A Thinner Fate (883 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Fiction
Rating: 2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (View user info) at 2005-08-03 11:37:53 EDT
"I believe sir, you are quite fucked."
Robert was shocked at the pronouncement. Especially coming from an Angel. Not that the creature before him looked like such. He appeared as a man, late forties, with gray at the temples. His seer sucker suit was fraying at the elbows, and he had accumulated a great deal of mud on his Italian shoes. Perhaps it was the clove cigarette he sucked on so reverently. With all things considered, not exactly the image of purity.
"What did you say your name was again?"
"I didn't. But you can call me Victor."
"I don't remember any angels named that in the bible."
"Don't believe everything you read in the good book."
"How do I know you're not a demon?"
"You don't. Not that it matters to me," puff, puff.
"So let me get this straight," said Robert. "My ancestor, a priest of all things, sold the souls of his descendants to the devil so that he would be free of temptation."
"Correct."
"And that no matter what I do I'm going to hell. It doesn't matter how good I am in life, I'm forced into Damnation?"
"Correct."
"That doesn't seem exactly fair."
"Well," puff, puff. "Your ancestor ended up in hell, anyway. Any deals with the devil land you there. Perhaps had he been a better priest, he would have guessed at it."
"So he screwed us all for nothing?"
"Pretty much. Just because he couldn't keep his prick to himself."
"Excuse me?"
"He had a thing for little girls. Knew it would land him in hell, especially if he acted upon his feelings. He was very close to it."
"Oh."
"I mean, really little girls."
"Oh!"
"Exactly," puff, puff.
"I don't remember my parents telling me anything about a member of our family being in the church. I think I would have remembered that."
"It was about seven generations ago."
"Jesus, that's a long... Oh, sorry about that."
"That's okay. Remember, the bible's full of holes."
"Wait, you mean..."
"Don't worry about it. I really couldn't tell you anyhow."
"No! Not that. Are you saying my dad and my grandfather are all in Hell?"
"Eh, yeah. I assumed you had got that part."
"Fuck!"
Puff, puff.
"So, like, why are you even telling me all of this? Just to watch me squirm?"
"Of course not. The Upper Brass decided that it would be for the best if you knew. There would be no point in you trying to be a good person if you don't have the same advantages as a normal person."
"Did you visit my ancestors, too?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"We've had some changes in management. The Powers That Be have a new outlook."
"I was gonna say. I think my dad was a pretty good guy. I mean, he never showed that he knew he was going to Hell."
"He didn't know."
"But I do."
"Yep."
"Great."
"Look at it this way, you can lead a life of debauchery and it won't effect you. You can lie, cheat and steal. Hell, you can rape, kill, and pillage. You're still going to the same fiery pit when it's all over. Might as well enjoy yourself."
"I don't think I would enjoy rape and murder."
"Your choice," puff, puff.
"I must say, I'm taking all this in pretty well. I should be reduced to tears or some shit."
"Oh, that. That's my doing."
"You're keeping me calm?"
"Yeah, I figured it was the least I could do."
"What happens when you leave?"
"You'll stay relatively cool with all of it. You might have some moments of despair, but over all, you'll be fine."
"Um, well, thanks for that."
"You're welcome."
Silence.
"So is there anything else," asked Robert.
"Nope. That's about it."
"Will I ever see you again?"
"No."
"Oh."
"So, take care."
"I will. Thanks again for telling me. And thank the new guys in management."
"Will do."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Victor sifted his atoms back into the Silver Place. Around him, numbers sang and told him secrets. Colors whispered threats of sexual humiliation and Fractal Thoughts chased each other. He glided along a memory and came to a layer of sensation. He stepped through and let the possibilities caress him. It was good to be home.
"Victor?"
He turned to see the form of a small child materialize to his left. In her hands, an infant universe was in a cage. It gave off the scent of apples.
"Did you do what I think you did?"
"Of course I did."
"That was cruel."
"Of course it was."
"So a perfectly fit mortal now thinks he's damned. He'll have a hard time explaining that to the Maelificious."
"Probably."
"Now what?"
"I'm not sure. Want to go cause a natural disaster?"
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-17 12:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-09-22 18:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey man this was bosh.
Submitted by pbnjams (user info) at 2005-08-08 12:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally fucked up, in a good way.
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-06 10:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very cool.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
I enjoy your work.
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really like the dialogue. The ending could have been stronger. Over all a good chuckel.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-03 13:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this rocked.
I too am a dogma fan, but this was really cool.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the reviews everyone...
FGP - I thank you for taking the time to point out my strengths and weaknesses. I agree, this post could have been bulked up more to allow the reader more in depth information into the characters and their enviroment. I originally did this as part of a series for pulseHEAD called "The Thin," which was a Twilight Zone type group of unrelated tales. They are all quite short. I'm posting all of my old work here now to try and receive some new, possibly more critical reviews. Thanks again for ALL your input...
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was close for me... I think you've got a talent for setting up
a complicated premise through narration and detail (Cure), so I
didn't think you played to your strength with a plot moved through extended dialogue
(which I'm usually not crazy about). That's a personal bias, so +2 because it
is entertaining.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i really dig your work. I love this kind of stuff!
This is like a cross between Dogma and The Prophecy (w/ Christopher Walken as the angel Gabriel).
I love it when I read the work of a kindred spirit. Keep it up!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*chuckle*
Reminds me of Dogma.