Well. Fuck. Am I bi? (5104 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 146 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zoidberg (View user info) at 2005-08-08 06:17:09 EDT
"Am I bi?"
Usually this is a question that carries difficult moral questions for me. If he's hot, do I say yes, and encourage his conversion to the dark side? If he's not, do I do my best to keep him breeding in the hopes that his family's good looks genes merely skipped a generation?
It all starts innocently enough. A doctor's gloved probing finger. A girlfriend in a fit of feminist pride deciding that there was nothing wrong with both parties being penetrated. Either way, the exploring digit managed to awaken feelings that didn't quite gel with the rest of the straight man image of burping and NASCAR.
So inevitably they run to the safest source of information they have, which is generally the straightest queer they know. Me.
I fart. I fight. I tell gay jokes and do keg stands. I'll kick someone's ass at Halo and call them a stupid fag for even trying afterwards.
And generally I try to keep a straight face as they slowly work towards the problem.
"What's it like being gay?" to "Have you never liked chicks?" to "Dude we're buddies right?" The last question I'm expected to nod and give some reassurance of our conversation not going beyond the room. At this point I know where the conversation is headed. "Am I bi?"
An aside, it's never "Am I gay?" Homosexuality is never accepted with the expectation of congratulatory handshakes and "well dones" from friends and family, so it's a long and arduous process to get to the "g" word. At first you're "curious". Then you're "bi-curious" and then "bi" (Some of our more difficult converts maintain that there is legitimately a "gay-curious" stage, but most of fag society just feels that's malingering. As soon as you that first purple headed warrior hits your lips, it doesn't matter how many "chicks I've nutted on" or "bitches I've fucked in my frat house" you will, and always will be a cocksucker to the world at large. Deal with it you stupid faggot.)
A few more questions follow. Finally they summon up their courage, tell their story and finish it with the fan favorite, "Dude, am I bi?"
The responsible homosexual in me says to never mock someone's sexuality. The other 98% of me that grew up with straight boys on the other hand views this as a golden opportunity to fuck with someone's head.
"I dunno man. You look like a fucking faggot to me."
"WHAT?"
"Oh yeah. I thought you were when we first met. You dress way too nice. All that Abercrombie, you do know that's a fag store right?"
"Dude, quit fucking with me."
"I'm just surprised it took you this long. Everyone else fucking knows you're gay. (Girlfriend's name) and (her best friend) have talked to me about it 16 fucking different ways on this very couch."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She sat there and referred to you as "the 4 inch fag" and she and her little harpy friend cackled over that, let me tell you."
Any comments about dick size generally draw rage and indignation, and while a few have offered to whip it out to prove otherwise, I'm not so gone into moral depredation that I don't tell them that, to their relief, I'm kidding, and that unless they've been fantasizing about men, they probably aren't gay. The cynic in me tells me that I'm passing up a golden opportunity but contrary to widespread opinion that I am an asshole, I do not believe in the adage, "You are what you fuck."
The point in all this? Now I'm in the exact situation. Am I bi?
Picture it if you will. A homosexual with a brief (7 girl) history with women. Other then that it's been other men for the past 4.5 years.
I'm out at a straight bar. I start talking to 2 gorgeous guys who, lo and behold, are together. Now I'm cute but I have nothing on the "straight out of an Abercrombie wall" look they have going on. To them I'm just the cute straight boy with the collared shirt, the sweat stained white hat and impeccable taste in beer (Shiner).
I tell them I'm into guys, we leave after they stop serving alcohol and with their goodlooking female roommate, all decide to go back to their place for more alcohol.
Nice two bedroom apartment, though I wonder about one bedroom looking a little spartan. The bed had no sheets and the walls were bare. The other bedroom had a huge kingsize bed.
That should have been my first clue.
The girl I tagged as a typical fag hag. She was cute and nicely stacked, and very affectionate with what I thought were her two gay friends. She left after a bit to make a Whataburger run.
Alcohol and gay men being the combination that it is, the three of us took advantage of her absence (or so I thought) and in short order our clothes were off and we were on the king size bed. I'll spare you the details.
Suffice to say I was...being done and doing at the same time. Laying back. Eyes closed. Enjoying things. Suddenly guy A and guy B stopped and got up. I just lay there, figuring they were going to switch.
Well they did, in a manner of speaking. I was being...done again, but the feeling was different. I opened my eyes.
The fag hag was actually a fag whore! And she had a strap on. And she was switching between making out with guy A and guy B while she.
Well I don't want to say violated me. I could have stopped it at any time.
The thing was, I found myself enjoying things. It's been years since I came on a girls tits.
But. I don't know.
I got home and started writing, and much like every guy that has asked me the question, I had to work my way up to it. I included all the extra before paragraph.
But. Damn.
If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it.
Are you bi?
I'm still trying to digest it all. Never has my life more closely resembled a porno film then this night.
But wow. Fuck.
And by the way, I take it all back. Some women can suck dick quite well.
User Reviews
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-01-31 01:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this a long time ago.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-31 01:06:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
clearly the aussies were looking up the 'homo' or 'queer' words they like to look up.
Any nation that wears shorts that tight and small in sport is open to 'bi'.
P.S
THis may sound CRAZY but I have a funny feeling about the world cup...........
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-01-31 00:40:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.44 on 144. Word.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-01-31 00:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-01-30 23:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-19 03:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ha ha you're a fag
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-01-19 02:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-19 12:12:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shocked that I have not rated this before, it's a great one.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-19 08:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-19 08:12:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-17 03:22:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure this was written largely for entertainment and you're not really looking for advice from the idiots here. But why bother limiting yourself with a label? When you call yourself "straight" or "bi" or "gay", it seems like you're putting yellow tape around your life, and anytime you step outside of that tape it becomes a big deal. You've now been classified, and some group's rules become your own.
Sex isn't black and white, like math. No one needs to stand over your bed with a pencil and paper, tallying how many men versus women you've fucked in order to determine which of three prefixes suits your sexual preference best. And that's the beauty of it. If you want to be intimate with someone, you can do so, and afterwards you don't have to obsess over what kind of rules you've broken, because the rules are imaginary.
The more people learn to envision sexual orientation as a continuum rather than three separate boxes, and the less people place meaningless restrictions on their own private lives, the happier we'll all be.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-17 00:28:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
That chick took one look at you and said the herself, "Self, I'm going to do him...
...in the pooper with a strap-on."
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thats a thought process from hell
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2006-01-17 00:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
who cares
fuck whatever stays still long enough, thats my motto.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-16 23:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're gay.
My own story to this: I thought I might like to be with women. It started with a kiss with one girl, and I wasn't particularly interested. Then I had the opportunity to have a threesome with two other girls, and I thought maybe THAT would interest me.
So I did it.
It wasn't awful... I mean, I was "satisfied" (ahem), but it wasn't great, either.
And the fact that I have no desire to do it again makes me sure that I'm not gay, or even bi.
Sure, beautiful women are beautiful, and I can't say that I couldn't think of them in certian positions (figuratively) that would turn me on... but I just don't want to do it.
It feels weird.
Sounds to me like that was weird for you.
And what the others said, as far as trying to put a label on something... that's so right on. If you want to do it, do it. If you like it, it's okay... but it doesn't mean anything unless you let it mean something.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-16 23:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-10 22:02:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Only two -2's on this? This is disgusting.
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What a fuckin' cunt. It's not like anyone made you read the whole story you homophobic piece of shit. Hey, Zoid, I bet you've had secks with more wimenz than him.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2006-01-16 23:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honey, you're not bi, you're gay. It happens.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-01-16 23:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great, and by the way...
"Alcohol and gay men being the combination that it is, the three of us took advantage of her absence (or so I thought) and in short order our clothes were off and we were on the king size bed. I'll SPARE YOU THE DETAILS."
THANKS! Close one!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-16 22:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD.
Submitted by Captain_Lurk (user info) at 2005-10-05 22:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, you cock sucking whore.
Submitted by Captain_Lurk (user info) at 2005-10-05 22:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-16 04:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
No, for the last time, you are not gay, or bi, unless you are attracted to the same sex.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-16 04:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62720
You never read this did you Zoidberg? Its my bar picking up story, but heterosexually oriented. And it has a Zoidberg reference.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent; well-written; an essay that rivals works written by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
But dude...did the guys cum or what?
JESUS, ALLY! THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ask Spooner - he'll give you "the test".
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-11 09:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:37:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to envision teh ghey secks and I think if I were in your position at the time of entry I would have noticed a cold piece of plastic up my chute instead of a warm peener.
I don't know how to feel about the above statement.
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Yeahhhh unless it was one of those fancy heated S-Os how did you not notice?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-11 06:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG YOU'RE A DUDE?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-11 06:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So drj came in reading this expecting a story about some chick's first bi experience, and instead got an eyeful of gay buttsex.
did it make your wee parts tingle a bit?
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-08-10 22:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only two -2's on this? This is disgusting.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-10 21:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey...i do what i can with what i've got. glad to know you appreciate it.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-10 21:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good thought una. sexuality is almost entirely determined by how people rank others on a website. glad you're smart enough to see through the whole nature vs. nurture debate.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
could've gone without the visuals but whatever...
you're bi if you fuck women and men. you're gay if you fuck the same gender.
simple, i think.
'course i'm not in the whole society that judges these things so what do I know...
I'd + this but i afeered peeples will theenk i'm gee.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to envision teh ghey secks and I think if I were in your position at the time of entry I would have noticed a cold piece of plastic up my chute instead of a warm peener.
I don't know how to feel about the above statement.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-08-10 11:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her in the ass. It'll be almost like what you're used to, but different.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-08-10 10:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that you're gay all the way. If you aren't even attracted to the girl physically, that is. Getting off because she's good at what she does means nothing. If you had never noticed who was doing you with the strap on there would be no question. So what if you enjoyed it. People enjoy having their parts played with. It's natural. It doesn't mean you are bi. Are you attracted to women sexually? Do you want to fuck this girl? And not just for a nut, either. Fucking around with a woman is very different than doing so with a man. Do you want the feel of a woman, underneath you, in your hands, surrounding your cock? If not, then you aren't bi. You are just astounded by the woman's talents in the sack.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-10 05:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I read this post and think, "I want to fuck Zoidberg." Am I gay?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-10 05:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-08-10 01:05:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude - you're a bottom.
dunno man, been a top for 5 years but. yeah changing my mind
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-10 02:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-09 17:41:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I read this post and think, "I want to fuck Zoidberg." Am I gay?
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-08-10 01:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude - you're a bottom.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-10 00:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ghey.
Submitted by TheEvilleprechaun (user info) at 2005-08-09 21:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can you be raped by a woman? apparently yes...
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-09 20:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No I think it just means you have really good taste
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-09 17:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I read this post and think, "I want to fuck Zoidberg." Am I gay?
Submitted by adjones619 (user info) at 2005-08-09 17:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you should just say fuuucccck it.
I had my first experience a couple of weeks ago in a XXX store in Dallas.
It was alright.
Now i either want to do it with Marc Walberg, Johnny Depp or Collin Ferrell
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2005-08-09 17:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's a Nubian??
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-09 16:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-09 16:01:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:22:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably not. Do you see yourself dating a woman because one fucked you in the ass with a strap-on then you got to nut on her rack one time? It's more likely that you just liked the sex.
I mean, if that's all it takes to make a gay man straight again, why hasn't Dubya made a presidential address promoting the benefits of getting ass fucked by your wife with a strap-on?
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Why not indeed?
good point. I'd really like to see that kind of address to the nation
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-09 16:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:22:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably not. Do you see yourself dating a woman because one fucked you in the ass with a strap-on then you got to nut on her rack one time? It's more likely that you just liked the sex.
I mean, if that's all it takes to make a gay man straight again, why hasn't Dubya made a presidential address promoting the benefits of getting ass fucked by your wife with a strap-on?
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Why not indeed?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 22:04:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Gay as a sexual identity has only existed since 1895.
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Funny, that's the same year Abercrombie and Fitch was founded. Coincidence? Yeah, probably.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa, whoa whoa whoa...whoa...
You actually are gay?!
Ummm...I apparently missed out on that.
Ummm...I feel slightly awkward about my remarks to your harry potter post now...you can look for me on the news--I'll be the guy in Times Square blocking traffic as a team of police and EMS folk try getting my size 13 foot out of my mouth.
And by "slightly awkward" I mean "fucking embarrassed".
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:39:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
you know they were playing cricket on inspector morse the other day.
I tried so hard but just couldn't grasp how to play it. Its like baseball, right?
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Kinda, except you run in a straight line and swap places with the other batter, (two in at a time, take it in turns every six balls(unless they score a run and swap places before that)).
And you can also get points(4) if you hit the ball a certain distance, and if you hit it that distance without it touching the floor, you get 6 points.
Im no baseball expert but i think that those are the biggest differences. Matches last much longer as well, a team scoring 1000 runs is not unheard of.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Another thought..do you care?
Im hella straight, about as straight as you can get without going hunting every day...but, and I didn't expect to ever tell uber this, I got a great BJ from some guy when I was younger, and if he ever came back and offered me another (or three), I wouldn't say no.
I know Im straight but if it feels good who cares? theres a difference between having feelings for someone and fucking them cos it feels good, and nothing feels better than a nice tight cunt around your cumberland.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-09 06:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First page and a half sexpost that didn't arouse me.
Woo! I'm straight!
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-08-09 02:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who cares what you are, what matters is if your happy. If you like men, but occasionally want the chick with a strap on, all the more power to you.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2005-08-08 20:51:59 (#)
Ranking: 1
As for the dilemma, this is so far out of my range of experience that I don't have a single clue. Maybe you should write in to Savage Love or something.
Quarter, where are you from??? I thought the Echo mag was comfined to the Guelph/Cambridge/KW ??
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:37:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everybody should fuck everybody else in the room
No matter what.
End of story.
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Sage advice.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next you'll think you're a furry Bahahahaha!!!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, really. =(
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite sorry
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, sorry.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-09 00:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. Yes. Come over to our side. Then I can have sex with you.
Wait...
No, I was right, we can have sex then.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 23:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah I never had anything against ya mike, you were just the first person whose name I saw :)
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-08 23:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No plus two because you made me think of a Whataburger (God how I long for a Whataburger). I'm from Texas and grew up with Whataburger.
Mmmmm. Mustard. Chopped lettuce. FUCK. They don't have Whataburger in Michigan. :-(
-1 because you made me think of that, and then proceeded to make me think of men having butt sex. :-(
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-08 22:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:04:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as you're a nice person, who cares?
****
HAHAHA
Mike cracks me up. He must've forgotten the story you wrote about him fucking his mother.
I didn't forget. Zoidy did make it clear to me why he did it.
I did the nice thing and forgave him.
He's been nice ever since.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 22:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well for me its not that I need a label to feel a part of something. Gay as a sexual identity has only existed since 1895.
I think its dumb for someone to want to claim gay or straight because, in my entire lifetime I'll maybe only run into I don't know, 100,000 women. There are a billion of them on earth. So it's kind of dumb for me to claim that there aren't any that I could be attracted to.
But if you want to function in society you have to play by its rules. Bi guys are seen as sluts or closet cases (well there's a good argument about my being the former) who are unfit for dating.
Eh I dunno. Now I just kind of view it all as funny. This is not the type of girl you'd expect to be in this situation, let alone own a strap on. She looked like Reese Witherspoon. Hell i thought she was wholesome.
they want me to come over and play monopoly
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-08-08 21:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Whataburger.
Bacon Taquitos are the sweetest!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-08 21:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't think so. that is, not unless you want to define the scope of human sexuality into three very narrow categories(straight, gay, bi). after all, it's not unusual for a straight man to get an erection and even ejaculate when raped. physical stimuli will always be met with a response. i think the definition of one's sexuality is more psychological than physical -after all, if sexuality were determined by what physically excites us, we could all be defined as vibrationsexuals and handsexuals. your 'gender,' i think, depends more on what you're attracted to yourself, what you feel actively drawn to -not merely what has the capacity of getting you off. everything has that capacity.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2005-08-08 20:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
**A homosexual with a brief (7 girl) history with women.**
Nothing makes you feel more pathetic than learning that some gay guy has slept with more women than you have.
As for the dilemma, this is so far out of my range of experience that I don't have a single clue. Maybe you should write in to Savage Love or something.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-08-08 20:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
According to a couple of different studies, only 10% or so of the population fall into the straight or gay categories...the other 90% are, to one degree or another, bi. Welcome to the majority.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-08-08 19:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:40:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:33:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:03:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
That is possiby the funniest question I've ever heard.
Submitted by KnightsWhoSayNi (user info) at 2005-08-08 19:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is it that almost every guy that I know wants to take it up the ass from Johnny Depp? What is it about him that makes straight men want to turn gay?
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-08-08 18:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, dude I dunno what you are but straight is definetly out of the equation.
Submitted by fallenangel (user info) at 2005-08-08 17:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you're open to it, just enjoy what you can get while it lasts.
Worry about the consequences some other day.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-08 17:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
ha I'm really not that hot.
My appeal is that Im pretty much a straight boy. I wear a white texas tech hat, I drink shiner and I have no feelings, unless my bird dog dies.
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Bullshit, you lying liar.
Don't listen to him, Prof... he's hella-sexy.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:33:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:03:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
That is possiby the funniest question I've ever heard.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:36:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I thought about it Queen. I think this is life's payment for my being gay.
Sure society hates me, my sex life pretty much ends at 30 and I'll be relegated to other old men from there on out.
But for like 10 years, I get to have a very interesting time.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There really isn't anything appropriate I can say to this post.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:43:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
You went from 100% gay to 75% gay... Enjoy some vaginal penetration and you can hit that last 25% up to a nice even Bi level.
=====
I agree. Good post.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 16:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha I'm really not that hot.
My appeal is that Im pretty much a straight boy. I wear a white texas tech hat, I drink shiner and I have no feelings, unless my bird dog dies.
Oh yeah. And I have a big dick. That never fails to bring the encores
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-08 15:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So where is this picture of you that is causing all the girls to get excited about you switching teams???
I NEED HOTTIES DAMMIT DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME!
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 15:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its okay. Don't be scared of sex Fungah.
It will happen to you someday. It'll probably be a XXX bookstore and with a 45 year old man, but at least that's someone :)
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-08 15:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your life seems to be considerably more interesting than most people's...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:49:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy shit that's disgusting.
--------------------
Don't knock it till you try it!
TWICE!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy shit that's disgusting.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, lunch was, odd.
They all 3 want another throw, and invited me to stay and cuddle the next time.
Austin is just weird.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-08-08 14:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
....
Submitted by adjones619 (user info) at 2005-08-08 12:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I want to hit you in the dooky shoot now. It could be hott
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-08 12:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was god damn funny
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:34:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
For fucks sake get over all these labels. Your placing everybody you know into catagories and boxes. Just fuck who you want to fuck and don't fuck who you don't want to fuck. Its that simple. I like girls, i sleep with girls, i have no attraction to men so i don't sleep with men. I'm not gay, bi straight, purple, yellow, polka dot or martian. I'm fabit for fucks sake. Stop processing yourself!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here we go.
Im fabit too.
what?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Labels like that are, in my opinion, inane anyway.
You like fucking guys, fine.
Do you want to shag women or woman again? thats the question. And you can call it whatever you like.
Like that comedian who is a male lesbian.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably not. Do you see yourself dating a woman because one fucked you in the ass with a strap-on then you got to nut on her rack one time? It's more likely that you just liked the sex.
I mean, if that's all it takes to make a gay man straight again, why hasn't Dubya made a presidential address promoting the benefits of getting ass fucked by your wife with a strap-on?
That, and everybody can appreciate a nice set of tits. Man, woman, gay, straight. Tits are the tits, man.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as you're a nice person, who cares?
****
HAHAHA
Mike cracks me up. He must've forgotten the story you wrote about him fucking his mother.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-08-08 11:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
So many ways to go with this review... so little creative energy.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-08 10:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-08 10:01:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be "bi-curious" but got bored with it.
Now I just fuck bunnies.
------------
HAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-08-08 10:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought provoking.
Excuse the linkwhore but it is slightly relevent: http://www.ubersite.com/m/59807
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-08 10:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to be "bi-curious" but got bored with it.
Now I just fuck bunnies.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
-------
Possibly.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:25:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno man. You look like a fucking breeder to me.
_____
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*snort choke cough*
I love that guy.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno man. You look like a fucking breeder to me.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Either way... you're still being done in the pooper. I'd say that's still pretty gay.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're gay?
Actually, I knew that. I just think that everyone's gay.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 00:50:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Jack, you got e-mail?
I have a loss prevention question for you
=-=-
superjack11058.at.yahoo.com
and yes, yes you are.
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I only support gays if both chicks are hot.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-08 09:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an equal opportunity violator.
I wish someone trusted me enough to us a strap on on them. Guy or girl..
Either way I'm going to be thinking about that shit all day..
Thanks... Thanks a lot.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was actually a study done that showed that guys are actually incapable of being Bi-sexual. They always lean one way or the other. A bi guy is a wanna-be but cant-quite-come-out fag.
Assuming the study was right. But they did fancy things, like brain scans.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You went from 100% gay to 75% gay... Enjoy some vaginal penetration and you can hit that last 25% up to a nice even Bi level.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heres what you do:
get a man who wants to do you/who wants to be done by you
get a woman who wants to be done by you
get a bottle of tequila
See where that leads..
... then write a VERY detailed story of it on uber.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:03:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
That is possiby the funniest question I've ever heard.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I maintain that there's nothing funnier than when you call someone a fag. Other than that, all I have to say is....
THANK GOD, THERE'S STILL HOPE YOU MIGHT PASS ON YOUR VERY SEXY GENES!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't even read it, but based on the title: +2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:42:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm capable of thinking of taking Johnny Depp's wang up my ass
__________
Every straight man is. Men wanna do Johnny like women wanna do Angelina, it's natural.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TaShawnA (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:13:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
j00 d3h fag00t!
_________________________________________________________________
What a trifling skeezer this is.
Submitted by TaShawnA (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
j00 d3h fag00t!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep. Welcome to the club.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 08:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Me, Rad and Spam are gonna have us a lemonparty right here.
Submitted by jinhenkim (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i could give you a straightforward answer, but i feel like messing up with your head.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be gay now.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As long as you're a nice person, who cares?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have I ever explaine dtaht Thorpe is wise beyond his years
and cute,.
COME HERE YOU CUTE MAN-BOY
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sound like you had yourself a lemonparty.
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how you feel.
It's wierd. I'm not sexually attracted to most guys (though I haven't seen many dicks I don't
like), and I find women to be the more beautiful sex. But I'll turn down a nice-looking woman,
even when drunk, yet I've never turned down a guy.
Though most gay guys have good taste. If only they didn't act like 18 year old girls.
If I wanted a woman, I'd find a woman damnit.
I like the sex, but it's like they're trying to be women. Why hide your testosterone? The male
mindset is what makes me gay. Why can't I find a guy comfortable with having sex and falling
asleep directly afterwards?
God, am I gay?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed seeing Thorpe on top of me earlier in the reviews... am I gay? or just a paedophile?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Gay", "straight," and "bi" are all very specific labels that don't always apply. Your sexual preference falls somewhere on a spectrum. On one extreme end there's "gay." Straight up, 100% same sex. Opposite sex makes you cringe. On the other extreme there's "straight." No homosexual leanings whatsoever. And in the middle of course, is "bi."
Very few people fit perfectly into one of these categories. It's rare for someone to be 100% gay or straight, or to want women and men the exact same amount. It sounds to me like you just realized you're not as far down the 'gay' spectrum as you thought. Does that make you bi? No. Liking it when a hot chick does you with a strap makes you bisexual the same way that it would make me gay.
But if you're looking for an answer, try sleeping with this chick without the gay tag-team in attendance, and see how you feel.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-08 07:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
That is possiby the funniest question I've ever heard.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suspect this is going to be the funniest post I'll read all day.
Classic.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've always been taught that your either gay or straight and even kissing another man on the mouth makes you gay. All this gray area is very confusing. How does that work?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting point, though... Does liking it up the ass from a chick with a strap-on make you bi?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:40:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a hermaphrodite. Want a ride?
So like, if you cross your legs, are you pregnant then?
Okay I need to go to bed. Im meeting these people for lunch tomorrow
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rad1101.at.gmail.com
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm 22 and i'm attracted to women. There isn't a lot more too it, for me.
I don't know how "gay" works, i'm afraid. I'm capable of thinking of taking Johnny Depp's wang up my ass, but it's in the same way that I can comprehend scat and OAP sex. They just don't have the same reaction as a nhot naked chick!
If you get the same reaction from watching men doing it, then yeah I guess you're bi; It's something you can only decide, though.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would contribute some of Texas' finest homegrown (Northern Lights) if that would help straighten this out. Chicks with dicks make baby Jesus cry.
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meh.... Gay, bi, straight... All just words. Love who you want brother.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a hermaphrodite. Want a ride?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well. Fuck. Am I bi?
The questioned was answered at "fuck"
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:32:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ziodberg, for the love of God not the tranny surprise. Don't do it Zoidberg, Don't do it. Come back to the land of moist vaginal tissue.
good G_D I hope not. chicks with dicks scare me, but then Im like, why did this experience turn me on?
And I didnt fuck her to clarify (though it might have been my last chance to sire a Zoidberg junior)But...other things did go on.
Ha just wow. I need to start smoking pot again to fully comprehend this
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everybody should fuck everybody else in the room
No matter what.
End of story.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That chick took one look at you and said the herself, "Self, I'm going to do him...
...in the pooper with a strap-on."
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For fucks sake get over all these labels. Your placing everybody you know into catagories and boxes. Just fuck who you want to fuck and don't fuck who you don't want to fuck. Its that simple. I like girls, i sleep with girls, i have no attraction to men so i don't sleep with men. I'm not gay, bi straight, purple, yellow, polka dot or martian. I'm fabit for fucks sake. Stop processing yourself!!
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always wondered if a fag hag is good to fuck? I'm gonna have to find out for myself.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ziodberg, for the love of God not the tranny surprise. Don't do it Zoidberg, Don't do it. Come back to the land of moist vaginal tissue.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:27:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
"If a hot chick..."
There's the phrase I was looking for. Were you sexually attracted to her or her male friends?
That's probably the only question you need to ask.
I dunno man. I can remember being turned on by straight porn as a pre-teen, but maybe my pleasure in all this was just excitement over how many laws of nature I broke at once.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'If a hot chick fucks you with a strap on when you thought you were just fucking her two hot male roommates, and you enjoy it. Are you bi?.'
That is possiby the funniest question I've ever heard.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I know from Lifetime that in situations like this, Im supposed to be in the bottom of the shower, fully clothed, scrubbing myself and crying.
but really im just astonished
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If a hot chick..."
There's the phrase I was looking for. Were you sexually attracted to her or her male friends?
That's probably the only question you need to ask.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:21:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but you are definitely a homo.
Im thinking so still but shit. I really enjoyed that. Now Im afraid I have some nasty kink like wanting chicks with dicks or something fucked up like that
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but you are definitely a homo.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha this is awesome! I'm gonna have to get me some of this gayness!
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-08-08 06:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
probably the most disjointed thing I've ever written but damn im really out of it.
this shit's confusing
it's like the ultimate word problem.
If you're in a threesome with 2 guys you thought were gay, and then their shared girlfriend walks in and joins in on the festivities, are you bi now?