Screwing with your therapist, made easy. Instructional post. (1345 hits)
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Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (View user info) at 2005-08-04 09:13:32 EDT
During my last evaluation I was asked to participate in a role play activity. Naturally, I became somewhat excited because "Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton." But, it as not what I had hoped, it was one of those stupid moral dilemma situations that therapists and counselors throw at you before telling you that you will end up on the back end of a garbage truck. So, being wide awake at 2:30 in the afternoon I decided to have some fun with it. Here is the dilemma I was asked to comment on......
Phase I:
You are a research scientist who recently developed a vaccine to prevent Stache, a children's disease that permanently disfigures the victim and can cause brain damage. The disease had been extremely rare, and your research was not considered particularly valuable. However, there has now been an outbreak in a small community, and several thousand children are in danger if they do not immediately receive a vaccine for Stache. The consequence of no vaccine, of course, could be a nationwide or worldwide epidemic.
If the company for which you work can produce enough vaccine to stop the potential epidemic, it will probably receive enough government grants to bring it out of its precarious financial position. And, of course, it will receive worldwide publicity for its contribution to humanity. Needless to say, you will be the star of the entire episode.
Unfortunately, the veginots, which you used to develop the vaccine, are rare. The veginot, an experimental melon that has a toxic rind when it matures, takes four months to produce the toxin. You need the toxin for your vaccine, and the crop you were depending on was killed by an unseasonable freeze just prior to the outbreak of Stache. Therefore, you must obtain mature veginot rinds immediately or it will be too late to prevent the spread of Stache.
Your search has turned up only one crop of mature veginots. This crop is just large enough to produce the vaccine needed for the children who are in imminent danger of Stache, and the owner of the crop will sell it to the highest bidder.
Dr. Harper, a researcher employed by a successful competitor of your company, is also in need of veginots. You are not sure of the type of research Harper is doing, but it has something to do with national security. Harper knows about the available veginots and intends to buy them.
You have been authorized to obtain the veginot rinds that you need, and your company is willing to pay $3 million. However, you have decided to talk to Dr. Harper before approaching the owner of the veginots. You hope to persuade Harper not to bid on the crop.
Phase II: Opposite Role...
You are a research scientist who is working on some secret projects for national security. You accidentally discovered that Zeno, a substance that your group created, would neutralize radioactive fallout. By the time you made this discovery, there was very little Zeno left. None of the ingredients of Zeno are difficult to obtain except veginot seeds. The veginot, an experimental melon, takes four months to produce the seeds needed for Zeno.
It has been confirmed that a group of terrorists are planning to set off a nuclear bomb within a few days in a certain Middle-East country. Although the target city is unknown, several are most likely. If enough Zeno is available, it can be used to seed clouds over these cities. Your experiments indicate that the rain produced by these clouds will protect a city from fallout if the nuclear explosion occurs within two weeks. Naturally, the cloud seeding must be kept secret.
Your search has turned up only one crop of mature veginots. This crop is just large enough to produce enough Zeno to seed clouds over the cities that are potential targets for the bomb. The owner of the crop will sell it to the highest bidder.
Dr. Smith, a researcher for a small competitor of your company, is also in need of veginots for some sort of research on a rare disease. Smith knows about the available veginots and intends to buy them.
The Federal government, though not as convinced as you are about the value of Zeno, has authorized you to offer up to $3 million to obtain the veginot seeds. However, you have decided to talk to Dr. Smith before approaching the owner of the veginots. You hope to persuade Smith not to bid on the crop.
He then asked for my opinion on the matter and the conversation went something like this:
"Drug overdose" I replied as soon as I finished reading the paper.
"Umm, excuse me?" He shook his head, puzzled.
"Drug overdose, probably heroin but I wouldn't rule out cocaine."
"What? I'm sorry; do you understand the point to this exercise?"
"Yes, you want to know who I think dies. You want to determine my value of life in 3rd world countries as opposed to children that I know just as well as the inhabitants of the small country, which is not at all."
"Umm, well....."
"Drug overdoses, that's how they die"
"Who?"
"The scientists"
"The scientists? How did you get to that conclusion?" He asked, totally confused.
"It's really quite simple, actually" I laughed
"Please, elaborate" He said with a dumbfounded look peering out over his glasses.
"Dr. Smith needs the rind from the rare melon. He will pay 3 million dollars. However, Dr. Smith needs the seeds and will also pay 3 Million dollars. Since they are going to meet, I would suggest that they each pay 1.5 million dollars and split the respective parts of the rare veginots. Now that would be cooperation in resolving both situations while saving 1.5 million dollars each.
But as I thought about it, I realized the farmer will sell to the highest bidder. So, conceivably they could agree to not bid against one another and buy them for a standard market price. Say, 10 bucks a pound?
They save the world in both instances and pocket roughly 2.95 million bucks a piece. Then not only would they have fended off disaster on multiple fronts, they would be heroes; they would be rich, and famous. Larry King Live, Time magazines' Men of the Year, and Forbes magazine. They could have huge homes that would soon be featured on MTV Cribs, as well as ridiculous cars that would be featured in automobile magazines around the world. They would date actresses, models and playboy playmates, undermining the stereo type of "geeky science nerds" and subsequently making it "cool" to do homework and be smart. The educational system would improve drastically because of the kids wanting to learn. Schools would become safe, test scores sky rocket and the world becomes a better place through education and commitment. Kids want to be like Dr. Smith or Dr. Harper instead of 'like Mike'..........
All the while, the scientists who began this world wide educational revolution have blown through their enormous fortunes in true American fashion, spending money on drugs, booze, and strippers. They saved the world; they made the world better but died from drug overdoses........."
"Time is up" He said with a bewildered look.........
User Reviews
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-05 21:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAhhhhh.
If only I were this clever.
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-08-05 16:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kill the children.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-08-05 15:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-05 13:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, that must have been Tiger. I thought about it but she beat me to it. Mine was going to say "Toby, you're so bad!" or something like that w/ the link.
I'll be quicker next time.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-05 13:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forensic, you put me on the uber board?
I'm not evil.
"And You know this......MAN!!"
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-05 13:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically, I said you were bad first. So there! Hahahaha
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Loki, UNC won the National Championship. Therapy among us Duke faithful went up 200 percent.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:31:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you really wanted to achieve true mental health, you would join the scientologist just like Tom Cruise did. I mean look at him, who would call him a whack job?
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
My name is Toby too.
Im sure every other person on Ubersite has a dog or cat named Toby.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fantastic. now, are you toby keith or toby mcguire?
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:21:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Tobes!
You're bad!
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Did you put this on the Uber board?
I'm not evil....
<grins>
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-04 16:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rock, Toby!
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha brilliant that man!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-04 11:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People! The dilemma was not something I came up with! It was given to me to comment on and I went this way because it was soooo easy and ridiculous. Goodness.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet!
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to agree with AVALS.
The dilemma states they both want to meet each other and they both require different parts of the plant and combined they have 6 million dollars. Theres no real dilemma at all, moral, physical or otherwise. The only problem would offur idf a 3rd party wished to buy the plants and had more the 6 million to bid and since it was a national security thing that person would "dissapear"
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for fucking with a shrink!
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I am gonna schedule some therapy sessions.
Pssst, I know you love scantily clad women....
Go vote -------------->http://www.ubersite.com/m/72445
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-04 10:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it. I wish I was in therapy.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
however, this did make me think a little too hard.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:36:07 (#)
Ranking: 1
That dilemma was retarded. If you're going to ask someone to decide on thousands of innocent lives, at least make sure that both scientists need the same part of the goddamn experimental melons.
-------------------------------
This is a slight variation on your standard negotiation strategies, or conflict resolution class "case" that a lot of businesses offer, and it is BS most situations are not win-win. That is why I thought it was weird situation to give to someone in therapy.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight!"
"You really hypotized me. Swear to God."
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That dilemma was retarded. If you're going to ask someone to decide on thousands of innocent lives, at least make sure that both scientists need the same part of the goddamn experimental melons.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:29:12 (#)
Ranking: -1
Finnished kinda bad.
----------------------
I get negatives from someone who can't spell finished....
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Finnished kinda bad.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why are you in therapy?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Tobes!
You're bad!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-04 09:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha! You're so bad Toby!