Story About an Alligoctor (626 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.03 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mechagodzilla (View user info) at 2005-08-07 22:54:38 EDT
(I don't know how Parliament really works or what the value of a British pound is.)
Commence story.
Doctor Kroctor was an alligoctor who made a very good living as a plastic surgeon. In fact, of all the practitioners of plastic surgery in London Proper, there were none more revered than he, save perhaps his archrival and number one business competitor, Surgeon Sturgeon. One evening as he was opening shop two Siamese twins approached him at the front door.
"May I help you?" Doctor Kroctor asked politely.
"Yes," chimed the Siamese twins simultaneously, who were in fact not conjoined, but of Siamese descent. "We are not satisfied with the quality of our breasts. We would very much like them enlarged."
"That can be arranged. My basic package starts at £500. Should you wish to include reshaping, pigment alteration, or my complete Breast Care Kit you will want to look into our Premium Package."
Who should pass by at that very moment but the celebrated Mayor-King of London himself, Mayor-King Winslow.
"Ah Doctor Kroctor (the alligoctor)!" exclaimed the Mayor-King, "I wish to speak to you at my office-throne room at City Hall-Palace."
"I'd be honored Mayor-King, but these two young ladies need my assistance at the moment, and breasts don't grow on trees."
"Nonsense, said the mayor, you must come at once if we're to ever get to the part where you are elected to Parliament so that you can make a motion that will require seconding."
"Very well," said Doctor Kroctor, "I'll see you two Siamese whores later I suppose."
And with that, the both of them pranced merrily to City Hall-Palace. Once inside the palace courtyard, Doctor Kroctor discovered a party awaiting his arrival.
"Congratulations!" said an insignificant character, "You're now a representative in the House of Commons."
"Oh, okay."
"Let's go to Parliament and engage in political affairs!" exclaimed the Mayor-King.
"Excellent idea your liege!"
Later the company assembled at the Parliament place, or whatever it is and began debating and voting and stuff.
"I move that Doctor Kroctor is an ass!" moved Surgeon Sturgeon.
"Seconded," seconded Unknown Parliament Member 1.
"I had no idea you were a member of Parliament, Surgeon Sturgeon," said Doctor Kroctor.
"Oh yes."
"Let's vote on something!" suggested the Chief Something-or-Other, and that's precisely what they did.
"Next order of business..." said the Chief Something-or-Other. "Who is the best plastic surgeon in all the land?"
"I motion that I, Doctor Kroctor the alligoctor, am the best plastic surgeon in all the land," motioned Doctor Kroctor, pausing for a moment for someone to second his motion. He was greeted with silence. "Well, who will help me second my motion?"
"Not I," said Surgeon Sturgeon.
"Not I," said the Mayor-King.
"Not I," said the Chief Something-or-Other.
"Very well then," said Doctor Kroctor. "I shall second it myself."
"I'm afraid that is not allowed," said the Chief Something-or-Other. However, I did bake this bread earlier that none of you may eat."
"But I do like bread..." said the Mayor-King, and it was true, he certainly did like bread.
Umm... The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-10 08:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I live in Eagle's Pointe Golf Club, Okatie, SC 29909, 10th tee box, 9 minutes from the bridge to Hilton Head Island.
I just saved you some time, tough guy.
So drop on by so I can knock your teeth down your throat, asshole.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-10 00:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mechagodzilla (user info) at 2005-08-10 00:08:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate you, Shlongy, and I'm too tired to decide right now if I should make it my life's work to hunt you down and kill you. But the fact that I even considered it should be enough to justify that first statement.
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+2
Submitted by mechagodzilla (user info) at 2005-08-10 00:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate you, Shlongy, and I'm too tired to decide right now if I should make it my life's work to hunt you down and kill you. But the fact that I even considered it should be enough to justify that first statement.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-09 21:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Classic horseshit.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-08-09 02:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-08 05:13:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 03:08:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for this: "I move that Doctor Kroctor is an ass!" moved Surgeon Sturgeon. --- A british member of parliament would never use the word ass. He would say arse.
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Wrong. It's very Shakesperean to say "ass" as in "whoreson ass" pronounced with a light sound and meaning "donkey".
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Yes but it's not the 17th Century anymore is it? Arse it is.
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Good point, well made. I kinda liked the story.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alligoctor
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-08 05:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 03:08:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for this: "I move that Doctor Kroctor is an ass!" moved Surgeon Sturgeon. --- A british member of parliament would never use the word ass. He would say arse.
______________________________________
Wrong. It's very Shakesperean to say "ass" as in "whoreson ass" pronounced with a light sound and meaning "donkey".
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Yes but it's not the 17th Century anymore is it? Arse it is.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 03:08:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for this: "I move that Doctor Kroctor is an ass!" moved Surgeon Sturgeon. --- A british member of parliament would never use the word ass. He would say arse.
______________________________________
Wrong. It's very Shakesperean to say "ass" as in "whoreson ass" pronounced with a light sound and meaning "donkey".
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very strange.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Terrible.
Submitted by Jozudave (user info) at 2005-08-08 02:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for this: "I move that Doctor Kroctor is an ass!" moved Surgeon Sturgeon. --- A british member of parliament would never use the word ass. He would say arse.
But +2 for trying so hard.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-08 00:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that's exactly what it's actually like.
Submitted by IronRhino (user info) at 2005-08-08 00:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me chuckle. Kinda like something Dr. Seuss would write in his teen years.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 00:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was farnay.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-07 23:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Final Solution: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72675 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by jfreif (user info) at 2005-08-07 23:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a looney.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-08-07 23:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
laughter. you are 1337sauce
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-08-07 23:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. This was great.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-08-07 23:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It may be the 2 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours that made me chuckle, or perhaps you're a comic genius. I'll never know.