Getting Pawed (819 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: -0.2 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2005-08-13 22:13:29 EDT
Ever been pawed?
If you have, you know what I'm talking about. Hell, Homer Simpsons knows what I'm talking about:
Homer: C'mon, pal, I don't want to hear your life story! Paw me.
So, for those of you not in the know, you may be wondering to yourself- or perhaps I'm just interrupting your jack-off session- "What is "being pawed"?"
I know what you're thinking, you despicable pile of moldy camel shit. I know what weird and foul pictures are moving through your head.
Being pawed is something despicable; vile; troublesome even to sociopaths. Being pawed is just that- being handed or sold or traded a severed monkey's paw. A severed monkey's paw which, through the bending action of it's four or five fingers, is capable of granting four or five wishes... wishes which often float in the airboat of Dire Consequence, meandering through the cumulo nimbi of "Nigga, you done fucked up!"
Right? Huh? Isn't that what being pawed is?
Wrong, negro. Being pawed is the same as being fisted; it's having a big meaty paw- animal vegetable or mineral- shoved deep into your most innocent of orifices (whichever orifice that may be to you, the individual).
But this cautionary tale is about what being pawed is not- this cautionary tale is about being given a severed monkey's paw capable of granting wishes... wishes which often harbor dire and horrifying consequences.
So, gentlemen, relax back in your easy chair. Stick your hand down your pants and comfortably grab your genitalia. Make sure a beer is on hand. A joint if you wish. Start playing some porno in media player with the volume down really low. As your beathing quickens, sit up in your chair, and beat off violently. Jizz in your depends and disgustedly click the little "X" in the upper right-hand corner. Now you're ready to read this tale of erotic darkness.
Women readers, I caution you to progress no further.
No, I know there's still some females reading.
Have you left yet?
I know you're not leaving!
Fuck it, I told you not to progress any further.
Fine, have it your way. I won't tell the story. Bitches.
User Reviews
Submitted by DBecs (user info) at 2005-09-20 00:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If this post were a wasp's nest, I'd still throw rocks at it in the nude.
Submitted by mastershake (user info) at 2005-09-02 23:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-27 19:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why don't you go try and suck someone ELSES cock, you insignificant piece of shit?
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-08-14 12:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Waist of 10:54:23.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-08-14 12:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-14 10:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A waste of 57 seconds.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-14 09:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-08-14 09:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
retaliatory -2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-08-14 07:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I notice that retard Kai is still claiming he made up the nickname "Fagnum".
Something so complicated is well and truly beyond his feeble little brain.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-14 07:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you read the previous statement about the monkey paw, it makes perfect sense when Homer says "paw me."
Submitted by Shroom (user info) at 2005-08-14 02:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PAW ME KOOLAID MAN, OHH YEAH!!
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-08-14 01:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-14 00:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehee
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-13 23:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it, I laughed. I also feel guilty because it's my fault you didn't tell the story. I just wouldn't stop reading. I'm so sorry.
I don't understand why you get such shitty ratings.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow that was hilarious.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:15:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps I should call this tale "Getting PWNED"...
especially since I typed "Homer SimpsonS" :(
-Chinknasty
-------------------------
I gave you a better nickname than I did Fagnum....
However you remain as unpopular as ever. Have a pity +2, son.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All the furries I know call masturbating "pawing off."
For some reason I know a lot of furries.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uh.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-13 22:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Perhaps I should call this tale "Getting PWNED"...
especially since I typed "Homer SimpsonS" :(
-Chinknasty