Whirlpool (2428 hits)
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Rating: 1.96 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2005-08-03 16:28:53 EDT
The little girl was playing in the backyard, in her sandbox.
Her parents called her George, and Millard thought that was kind of weird. Who the hell names their little girl George, especially when she is as cute as that? He assumed it was short for Georgette, and that was an old broad's name.
George was wearing her little fuchsia shorts today. Millard liked them better than the yellow shorts or the blue jeans. He liked those shorts because George had outgrown them. He liked those shorts because when he watched George in them he liked to mispronounce the word.
"Fucks-ya," he whispered, standing on a ladder and watching her over a hedge, feeling sweat roll down the back of his neck.
Sometimes she wore a tight blue t-shirt that showed her slender little body. The t-shirt had her full name embroidered on it, and that's how Millard learned the proper spelling of her name.
Millard had been in Walnut City for about two months now. He moved all over the coast, his home and business contained within the panel truck bearing the legend 'Millard Tanner, Your Neighborhood Handyman.' His cell number was part of the signage on his truck, and his cell was always ringing.
Today George was wearing a white t-shirt. Both the shirt and shorts were too small, too tight. Millard watched her playing in the sandbox, squatting and drawing and erasing intricate little patterns with her fingertips, and he felt his insides pulling tight, as if every part of him were connected to strings and now those strings were being pulled taut from somewhere deep in his groin. Nine was the perfect age. He loved them at this age. So firm and slim, as sleek as little dolphins.
Millard had been working on Jefferson Street for two weeks now, first cleaning out the garage of an old lady recently widowed, and now perching on a ladder, trimming overgrown trees and hedges three doors down. Both jobs had allowed him freedom to watch George at play.
Her family had moved onto the block on Millard's second day here. The big vans unloaded furniture and boxes, and little George had caught Millard's eye, standing alone while the adults carried the things of her life into the new home. She was told to stay quiet and stay out of the way, and after a while she sat under a tree with a soda.
Millard had crept close at one point, to get a good look at her, sucking his lower lip until it was engorged with blood. He pretended to sort through a box he had set by a wooden fence, while George had been just an arm's length away on the other side of the white-washed wooden slats. She had been wearing her blue tee then, and her yellow shorts. She had been pointing at the earth under her and saying, "Beep. Beep. Beep." Millard had felt an ache then, the ache that comes with drying out and seeing a bottle of bourbon glowing in the soft light of a bar, the ache that a smoker feels when trying to quit and praying that the ice in his veins will just go away.
While George had been sitting under the tree, whiling away hot summer hours Millard had longed to touch her. The silky auburn hair, the smooth back of her thigh, her slender brown neck, kissed by the sun.
Millard had gone back into the garage he had been cleaning. After making sure no on was around he had undone his trousers and jabbed at his erection with a clean finishing nail until his hardness had subsided and his penis was dotted with beads of blood.
When he had gone back outside George and the moving van were gone, and the new family on the block was inside the house.
Millard had looked at the base of the tree where George had been sitting, wanting to touch that sacred place, not noticing that the bare hard-packed earth was strewn with dead ants that looked as if they had been struck down in mid-stride.
The next day he had watched George's father assemble the sandbox.
George spent part of every day sitting in the sand. No toys, no dolls, no friends. Just her and the complicated little swirls she drew with her fingers.
Now Millard felt compelled to move. George's father was at work. Her mother had just announced a quick trip to the corner market, about three minutes walk down the block. He had about ten minutes, maybe a little more.
"Hi!"
George looked around, looked up, over the hedge. She had seen him around before, so she smiled.
She had a little smear of chocolate or something in the corner of her mouth.
Millard was actually letting go of the ladder and reaching for his pants when he realized he could break his fucking neck and climbed down to safety.
He peered through a gap in one of the hedges separating George's home from the neighboring house.
"What are you drawing? It looks really neat."
George smiled.
"I bet you grow up to be a famous artist. Can I see?"
George giggled and said, "Okay."
Millard squeezed through the hedge, nearly ejaculating as stiff branches grazed his hard-on, holding on, wanting something softer touching his cock. He stopped just outside the sandbox.
There were a bunch of scrapes and scratches on the unfinished wood of the sandbox. Her dad had really fucked up putting the thing together.
George was still drawing with one hand, and erasing with the other.
Millard blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Wow," he said, stepping into the sandbox and sitting on the low wall of bare pinewood.
The bulge in his pants was huge. He had slipped out of his underwear at some point and now he looked down at himself, admiring the way his erection looked under his trousers, pressed against one leg.
George drew another whirling spiral in the sand.
Millard reached out and grabbed her hand, pressing her open palm against his cock.
"Stop it," she said. "You're bad!"
She tried to pull away, but Millard stood and hauled her to her feet. George wasn't very big. Her face was belly-high to him.
"Let me go," she said. "I didn't erase."
What the fuck ever, Millard thought. He unzipped his pants with his free hand, watching the way George's fine auburn hair bounced as she struggled to escape his grip.
"I didn't erase," she said again. She sounded on the verge of tears.
"Christ," Millard said. He was so damn hard he couldn't free himself. He started pulling at his belt, and lost his footing in the soft sand. He struggled to regain his balance, yanking on George's wrist. She bumped against him, against his cock, and he nearly came, but then he was off balance again.
Millard looked down. "What the fuck?"
"I told you I didn't erase," George said angrily.
Millard was ankle deep in the pale sand, standing dead center in one of her designs.
He let go of George, flailing his arms. Something shifted underfoot and he dropped. Dropped into the sand.
He and George were now eye-to-eye. He looked down and saw the sand was around his knees. The grains appeared to be shifting, flowing.
"Kid?" Millard tried to pull his legs free, but he couldn't get any leverage.
Another shift, and now the sand was at his waist, tricking into his pants. He watched George step out of the sandbox. He managed to turn around, somehow, and as he sank to chest level in the sun-warmed sand he grabbed at the pine boards that made the wall of the sandbox.
He could feel the sand brushing against him, lapping at him like water. Panic hit and he pulled against the boards as hard as he could. There was another shift, and suddenly he was in the sand up to his neck.
He clawed at the pine boards, fingernails digging for a grip in the soft wood. Now he understood what the scratches and scrapes on the walls of the box were. This had happened before.
The sand was moving around him in circles, a warm, coarse current.
Millard took a breath, ready to give it all he had and pull himself free, when he slipped out of sight.
All the remained was a small, intricate swirl in the sand, a design that shifted and changed.
George stepped back into the sandbox and erased the circles within circles with one sweep of her hand. Then she hunkered down and started drawing again, using one finger, swirls and whirls.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-11-07 03:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-03-25 18:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with rads thinking though.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 03:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-09-13 00:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! I missed this little Gem.
For anyone else who may be going to SF; Come during Fleet Week, go to Treasure Island, and
watch the Blue Angels performance 100ft above your head.
Sometimes theywill exceed Mach 1, and every car and house alarm will go off on the Island.
It's quite possibly the best flight line in the World to view them.
World class pictures of: West side/Bay Bridge/upper deck, along with shots of the SF skyline
Alcatraz and Angel Islands are there for the taking.
Few people, even one's who live in the Bay Area, know of this place and it's history.
******
Sorry jack, Chamber of Commerce and all that shit.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-19 19:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you ever get the sand out of your bajiner, Rad?
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-04 01:51:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
THis happened to me once.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-08-06 22:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-06 21:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THANK GOD YOU WON LAST TIME.
That's all I have to say.
Submitted by Gloosh (user info) at 2005-08-04 20:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT!
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*standing ovation*
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-04 08:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this... Although I must admit I was hoping for a more painful end for the pervert.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-04 08:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liiked it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-04 08:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not that you need it but here's another +2. nicely done. Also a huge King fan.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-08-04 02:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good, diturbing but good.
I wrote something a while ago in a similar sort of vein, but have held it back for various reasons.
Now will have to hold it off even longer.
Awesome work.
-Dave
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-04 01:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THis happened to me once.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-08-04 00:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CONCEITED, YOU ARROGANT DICK!!!!!11one-hundred-eleven-thousand-one-hundred-eleven
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:29:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you be insulted if I said this reminded me of something out of King's short story journals?
--
Not at all. He is the role model I use for writing. He always says keep it simple, and tell a story in your own voice. That's what I try to do. Read my first King tale when I was around 12 or so. Scared the shit outta me. Been a fan ever since.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you be insulted if I said this reminded me of something out of King's short story journals?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
6) go to the sf brewing company right by city lights bookstore in north beach. then go to sparks. cool old beatnik bars. well, the 2nd one is. the first one has cheap beer from 4-7 AND 12-1am!
--
Hell, go to Mr. Bings around the corner, one of the city's primo dive bars.
AND get sandwiches at Molinari's. How could we forget Molinari's?
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all up on jack's post with some random-ass shit : ) sorry jack
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Lady P, I live in SF (lucky me).
I might see if you wanted to meet up for a spell but I'll be up north at reggae on the river till next monday.
Anyway, here are some reccomendations on top of jack's (who I didn't know was from SF... interesting. I'll have to keep an eye out at children's playground for any letcherous perverts I see).
1) Walk from the start of the Panhandle (like fell and baker) all the way through golden gate park to ocean beach. Hike around Land's End- go through the cave- peer into the nasty murk of the old Sutro Bath remnants. Watch the ocean.
2) Bask naked on baker beach.
3) go to the cool book stores... modern times in the mission... dog-eared books right next door... if you like sci-fi, borderlands, right down the block...
4) eat at "no name" sushi on church and 9th I believe. Cheap and delicious. did i mention cheap? : )
5) eat at "nanking roade bistro" on 9th and irving. Very delicious chinese food... almost gourmet. Hell, close enough for me.
6) go to the sf brewing company right by city lights bookstore in north beach. then go to sparks. cool old beatnik bars. well, the 2nd one is. the first one has cheap beer from 4-7 AND 12-1am!
7) etc, etc. just some idears.
-chinaski
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great, and creepy.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome Jack, just fucking awesome.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet! Thank you for the recommendations. And I shall punch the most oblivious and annoying tourists, as a gesture of solidarity.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:26:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post, but seriously, where did you come up with this:
"After making sure no on was around he had undone his trousers and jabbed at his erection with a clean finishing nail until his hardness had subsided and his penis was dotted with beads of blood."
-----------------------
No, seriously, he's right. Just what the fuck is going on in that mind of yours?
Or is that what Republicans do for fun these days?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-03 21:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyP -
Stay away from the touristy part of the wharf, Pier 39.
Swan Oyster Bar for lunch. I'm not a seafood freak, but it is an experience, and the food is awesome. (Polk & California.)
Victor's Pizza for dinner, good, old-fashioned, fair-priced Italian food. (Polk & Pine, further down the block.)
Walk the Golden Gate Bridge.
Go to Chinatown. Check out the fortune cookie factory in Ross Alley. (If you print up your OWN obscene fortunes on little strips of paper they will stick them in cookies for you. A very cool gift for someone who would enjoy a fortune alone the lines of "If you live long enough, you will shit your pants again. It is inevitable.") Go to Tin Hou temple on Waverly. Very cool. The Chinese who came here in treacherous boats used to leave offerings to this Goddess of the sea thanking her for safe passage.
Fight the tourists and go to Alcatraz before it disintgrates, because the salt air is rotting it away. Once you set foot on that island you will be convinced no one ever survived an escape attempt.
Go to Le Petit Robert bakery, again on Polk, at Green. Their bread tastes like real French bread. I'm talking a Parisian patisserie or whatever the fuck. Great stuff.
Go to the Presidio, and look for the one hundred year old pet cemetary. Then see if you can feed carrots to the horses ridden by our own mounted police.
Go close to the wharf and tour the USS Pampinito, a WW2 submarine, Very cool.
That's it for now. Gotta eat dinner and feed the cats.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-03 21:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:11:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Another great installment.
One question, what's with the civvie clothes in all the shots?
Keep these coming!
=-=-=-=-
Jack,
My MOS was 97B (I posted a link to the homepage in the comments section of the post on which you wrote the above review).
Since most of the time I was over there was spent with the SF boys, I was on "relaxed grooming standards" ie; civvies, long hair and beard.
See, the village elders wouldn't really talk to you unless you could prove you were a man. They considered a beard proof.
Dumbasses. I've seen some army girls with beards thicker than mine, and I have to shave twice a day.
-Jack
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-03 21:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Jack, you Republican sonofabitch- I'm in San Fransisco for the week.
See, I figure that if I start out with insulting you, we can skip the awkward stage where we both want to call each other horrible things but don't feel like we know the other person quite well enough to do it. If that made sense. Which it didn't.
Translation: do you want to meet up somewhere sometime, or failing that, any suggestions as to places to go and things to do? Email me at lady.plural.at.gmail.com if you want to. If not, interesting story anyway.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-03 20:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*opens book on how to be a good righter
"Drink Reb Bull"
Noted...Thanks for the review on my STraight post and the tip here.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-03 20:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty fucking weird, but I'd expect an idiot republican to have fantasies about fucking children, and at least you're letting yours out only in writing... hopefully.
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-03 20:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2005-08-03 18:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got about halfway through it, and was confused as to why it had all of these +2's, but then I finished it. Great story.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-03 18:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, all of you. Glad you liked it.
Crystle... this is tame compared to some stuff I've done. My favorite over-the-top character remains a jolly fellow who may very well be a cannibalistic, necrophiliac clone of Jesus Christ who tools around in a T-bird convertible. And I wonder why I can't make a sale. Go figure.
Teeph... anOTHER KR story? Huh?
JonnyX... STOP IT!
Rope & Evil... Blame it on my MPD
RamJetMax... Uh... this is FICTION. I just amde it all up.
Badass... I had a lunch hour to kill after killing a can of Red Bull. Damn, that stuff gets the juices moving.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-08-03 18:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SharkBait (user info) at 2005-08-03 18:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. just. wow.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin A Jack, really.
What I want to know is how long did this take you an hour maybe?
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, that's a shame.
Submitted by TheEvilleprechaun (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:04:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Sir, your political posts make my blood boil. This, on the other hand, was really great.
--------------------------
couldnt have said it better
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post, but seriously, where did you come up with this:
"After making sure no on was around he had undone his trousers and jabbed at his erection with a clean finishing nail until his hardness had subsided and his penis was dotted with beads of blood."
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff
Submitted by silent1 (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Sir, your political posts make my blood boil. This, on the other hand, was really great.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, you might like my http://www.ubersite.com/m/38797 which kind of relates to this.
Submitted by LaganGroup (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
superb writing skillz
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-03 17:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow - you drew _that_ for a title?
I'm sure you'll advance to the next round with that one - good job!!
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Go George the redhead! But really, just wow.
Submitted by taurusfh (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for George.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just when I didn't think I could handle another Jack McCallum kiddie rape story you go and do something like this . . .
And totally redeam yourself!
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, you are my new hero...
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack McCallum for Prime Minister.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...
I have to admit, I had a really really hard time reading this. The mother in me is terrified. love the twist.
You absolutely are master of the craft
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You actually got my heart rate up, hoping the girl would take out a gun and shoot Millard (I kept thinking Mallard, and then a duck image). But a whirlpool?? WTF? And it has happened before? Go George!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
neato
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:40:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are logged in as mynameistim
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hold me
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-08-03 16:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment