One Time, On Top of a Mountain in Switzerland... (553 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.44 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hirgon (View user info) at 2005-08-09 04:36:54 EDT
As all people do when they hit their twenties, or at least, should do, I went travelling. My trip was a round-the-world trip. I hit Canada (where I was born), England, Scotland, Wales, Western Europe and Thailand, then back home to Australia. So. Along the way, I met many people, saw many things, got extremely drunk in some areas and even met a few girls. As you do.
This particular episode occured... well... on top of a mountain, in Switzerland, where there was a lodge. It's on top of Mount Pilatus, to be exact, where we went on the Contiki tour I was on. Contiki is good in some respects, and horrifically bad in others. Its cheap and cost effective, you see lots, and you meet fun people and get drunk every night, sleep for an hour, get up, get on the bus, sleep again until the guide yells at all you lazy bastards to get off the bus. Then repeat.
The downside is that they try to sell you everything, take you to little crappy shops and expect you to buy perfume (I went to McDonalds instead, to cure my hangover. Half the bus followed me. The tour guide hated me. Serves the bitch right for wanting kickbacks from the perfumery.) And things can be a little bit rushed.
So. We're on top of this mountain. About half the tour is Aussie, with the other half a mixture of Canadians, South Africans, a Scot, an American and a few New Zealanders. And a Phillipino. And some others, but I can't remember them. T
his meant that when we got to the top of the mountain, and arrived smack bang in the middle of a freaking blizzard, all the Aussies screamed like girls "OH MY GOD ITS SNOW!" and ran out into the blizzard in t-shirts and shorts. After a few hasty photos, with icicles dripping off their noses, they ran back inside with the revelation "My god, that shit is COLD!". We wise ones just laughed. With jackets on.
Anyways, it was decided that that night we would have a party of sorts, and there was an unofficial theme. The theme happened to be Pimps and Prostitutes. That was fine by me, I borrowed some of the girls makeup, mascara, lipstick and flower-things and set to work. I had a gaggle of girls helping me out, because they all wanted to help make me pretty. So, we all sat around in one of the girl's rooms and helped make each other beautiful, which was quite an experience for me.
HOT DAMN GIRLS, you poor, poor creatures. Make-up and all that crap are a complete pain in the ass. I have since gained a much better appreciation when a girl gets all made-up for the night. I realise the effort that was put into it, and compliment them.
I digress. So. I've just had mascara and foundation put on, lip gloss, my hair has been done up (with many stiffled giggles). Then the tour guide shouts out that the party is cancelled because the blizzard is too strong. Cancelled. After all this...
I wanted to cry, but my make-up would have run. Damn. I don't want mascara streaks down my face, so I put on a smile and wandered down the hallway, making a beeline for my room where I had left copious amounts of alcohol in the freezer (read: window sill. I love snow).
Every person in the Contiki group, all 50 of them, grabbed each other and ran out to gaze upon my beauty. I now know what a movie star feels like, cameras flashing on all sides amid a stream of garbled speech. There were posed shots with people, many questions and alot of tittering. Bastards. All I wanted was to forget the hour I wasted and drink lots.
And I didn't even have my girls clothes on! DAMN YOU BLIZZARD. You ruined my night. RUINED IT. I was going to be the hottest girl, err, guy. Oh fuckit. Hottest person there. Irresistable, even.
Must not cry. Must not let make-up run.
I will now let you gaze upon me, in all my splendour.
User Reviews
Submitted by twentyseventy (user info) at 2005-08-09 11:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stifle
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you and your "Spelling" ability.
Oh, oh.
Once I've developed my plans to conquer the world, you'll be sorry! I'll need slaves to peel my grapes for me, and serve me gin and tonics by the pool. And wave palm leaves.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's spelled "monkeys", you brainless twat.
And you wanna watch how you insult me; I am, after all, prettier than you.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, yes, yes you are.
You're hairier than a baboon in mating season, with the same little cute pink bum, and leathery hands. Well, cute if you're into monkies.
I like monkies.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM NOT HAIRY, YOU LITTLE TWERP.
Oh you WAIT until I tell Mum.
Submitted by Douglas (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That's it?
You travel around the world for months, and the most interesting thing you remember was the day that you flirted with transexuality??
well damn. I am A-fucking-mazed.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are aware that nose-jobs and hairy arms are just THE THING in Italy, right?
Heck, guys fall over staring at a nice pair of hairy pits. Mmm... italian girls. Im just trying to live up to their, and your, example, sis.
Submitted by jinhenkim (user info) at 2005-08-09 08:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...they ran back inside with the revelation "My god, that shit is COLD!". We wise ones just laughed. With jackets on."
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-09 07:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Partly, yes. It's partly the flowers. You're right.
Mostly, though - mostly - it's the stubble and the size of your nose. Women don't have noses like that.
And it's the hairy arms, too.
Fag.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 07:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*stiffles a laugh*
It's okay, Sis.
Its the flowers in my hair, isn't it?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-09 07:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're one fugly looking woman.
We must be related.
hahahahah I slay me
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 07:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, thats me.
...
Just kidding.
One to the viewers right is a girl, yes. IRL she was very cute, too. Then again, I generally like small brunettes, so I'm biased.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-08-09 07:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-08-09 06:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The one to your left (our right) is a female, right?
Rrrr!
Otherwise I might start questioning my sexuality.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 05:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, as far as travelling independantly: Thats what I did for the rest of my trip. But for mainland europe, I decided a Contiki would be best, first time out.
I wouldn't do one again, even though I enjoyed it. I prefer meeting the locals. Best time I had was in Paris, with three college girls from Lyon.
Sorry for the double-reply.
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-09 05:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There were, but hey, I'm not writing a 10 page essay. The amount of crap that goes on on those trips is, well, quite amazing. Had to cut it down somehow. My fav bit was the half-naked aussies running into the snow, personally.
One story at a time.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-08-09 05:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for having done a Contiki tour. Affordable and great fun. But travelling independently is alot more rewarding, as you'd know.
-1 for putting on some make up being the story you came out with. Surely there were greater shenanigans on the tour?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-09 04:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite funny, you silly mentalist.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-08-09 04:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god you scared the shit out of me. Us English can't take cultural shock like that very well.