Fun and Games in the Dallas County Jail (2776 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Drew "Most Reverend ajanssen" Janssen (View user info) at 2005-08-11 14:34:01 EDT
I was 18 years old and was in shock when I had received the news. I had been awaiting trial in the Dallas County Jail for about 5 months and was slowly starting to lose it.
I was housed in a holding tank shared with 63 other men. It was a 2 story tank composing of eight 6-man pods and a large common area with meal tables and a television. There were almost daily fights over the television between the blacks and Mexicans. Black people can't stand Mexican soap operas and I can't say I blame them. It was in North Tower and a terrible place to be. Since I had prior aggravated assault charges I was placed in a tank with other inmates that had "agg-cases".
These were people awaiting trial for rape, kidnapping, murder and other serious charges. Most of them had priors and some knew they were going to get at least 50 years. These kind of people are the worst. They are the quiet ones that you never turn your back on.
I was shipped with several other inmates to North Tower. We were in 72 hour holdover and were awakened at 3 in morning and told to get our shit, which consisted of a mattress, toothbrush, jumpsuit, etc. I was groggy when I walked into North Tower and not in a very pleasant mood. I found it strange when I walked in and saw people sleeping all over the floor and there were empty bunks. I went to throw my mattress on a bunk and was approached right away by a large black man.
"You have to pay me rent to sleep in the bunks" he snarled.
"Shit, I suppose you are the landlord?"
"You fuckin' goddamn right I'm the landlord"
"Well you could have fooled me with that jumpsuit you're wearing" was my ignorant and counterproductive response.
Needless to say, he and 2 others immediately jumped on me. Now I would like to say I'm a badass and pulled some Kung Fu shit on them but that wasn't the case. I seriously hurt one with a punch to the throat and nailed the other one a few times but I didn't even get 1 hit in on the landlord and I was hurting pretty bad by the time the guards shot a can of teargas in the tank. I had a broken tooth, 3 fractured ribs, and was bruised and bleeding pretty bad.
I spent close to a week in infirmary and was dreading my return the entire time. As I strolled back in everyone stopped what they were doing to look at me. Hardened convicts are like vultures and can smell fear. I was looking straight ahead but felt 126 eyes all locked onto me. I confidently strolled over to the bunk and slid my mattress on it. I cringed and tightened up, expecting blows to come from any direction. The landlord's 2 sidekicks walked into the cell and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity before walking off.
I came to find out the landlord had been shipped off to some other shit-hole for his outrageous behavior. He had used a "stinger" (a plug in heat source for making coffee) to turn powdered shaving cream and water into a boiling hot, sticky sludge and flung it on a guard's neck. I was told the beating that commenced afterward made Rodney King's look like a tickling. Supposedly six guards or "ninja turtles" stomped into the cell in formation donning shields, helmets, billy clubs, and steel toed boots. I was told they beat the motherfucker to a bloody mess before finally dragging him off unconscious by the legs.
Now his two sidekicks were the ones now trying to run things but they didn't get as much respect. There were now only 4 people sleeping on the floor instead of bunks. With these type of people once you put up a good fight they will move on to the next person that won't. And the ones that don't stick up for themselves wind up getting used by everyone.
The cell or pod I slept in was shared by two other white people and five Mexicans. I ended up becoming good friends with one of them by the name of Carlos. He was sporting the traditional Mexican prison gang tattoos. Spider webs, half naked women, and the teardrop on the face. Except with Carlos, he had quite a few teardrops on his face....like he had cried a river of ink. I didn't have any money on my books to buy supplies from the commissary wagon that came every morning so me and Carlos set up an agreement. I would get old toothbrushes and melt a blade from our razors into the bristles. Carlos resold these "shanks" and was always in need of them. They afforded me my cigarettes and Ramen noodles. These items are necessities in jail.
Carlos had a bad case of ADHD and was always up to something. It was nearing Christmas time and he had got ahold of the ingredients to brew some "hooch". He claimed it was 90 proof and went down smooth but I declined. The rest of them sat around drinking while we played dominoes but I didn't want to get wasted and wake up in a stranger's bunk with tits painted on my back.
Carlos would always brag that the steel toilet in our tank could suck down a 12 pound bass and decimate anything that our intestines could produce. He was a middle man and always had contraband. About once a week he would have to unexpectedly flush some of it when the guards came in. This would usually lead to a good 20 minutes of him cursing in Spanish. I don't know what he said but they was a lot of "gringo" in it.
For about a week I had noticed that the toilet wasn't operating like it used to. My shit would swirl and make a feeble attempt at escape when I would now flush. I informed Carlos of this but his suggestion to me was just to eat more fiber.
Several days later I awoke to a terrible commotion in our cell. The guards had unexpectedly came in and Carlos was shit faced drunk and frantically trying to flush a homemade tattoo needle. They had awoke him when he was jerking off with a "fi-fi doll". A crude attempt at a fake vagina made out of a plastic bag, sock, and some Vaseline. When I looked down from my bunk, there he was. Drunk and completely naked with the exception of the Fi-fi doll wrapped around his dick. I don't know what all he had flushed down but the toilet had been overflowing for at least a couple of minutes and was violently spewing a nauseating mix of shit, urine, fetid water, and bits and pieces of his contraband. He was laid out on the floor with his hand up to his elbow in the toilet. There was a good 2 inches of shit-water now covering the floor and he was sprawled out in it still sporting the fi-fi doll. The smell was overpowering and I was vomiting but laughing at the same time. I nearly choked myself.
The guards beat him up a little and threw him in the "hole" for a week. Some trustees were called in to clean up to mess as we weren't going to fucking touch it. Boredom can almost kill you in jail and having Carlos gone for a week was rough but I laughed the entire week every time I thought about it. To this day I have that picture of him sprawled out on the floor naked with the fi-fi doll and his arm in the toilet burned in my memory. To this day it makes me laugh.
To Be Continued.
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-18 17:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but I didn't want to get wasted and wake up in a stranger's bunk with tits painted on my back
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hahahaha
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-09-21 19:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kick ass.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-08-25 14:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well hello there!
It's me, your friendly neighborhood shark.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-13 10:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOb's post inspired me as well http://www.ubersite.com/m/55484
Lots of fun with fifi's!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:30:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember the interviews, and the living conditions, of people I put in Old+New Folsom
and San Quentin.
County is county, even if it's a transfer hub.
Prison....is no joke .
I also appreciate your honesty on the conditions, and why you were, there.
Unlike the Bull-Shit drivel another well known 'Uberite' spewed a few months ago.
Good Luck
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yeah, what joe said.
I wan't even going to mention FT
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who thinks this is BS can come see me.
This nigga here knows his shit.
I await the next installment.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-12 02:28:39 (#)
Ranking: -2
Pokey, are you an Aggie?
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Yeah. I graduated from Texas A&M in 1990. How did you know that?
Submitted by Shifty (user info) at 2005-08-12 04:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-12 03:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember the interviews, and the living conditions, of people I put in Old+New Folsom
and San Quentin.
County is county, even if it's a transfer hub.
Prison....is no joke .
I also appreciate your honesty on the conditions, and why you were, there.
Unlike the Bull-Shit drivel another well known 'Uberite' spewed a few months ago.
Good Luck
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-11 23:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:37:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Things that make you go hmmm....Being from dfw myself and some small experience in their County jails.
No one shits in their own cell! Everyone goes out to the public areas for dumps or your cell stinks all night
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Decent folk do but Mexicans facing 25 years just dont give a fuck.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fascinating. Well written.
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Things that make you go hmmm....Being from dfw myself and some small experience in their County jails.
No one shits in their own cell! Everyone goes out to the public areas for dumps or your cell stinks all night.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-11 19:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've just made my "Must Read" list.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad you are doing good now, look forward to reading about it if you post more.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
indoninja, it was worse in some ways and better in some ways. Ill keep posting but I really have put all that behind me. I'm a productive, upstanding citizen and I have my own mortgage business nowadays.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Highly entertaining read. I'm glad you're out and living the clean life now.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:32:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I spent about 6 months in county with my lawyer postponing the trial while working on a plea bargain then spent 6 months in Dawson State Jail as a part of that bargain.
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How was state prison compared to county, or is that another post?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing WITH you.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40484
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I spent about 6 months in county with my lawyer postponing the trial while working on a plea bargain then spent 6 months in Dawson State Jail as a part of that bargain.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did you end up in county for a year?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Currently, the stay in Dallas County is about 4 months. Thats how far backed up our courts are.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There were some skin heads and some average white people like myself but we were the minority. It really all depends on what part of the jail you are in. I have since been back for some unpaid traffic tickets and the tank I was in for 2 days was completely different than this one. When you are in County the aggravated tank is the worst to be in. These are usually repeat offenders all with some kind of a prior or pending aggravated case. Most of them have been to prison before and are awaiting lengthy sentences. These kind of people have given up on life and just don't care about anything. The other people with minor offenses were housed in different parts the jail and usually made trustees. Dallas County Jail, also known as Lew Sterrett, is a huge jail and a terrible one to be confined to.
Submitted by Graham (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dallas county jail is a dangerous place. El Paso county is even worse. You got to remember these folks there are not boyscouts. The shanks are everywhere. Almost everyone has access to weapons of some kind quite easily. Huntsville is a diagnostics and medical unit. Convicts usually spend 1-2 weeks there then move on to a place called Gorree (sp) that is a secondary diagnostic unit where they clasify you as far as your crime, age and propensity for violence. Homosexuals are seperated as soon as they get to Huntsville. Texas has "farms" all over the state.
I hope you have no plans on returning to any of these facilities. I know I'm not.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look Asshole, that "paid my debt to society" card never really fulfills anything you intend it to and being an "upstanding citizen" is something expected, not an achievement. I've been to several prisons and see the same kind of people there every fucking time: faggots, tough guys, and wallflowers.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:10:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
indoninja, when the blacks and Mexicans fought things always got out of hand because they always fought in groups and the longer the fight, the more people involved. When fights went unchecked for more than 5 minutes, thats when razors came out and people started snatching anything they could to beat or stab someone else with. In one riot inmates boosted each other up to reach the ceiling in the kitchen and tore out the flourescent light bulbs. Broken in half, these things were deadly.
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Gotcha. Were there any skin heads or just woods there? and what were the toads and the frogs fighting over? and how long did people normally stay in county?
As you can tell it is a slow day at work.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you just keep getting more and more interesting
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:04:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:59:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would get the old toothbrushes and razors from the trustees that served our meals. In county, homosexuality is almost frowned upon. There isnt a whole lot a raping and butt-sex. I only knew of a couple of instances while I was there.
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That is why I am curious about the whole shank thing, why else would you need one except to protect your manjinity, or to take someones?
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HAAA!@ manjinity!
seriously, good post.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
indoninja, when the blacks and Mexicans fought things always got out of hand because they always fought in groups and the longer the fight, the more people involved. When fights went unchecked for more than 5 minutes, thats when razors came out and people started snatching anything they could to beat or stab someone else with. In one riot inmates boosted each other up to reach the ceiling in the kitchen and tore out the flourescent light bulbs. Broken in half, these things were deadly.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well arent you clever,MrBigWildCatMascotMcgee.I've paid my debt to society and have been an upstading citizen for a long time. To my recollection, it was people like you that reckelessly ran their mouths that ended up getting fucked.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:59:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would get the old toothbrushes and razors from the trustees that served our meals. In county, homosexuality is almost frowned upon. There isnt a whole lot a raping and butt-sex. I only knew of a couple of instances while I was there.
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That is why I am curious about the whole shank thing, why else would you need one except to protect your manjinity, or to take someones?
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:59:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would get the old toothbrushes and razors from the trustees that served our meals. In county, homosexuality is almost frowned upon. There isnt a whole lot a raping and butt-sex. I only knew of a couple of instances while I was there.
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I bet you did! I bet you remember the few instances vividly. How else did you pay the Landlord off? hahaha.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would get the old toothbrushes and razors from the trustees that served our meals. In county, homosexuality is almost frowned upon. There isnt a whole lot a raping and butt-sex. I only knew of a couple of instances while I was there.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:52:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am spamming the hell out of this, but what did you do? and did you have any bitches, or have to toss any salads?
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HAHAHAHAHAH! Fucking funniest thing ever. He was Chris Rock's infamous "Tossed Salad Man"!
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Carlos was one of the few Mexicans I got along with and hung out with. There was no prison gang in our tank. Like you said, this was County. He had done a couple years in Huntsville before and in that prison was a part of Nuestra Familia, a ruthless Mexican prison gang. He sold shanks to people in other tanks that were searched daily. I'm sure he could have collected the items and made them himself but he really was a good guy and I think he got tired of me constantly trying to bum cigarrettes off of him. It's not like we had a lucrative business.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wasn't too bad. I've seen some of the "hooch" that stupid ass crooks make. It's pretty much some nasty ass liquid made from vomit. Seriously, vomit. However, inmates are some of the most creative people in the entire world. Seriously, they are.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am spamming the hell out of this, but what did you do? and did you have any bitches, or have to toss any salads?
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just didn't think shanks are too common in county jail, and why would a mexican in a gang pay you to make them?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind me, I think everyones stories are BS.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit really did happen. I spent a little over a year in the county and state jail and 12 months in a mandatory, state rehab as part of a plea bargain.I just completed 7 years of deferred-adjudicated felony probation and I'm working on getting my record cleared.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 14:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BS, but enjoyable BS.