Self-Entertainment (452 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -0.5 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Micah The Great ! <micahcarlson.at.ou.edu> (View user info) at 2005-08-03 13:28:29 EDT
I have recently taken to entertaining myself while at work since the job will not do that for me. I
create personal projects and see how long I can continue them before real work finds out. In a
way it's like cheating on my job, then when the work finally catches up with me, I have to
promise I'll never do it again while maintaining the full intention of waiting until my desk work
lets down its guard to find new ways to sneak in my personal projects. I get some sort of
vindictive pleasure out of the entire process.
I recently burned out my only candle in the office, so I decided that I wanted to continue burning
the wax, regardless of the non-presence of a wick. So I built a teepee of matches in the wax, took
two medium-sized post-it, lovingly rolled them into balls, and placed them underneath the
teepee. I followed by using a pair of office scissors to cut parts of the wax off the candle and
placed them strategically in the mess so that the wax would melt. I then lit the fire. Oh how the
glory of my four inch desk bonfire engulfed me! I began tending my fire, adding post-its and
parts of wax to perpetuate its flame.
There is a partially homeless man who comes by our office on occasion to do odd jobs for my
boss. His day job is at a candy factory, so when he comes by he always brings expired spanish
candy for myself and my female co-worker. Yesterday, he brought three large boxes of
"Kataboom" which is a "Sabores Surtidos." Chicle con centro liquido. I know enough spanish
to understand one of those words means gum. I gleefully put one into my mouth. Holy bad
candy explosion! It was filled with a gooey substance which had the consistency of raw cookie
dough. I promptly put another in my mouth. A different flavor of disgusting! After that I
couldn't stop myself. Piece after piece my mouth became more full, and quickly answering the
phone became a much more difficult task. However, I vowed to continue eating this gum as long
as I could. Clients would be confused as to what I was saying, co-workers who tried to
communicate with me became very frusterated. Finally, my last appointment of the day showed
up and I had gum juices dribbling out of my mouth like a rabid dog. I tried to secretly spit out
the fist of gum in my mouth, but to no avail, clients were everywhere! I finally got it out of my
mouth a bite at a time. When I was finished, I promised never to eat Kataboom again.
I'm thinking of telling my desk work that we should start seeing other people.
User Reviews
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-01 12:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This actually made me laugh and reminded me of myself at work.
With that being said, make your next personal task somehow
involve practicing grammar and sentence structure.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-01 11:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This had great potential
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe you should have that homeless man give you some grammar lessons.
He has to have better skills than this.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
verdy meh
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-08-03 14:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Poorly written.
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-08-03 13:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment