and I met my friends in the parking lot of a strip mall. And what was so horrible about my English? I think have a mastery of my own language and any errors I made were when I paused to do something while writing this story. Nipplehead. And if you point out any serious errors that I didn't catch in my non-existent proofread feel free to point them out. Yes I start sentences with conjuctions on occasion, it actually helps to grab the attention of the reader by letting him/her know that there is more to the thought brought forth in the previous sentence and makes them more likely to read the rest of the second sentence rather than skipping over it. WHOO! JESUS!
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2005-08-02 23:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is this true?
I hope so.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid? ,uh?
...
I really didn't like this.
Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid? ,uh?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
next time wear a rambo headband and shout "I'LL BLEED MY HERPES INTO YOU" as you bite their knees off
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Proving once and for all Socialists kick arse!
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, okay, thanks Billy-boy. By the way, if you didn't notice the last line i am a n00b retard. really though, I'm not retaliating, I am sincerely grateful for the tip
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOWARD DEAN SUCKS
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally -2 socialists. But you don't sound like a pussy and it was a good post.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:34:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You ratings don't count so it doesn't matter. You just look like a noob retard when you give yourself a +1 or +2.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Note, with the +1, I'm only trying to keep my average rating my real average rating. But candlepin bowling involves ten pins and a much smaller ball, minus the three holes. Come to think of it, I could've done some real damage with one of those.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks to me that you certainly didn't start things. They got what they deserved. What is candlepin bowling?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a Bush supporter but I agree 100% with kicking the shit out of anyone who would say that shit to someone.
The best would have been if some 6'2", 200 lb Bush lover would have walked over and helped the guy wearing the Dean shirt.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
any tale that ends in a bush supporter getting his ass beat is a good one
Submitted by Harmless (user info) at 2005-08-02 22:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, +2 for a good tale of asskicking, -1 for being a guy who picks fights in bowling alleys.
I hope this was true.