Thank You (1093 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ETS_Nonfiction
Rating: 1.9 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-08-11 13:29:49 EDT
I have tried to write this for years. I never can. I must have started putting that day down in words a thousand times now, and every time, I want to die. I have to stop. This time, I'm going to do it. I swear to god, this time I'm going to get to the end.
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Monteray... She was just a baby when I met her. I'd fallen in love with her mother at first sight, and Monteray was no different. She was like a little angel - the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in the entire world. For the first time in my life, I understood a father's love. Her eyes were so huge and clear, and seemed to understand everything.
On a summer day when she was 3, Monteray stepped behind my stepdad's vehicle as he was pulling out of the driveway. We all thought she was still beside us. We were preparing for a yard sale. We though she was beside us...
Goddamnit, she was supposed to be beside us!
Rarely a day goes by I don't flash to this moment and lose myself in it:
I heard a dull 'thud'.
I looked down at my side where Monteray was supposed to be.
She was not there.
This....goddamnit....
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Time stood still.
I was outside it...
Outside everything...
At that moment I saw the heart of the whole world smashing before my eyes -
Smashing like that little girl's bones on the cold concrete, beneath the wheels of a truck.
I heard a tremendous wail... The wail was mine. It was the sound of my soul dying.
When I got to her where she lay, I couldn't think.
I saw the blood.
It was my little girl's blood.
It was spread out in a puddle under her limp body.
The screams were white noise.
The screams faded to silence.
I picked her up and held her in my arms.
I saw her clear, blue eyes roll back in her head.
Her tongue was out.
FUCK! NO NO NO Fucking God, don't do this to me. PLEASE! Not her! PLEASE! No. No. No. No. No. No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The blood was all over everything.
I had picked her up on this side of the tire. There is no reason the tire would have missed her in the position I found her in.
I was impotent with fear.
I was paralyzed with the surreal disbelief of what was happening before me.
My little girl was dying in my arms.
If I live to be a hundred and twenty, I don't ever want to revisit this moment. I'd die 10,000 deaths before I could ever bear witnessing one of hers.
My mom, my savior...thank god she was there too. She took Monteray from my arms and jumped without thinking in the very truck that had done this to her. My step dad jumped in the driver's seat. I remember looking at April, Monteray's mom and she was crying. She and my sisters were getting in the van. The truck was leaving without me.
I RAN.
I ran as fast as my feet would take me. I lept and caught the tailgate of the truck as it accelerated down the street toward the hospital that was 6 miles away. It dragged my feet as I struggled to pull myself up into the back of the truck. Finally I made it.
That was the longest 6 mile stretch of road you can ever imagine. The cars in front of us were creeping - ignorant to the flashing headlight, the flashing emergency lights, and the blaring horn of the truck to "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! PLEASE!?!?!? NOT NOW!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAYYYYYYYYYY!
I watched in absolute disbelief as my mom started the CPR on her little body. I saw my mom cradle Monteray with one hand on her back as she pressed her two fingers over and over on her chest. I knew at that moment she had died.
I should have prayed.
Maybe I should have prayed. I should have asked Jesus Christ to come into my little girl and save her - to come now and cradle her tiny body in His arms and tell her it's all right. I should have told Him at that moment that if he would only save my little girl's life that I would spend the rest of mine making sure that He got the glory, and that I would never doubt him again.
But that's not what I did.
With all the passion and sincerity I posses in the pit of my soul I kneeled down away from the horrific scene in the front seat and quietly spoke to God for the first time in years.
"God, if you are listening, if you care for my everlasting soul, YOU WILL HEAR ME NOW! By all the power of heaven and hell, so help me, God, you WILL hear me now! What I am about to tell you is the most serious thing I will have ever spoken in my life. I mean it with every last drop of my being, and you KNOW IT! If you let this little girl die now, I will curse your name until the end of time and to the ends of hell. I will spend every waking moment exercising whatever power I posses to make sure that no one ever believes in you again. If you take my child from me now, I will take as many of your children with me as my years upon this earth will allow. And they too will curse your name. And Hell will be a richer place because of it."
All this I said to our Almighty God with the utmost seriousness. I knew at that moment, He knew I wasn't joking.
We got to the hospital at last. The nurses and doctors swarmed. They were waiting for us because one of our neighbors had called to tell them we were on the way.
They took over and stabilized her. Within the hour, they life-flighted her to another hospital with better facilities an hour away. Best I can remember, she was there for three months.
It turned out, the tire had not run over her after all, but her skull had been fractured. The biggest fear of the doctors was that she might get bacterial meningitis from it. She unconscious for days and days.
When she finally woke up from this ordeal, I swear to you she was a different person. It was as if she'd grown up in her sleep. We would all talk to her and tell her everything was going to be ok. Her mother and I would sleep in the room with her. We'd hold her hand and tell her we loved her SOOOOO much. Maybe that was it. Maybe she absorbed it all. But I think it might have been something different.
Monteray had never been taught about Jesus, God...any of that shit. We never went to church. In fact, outside my mom and stepdad, Monteray had probably had very little if any exposure to religion at all.
But, on my life, when my little girl woke up and was talking more than she'd ever talked in her life, having practically grown up before our eyes, she said she had talked to Jesus. She said He said he loved her and she said she loved Him too.
I couldn't help it. I went to the bathroom and cried and said "thank you".
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-04-10 19:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-09-02 01:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
recalc
Submitted by JHoersten2 (user info) at 2005-08-28 17:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-08-15 01:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-12 12:07:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna.. go... and watch Cadence and Imogen sleep. Yeah. For about an hour or so.
This was fucking brutal.
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What is this - an award winning names post?? Cadence, Imogen and Monteray - top drawer...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-08-15 01:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-15 00:47:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-14 13:30:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I never told you this, but here it goes...
You know how it was weird that she would say stuff that would pertain to the situation out of the blue? Like walking into the room and asking the one random question that would be the entire plot of the movie, which we wouldn't find out until 10 minutes later?
One morning after I had spent the night at your place she came into the living room and started watching cartoons. I got up and watched them with her. After about half an hour, I looked over at her (she was sitting on the floor with her back to me) and started thinking about the whole thing, especially how she had said she talked to Jesus. A few seconds later she turned at looked at me and said:
"I talked to Jesus when I got runned over."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Yeah.
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Yep.
She is amazing...in every way.
---------------------------
Now the post WAS touching, and made me wipe my eyes, but this little exchange fucked me up.
+twenty-four eleventy gazillion trillion for Monteray - and dads.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-15 00:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-14 13:30:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I never told you this, but here it goes...
You know how it was weird that she would say stuff that would pertain to the situation out of the blue? Like walking into the room and asking the one random question that would be the entire plot of the movie, which we wouldn't find out until 10 minutes later?
One morning after I had spent the night at your place she came into the living room and started watching cartoons. I got up and watched them with her. After about half an hour, I looked over at her (she was sitting on the floor with her back to me) and started thinking about the whole thing, especially how she had said she talked to Jesus. A few seconds later she turned at looked at me and said:
"I talked to Jesus when I got runned over."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Yeah.
---------------------
Yep.
She is amazing...in every way.
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-08-14 14:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-14 13:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never told you this, but here it goes...
You know how it was weird that she would say stuff that would pertain to the situation out of the blue? Like walking into the room and asking the one random question that would be the entire plot of the movie, which we wouldn't find out until 10 minutes later?
One morning after I had spent the night at your place she came into the living room and started watching cartoons. I got up and watched them with her. After about half an hour, I looked over at her (she was sitting on the floor with her back to me) and started thinking about the whole thing, especially how she had said she talked to Jesus. A few seconds later she turned at looked at me and said:
"I talked to Jesus when I got runned over."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Yeah.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-13 16:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:55:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This kicks the ass of the vast majority of high rated horseshit currently on the front page, so time to put it on the MRR
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-12 12:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna.. go... and watch Cadence and Imogen sleep. Yeah. For about an hour or so.
This was fucking brutal.
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2005-08-12 11:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God. I remember you telling me that story and suddenly now I'm remembering that whole period of life! But that stress on God, and that fact that you were threatening him, that's so fucking intense. Your one of the most overtly passionate people I know.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-11 23:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I felt the same when my mate backed my car into a drive stone wall after too many Es. The more you scream "Stop", the less likely they're going to.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just give me a call since i dont have your number available right away. i will have to look for it, and that will most likely piss me off.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And, it got dusty in here real fast.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:28:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it just me, or does anyone else want Badlands to write something about what he was talking about down there?
Dude, you posted when you found out about the baby, now I demand an update. You gotta keep the anonymous internet strangers in the loop with this shit.
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Yeah, I've been kicking the idea around for a while now, Teeph. I'm thinking it's finally time.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's awesome dude!
We'll definitely have to get drunk and piss about sometime.
I'll give you a call tonight if you'll be around. Or give me a call, either way.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:30:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah, i forgot. im moving back to kentucky on the 3rd of sept. gimme a call honky
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
its true folks. i have known ETS for over 13 years, and i remember when this happened. she still is the most beutiful little girl i have ever seen.
however, i didnt know that she had such a profound acceleration in her speech when she woke up. i dont remember hearing about that. the whole experience (although tramatic for you brad) is awesome to hear about. im just glad i wasnt there. it would haunt me as well.
i still dont get why she said she talked to jesus if she wasnt taught anything about him since, well, he doesnt exist and all :)
thanks for sharing this bro. its a good read for people who werent there
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:07:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
(A side note - don't move or 'pick up'injured people it may result in greater injury!)
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You're right.
But in this case, if we hadn't done what we did, she would have surely died right there.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How precious and delicate are the lives around us. Thanks for the reminder.
(A side note - don't move or 'pick up'injured people it may result in greater injury!)
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i burst into tears while reading this...
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touching.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear that,
Like I say I'd just be happy it turn out ok and deal with the rest of it in whatever way seams best for you. That kind of attitude has always done alright for me.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. Nothing really to say about that. It takes courage to air such personal feelings. Kudos to you my friend.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
really good.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:32:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:50:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to say it was cleansing, Kathy, but it wasn't.
I left a part of myself in that moment, and, honestly, I don't think it will ever leave.
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Intense experience like this will always stay you. Just be thankfull that yours ended happily.
I have to admit after your last ubermadness entry I wouldn've guessed you where an atheist of at least agnostic.
You wrote it well too.
----------------------
Honestly, I don't know what I am, but at that moment I did.
It's like climbing out of a foxhole and charging the enemy - bullets wizzing by. At that moment, NO ONE is an atheist. At that moment, the God of our youth is right there with us.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:50:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to say it was cleansing, Kathy, but it wasn't.
I left a part of myself in that moment, and, honestly, I don't think it will ever leave.
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Intense experience like this will always stay you. Just be thankfull that yours ended happily.
I have to admit after your last ubermadness entry I wouldn've guessed you where an atheist of at least agnostic.
You wrote it well too.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I second that Teeph.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it just me, or does anyone else want Badlands to write something about what he was talking about down there?
Dude, you posted when you found out about the baby, now I demand an update. You gotta keep the anonymous internet strangers in the loop with this shit.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Badlands, thanks, congratulations, and good luck! :P
Be sure to beat them boys off with sticks!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well that was the best thing i've read today.
wow.
goosebumping.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heheheh
Thanks Teeph. Nah, you're not a faggoty fairy.
In no way, shape, or form does that make you a flaming ghey man.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next month at this time, I'll be holding my newborn baby girl in my arms.
This is the very first time something I've read on Uber has moved me to tears.
...I simply have no words...
Submitted by Hirgon (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touching, and a half.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell, ETS, *I* want to hug her. Maybe even you too. That doesn't make me gay, does it?
Nah, I'm just being sensative.
But, could you be sure to wear the hat from your camwhore? HAWT.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to say it was cleansing, Kathy, but it wasn't.
I left a part of myself in that moment, and, honestly, I don't think it will ever leave.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you wrote this.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is entirely true.
She is alive and well. She's 7 years old now.
Although she isn't my biological daughter, she will always be my little girl.
She has a lazy eye now because of the incident. It wanders a little as she smiles and laughs. She has the most beautiful and infectious laugh in the world.
Her mother left me two years ago now, and I don't get to see her often, but she's doing well.
She calls me "Braddy".
Sometimes, if I think too much about all of this, I'll completely break down. It's strange how tears of sadness, rage, and joy can intermingle in this way.
I wish she was here now. I want to hug her.
Submitted by Sethor (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:38:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not even Christian and this still rocks. I'm not about to convert, but I am glad she lived on.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The same thing happened to a friend of mine. Luckily he walked away with
just a few broken bones.
Thank God she's okay!!!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:32:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a cool name for a little girl.
Maybe I'll use it when TigerLilly has my baby.
Good story.
---
When can we start practicing?
Good post.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that is the closest i have come to crying in years.
if this is true, how is she doing now?
if this isnt, or based on something else, good shit.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If a single word of this is bullshit, I will kill you dead.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if this story is true or not but I find myself deeply affected by it.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit.
Damn contact lenses.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 13:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a cool name for a little girl.
Maybe I'll use it when TigerLilly has my baby.
Good story.