Carnival Delights (541 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Fiction
Rating: 1.9 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (View user info) at 2005-08-11 10:50:29 EDT
He danced a happy dance. He did the jolly jig. He made with the sublime shuffle. Right there at the end of the midway. People strolling past the cotton candy vendors, the ring toss, and saloon shoot-out. Most looked his way. Some even paused to watch his performance. He watched the ones that hurried past. Maybe it was his painted face, maybe it was his silence. Maybe they just didn't like mimes.
He stopped and acted like he was wiping his brow, his hand a slight inch from his forehead. He exaggerated heavy breathing, a sign of his mocked exhaustion. People clapped. He put his hand up to his ear, as if he could now barely hear their applause. He acted out a sign of surprised gratitude.
"Do the wall thing!" a patron yelled out.
He made a face as if he didn't understand. He bowed his legs and waddled over to the shouter and shrugged three times in quick succession.
"You know!" said the teenage boy, who awkwardly put his hands up as if pressing on a wall. This caused quite a bit of laughter from his group of friends. The mime jerked his thumb at the teen and made a face of disbelief. Now the whole crowd laughed. The boy let out a bark of amusement, too, and did his wall bit again.
He slapped the boy on the shoulder, inserting the needle into the stitching of his shirt, and made a face of sudden understanding. The mime placed himself in an invisible box, performing it with both his hands and his feet. The crowd cheered, and the group of teens moved on.
After a few more minutes, he looked at his wrist where a watch should be, and waved goodbye to the gathering of people. Doing the robot walk, he strode past the lion cages until he came to his trailer, where he adopted a normal walk. Up the folding steps, he unlocked his door and stepped in.
There wasn't much space. Enough for a bed, a trunk of costumes, and a small desk with an attached mirror. He moved a bag of pretzels out of the way and sat on the edge of the bed to examine his make up. He was reapplying his eyeliner when he heard a noise from the closet. He smiled and clasped the lock on his cosmetic case.
He slid open the door and examined the state of the corpse hanging from its arms. The blond hairs had almost all fallen out of its head, and its once perky breasts had shriveled to flaps. Pushing it out of the way, he now took in the live girl bound on the far side. Her arms were also hanging from the clothes bar, imprisoned in handcuffs. Duct tape had been wrapped around her feet and covered her mouth. Her bright blue eyes shone at him through tears. She squirmed and glanced down at the cockroach crawling up her naked thigh. He put a hand on his hip and extended the index finger of his other hand in exclamation. Reaching down, he pulled the insect of her, as well as removed another one skittering up the wall behind her. He crushed both on the floor with a slippered foot. He dusted off his hands in exaggerated motion and gave her an award winning grin. She moaned behind her tape, and without breaking smile, he punched her on the side of the head, knocking her out.
Sighing, he pushed her farther back into the closet, replacing the corpse in front. He pushed at the eyeball, trying to move it in the socket. It was stuck looking up. He grew thoughtful for a minute, then shrugged. Leaning in, he licked the side of the decaying cheek. Finding it worthy, he spritzed the closet with perfume and closed the door.
He went back to the desk and removed a set of needles from a small box. From one of the drawers, he pulled out a small vial of liquid. He dipped the needle into it, then blew on it until dry. He slid it into the stitching on the palm of his glove, and returned the items to their rightful places. He tested the movement of his hand, then gave the mirror a big toothy smile.
The mime was marching back past the lion cages when an ambulance rolled up. The boy who had performed the wall with him was laying on the ground, vomiting blood. All of his friends stood around him crying, and one girl was kneeling over his convulsing body. He looked over at the people standing by the Tilt-a-wheel and made an expression of great concern.
User Reviews
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-09-26 07:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand the mime being angry with that stupid teenager makin fun of his job .... but why the dead girl licking and the other girl ? Goods as hell tho and i wish you continued this story but soon you will be too busy with other series.　
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This might not have received your strongest reception, kk, but I appreciate the stretch involved in making your main character a mute. If you did want to develop this at some point, one of your "outs" is to characterize through possessions. (Maybe this guy has a caged bird that fills her days by feathering her nest with strands of hair, color unknown, plucked from a hairbrush on the dresser... that kind of shit.)Anyhoo, you took the "Pepsi challenge" on this one, and it was a nice read.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-08-12 16:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Lord.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, I've given it more thought and it is an awsome beginning to a story so here's +2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is a great beginning, but that feels like that's all it is. You've given very little development or resolution. For instance, the girlies in the closet. How'd he get em in there? Was the boy sposed to join them or is he just fuckin w/ peoples?
Is my opinion so may not be worth much but.... Great beginning now give us the rest.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Am I the only person who doesn't completely detest mimes?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-08-11 12:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-11 12:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
....
....
that's fucked up
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-11 12:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay, jolly jig!
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-11 11:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you scare me
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-11 11:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's good and well written.
I didn't like it though. Nope. No flesh on the characthers, and I ain't talkin' about the dead girl in the closet. Maybe could have been some snuff titilation if he'd done more stuff with the live girl, Having them hug the victim and cry or something always does it for me. Just my, rather worthless, opinion.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-08-11 11:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mimes are eeeeviiiiiiil
Submitted by SPLR (user info) at 2005-08-11 11:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-11 11:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-11 10:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for jolly jig
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-08-11 10:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for psycho circus - two words that seemingly for no reason go together and form a concept.