An Ode to the Fuckers who Leave the Toilet Seat Up (677 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.68 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Un-Placid Princess (View user info) at 2005-08-11 19:33:15 EDT
As I sit at my work station and contemplate
How badly I must urinate,
'It's the goddamned coffee' I think inside
And quickly close the Ubersite
I glance to the door and to my surprise
The restroom is unoccupied
And thus I dash, well I dash as fast
As one can while pulling down her pants
And when I arrive I quickly seat
Myself on the toilet so that I can pee
But Lo, the seat is still upright
And thus I disgracefully fall inside.
'SPLASH!' The toilet tells of my
Perilous personal gravity fight
Between the porcelain petrie dish
And my urine covered ass, I wish
That I could find the asshole who
Forgot that women use the toilet too
And douse his genitals in human waste
Then wipe my tampons on his face
But alas this hit and run attack assails
Both females and fecal disposing males
And thus, I had no immediate leads
As to which of the men had recently peed.
So, when I finally climbed out of the hole
And sanitized myself of the waste from the bowl
I promptly returned to my desk and found
A roll of tape lying around
I returned to the bathroom with revenge on my mind
Tape in my hand and a gleam in my eyes
I quickly glanced to see who was around
Then I fastened that mother fucking toilet seat down.
And then I thought to myself, I hope you piss your britches
You small bladdered sons of bitches.
What now? Corporate America, is that urine on your pants?
I wish I could watch your confused pee-pee dance
While you try to pry the toilet seat up
But to my joy and your downfall, it is stuck!
I wonder how you'll explain the spots on your slacks
To your clients, partners, spouses and dads
Will the urine make you slip in your chair?
Will the fact that you peed your pants make people stare?
I may have to endure a few misses and spots
In the future on the seat of the fastened restroom pot,
But it's significantly better than bathing my body
In your feces and urine in the bowl of the potty.
I hope you bastards like sitting in your own pee.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-12 10:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
boo
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-08-12 08:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fair enough. but now there will be piss all over the seat no?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-08-12 05:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The effort was there. I disagree though. I work with the male-to-female-living-in-the-house- ratio. Majority sets the norm.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-12 01:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KEGEL
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-12 01:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This reminds me of the time I was so tired I pissed on the toilet when the lid was down. Good times.
But because of your dubious meter and poor rhyme scheme, I am going to carefully cover every toilet seat I see with a thin layer of urine.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-12 00:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus... how weak are your pelvic floor muscles that you don't even have time to glance at the toilet?
There are exercises for that, you know.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh for fuck's sake just shut the fuck up, bitch. Is the toilet really that hard to figure out? The seat goes up, the seat goes down. It really doesn't get much more simple than that. I have yet to meet ANY man so monumentally stupid that he fell into the toilet because the seat was up. Face the fact that you're disgustingly lazy and we men are simply not going to pander to your fucking indolence.
Here, since you seem to be unable to grasp this simple concept, let's walk you through it like the mentally deficient retard you are:
Step 1: If toilet seat is up, grasp the seat with your hand.
Step 2: Lower the seat until it rests on the bowl of the toilet.
Step 3: Lower your pants and sit on the lowered seat.
Step 3: Place the barrel of the shotgun firmly against the palate of your mouth, making sure the butt of the gun rests comfortably between your feet. Make sure the gun is loaded. This is important.
Step 4: With the big toe of your dominant foot, reach up and press the trigger down and wait for the world to go black.
Submitted by hafguitarist6767 (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
women have no reason to bitch about the toilet seat. Im a guy which means i sit half the time,
I think one time when i was 4 or 5 i forgot to look because it was dark and late my ass got wet.
Hence ive Never forgotten to look ever again. I guess women just arnt that smart. Which is probably why when the finally get out of an abusive relasonship with some scum bag they instantly start another worse one.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I always keep it down.
But in your case.
I'd rather piss on your face.
GREAT POST!
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The ignorance will never end. I'll put it down for you if you put it up for me.
Ah hell. I don't care where it is. I know how to operate that sophisticated high tech device properly.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this reminded me of watersport porn I have stumbled upon in the past. and you did it with poetry. wonderful.
Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And douse his genitals in human waste
Then wipe my tampons on his face
----------------------------------------------------------
What a freaky bitch.........i wanna party with you??
Call me..............wink wink
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stooooooopid bitches, want everything done for them.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't even waste time worrying about the pee
I shit all over every toilet I find.
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MEANING I STAND UP AND PISS ON THE TOILET.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
apparently you are the type of woman who has teh menz wipe her ass for her after she is done.
------------
and for the record, I piss in the toilet with THE SEAT DOWN.
JOKES ON YOU BITCHES
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-08-11 21:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
poetry
Submitted by TheUn-PlacidPrincess (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have arms too, be a gentleman so I don't fall in! haha.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was a decent poem, but give me a fucking break, getting on guys about leaving the toilet seat up? You have fucking arms, use them!
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good idea.. but I don't get it.
Though I'm a guy, I sat down to poop once when I was young and I hit the cold porcelin before
jumping up (I didn't even fall in). Ever since, I've always always always checked to see if
the toilet seat is up or down.
I don't know how you could just go plop down on a toilet seat in a public, co-ed restroom without
checking it first.
I'm not even OCD.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by UnknownPoet (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:10:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually I think you should leave the toilet seat up.
_______________________________________________________________________
What a cocksmoking douche bag this guy is. Didnt you just post some bullshit poem??
Oh yeah, this post wasnt that good. The 0 is to offset this fucktards review.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one Now you can answer the age old question, why dont girls put the lid down?
Submitted by UnknownPoet (user info) at 2005-08-11 20:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually I think you should leave the toilet seat up.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-11 19:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't help it. I laughed like the retard I probably am.