Deathly Mexican Candy. (working image?) (537 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.17 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sam <Oracle0fTheRaven.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-03 22:41:12 EDT
A friend of mine recently went on vacation to her motherland of Mexico. Before she left, she was ever so kind as to ask if i had any souvinere requests. That is where I made the biggest mistake of my life.
"Yo.. bring me back the most badass Mexican candy you can find!! And a peso!" I said, innocently.
Oh the pain. OH THE PAAAIIINNN!!!!
Mango is pretty tasty. I really enjoy spicy things, such as jalepeno, and salt is quite good as well..
Seperately.
At first glance, it looked like melty disguising shit on a stick that was frozen, thawed, and baked in the hot mexican sun for days and days, fermenting in its own filth. It looked the same on the second, third, and fourth glance too. I shuddered.
I licked it. The noise i made after could only be described as "ARRRGGHHH BLEARFHGFUCKER!! OH MY FUCK!!!! ARRRGHGGGH *choke*"
I endured the jalepeno mango salt lollipop with valour, though. It burned like anal sex with Satan on a bad day. It was spicy like rubbing my eyes with jalepeno seeds. It was sweet like cotton candy enemas. The jalepeno vanquished my nasel cavity and made tears, snot, and fire project out of my face. I have never tasted anything as ungodly in my entire life. She offered to let me stop when she saw my face contort into someting resembling a dying girraffe the first time i licked it, but i had to eat it! i had to finish my rite of passage!!
Rite of passage?
Yes. I ate the jalepeno mango salt lollipop from Mexico. I am now Senor Paco master taco maker luchador!! I have acquired one of those luchador masks permanently because mom was right all those years.. you make a silly face, and it'll stick.
After that, i was masochistic (*cough tough cough*) enough to try the tamarind pulp. Death never looked so appealing. It too resembled shit, and it wasn't far from it. It had seeds, chunks, and fibrous material contained in its sludge. I opened it, and wept. I wept like god had just come to earth and given me.. godliness. You know when you're really drunk, and can somehow make it to the bathroom JUST in time to puke?
I think that was the godliness bestowed upon me when the Tamarind was opened. The tamarind-stomach bile-saltmangojalapenopop mixture graced the toilet .2 seconds after ingestion.
The pain. It hurt so much..
After that the candy was pretty decent.. she got me some normal things like caramel and chocolate, but i will NEVER underestimate those Mexicans again!
And they eat it like candy.. pssh.
(sorry for the repost! i'm 100% incompetant)
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 b/c the picture cracked me up and because I can empathize with your pain...
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-08-04 03:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LICK BALLS
Submitted by ROTJob (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never said English was my first languge.
sorry i suck or whatever, -2diestorm
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-03 23:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I pointed it out the first time she posted this. She didn't change it. That's an auto -2 from me.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She's a witch!! Horse-whip her and burn her at the stake!!
You all are some ruthless fuckers.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
,uh?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-03 22:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The word is DEADLY, you ignorant motherfucker.