7PM tomorrow: Nitty goes to Jail (2031 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.75 on 90 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by nitty (View user info) at 2005-08-11 15:01:46 EDT
That's right, my Uber pals.
Tomorrow I check into the Hilton-Slammer. Get in on the lockdown. Not cuffed, not stuffed, but I'll be there behind bars all right.
Why, you ask?
As many of you know, I made an unfortunate mistake about 4 months ago. I was an idiot, and I've paid (and am paying) the price.
There were several parts to the punishment, and one included 24 hours community service or 24 hours jail time.
The catch: The community service is all highly monitored, and can only be done in 4-hour increments to prevent fraudulent service times. That means I'd have to lose half of 6 fucking days to finish the service.
That wasn't the bad part.
The 'fee' for community service was $300. I pay for me to work? Fuck no.
I took what was behind door #2. I took the 24 hours in lockdown. No sweat. I check in at 7PM, and if all goes well they'll let me out early - sometime around early afternoon on Saturday.
It was almost worth it to see the look on the judge's face. There I was in court at 10 in the morning, scheduled to meet a very important client at 3. I was in my best power suit - not for the court, mind you, but for business. When my lawyer said I'd opted to take the 24 hours in, the judge almost fell off her perch.
"Um...excuse me."
"Yes your honor, the 24 hours in jail."
"Well, that will be a new experience in your young life."
I asked the lawyer why she was so suprised, and he said that not many people wearing suits choose the jail time. Well there's a curveball for ya, bitch. You're not getting any more coin out of MY pocket.
I must admit, I AM rather apprehensive. What's the play here? Friends of mine say it's no sweat save for the food, but maybe I watch too many movies.
Should I get a few tats before I go in?
Would a do-rag be entirely inappropriate?
Can I bring cigarettes, and if so, how about dip? It seems discriminatory to allow one and not the other.
Should I kick someone's ass on the way in to exude an air of toughness?
Should I make up some story about how I beat down some cops, and the only reason my bitches haven't bailed me out is because the cell phone in my limo is busted?
Should I just fucking relax about it?
From all I have heard, I can expect to be stuffed in an orange jumpsuit and shown to a minimum security wing known as the 'work farm.' There I will spend my 24 hours watching TV, smoking cigarettes, and playing spades for smokes with Worm.
At least I'll finally get to experience the uphoria of being released from prison. I won't have time to tunnel out a la Andy Dufresne, but maybe I'll have the opportunity to carve my name in a wall or something while I'm there.
I only hope there's a bathroom or something. I'm not planning on eating at ALL tomorrow - so I don't have to use the can while 30 people watch. That would be so unfortunate.
At least I'm not going to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. I'll be sure to look out for my cornhole anyways. Thanks Lawrence.
And oh yeah - SPT
http://www.bullshitjob.com/officespace/cornhole.wav
-nitty
User Reviews
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-18 18:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-09-14 12:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:18:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, man. Avoid the sausage gravy, and never, ever, give away your fruit cup.
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Half Baked reference.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-15 18:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-15 12:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THE UPDATE:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73202
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-15 06:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-13 07:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
congratulations for fucking up in life and having 24 hours of your life taken away.
On your deathbed, in the final moment of life, as your spirit shoves off this mortal coil you will look at your body laying below and will say "Man, I wish I had another day"
loser.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-13 07:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make sure you continually talk loudly about how many hours you have left to go.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-13 06:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-08-12 03:33:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, man! Rounders, Shawshank Redemption, and Office Space all in one post? Fuck yes!
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You forgot to mention Trading Places.
(His bitches haven't bailed him out because the phone in his limo is broken.)
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, we have user numbers over 21k now?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So its just about jail time. Have fun. Don't get raped!
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:32:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to a wedding Saturday, it's kind of the same thing.
=====
HAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-08-12 12:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a difference between jail and prison. You're going to jail. Piece of cake. Relatively.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-12 10:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:32:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to a wedding Saturday, it's kind of the same thing.
-----------
Not kind of, it is.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-12 09:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope. Title said '7PM Tomorrow' and I posted yesterday...so 7PM tonight I hit the clink.
Eastern Standard Time, of course.
I didn't shave this morning, so I have a bit of a rough and stubbled look. Trying to hide the baby face from the asspounders, I guess.
Not so nervous anymore. Fuck it.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2005-08-12 09:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Challenge the guards to an arm wrestle.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh. Well I guess you're there already, eh? Interesting. Let us know how it was.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-08-12 03:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, man! Rounders, Shawshank Redemption, and Office Space all in one post? Fuck yes!
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In my time I have spent a few days in jail, it isn't bad. Just don't piss off anyone who is getting enough time to not give a fuck about you.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 23:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well nitts you won't see it until the am but you made it
w00t!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-11 23:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:13:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
IF there is access, I will post from Jail.
****
yeah..... right
you'll do
just fine
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post about life on the inside.
Submitted by Mike_Hawk (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're probably a child molester and made up the drunk shit
fucking weirdo
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bah. I'm looking at two weeks in November.
Hehe, does this mean no movie post tomorrow?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FREE NITTY!
Actually, you'll be fine. You'll be in JAIL, not prison. Jail is easy. You'll most likely be in with a lot of drunk fuckers. In 24 hours, you'll all be having beers.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to a wedding Saturday, it's kind of the same thing.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Take a bar of soap with ya. And keep dropping it on the floor.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's only a day. Keep to yourself.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always heard that if you tell them you are Diabetic, but control with diet they put you in with the old and the weak.
YOU COULD BE KING FOR A DAY!!!!!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, I can't find the fucking original version, and I gotta go.
So, for today, this will have to do. My favorite song of the week:
http://www.toxicaudio.com/sounds/tox_hook_96b.mp3
eat your heart out Vents
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nitty's going to the pokey. Haha!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa. Just don't come around my place. <mumbling>Don't want you fucking up my life too..</mumbling>
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:09:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:50:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get boobs tattooed on your back, they'll label you considerate.
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Hands down, the best fucking response I've read on this site in months. Maybe ever.
--
HAHAHAHA
Thats fucking awesome.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:09:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:50:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get boobs tattooed on your back, they'll label you considerate.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hands down, the best fucking response I've read on this site in months. Maybe ever.
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Thank you folks I'll be here all night.
Ladies to that back room please.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:57:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Babes..just do me a favor and don't bend over to pick up the soap.
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Not unless you're the one dropping it. Is it a deal?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For spelling Dufresne correctly.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:50:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get boobs tattooed on your back, they'll label you considerate.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hands down, the best fucking response I've read on this site in months. Maybe ever.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you run into Chuck Willard he still owes me 50 bucks. But if you run into Chunk Willard get teh fuck out cause he still owes me 50 fu....
Submitted by Mike_Hawk (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hope you get butt fucked
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn keyboard.....
Dude tatoo'd ACE, in 3" Block letters on his chest
he used a stainless steel mirror in his 'house' to do it
(swear to God)
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What's that white powder shit they throw on you?"
It's, icing sugar, the lice hate the icing sugar.
It's delicious...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cracka, PLEASE!
I'm Cappy T (He's Cappy T)
And it's all-good (It's all good)
I'll pop a cap in your ass
If you're in my neighborhood (Nice neighborhood)
You ain't all that my brother
What you say about my Mother
I'm da bomb this aint no joke
It's Gangsta Folk (He's da bomb, this ain't no joke it's Gangsta Folk)
Yo dawg, check it out!
My Hoochie's fly (His Hoochie's fly)
Don't diss my Boo (What's a Boo?)
Or you'll end up like you know who (Tupac that's who)
A shout out to all my G's
What up peeps? (Cracker please!)
It's dope so take a toke
Of Gangsta Folk (Big ass toke)
It's Gangsta Folk we be chillin' out
Puffin' on the Chronic till we all folked out
Hos in the Hot Tub 24-7 homey ain't no lie (Nasty hos)
I'm the baddest Mc my rhymes are Phat
I cock my glock, Beoch! (Tru Dat)
Fo' Shnizzle my izzle, Dog keep on playin'
(We have no idea what he's sayin)
I'm da bomb this ain't no joke
(He's da bomb this ain't no joke it's Gangsta Folk, word)
Peace-out!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Babes..just do me a favor and don't bend over to pick up the soap.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64506
A few jail tips 3/4 the way down.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LET US ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
WATCH THE CORNHOLE.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nitt.... From what I can gather.....
-------------------
There are two whole economies in there. There is cash and there is trade. You need to take enough cash off of the white guys to dump to the guards so they keep doing you favors and shit. Then you have to trim enough smokes off of the brothers to keep yourself in the lifestyle, you know, that you have grown accustomed to....
You could work with a partner...
Fuck no, who you gonna trust in there?
------------------
From one of my 5 top movies of all time, thank you for referencing it...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get boobs tattooed on your back, they'll label you considerate.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try spending 3 weekends in the slammer....
Make sure you bring some good books, they should let you take them in.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 keep your mouth shut
#2 do not 'hang' with anyone that doesn't look like you
#3* do not, DO NOT! hang out with the guy that has 3)A
self tattoed on his chest
*take your time
it'll come to you
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:33:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay clear of mexicans by the name of Carlos. http://www.ubersite.com/m/73000
___________
hell, stay away from mexicans period
both in and out of jail
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This information might come in handy:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40484
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Be prepared to be stripped naked, asked to squat down, and commanded to cough.
Tell one of the guards that you've been having suicidal thoughts lately. Chances are you'll be put in solitary. Spend most of the day sleeping, and feel comfortable knowing that you're one of the lucky few that can shit in private.
Every now and then, let a few book-smarts slip out when you're around the other inmates. They respect brains more than they fear whatever violent tendencies you may have. Inform them of Shemp, the lesser-known of The Three Stooges. Tell them that a great white shark can bite down with the force of 4,000 pounds per tooth. Teach them how the food disposal in a sink works.
24 hours is cake. You'll be out before you know it, 300 dollar richer.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To the people asking what I did:
I screwed 400 chickens and raped a beagle. They caught me and Donnely driving 7 miles an hour on the road (roood, rooadd, rewd...that's a crazy word) because we were hopped up on the nitrous boosters.
badass you kill me. Berzerker? I don't want any cons wanting to make a fuck.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hair, hands, mouth, ears, pits, bottom of your feet, lift your sack and spread your crack...you'll know what that means by monday.
--------
It means you went on a date with Michael Jackson
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's that white powder shit they throw on you? - Its powdered sugar sir..its delicious.
Before you go man get BEZERKER tatooed across your forhead.
When you get there tie your shirt in one of those knots in the front and put on a bandana, everyone knows the queers are cool in prison.
Really though, just keep to yourself and try not to stand out, it'll be over before you know it.
Hair, hands, mouth, ears, pits, bottom of your feet, lift your sack and spread your crack...you'll know what that means by monday.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay clear of mexicans by the name of Carlos. http://www.ubersite.com/m/73000
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For all the hype this is getting, the end result might be a letdown
But maybe I can learn how to brew shine in a garbage can or something.
Nope, not planning on showering for the day. That's a fact, Jack.
Shlongy - you've got mail.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will be one of those cliche hollywood movies where the main character goes to jail for 24 hours for shitting on the governors lawn and ends up in a cell with a guy named Stanley who he helps break out and knocks off a bank with, blowing away the pregnant teller and getting slapped with a life sentence.
Have fun!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:26:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't drop the soap!!!
_______
Hell for 24hours, i wouldnt even go into the shower.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:25:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Donovan you're a nut.
A sleepover? Fuck me if I'M going to play Truth or Dare.
I'll definitely do a follow-up on Monday. Should be some interesting shit to deal with. Maybe I'll get deloused. What's that white powder shit they throw on you?
Bring a novel. Sure, a nice Danielle Steele romance. Maybe instead I can tape a can of vasoline to my lower back and hang a 'Deliveries in the Rear" sign around my neck.
----------------
While you're at it, go ahead and provide your patrons with a pack of baby wipes and perhaps hang a roll of toilet paper off of the side of your hip. "Thank you, cum again"
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shheeeeeeetttttt nigga!
Good luck.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:25:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Donovan you're a nut.
A sleepover? Fuck me if I'M going to play Truth or Dare.
--
Dont you get it? Thats EXACTLY what they'll do if you play truth or dare....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:21:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have chose the same fate.
24 hrs? Big deal! Bring a novel.
------
ummmm yeahhhhhhh.
I'll say this - if you've ever BEEN in jail, you'll NEVER want to go back in. EVER.
My advice nitty?
Keep to yourself, dont talk to anyone.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
solid.
you'll probably be in your own cell. if not, just think of it as a slumber party with new adult, ass-raping friends.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't drop the soap!!!
Will you be out of the pokey by October in time for The Squeezer?
My best pal from NY, who already paid his deposit BTW, is OUT. Work training.
E-mail me, Manson.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Donovan you're a nut.
A sleepover? Fuck me if I'M going to play Truth or Dare.
I'll definitely do a follow-up on Monday. Should be some interesting shit to deal with. Maybe I'll get deloused. What's that white powder shit they throw on you?
Bring a novel. Sure, a nice Danielle Steele romance. Maybe instead I can tape a can of vasoline to my lower back and hang a 'Deliveries in the Rear" sign around my neck.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buck up camper..You'll be alright.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Watch your spiderweb over there buddy.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, what did you do? For those of us who didnt hear....
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What did you do?
Drugs?
Guns?
Booze?
Bitches?
Any and/or all of the above?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:13:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
break the guards neck when he shows you to your cell, his body shows everyone you're tough but fair
-------------------
I love this guy!
nitty here is some reference material http://www.ubersite.com/m/73000
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where's FatTony at with some advice?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have chose the same fate.
24 hrs? Big deal! Bring a novel.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This sounds awesome. Like a cool little sleep over in the joint. You have to get pictures if you can, and definitly write a follow up post.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:19:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck and Godspeed.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If they start calling you "new fish" be scared, they have something planned for you
Start speaking a foreign language, that should keep people away
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Having made a number of trips to the local minimum security ADC (thats Adult Detention Center here in the 'burbs) up and down the east coast, I would say you've got nothing to worry about. They might slap you in a neon orange jumpsuit, depending on jurisdiction, and stick you in a minimum security gen. pop. All of the people in there are either awaiting trial, and so they don't want any trouble the week before they go to court, or they're poor schlubs like you who have recieved really short sentences for doing whatever kind of stupid shit that got you in trouble.
Only every once in awhile do you get a guy who is trying to make trouble, but in an environment like this, the guards are actually pretty good about keeping them under control, for the most part. Don't bring a pack of cards with you, but a book can't hurt, and someone's got a deck anyway.
Most importantly, DO WHATEVER THE GUARDS ASK YOU TO DO - if another inmate tells you to do something stupid, ignore him - you're only gonna be there for a few hours, not months and months.
Good luck, man. Avoid the sausage gravy, and never, ever, give away your fruit cup.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spent a night in the drunk tank once.
While it sucked ass, it wasn't that big a deal.
The worst part is now having a "record," for being a "criminal."
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Deal!
IF there is access, I will post from Jail. That would be fucking unreal.
Sadly, I plan on nothing entering my ass before, during, or after my prison stay. It's one of my rules. That, and 'you can't ride home on a bowl of goat.' I've always said that.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
break the guards neck when he shows you to your cell, his body shows everyone you're tough but fair
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about testify
User id: 21021
Registered on or around: 2005-08-04 10:02:31
# Messages posted: 2
# Reviews written: 29
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 37
# Hits: 566
Average rating of all messages: -0.61
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You're such a little fag choir boy.
You mother was wrong - you aren't special, and no one likes you.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you should try to post while in jail if there is internet. If not, sneak a camera phone up your ass and take pictures of yourself "chillin'" with your new homies. I bet that Razor phone wouldn't hurt too much. Hell, don't put anything called a Razor up your ass. Scratch that, bad idea.
Submitted by testify (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're all fucking retards who watch too many movies. "Shankings" only occur over drugs, you don't get stabbed for looking at somebody funny, you get stabbed for stealing or narcing.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If for some rare reason there is a squirmish, I'm going to scream "BLITZKREIG BOB!" before I join the ruckus. Maybe then they'll think I'm insane.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shank somebody for me.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoy your day off.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you'll be fine. Just make sure to not cause any commotion, especially since it's only a day. Most of the other inmates won't bother you at all. See if you can get a magazine or something to keep your eyes diverted from making eye-contact as much as possible; that can get you a shiv to the side quicker than you would think. Good luck.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell them you know D-Prime.
Those low-security prisons have Internet connections. They'll leave you alone.
Submitted by testify (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Damn, I would hope you get raped but it's probably some minimum security joint and you probably won't take a shower.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Peter, watch out for your corn hole bud.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-11 15:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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