I hate being tall, blonde and handsome (Or, Why being fat and/or WiLL ZoNE has its up side) (2600 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.53 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonovanMD <Dmacd58.at.telus.net> (View user info) at 2005-08-12 17:34:00 EDT
Ok I lie, it rocks. Now let the jealous -2s fly you short ugly fucks!
I was just reading Will Zones piece on the main page about trying to find an XXL t-shirt. http://www.ubersite.com/m/73083 And while I can empathise with how difficult and frustrating his search for a cool shirt must have been, I have no pity for you. Try being tall.
And not just being tall, but being awkwardly tall. So tall that shopping for clothes is a pain in the ass; and not because the prices at Banana Republic are like sodomy or because I shop at The Gap. Problem is I can't find anything that fits properly. I'm 6'4, 195 pounds and have a long torso and arms. So finding a shirt that fits usually means buying a few sizes bigger, like XL-XXL. Which means I'm swimming in a short made to fit a fat fucker who's 6 foot and 260 pounds. Its like wearing a god damned garbage bag. Or worse yet, try buying a sweater only to wash it once and find the arms are to short!
And Mens Big and Tall stores? That usually means Mens Big, Fat and Fucking Disgusting stores. I have yet to find a store that caters to the tall and thin (or thin by comparison) rather than FatTony. Honestly, who do I have to blow to get a quality shirt that fits snugly and shows off my taut middle school figure while being long enough in the arms and comfortable?
Everything these days is made for the fat; IE the majority.
-Clothing
-Cars
-Wide aisles at the grocery store
-McDonalds
It's thin person discrimination! And everything you want to be built for the fat isnt. Like movie theater and airplane seats. We've all gotten stuck next to the fat woman on the plane who smells like cheese and sweaty feet at some point. Or next to the guy who's fat rolls envelop the arm rest at the theater, wrapping over it like a tsunami over beach and into my personal space. And who slaps his leg and chortles every time something remotely funny happens. I don't know about you, but I didnt find Schlinders List all that fucking funny!
It's a god damned fat person oriented world we live in and I can't even say its just Americans. Us Canucks are starting to tip the scales ourselves. To much beer, Tim Hortons and hockey. At least out excuse is its cold and dark 9 months a year.
So in closing and to all fat people: Quit sweating on me, sitting next to me in uncomfortable public places and make me a fucking shirt that fits!
ps. The only fat I like on a woman is her tits and maybe a little in the butt. None of that "more cushin for the pushin" shit. You sick bastard.
Now she, is NOT fat! And I like it that way.
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-22 17:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-07-22 16:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me think of the Family Guy episode - The Fat Guy Strangler $$
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilledwithHate (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My Wii Fit game says I am overweight! And unbalanced.
-----------------
I don't know why, but I found the mental picture fucking hilarious.
Submitted by FilledwithHate (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am jealous! But I know you are right on all counts, every single word you wrote, so I have no choice but to give you +2.
<sobs uncontrollably>
My Wii Fit game says I am overweight! And unbalanced.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by slapsticky (user info) at 2006-09-07 15:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-11 21:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-06-11 21:08:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, yeah, just dont take it out on my post. Feel free to go -2 my hockey ones.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-17 04:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well you know what they say about tall men...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-08-15 22:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guys like you get me hot.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I'd like to have this womans ass myself....
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-13 11:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I would like to have this woman's ass.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-13 10:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your red skully is teh roxor. Very Life Aquatic! You should get a Playboy skully like I have. Then we could match. And wouldn't that just be precious?
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-08-13 10:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Gildan Ultra Cotton Long Sleeve shirt should fit you.
Weee..
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-13 04:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*grin* that struck a chord with me - now, imagine being 6'10" and a bodybuilder like my boyfriend. He struggles to find shirts that are long enough in the arms, and when he does, they billow around his waist like a sail.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-13 03:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im leaning toward cocksucker.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 03:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You assumed wrong on all accounts.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:22:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:31:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:25:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a faggot.
--
What an excellent and constructive comment. People like you are the reason I keep coming back to Uber!
--
Like me? You don't even know who I am shithead.
Next time you decide to write such a clever post, DON'T. You're not funny and you're not interesting.
You're an idiot.
=========================
Oh I dunno know about that. Donovan make me laugh heartily. And I need to stop teasing him about being mean to Stevie before he gets really pissed. :)
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:22:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Like me? You don't even know who I am shithead.
Next time you decide to write such a clever post, DON'T. You're not funny and you're not interesting.
You're an idiot.
--
You dont even know who I am shithead?
I'll drop the trying to be witty and intelligent routine from my internet persona when you drop the 12 year old wanna-be rebel routine from yours.
YOU DUN KNO WHO I AM!! YOU DUN KNO MEH!
I bet you have the side slicked emo hair, wear bad religion t-shirts and hate your dad to, dont you?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you.
Being fat and tall is the worst.
Do you know how hard it is to find a 60" waist pant with a 34" inseam?
THEY DON'T MAKE THEM.
and forget dress shirts.
There are no 19" necks with 39" arms.
THEY DONT MAKE THOSE EITHER.
fuck you and your fitness.
at least you aren't going to die when you are 35.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 02:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:31:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:25:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a faggot.
--
What an excellent and constructive comment. People like you are the reason I keep coming back to Uber!
--
Like me? You don't even know who I am shithead.
Next time you decide to write such a clever post, DON'T. You're not funny and you're not interesting.
You're an idiot.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:25:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a faggot.
--
What an excellent and constructive comment. People like you are the reason I keep coming back to Uber!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-08-13 00:55:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you give me sizes/measurements, I'll find a shirt that fits you.
I'm a genius in the ways of the fashionable garment industry.
For some reason I've picture you as Abe Lincoln from Clone High. And according to this post I'm pretty much dead on.
--
Take a look at my camwhore from my big day in court, it shows a full body shot of me in a suit (http://www.ubersite.com/m/61693). I have very long arms, but I'm by no means a bean pole. Broad shoulders and a thick neck make me look more intimidating than I am. Just ask Stevie Says (http://www.ubersite.com/m/72846)
I have 37-38 inch arm length and a 45 inch chest.
ps. Jeannee, there's nothing wrong with big boobs. Especially when they're being flaunted in my inbox....
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a faggot.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-13 01:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a problem with button-down shirts. If it fits everywhere else, there are bound to be big gaps between each of the 3 buttons over the boob area. Having big boobs eats monkey anus.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-08-13 00:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you give me sizes/measurements, I'll find a shirt that fits you.
I'm a genius in the ways of the fashionable garment industry.
For some reason I've picture you as Abe Lincoln from Clone High. And according to this post I'm pretty much dead on.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-12 23:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oddly enough, I tried on an XL long sleeved button up shirt today and somehow the sleeves were too short. Normally I have to get L or the sleeves won't fit, though I'd probably look better in a M.
I have monkey arms.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-08-12 21:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:29:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats even worse is buying shoes. Size 14 mens. I walk into SportChek or any decent shoe retailer and ask: "So, what do you have in size 14?"
Dumb zit faced clerk: "Uh, well, we have this pair, and uh....this one."
Me: "So just the two pairs?"
Clerk: "Yeah. But we're all out of that second pair."
Me: "So just the one pair?"
Clerk: "Uh huh."
Thank God for online shopping.
--------------------------
har har you've got like 10 inches and 55 pounds on me... but only two (sometimes and one half) shoe sizes! woo.
I can see your point though. Its a bitch getting anything with a 29 waist. (usually all they carry is 30+) Also, no stores online carry my favorite band tshirts in medium, just large and XL. sometimes small, which is unfortunately NOT MY FUCKING SIZE.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-12 19:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
retaliatory +2 Bitch!
I am Crystle, and I have masturbated to this post. You have been warned.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also: you are one lanky fuck. gain some fuckin weight. i suppose it doesnt matter if youre still gettin ladies but id hate to see you get in a fight donovan. id get your back probably though if i was there, which i wouldnt be!
--
I swim a lot, so I dont have the weight of someone like you who lifts weights a ton, I'm very tall and lean. But I have broad shoulders, I dont look like a starving African aids patient. I just wear long sleeved shirts a lot to cover my skinny arms.
Fuck you!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats even worse is buying shoes. Size 14 mens. I walk into SportChek or any decent shoe retailer and ask: "So, what do you have in size 14?"
Dumb zit faced clerk: "Uh, well, we have this pair, and uh....this one."
Me: "So just the two pairs?"
Clerk: "Yeah. But we're all out of that second pair."
Me: "So just the one pair?"
Clerk: "Uh huh."
Thank God for online shopping.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah its ruff i bet. im 6'3" about 245. im a chubby fellow so its not bad for me. couple weeks ago i had to buy a dress shirt from the big and tall section because my arms are really fucking long. i lift weights and im chunky so i got like an 18 inch neck so that added to the trouble. i was swimmin in that shirt though!
that seig heil comment was fucking funny!
also: you are one lanky fuck. gain some fuckin weight. i suppose it doesnt matter if youre still gettin ladies but id hate to see you get in a fight donovan. id get your back probably though if i was there, which i wouldnt be!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH! I mostly try to keep my mouth shut on this subject because no matter how politically correct you try to be in the phrasing, you always come out sounding like a shallow cunt (or in your case, rude prick haha).
I find the search for decent clothes challenging too. I'm sorry if I am still able to buy clothes from the Junior's department, it doesn't mean however that I want to dress like the typical teenage girl these days.
And please, if you actually go down to my size, order more than one piece of clothing.
Me: Excuse me Ma'am, I really like this outfit. I don't seem to see it in my size and I know this store carries my size.
Saleswoman: Oh, we only order 1 of your size.
Aaaargh!
I just don't want to dress like a hoochy-mama.
And, I don't want to go into a high-end store that has smaller sizes and pay 85.00 for a shirt.
Thank you.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-12 18:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:37:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
You're tall and blond?
Seig Heil!
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
to top it all off, when you finally find a shirt that even remotely fits, you throw it in the wash and poof - suddenly it fits perfectly in the shoulders, unfortunately it's now a belly shirt.
Fuck.
although I agree with FilthyAssistant. As a tall guy, we can out spoon any short fat little prick.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Being 5'2 has it's own issues, y'know...
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My ex is 6'6 and he was the World's Most Comfortable Person To Snuggle With. You could burrow in and get lost in his tangle of arms and legs.
I approve of the freakishly tall.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My ex had the same problem. He had long arms and legs and he was thin
so he could either be swimming in his clothes or look like he is wearing
high waters with 3/4 sleeves.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a foot and sixty pounds on me.
I'm scared...
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
im 6,1 and fat. the world is my oyster
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking giant mutant bastards.
Thanks for making it tough for all of us 'economy-size' guys.
And thank you God for the extra helping of penis you gave me at birth, otherwise I'd be miserable.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I never realized the beauty of being average until today. Between your story and the other one, I have realized that 5'10" and 160 is a great size.
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear you. I'm 6'3 215lbs. Can't find a shirt long enough. Suckes to be us.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With blue eyes too!
Careful, I'm evil.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-12 17:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're tall and blond?
Seig Heil!