Rocking out with your cock out... (472 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by EmuParrotCock (View user info) at 2005-08-12 04:13:51 EDT
Limbo. I'm in a fucking limbo. What to do, what to do?
My house is bare. I don't want to eat anything, which is good because there's nothing to eat. I'm so fed up with myself and this scenery. I swear to god I hate everyone right now. People say that, and they don't mean it. They say it just to be extreme, but they never really feel it. I feel it right now. I feel hatred for everything. For my house. My town. My country. My world. Every single person out there. Their imperfections. I hate them. I hate people who seemingly don't deal with imperfections. People who are happy with themselves. People who aren't as well. I can't really see much into the future right now. I don't see myself graduating. Getting married. Having kids. A career. A home. A life.
I don't see myself ever being happy. Or ever being content. Ever getting what I want. Ever loving my body, or my mind, or my soul.
I'm doomed to failed relationships. Doomed to a lack of social contact. Contact that even if I did get I wouldn't know what to do with. I have no social skills. I have no interests, or dreams, or aspirations. Nothing inspires me. Nothing changes me. Nothing penetrates me. I have NO fucking life. Usually, when people say this, they are being dramatic. HOWEVER... I simply spend my time wasting away, my mind in a black hole somwhere, rank and decrepit from a lack of use. I have one friend. I have one hobby. I don't go to parties. I don't go to fairs. I don't like social attention, (yet I crave it...???) What the fuck.
I wish I had a real problem. Fuck everyone who says they have it harder. It's all fucking relative, and right now, I feel like shit. I'd venture to say, just as bad as anyone. I just don't know why. Pretty much, I just hate myself. I hate myself for being so intuitive. For being so cynical. For actually caring deep down. I hate myself for hating myself. For always loving the unattainable. For never surrendering. For not being happy. For being happy. For loving, and laughing, and living, and breathing...
Leads me to wonder about mental illnesses. That would be pretty. Considering I want so badly to be fucked up (or at least that's what it feels like...) mental illness would be a welcome retreat. Blame it on bipolar disorder. Blame it on my mind. Whatever you do, don't blame it on the fact that I'm just seeking attention...? Or, maybe, just trying to find a niche? God the human mind is so complex. Or at least, mine is...
Hahaha. How vain? 'At least mine is...' That's what it feels like though. I feel like no one understands. No one cares about anything. Not necessarily me, but just everything. Life is easy for most of these kids. Life is one big happy fucking Kenny Chesney concert. One big walk in the fucking park. One big makeout session.
For me? Feels like one big suicide. One big war. One big, everlasting anxiety attack.
On one hand, I want to feel. I need to fucking feel. But sometimes it seems so much easier to just waltz into Edgar's office and demand some fucking lithium. Numbing drugs to kill my pain. Reads like one of those pussy ass emo songs.
I don't know... maybe they're onto something? This whole being okay thing. This whole 'I'm happy and nothing can touch me' attitude may be what I need. I just feel like I'd be letting myself down to be happy. I can't fucking explain myself. I really don't know what I want.
I am inconsolable right now. I am also frustrated and scared. I am never going to have someone.
God, what a self-deprecating mess. Now that it's out of my system I can go back to making fun of people who say the things I've just said. I can be such a pussy sometimes.
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Alright. Have at it. Tear me apart. Psychoanalyze me. I wrote this a while ago and just felt like posting something. I am fully aware that it's a piece of shit. Rather incoherent and without much meaning. I don't know, I'd just like to hear some comments.
Peace
User Reviews
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-08-12 08:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
have
hobby
Submitted by matchoo (user info) at 2005-08-12 07:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Shame.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-12 06:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whilst you're probably doomed, you might not be. Spend the next 4 years meditating intensly on the meaning of life, the essence of love, your own fears and anxieties and why you crave love so much. Then see what happens over the following 10 years.
If things haven't worked out for you by then you'll be in your mid-thirties, alone and nicely detatched from everyone to be able to put an end to yourself without hurting the people you care about too much.
Good luck dude, you probably won't need it.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-08-12 05:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've only had one anxiety attack...it was the worst feeling in the world. I'd rather feel pain. For what this was, it was okay.
Submitted by dirtycyberdawg (user info) at 2005-08-12 04:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LIFE........its enough to drive a man to drink
Drink up buddy
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-12 04:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like a lot of self pity. Everyone has a sad story, some are just worse than others and relatively it doesn't sound like yours is that bad. Get over yourself. Life is too short for this type of bullshit. Get out and do something, make yourself feel alive. The worse kind of regret is the regret of not doing something you had the opportunity to.