Shut Da Fuck Up! (524 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.14 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HotDog (View user info) at 2003-05-08 17:36:10 EDT
Insulting ways to request silence...
Button down that flapping upper lip of yours, goofy, before I staple it to the ceiling and watch you spin around like a fart-powered ceiling fan.
Shut up before I pull back that bulbous red nose of yours, let loose and watch your eyes light up like a pinball machine.
Shut up before I stick a red flag up your ass and throw you into a bull ring with a herd of cloned bulls genetically altered to ramrod gimps.
Shut up before I wire your eyeballs to a defibrillator; set the voltage to Kill, and smile as you go flying around the flashing coop like a beheaded multicolored, fire-farting chicken before collapsing conveniently at my feet so I can piss-out the flames and feed the remains of your fried gimp carcass to the pigs.
Shut your mouth before I knock so many teeth out of it the Tooth Fairy needs to make three round trips to collect them all.
Be silent, you dingleberry-brained chuckling chump!
Quit with the reality-altering drugs before what's left of your brain turns to mush and starts oozing out of your nostrils and drips onto your keyboard, you gone-to-Disneyland-in-the-head-and-never-coming-back untreatable mental patient.
You're talking like you have a death-wish. Well, you're in luck, because I have a murder-wish.
Shut up before I smash your pumpkin head with a sledgehammer of verbal abuse until you lose all use of language and are left with the words 'Please' 'Kill' and 'Me' as your only grasp of it.
Shut up, before I send you flying into the wall like a gay crash test dummy.
Shut your lollipop-sucking mouth before I ram your coned forehead up your gaping asshole and make you to dance the Macarena for nickels outside of your nearest Wal-Mart, stupid.
Shut up before I come over there and kick your nuts so hard they dislodge your tonsils into where your eyeballs used to be right before I grabbed your mother's dildo out of your father's ass and used it to poke your brain out through the back of your John Merrick cranium, Mr. Monotone Drone.
I swear, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll finger-fuck your eye sockets, get a bowling ball grip on your pumpkin head, and throw you back into the gutter where you belong.
Shut up, before I stick my boot so far up your ass that you'll be spit-shining it with your tongue.
I'll put on my sombrero and dance the La Cucaracha on your testicles if you don't shut the fuck up.
Shut your senseless lips that flap in the breeze like the sails of the good ship lollipop.
Shut up, before I stick shove my foot so far up your ass that you'll be shitting shoe-shaped turds for a month.
How about putting that into proper syntax, form, and grammar so I can at least understand what the fuck you're saying before I dismiss it?
You get ever more ridiculous with every word that comes tumbling out your cock-sucking mouth.
Rather than watch your fail at the flame game, why don't I just send you a revolver so that you can play Russian roulette with all chambers fully loaded?
Stop whining like an old whore. I can't be bothered to slap you about your wrinkled gin-ravaged face any longer - it's too easy.
Please try to have some small idea of what in the hell you're talking about before you speak again.
Can you spell "shut your fat fucking face, asshole"?
I couldn't give an agitated gibbon's malignant left testicle about your semen soaked sob story.
If I wanted as much as the time of day out of you, I'd lay you out at high noon and read your beak like a fuckin' sundial, bitch.
Gimp, don't start babbling like you had a mouth full of depends and a clue in your head.
If I want the advice of a dullard, I'll slap you on the back of the head and wake up that little peg legged hamster that operates the drool-powered waterwheel of thought in there. Until then, sit in the corner and wait until some either speaks to you or spits at you, got it fucko?
As it's the happy holiday season, may the Dove of Peace shit in your mouth.
Shut up before I throw a stick into the spokes of your rainbow-colored Tandem and let the asphalt and curb do the work of beating you up for me.
User Reviews
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-11 12:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-11 12:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-05-10 21:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by qmakowski (user info) at 2003-05-09 09:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not that funny at all, i mean, humorous, but i didnt laugh
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2003-05-09 01:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. Damn funny.
Submitted by HotDog (user info) at 2003-05-08 21:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If I see another list posted my head will explode from anger. "
Well then, you just commited suicide...
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2003-05-08 20:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I see another list posted my head will explode from anger.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2003-05-08 19:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It seems like so much effort when you are able to buy firearms at Walmart.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-05-08 19:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You get ever more ridiculous with every word that comes tumbling out your cock-sucking mouth."
that's the only one that came close to entertaining me.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"
Quit with the reality-altering drugs before what's left of your brain turns to mush and starts oozing out of your nostrils and drips onto your keyboard, you gone-to-Disneyland-in-the-head-and-never-coming-back untreatable mental patient.
"
HAHAHA
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for number 1
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Da. Funny stuff.
Submitted by ThisDude (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Shut the FUCK up, fat man!"
-Samuel L.
That one is my personal favorite, I use it all the time. Even if the person who's talking isn't fat and even if I'm not a black, bad ass muthafucka.
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheeee!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by OICU812 (user info) at 2003-05-08 18:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay!
Submitted by Istaros <archon_templar.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-05-08 18:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"If I want the advice of a dullard, I'll slap you on the back of the head and wake up that little peg legged hamster that operates the drool-powered waterwheel of thought in there. Until then, sit in the corner and wait until some either speaks to you or spits at you, got it fucko?"
That one too. Funniest thing is, there's a couple of gimps I know at work...
Submitted by Istaros <archon_templar.at.hotmail.com> at 2003-05-08 17:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
#1 was the best. I can see myself saying that one out loud very easily.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-05-08 17:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"your lips are like two flaps of fat. They go front and back and fa-lappity flappity flap"
-ween
Peace,
STREETPUNK