Why You Shouldn’t Buy A Saturn (1418 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.57 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Sparkle (View user info) at 2005-08-13 13:17:15 EDT
In 2000, after having lived a long, rich, Terry Schiavo life of hovering over death and costing a fortune, our Chevy wagon was laid to rest. All of us, much like Terry's husband, were glad to be shot of the fucking thing and moved on, setting out for a new car. Money was tight, and my parents weren't sure how to go about getting a new one.
Or, rather, my mom didn't know. Soon enough my dad came home with a used '97 Saturn wagon.
My mom was a bit skeptical (read: flipping out), but my dad, sister and I were all sold on it, maybe because we had received an enormous sheet of chocolate in thanks from the crew down at the Saturn dealership. Fuck, you don't get chocolate for free every day, so the car must be pretty good.
As life went on with our new-found friend, times got a bit more turbulent. The plastic frame didn't sit well with a deer ramming the passenger side, and demanded a fair chunk of cash as a result. In addition, with the shitty roads in our town, the inside was rattling apart like a K'nex model in a blender, not to mention that the car stalled several times because a sensor was going bad.
With all this shit going down, funny whining noises from the engine was no big deal. So today, August 13, I went shopping for my grandma in the 92 degree heat.
Having returned to the car, I loaded the groceries into the back and tried to ignore the shuddering that was rocking the car whenever I switched gears. This was difficult, considering that it was also very difficult to push the gas pedal, and that the RPM meter was reading "0" even though the engine was clearly running.
At the next red light, I decided to turn off the car quickly and restart it so it would run better. When I turned the key, the car revved weakly and then gave up completely.
"MOTHER FUCKING COCK BITCH WHORE CUNT SHIT!"
By now the light was green and an asshole behind me was honking even though my emergency lights were on. I tried desperately to turn the car on a few more times, but to no avail; in fact, the car made nasty crunching noises when I tried. So, considering that it was on a downhill slope, I went into neutral and un-power-steered into a parking lot.
One $85, 1-mile tow job later, I'm at a Gulf station being told the serpentine coil, the alternator and the battery have simultaneously taken a shit. Repairs are somewhere in the $300s, and there are probably issues that he hasn't even discovered yet.
Don't buy a Saturn.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-26 08:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-10-12 13:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
buy old spice
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-09-01 13:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You should really learn more about the machinery you rely on everyday.
Christ that pisses me off.
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-09-01 13:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its a funky adventure!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this..
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=112412387715701663#1525477
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-08-15 10:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:39:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you expect to happen when you ignore problems on it. I bet with a bit of maintence it would have cost less than 50 to keep it running.
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Agreed - my wife's L200 sedan has been working just fine for the past four years with regular maintenance. Yeah, I had to get a leak in the power steering rack fixed recently, but the car IS four years old and has +57K miles on it!
As everyone else has already said, you can't expect ANY car to be problem free forever.
Only thing that saved this from a -2 was the entertaining description of your incident.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-14 07:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate Saturns, but not because of them crapping out. Because maintenance on them sucks.
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I don't know; Saturns are far more self-servicable than, say, a Chrysler. It was literally impossible for us to change my mom's oil for her Chrysler because the ground clearance was so low, so it always wound up costing 8x the normal price of motor oil to change it.
I always thought Saturns were OK; sure, the frame is plastic, and yes, it lacks a lot of convenience features like electric windows and capuccino makers, but it's self-servicable, and, more importantly, it gets me to wherever I want to go.
But you have to admit that when a car seems to have ridiculously bad luck with eating parts, it becomes difficult to take it seriously after a while. I'm not saying ignoring the car was the intelligent choice, but there's my justification for it.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-08-14 05:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry but this sentence:
Say the Alternator shot while driving down the road
should say:
Say the serpentine belst snapped while drivi.....
And the 16 year old, the whole thing is directed at you. Just the first sentence.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-08-14 05:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-08-14 00:34:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, im 16 and i know you got ripped off
its a serpentine belt, and that might be possible, but if your serpentine belt sanappe,d it would have been from fine to ded all at once, second, your battery and alternator are obviously workign if the car makes noises when you turn the key
you got ripped off
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Not quite true. Well you kinda have it on the belt, but if the battery has some power it will still run the electronics in the car but not turn over the engine. And as someone said before both could be shot because if your alternator isn't recharging your battery then the battery dies. Both shot, durrrr. And seeing how the serpentine belt is what wraps to your freakin' alternator it all really makes sense.
Say the Alternator shot while driving down the road because the alternator froze up due to poor maintenance of the car. Battery gets eaten up to power car stereo and other electronics as you drive and listen to the funny fapping noise and having poor stearing. The gauges start to fail and you finally decide to STOP YOUR CAR like a moron. Now the car is off and you have to start it back up on a drained battery, a started takes all 12v and about 1/4 - 1/2 the freakin' battery power to start it. You crank about 4 times and kill your battery completely. Now you need a battery, alternator and belt... now if I were you I'd go down to the junk yard and get myself an alternator, run over to Discount Auto and grab a belt and battery; total I'd say is about 100 bucks. Go home and replace it all yourself. Hoping you have small arms that is as you have to get to the alternator from underneath in a very tight spot in those Saturns.
I hate Saturns, but not because of them crapping out. Because maintenance on them sucks. You should take care of it better though ass hat.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-08-14 00:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-08-13 14:30:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:38:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Its an eight year old car.
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Yeah, and?
Cars that are actually built to conform to some kind of quality standard (Toyota, Honda, Volvo) can last for two or three decades and hundreds of thousands of miles. However, Saturns and the rest of General Motors products are not built to any such specification.
It's a shitty GM piece of shit.
----------Y
You're a tool. Honda/Toyota, etc, don't last two or three decades.. WITHOUT REPLACING A BATTERY AND STARTER?
Everyone I know that has an early-90s acura/honda/toyota is going through HELL right now, they're falling apart! cars have around a 5 year life without going complete shit, if you take care of them at least. On top of that, most cheaper cars (kia, hondas, etc) are being made to only outlive their warranty, and dying off shortly afterwards.
Personally one of the most dependable cars I've seen in action are the early 90s Ford taurus, 2 door models. My boss's wife has had a 96 since it was new, put 400,000 miles on it, and its still in fine working order, my buddy has one and it runs great, no problems whatsoever. Just minor matenince will save you from having to spend 300, 400, 500, or more in a shop.
the electronics might not be because of the battery, rather because the cables are going shit, if the starter is grinding, its either because its not getting enough power, the motor in it is burned, or because the tips are ground down so it doesn't catch for shit. If you have ever owned a 70s chevy with a 350 in it, you should know all about stater dificulties, those 350s rape the shit out of the goddamn starters, lol.
Submitted by vettesrule88 (user info) at 2005-08-14 00:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, im 16 and i know you got ripped off
its a serpentine belt, and that might be possible, but if your serpentine belt sanappe,d it would have been from fine to ded all at once, second, your battery and alternator are obviously workign if the car makes noises when you turn the key
you got ripped off
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-14 00:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My mom has been driving Saturns since I was 8, and we have never had a problem. Ever.
I had a Saturn once too, and there was a huge problem, but that was more due to me ramming into the side of an SUV at 80 MPH.
It was her fault, I swear.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 23:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-13 16:32:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
This young generation of "men" know NOTHING about cars.
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Thanks, Gramps. When your kids dump you in a home I'll be the male nurse giving you cold gruel once a day and installing your dysfunctional pacemaker that runs at hummingbird speed.
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Terrifying!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-13 21:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-13 18:58:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're gonna be a nurse! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
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I shall slip 50cc of digoxin (200x the normal dose) into your drip. Heloooooo heart failure.
Nah, I'm really going for biomedical engineering (zeroing in on biochemistry). The nurse concept appealed to me for a while because I'm almost guaranteed a job and I like the civility of the hospital environment, but my mom told the the horror stories of cleaning up shit, moving fat people, and collecting really nasty smoker's phlegm for the lab.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-13 20:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only person here that thinks its normal for a economy car to have 300 dollars worth of work at 8 years old?
And batteries don't last forever they have to be replaced eventually regardless of the general shittiness of your car.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-13 19:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:38:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Its an eight year old car.
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My Trooper is older than a lot of people on this site, and it runs just fine.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-13 18:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-13 16:32:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
This young generation of "men" know NOTHING about cars.
__________________
Thanks, Gramps. When your kids dump you in a home I'll be the male nurse giving you cold gruel once a day and installing your dysfunctional pacemaker that runs at hummingbird speed
===========================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're gonna be a nurse! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-13 16:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
This young generation of "men" know NOTHING about cars.
__________________
Thanks, Gramps. When your kids dump you in a home I'll be the male nurse giving you cold gruel once a day and installing your dysfunctional pacemaker that runs at hummingbird speed.
Submitted by ChannelDunlap (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn mechanics, I'm convinced they're ripping me off every chance they get.
"Yes, OK, heres the problem. See this metal piece? Its not supposed to be like that. So we need to fix it. for $300."
"Well, Whats it do?"
"Well, it hold this metal piece to this metal piece. Its very important."
"Oh... OK"
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just bought a 2001 Hyundai. It rules.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This young generation of "men" know NOTHING about cars. What a bunch of pussies. Gimme an old tin can, a butter knife and a pair of pliers and I'd have you on your way in 15 minutes.
Geez.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:44:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're about to get ripped off. Either the alternator or the battery are bad, not both. My bet would be the battery which would be consistent with the electronincs phasing out and the grinding (which was the starter turning, it just didn't have adequate amps to it)
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*roll eyes*
no necessarily true, the alternator can very well ruin a battery.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-13 15:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
more specifically, it's a 9 year old AMERICAN car.
but that's nothing...I dropped 600 bucks on my car just this afternoon.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-08-13 14:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:38:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Its an eight year old car.
______________________________________________________________
Yeah, and?
Cars that are actually built to conform to some kind of quality standard (Toyota, Honda, Volvo) can last for two or three decades and hundreds of thousands of miles. However, Saturns and the rest of General Motors products are not built to any such specification.
It's a shitty GM piece of shit.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-13 14:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Juls, my car is 15 years old and doesn't have anything like that amount of issues.
I'm feelin' ya, because my husband was completely sold on Saturns and I actually wound up with a Nissan.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're about to get ripped off. Either the alternator or the battery are bad, not both. My bet would be the battery which would be consistent with the electronincs phasing out and the grinding (which was the starter turning, it just didn't have adequate amps to it)
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you expect to happen when you ignore problems on it. I bet with a bit of maintence it would have cost less than 50 to keep it running.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-13 13:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its an eight year old car.