I'm disgusted with myself, and it's not my fault: Why I hate people, reason 261 (1475 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.32 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ashlee (View user info) at 2005-08-11 15:54:26 EDT
I haven't showered in three days.
It's not my fault.
It all started a few weeks ago. My mother, frustrated with having to continuously chase other people's pets off our property, started making phone calls to local contractors, getting quotes for having a fence built around the backyard. She made an appointment with a guy named Rob, who showed up the following day for a consultation. My mom and I sifted through the brochures he had brought along, trying to find the right fence for the right price. After awhile, we settled on a nice looking, six-foot oak privacy fence for the low low price of fifteen hundred dollars.
The project was trouble from the very beginning. The fence itself was delivered a few days after the order was placed, and Rob said he'd be by the next day to get things started. Four days later, he showed up, with his "crew" in tow. Said crew consisted of one really hot guy and one slightly chunky, really slutty looking bitch. Honestly, construction or no, who shows up to work in bootie shorts and a tube top?
A little aside here, a few days into the job, I had plans to go to lunch with a friend. When I walked out to my car, Slutty Bitch, who seemed to be on a perpetual break, was just standing in front of it, looking at me. I made some smartass comment, because that's just the sort of thing I'm liable to do, and she sort of rolled her eyes and snorted at me. From then on, she seemed to look down her nose whenever I was around, like she was better than me or something. Excuse me, ho, but last time I checked, YOU are here working for ME. Get over yourself.
They set to work, placing the fence posts. Hottie seemed to be the only one doing any actual work, with occasional direction from Rob, when he was around. Due to this, the job which should have taken three or four days, max, was well into its third week with much left to be done, when it happened.
Tuesday morning. I had just finished with the excruciatingly painful and tiring workout routine I recently adopted, and was soothing my aching muscles under a stream of obscenely hot water. Let me make it known right now, I am an obsessively clean person. I love my showers, and enjoy them at least once daily, more often twice, even three times depending on what I did that day. I can't stand the feeling of being dirty, and even go as far as to sacrifice that precious last thirty minutes of sleep in the mornings to make sure I start the day with nice, clean, sweet-smelling skin and hair, despite the fact that most of the time it's safe to assume I took a shower just prior to getting into bed the previous night. So there I was, as usual, enjoying the feeling of the water spraying down over me, when suddenly, I wasn't. The stream had just stopped, for no reason that I could discover through my wild turning of the hot and cold water handles.
Confused and highly annoyed, I wrapped myself in a towel and went to investigate the mystery of the interrupted shower. I walked out to the living room to ask my mom if she knew what was happening, but I never got the words out of my mouth. One look out the sliding glass doors solved the mystery for me. There was a towering column of water shooting forth from the ground, as if someone had run over a fire hydrant. But we didn't have a fire hydrant in the backyard, so there had to be some other explanation for the makeshift fountain we now appeared to possess.
I hurried to my bedroom, slipping into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, before wading out into our backyard-turned-pond to find out what in the happy fuck was going on. By the time I got outside, they had somehow managed to get the geyser turned off and begun to explain what happened. Apparently, Slutty Bitch, in her incompetence, had hit the water line with some tool they were using for some reason I didn't understand, because I've never built a fence before and thus have no idea how one might go about it. In any event, the mistake has resulted in a lack of running water in my home, which should be fixed sometime early next week.
I don't know if I can hold out that much longer. I went to the store and got five cases of bottled water, but I gotta say, bathing yourself with Dasani, luxurious though it may sound, just doesn't quite cut it. For one thing, it's cold, for another, it's incredibly difficult to wash one's hair with exactly zero percent water pressure. My skin is a bit sore from the extra-hard scrubbing I've been doing in effort to compensate for the lack of running water. I feel fucking disgusting, and I've had it up to here with having to drive to the gas station every time I need to pee. I'm convinced that the bitch did this on purpose.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I hear tell there's a storm coming, so I'm going to go put on my swimsuit, grab my body wash, and stand outside in the rain. At least nobody will see me, now that we have a fence...
User Reviews
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-11-18 21:47:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I haven't showered in three days.
Submitted by fuckstick (user info) at 2005-11-18 21:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Man...
I thought for sure this was going to be by Kobe Bryant.
Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2005-11-18 21:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry to let you down but three showers a day won't help. If you wash a piece of shit, it's still shit.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-29 14:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sucks for you, but thinking:
I highly doubt you saw water shooting up as if from a hydrant. I've broken more than one water line in my life, and the water just kinda bubbles up to the surface of the soil. Unless you either have the most outstanding water pressure on earth or unless he was digging the hole with a tool that punctured the pipe with a hole about the size of the head of a pin.
Next week? Fucking call a plumber, have him come out, and you'll be fixed in a half hour. The pro will charge $80 - $120, and just deduct it from what you're paying the fence builders. Be a little proactive. Fuck them.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-08-20 16:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since when does this place NOT have sand in its collective vagina?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-17 10:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
it's illegal to sell dansai in the UK because it allegedly contains cancer causing chemicals.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I was feeling a bit cranky yesterday. I guess the righteous indignation didn't come across quite like I intended...
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh my Lord.
Ashlee. Do yourself a favor. Don't read your reviews.
Way too much drama in here for me.
Nifty lil life story tho.
Submitted by Chicane (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dirty 'ho'
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody likes being deprived of running water. Too bad this post wasn't entertaining.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Pesonally, I love sluts.
I just don't like the sluts that don't THINK they're sluts...or that think, for some unknown fucking reason, that they're better than some OTHER slut.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, I get where that bit may have sounded concieted, but you just don't understand the full weight of the situation. I picked her as slutty the first day, simply because that was how she acted. She came TO WORK dressed in white shorts that went straight up her asscrack with - and believe you me, I didn't want to know this, but there was no mistaking it - no panties, a tube top that barely covered her tits, a hooker-chic makeup job, and a clearly visible cat-eyes tattoo above her junk. No question about it, the girl puts forth the appearance of a giant whore. The way she was following Hottie around like her clit ring was being pulled towards an electromagnet in his back pocket only served to reinforce that. (before you even TRY to say that I was just jealous, just save it will you? Although I did take note of his appearance, I am dating someone else and have no real interest in trying to hook up with the guy that's building my fence.)
And, no, I didn't go out to my car full of assumtions about anything; I didn't even know she was THERE, considering that she had no reason to be, since the place my car is parked is nowhere near the area they were working in. I just went out to my car, because I required it to leave, and she was standing in front of it, arms crossed, staring at me. For no discernable reason. While she was supposed to be doing a job. A job that she was being paid - by my household - to do, which, I think, gives me the right to make said smartass comment. Also, I never said her reaction was out of line. I did, however, imply that she was mistaken in her apparent belief that she was somehow better than me, and that her condescending attitude towards me, at a time when I was effectively her employer, was inappropriate.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice rant. Some people just love to tear up the writer, but a rant is a rant, not a lifestyle. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just this, really:
"A little aside here, a few days into the job, I had plans to go to lunch with a friend. When I walked out to my car, Slutty Bitch, who seemed to be on a perpetual break, was just standing in front of it, looking at me. I made some smartass comment, because that's just the sort of thing I'm liable to do, and she sort of rolled her eyes and snorted at me. From then on, she seemed to look down her nose whenever I was around, like she was better than me or something. Excuse me, ho, but last time I checked, YOU are here working for ME. Get over yourself."
It's just that you go out to your car with your head full of assumptions about this girl, and you spend the rest of your time thinking that she's a bitch because she wasn't all cheery to you. Remind me again why she's slutty, a bitch, and a ho? It's fine for you to make smartass comments, but when she responds negatively she's out of line? And you want to tell her to get over herself? That's funny.
No, really.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don't cheat with it."
--Hemingway.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
SHOW US YOUR TITS!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, you're right, I'm being an ass.
I apologize. Hope it all gets worked out.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking christ... I flipped out a bit, huh?
It's because I'm dirty, and thus cranky. I think I'll go take a nap, maybe come back when I'm a little less ready to strike like a rattlesnake...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your pussy must be really rank right about now.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd fuck your dirty ass.
In the dirty ass.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What is with the severe case of sand-in-vagina-itis that's going around this place?
You know what, Pokey? I am well aware of the fact that there are a lot of people worse off than me. I know that I am fortunate in that I get to live in a nice house in a free country (living in said free country, I'm told, gives me the right to bitch about not having my daily shower all I want, whether other people have worse problems or not) with hot running water and plenty to eat. I know that I'm lucky to have a fantastic group of die-hard friends and a wonderful family that cares about me. I think it really sucks that not everybody has had the chance to enjoy the same fairly comfortable life that I have lived. Now, Mr. Holier than thou, I want you to tell me exactly when I said that this is a life-ruining event and nobody has ever had a worse problem than me. Show me where I said that this was the end of the world, or, in fact, anything more than annoying. What's that? I didn't? Oh, ok. Can you get over yourself now, please? I'm not going to spend my life beating myself up because I don't have it as bad as some people. Bad shit happens to people all over the world, every day, and that sucks, but it's not anything I have any control over, and certainly it doesn't take away my right to get annoyed about this particular situation.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed, you filthy girl...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 just because of the attitude.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nothing wrong with personal hygeine.
What I'm saying is that you're dealing with it all like a...
Oh, you know what? Never mind. Hope it all works out for you.
I'm SURE this guy, his widow, and his orphan are very happy he died so that you could have two hot showers a day.
http://news.yahoo.com/photo/050811/480/hf10208111801;_ylt=AkiJK2p28Pt67IMGf0tPRncDW7oF;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl
I will avoid your future posts, as that will make BOTH of us happier, I assure you.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew I was calling you a dirty dirty girl for a reason...
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Most of have relationships with people we call "friends", who would let us take showers in their homes if we needed to. You should look into that.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals - Yeah, maybe I do need to chill. I'm annoyed with my filthiness, and simply tired of idiotic comments made by people who just don't know anything following me wherever I go. They prattle on about what a bitch I am, yet whenever I make a post, they're right there to whine and nitpick. It gets old.
Lush - I do have friends who would, I'm certain, make their showers available to me, but they all live fairly far away and that adds up in gas costs... I'm probably gonna spend tonight at a friend's house, so that I cantake a shower at least in the morning. And best beleive I'm gonna make it count.
Adam - It's not a matter of like or dislike. There's a house behind ours, which is currently empty, and then a bunch of scrub lots, and then a few more houses, but we don't know them, and I have a bit of a problem with asking people I've never talked to before if I can shower in their house. And what do you mean INNER bitch? PS Why are you such an asshole, and why do you assume you know so much, when, in reality, you clearly know very little?
Pokey - Well, if the fact that my personal hygiene is important to me makes me a spoiled brat, I guess that's just something I'm going to have to live with.
The storm bypassed us... I can't get a fucking break.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"its not my fault!" is a phrase uttered far too much.
but seriously - no family, friends, gym?
i bet a one week trial membership at the gym costs a lot less than 5 cases of dasani.
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Conceited and mildly amusing.
I like the part where the guy is cute but the girl is slutty.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The world's problems are not my fault, nor Ashlee's.
========================================================
Exactly.
And in that case, Ashlee's on her own.
No go listen to your Britney Spears albums and leave the real world to us big people.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks Ashlee...hope it gets fixed soon.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:18:38 (#)
Ranking: -1
You don't sound like trash to me.
You sound incredibly spoiled.
I have four female cousins in Mexico that would die to be in your shoes.
__________________________________________________________________________
Ok, so because your cousins live in Mexico and don't get to shwoer as much as us, Ashlee should be happy about her situation? Get a clue, it's not her fault your cousins don't shower. In our society we are taught that showering is needed to be accepted and I hate it when someone tries to make us feel bad for complainging about ANYTHING. The world's problems are not my fault, nor Ashlee's.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't you have any friends you could visit to use their shower? Seriously, this has happened to me before and I just went to someone else's house to shower.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I choose not to shower. It is my sincere hope that my ass hair will form dreadlocks on its own.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You don't sound like trash to me.
You sound incredibly spoiled.
I have four female cousins in Mexico that would die to be in your shoes.
They would look at you in utter, absolute awe, and disgust, and mumble something like:
¡Dos DÍA de las duchas....A?!?! ¿Duchas CALIENTES? ¡Muchacha tonta, egoísta!
Then walk away, shaking their heads, hating Americans all the more.
Nice going.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahah
You got pissed and the inner bitch came roaring to life
Do your neighbors hate you that much that they're not willing to help out?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was nice, but seriously, chill out. You take things waaaaaay too seriously.
This is Uber, for fuck's sake!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so what if people suck? as long as I get to read stories about young ladies taking showers I see no reason to complain.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why I typed "want"
The Spook... You know, what, exactly, about my family? What's that? Nothing? Oh, ok, I understand. You're a tool, but it's ok. I forgive you.
I have an idea... why don't you fucking pathetic retards who don't know anything about anything stay away from my posts if you dislike me so much? This post was nothing more than sharing a story, I really have no interest in hearing your unfounded conclusions about me or my life, mmkay?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Adam, I do. I also pay rent, assist with household bills (my share of electric, water, cable, phone, and groceries), and contributed to the fence-building fund. I live here because I'm afraid want to live by myself. Next time, how about you make sure you know what the hell you're talking about before you spout off, you self-righteous, presumptuous douchebag?
OK STFU.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like you're going to end up being trash.
Just like the rest of your family.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Silly helpless women.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-11 16:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excuse me, ho, but last time I checked, YOU are here working for ME.
==================
You live with your mom right?
OK STFU