To John Michael on his Birthday (895 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.71 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CookieLass (View user info) at 2005-08-10 12:53:19 EDT
Last month, I flew back home to Scotland due to a tragic death in the family. *sidenote* I don't have a passport anymore (confiscated. THANKS A LOT GERMANY!), yet American security let me through with very few questions, without even searching my carry-on bag. British customs, on the other hand, held me for 3 hours until my uncle turned up with proof of my citizenship, and they searched EVERYTHING on me. How safe do your skies feel now, USA? *sidenote over* One of my cousins was killed and it was a very dark day for us as a family. Nobody likes getting that phone call.
I got to my Great Uncle's home, which we lovingly refer to as "The Compound" because it sprawls over his acreage, and 85% of my family lives there. We're practically like our own township. It was a startling sight. John Michael was, in many ways, the family favourite... always there when you needed him to do absolutely anything that needed to be done. The doors of our homes were draped in black, black bows adorned the bonnets of the cars. As I walked down the lane, I could hear sobs coming from inside almost every building. John Michael's daughter was sat on her doorstep, unmoving. One of my aunts stood sentry with her, and my Uncle told me that she hadn't moved since she'd heard the news. His death makes her an orphan as her mother committed suicide due to post-partum depression when Diane was only a few days old.
I felt out of place in my jeans and t-shirt when everyone had donned such deep mourning so quickly after his death. When I entered the main house, I saw his brother Patrick sat by the window, staring at the fields. His eyes were dark and bloodshot, the lines of his suddenly-old face still filled with soot from the accident. His clothes were fresh, but only because he'd been changed by his wife. He hadn't spoken, and he looked a little wild. I hadn't cried openly since I'd heard the news. Only silent tears in the privacy of the loo at work, and again as I attempted sleep on the flight over.
I rushed to Patrick, a sob tearing out of me that I could not contain. I climbed into his lap like I used to when I was little and one of his pranks had gone too far, buried my face in his chest and let go. My boyfriend stood there watching, not knowing what do to or what to say in the face of anguish like this. He hates it when I cry, because it happens so rarely and never fails to catch him off guard. He didn't even want to come, but Uncle Philip insisted.
Patrick didn't endure many of my tears before he opened up his floodgates as well. We sat there, holding each other and crying, for a few minutes. Other cousins came in, aunts and uncles, and we all held each other as we sobbed. Somehow, Jason was pulled into the circle. He didn't fight it, and later on said that it seemed disrespectful to resist. I appreciate him more than he could ever know for that sentiment.
Later that night, as the few women of the family prepared for tomorrow's wake, John Michael's brothers, Patrick, Avery, Joshua, Ryan and Paul, sat with me in the back yard in the tree-swing, as we talked about our memories of John Michael.
"Remember when he thought he was the Green Lantern?" Paul said quietly. "He used to wear mum's old fake jade ring, point it at the sky, and yell 'Lantern ON!" as loudly as he could till dad had it off him."
We laughed and Joshua brought up the Wonder Twins incident that caused me to blush. Jason pressed me for details, but I wouldn't give them. Patrick sighed heavily and stared off into the gloaming as he talked about the time they'd gotten caught nicking a pair of Suzie McMarten's knockers off the washline when they were 9 and 10. And the time he'd knocked one of my teeth out trying to swing me by my feet like the bloke we'd seen at the circus. I'd flown head-first into a tree and John Michael had gotten the worst beating we'd ever witnessed up to that point.
As our laughter rang over the hills, more of our family came out to sit with us and remember. It's funny how that works. You band together over whatever feeling is the most prevalent at the time. We were all angry at God over his death, we all cried together in a large huddle, and then we all sat with drinks in hand, under a beech tree, and laughed together.
Most of these stories were new to Jason. Everyone professed their sadness that he'd never met John Michael, and everyone agreed that they would have gotten along famously. Some tears were shed with the telling of the stories, some happy, some sad. His baby daughter came to sit in my lap and I was struck at how much she looked like him. Same gigantic grey eyes, same curling dark hair, same dimple in her left cheek. Patrick was her godfather, and he was going to have one hell of a time keeping the boys away when she grew up.
I felt the sudden need to move back home, but knew I'd have to choose between Scotland and Jason. I missed the family gathered around me, and felt sad for the months I'd missed with John Michael before a stranger took his life. I cuddled Diane, leaned back against my boyfriend and let the comforting accents of home soak into me as if I were a thirsty sponge.
Sealed in the dimming twilight, nestled in the bosom of the ones I loved the most, I sighed, and despite the crippling sadness I felt in my soul at the loss of one of my dearest friends, let alone my closest cousin, my heart felt happy and light. And I didn't feel ashamed, or guilty, or remorseful for that lightness in my being. I knew that if John Michael were sitting next to me, he would be fine with the laughter. Because beyond the clownish caricature of a man that he may have been, he was also a friend, as dependable as the day is long, witty and bright, compassionate and thoughtful. No one can replace him, and no one who knew him would ever try.
You are missed and loved. Happy birthday.
User Reviews
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-08-11 02:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a wonderful touch to your writing, this was beautiful.
Im sorry for your loss.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 01:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was excellent.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-08-10 23:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touching.
-Dave
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-10 20:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate cowardly people on the internet sometimes
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fail to see how I have a reputation for lying, but whatever. You're going to think whatever you want anyway, and I refuse to use this post to argue with someone. If you want to fight about it, you're a sad, sad little man.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no, i believe your cousin died and i want to believe that you miss him.
What i disbelieve is that you flew out of the US and into the UK without a passport regardless of people vouching for your citizenship.
Doesn't happen.
Particularly in this political climate and particularly in the UK or US.
And lets face it, you have a reputation for being a liar.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-10 15:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Say it aint so
Uber without cookie is like sex without a partner...
it's ok for a little bit but then it tends to get a little boring
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 15:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, kwame and hippo-rapist, I'm sorry that the truth of my life isn't original enough for you discerning literal tastes. I'll try to conform to what you feel is "good enough" next time. Perhaps you'd prefer naked chicks and stories about drunk hookups instead?
This is the reason why I don't feel the need to be a part of Uber anymore. Shitty-ass alters so used to finding porn and complete and total shit on the front page, that when something decent comes along, they feel the need to shit all over it. I'm just about done with Uber.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cookie - man I feel like a dick for giving you shit on the book club now.
The best thing I could think to say is - We should all hope to be remembered as well as this young man.
Sorry it's the best I've got *hugs*
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HippoRapist (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i believe your cousin died. i don't believe the cliche story around it.
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gosh, kwame_johnson's a dick.
very well written - my contacts got all misty
Submitted by HippoRapist (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't believe you either. it shows.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you don't believe that my cousin died and I miss him?
Wow. I'd hate to be as cynical as you.
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe you.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-08-10 14:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't normally rate you for obvious reasons, but I wanted to let you know that this was written very well. This submission was interesting because it went through several different levels of emotion, and I enjoyed reading it.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
because nothing else seemed appropriate.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poignant. I almost jerked a tear reading this. Seriously.
Why is it under Romance?
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's in a better place now.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry for your loss, dear. Lovely painting.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know, Adam... master plan, mysterious ways, all that crap. Buy you can't tell me that after losing someone in a violent, painful way, when they didn't deserve to die, that you wouldn't feel the need to rage at SOMEONE. The mysterious, omnipotent being in the sky that everyone says loves us and wants us to be happy is always easiest.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cookie-
could you whip me up a little drawing to go with my story I'm gonna post soon...
jk
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very touching
and this...
"We were all angry at God over his death"
Well normally I'd take the time to set you straight, but as it stands I won't
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was only home for a weekend, Jay... left Thursday night, came home Sunday night. I wasn't allowed to spend more time there thanks to the Germans.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
I wish i could paint.
Other then paint by number ya know.. I rawk at that!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry mate.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry for your loss, and somehow it seems inappropriate to complement you on the amazing writing of this post, so I'll hope to remember to do that some other time.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, so I'll read your book, now.
I feel like an ass, have you been in Scotland throughout all that jazz and jabber on the booklist?
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
ps. My birthday is Nov.13
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was in the military when my wife died. There was nobody, and since she was in a different country at the time, I couldn't even see her buried. Glad you had some family & friends through it all.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-10 13:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
where's the picture from?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-10 12:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment