Heute abend komme ich vorbei, meinen Kopf herauf Ihr anus zu haften, also kann ich Ihre Därme essen und sie aus meiner Öffnung heraus dann scheißen (959 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.66 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SG The Platypus Master (View user info) at 2005-08-11 17:05:32 EDT
Written at Habeeb's request.
Once upon a time there was a tap dancing clown whose name was Habeeb. Habeeb lived a very meager life, traveling from town to town with his circus, barely getting enough money to survive. So it was when Habeeb learned that he would be the main act in New York City that his hopes soared. If he could pull off his famous tap dancing routine perfectly, he would get enough money to ditch the circus for good! So for months Habeeb practiced day and night. He practiced while eating, he practiced while sleeping, he practiced while pooping, and he peed while he practiced.
Finally, the time came for the big show. New York City was bigger than Habeeb expected, and he didn't like it all too much. The people there were mean and nasty to him. But he ignored them, for his life would be glorious after his performance.
Backstage in the Grand Hall, Habeeb warmed up for his big dance. Just before it was his time to go on, the manager of the circus approached him.
Manager: "Now listen here Habeeb, you'd better lather my buns in butter, or else."
Habeeb: "Huh?"
Manager: "I said you'd better not fuck up out there, or else you'll be lathering my buns in butter."
The manager pushed Habeeb out onto the stage under the watchful eyes of literally thousands of people. Literally. No joking. There were thousands. For real. Seriously. There were.
OK OK so it was more like 1 drunk guy but whats the difference?
Habeeb began sweating at the sight of his massive audience. He wasn't sure if he could pull the dance off! But nevertheless, he began.
Clickety clackety clickety clack!
Things were going good so far.
Clack clicky clack! Clack clack clickety clack cluck!
Habeeb was almost done! All he needed to do now was the final tapping.
Clack clack clicky clacka clackity clack....clack clickity o;awijfe;owaiejfo;awiejfo;waeifj
OH NO! Habeeb messed up!
Manager: "THAT'S IT! GET SOME FUCKING BUTTER RIGHT NOW!"
As the manager began pulling down his pants Habeeb turned and ran. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ejaculated and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.
After all that running he found himself in Africa. Everyone stared at him really weird, probably because he was dressed in his clown suit. Habeeb decided that he would start a new life here in Africa, so he went to a city to go looking for a job, but everyone turned him down. "We do not want to hire stupid clowns," they would say.
"But I'm a tap dancing clown," Habeeb would say.
"Go kill yourself," they would say.
So Habeeb was exiled from all cities, and was forced to live in the wild. While walking through the deserts and the mountains and the waterfalls and the oceans in Africa, he came across a large herd of llama.
Habeeb: "Hello, my name is Habeeb, would you mind if I joined your herd?"
One of the llamas went up to him; it was the cheif llama, Merlin.
Merlin: "No, we don't want any stupid clowns."
Habeeb: "But I'm a tap dancing clown."
Merlin: "Go kill yourself."
But Habeeb did not go kill himself. Instead he insisted on joining the herd of Llama. You see, Habeeb was not only a tap dancing clown. He was also a llama raper.
Habeeb: "Please I have no where else to go. My entire family was killed by an explosion at a local taco factory."
Before Merlin could speak again, Abitha, Merlin's wife, stepped in.
Abitha: "Merlin please, let the boy stay with us."
Merlin stood silent and pondered what to do. After years of dileberation, he finally made his decision that Habeeb could stay, and then he noticed that all the other llamas had died.
Merlin: "LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!"
Habeeb: "I have done nothing!"
Abitha: "Both of you stop it! I'm getting hungry! Now let's split up and get some food. I'll go this way and you two go that way."
Reluctantly, Merlin went with Habeeb off into the forest to search for food. Habeeb knew that this would be his chance to strike.
Habeeb: "It is lovely out tonight."
Merlin: "I want to make love to you."
Habeeb: "Huh???"
Merlin pounced on Habeeb and began undressing him.
Habeeb: "What are you doing???"
Habeeb had expected to be the rapist! Not the rapee! He had to get out of this mess!
Habeeb: "Listen...how about we talk first?"
Merlin: "Talk? About what?"
Habeeb: "Uh...Days Of Our Lives! It's my favorite show."
Merlin: "Ah, it is my favorite show too. You see, underneath the controversy and dramma lies the story of a man and a llama having sex together."
Habeeb: "Right..what...NO!"
Luckily, before Merlin could begin abusing Habeeb, Abitha came to the rescue.
Abitha: "OH MY GOD!!!"
Merlin: "Oh my."
Abitha: "WHAT IS GOING ON????"
Merlin: "Nothing! Uh...well...you see...I uh...I thought you had surprised me by having yourself cloned dear! I had no idea!"
Abitha: "LIES!"
So Abitha grabbed Merlin and bit his balls off. You see, the only way you can kill a llama is by biting it's balls off.
Habeeb: "Oh thank god! That was a close one!"
Abitha: "Indeed. NOW BEND OVER!"
Habeeb: "What???"
Abitha lunged for Habeeb but he dove out of the way.
Habeeb: "YOU LLAMA ARE FUCKING CRAZY!!"
Abitha: "COME HERE BITCH!"
Abitha charged towards him again, and this time really fast. Habeeb knew there was no way he could get out of the way! It seemed as if he would be raped by a female llama...that is, until an idea came to him.
Clackity clack! Clack clacka clack!
Habeeb had just maneuvered himself out of the way of the llama by tap dancing!
Habeeb: "Hahahahahaha!"
Abitha: "WHIP OUT YOUR BALLS NOW OR ELSE I'LL SPIT CUD ON YOU!"
This time Abitha successfully jumped on Habeeb. He struggled as hard as he could to get her off but it was no use. Then he remembered what Abitha did to Merlin. So Habeeb found Abitha's nuts and bit them off. You see, both male and female llama have testicles.
Actually, they don't, I'm just making it up, but who gives a shit.
So Abitha was dead and Habeeb raped both her and Merlin and later went back to the United States where he became rich and famous as "Habeeb The Tap Dancing Llama Rapist".
THE END
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:47:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:16:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
uh, nichts?
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haha
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:46:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um, no?
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-02-16 10:27:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the title +2
Submitted by jemgonemad (user info) at 2005-09-14 00:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Святейший fucking shit. Ii1 справедливое коробка Maltesers. Im идя повернуть в один из вас fucks сала Uber сидят и вывешивают весь день... .Shame Im технологический retard.....
Yay 4 Engrish.
Submitted by ProphetOne (user info) at 2005-08-29 22:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Jags! WOOO!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brand new Shlongy!
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-08-17 19:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAH. Holy shit, I didn't think people still went to that.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-17 18:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Wiki vandalism!
"Posts are rated by fellow users on the following scale:
Go to hell and die you fucking faggot (-3), Don't Bother (-2), I've seen better (-1), Worth reading (0), Made me smile (+1), Kicker of all ass (+2) and Platypus Worthy (+3)"
"A practice of certain Uberusers is to create alternative accounts, known as 'alters'. Obviously, other uberusers are often upset by such actions, and try to discover the true identity of such a poster. When there are several consecutive posts with obvious negative qualities, the poster at fault is usually an alter. An example of an alter is "MichaelJackson", a quite popular alter on Ubersite who impersonates the real life pop star, Michael Jackson. The true identity of MichaelJackson is Method.
SG, however, is not an alter, and is in fact king of ubersite. All the uber ladies love to fellate him and give him gifts of babies."
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-08-16 23:46:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
......And I should probably stop reviewing too.
**********
that's the hard nut to crack
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-12 09:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Babelfish tells me your title says - This evening I go past, mean to head up it anus to cling, therefore I can eat your intestines and shit her from my opening then
Soooooooooo, the title is just as random then huh?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
uh, nichts?
Submitted by roman_killer (user info) at 2005-08-12 06:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Gaaaaayyyyy....ts.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you should take off your pants
and jacket
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-11 19:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2005-08-11 19:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This evening I go past, mean to head up it anus to cling, therefore I can eat your intestines and shit her from my opening then
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That's what Google told me the subject says...
...-2, Google, -2.
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2005-08-11 18:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow! Thank you! I had completely forgotten the words to "Der Kommisar," and you were nice enough to put them in your subject line. 80s rock lives forever!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto German +2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Times like these make me regret learning how to read German.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm not saying you're a crackhead...just crackhead-ish"
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:14:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
SG, that title is just plain gross.
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Ditto. Almost sounds like he's talking about tubgirl.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit. The Google translator is not that good. If you translate it back to English it sounds like Wazza.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weeps
so gleeful and humorous
weeps
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-08-11 17:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SG, that title is just plain gross.