Adventures in Basic Training 2: Good Morning, Knuckleheads! (1318 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: BasicTrainingAdventures
Rating: 1.96 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack11058 (View user info) at 2005-08-15 13:30:41 EDT
Day One:
That should read "Real Day One." Basic training in the Army is preceded by a reception phase, which I'd cruised through. As detailed in the previous installment: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72998 , I arrived at "real basic" to a warm reception from Drill Sergeant Pereda. Good times, good times.
The good times would continue on the morning of the first full day of basic.
Think back to all the old army movies you've seen. Recruits nestle snugly in their beds, snoring away. Then, the bright overhead lights flood on and the Brown Rounds stalk down the aisles, running nightsticks around the rims of garbage cans and bellowing at everything in sight. Well, except for the snoring part, it wasn't anything like that at all.
At 0400 (that's four in the DAMN morning for you civilian pukes), I was stirred from my exhausted slumber by the sweetest, softest voice I'd heard since my arrival. The sibilant words caressed my eardrums, stimulating me awake with cool promises like a healing balm to my tired soul.
"Good morning, privates," the voice cooed from the crackling speakers hanging over each doorway. "This is Drill Sergeant Sibert. It is now oh-four-hunnit hours. First formation will be held in front of the barracks at oh-four-thirty in Battle Dress Uniform. Have a pleasant day. That is all..." And she was gone, with a small hiss-pop.
"What a refreshing change from the previous day," I thought to myself, heading down the hall with my shaving kit.
I got shaved quick and was back in the 8-man barracks bay getting dressed when I next looked at my watch. 0406--plenty of time. Suddenly, the speaker sparked to life again.
The voice of Satan himself flooded out, sounding surprisingly tinny for the forsaken king of the underworld.
"Prah'ts!!" the voice bellowed (most Drill Sergeants were far too busy to actually pronounce the word "Privates").
"It is now oh-four-fucking-seven hours!" Pereda's voice was barely intelligible. He was screaming at the top of his battered voice, and the microphone somewhere at the other end of the speaker must have been firmly ensconced within his cavernous maw. "You have exactly two minutes to be outside, in formation, in full uniform. MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE!"
It was like God himself opened up the heavens and dropped fifty truckloads of Snackie Cakes into an Atkin's convention. Instant chaos. Fortunately, I was mostly dressed and made it through the teeming masses to the formation area. I was one of three guys from our platoon to make it.
We stood proudly, a formation of three, as a group of Drill Sergeants paced back and forth in front of us. Sneaking surreptitious glances down the line, I could see the other four platoons fared as badly as we did.
Soon, the exodus from the barracks began in earnest. Desperate soldiers, male and female, running for their lives, Drill Sergeant Pereda milling among them, indiscriminately hurling invective, bile, and vitriol like Curt Schilling fastballs (well, Curt Schilling of the bloody sock, not Curt Schilling of the blown saves). Most were only half dressed.
One guy, with the unfortunate surname Odom, fell in to my left, panting. He was wearing underwear and one flip-flop (known in the Army as "shower shoes"). His face was half-covered in shaving cream. I mean HALF. Even split, right down the middle. He looked like a half-hearted, homeless mime. He was murmuring under his breath, "ohshitohshitohshitohshit."
"Shut up, man!" I sotto voce'd at him. "Everyone else is late, too."
I thought I was in the clear. After all, I was out in formation on time and in the proper uniform. I was like a diamond in the rough. Almost immediately, I learned I was naught but a turd amongst turds. And it's true: you can polish a turd for all you're worth, but it's still a turd.
Slowly everyone settled in. Silence.
Drill Sergeant Powers, a short black guy built like a Peterbilt, stood before the company and called us to attention, then parade rest.
"Prah'ts," he began, his voice only slightly raised, "You have experienced a time crunch. Never take your alloted time for granted. You must exercise proper time management to succeed in my Army!"
Each Drill Sergeant took charge of a platoon and marched us to the mud pits. Yup, they are exactly what they sound like. It was time for an early morning workout in the mud.
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-14 13:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Musta felt real good out there in your BDU's eh?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-09-17 07:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'll take the Israeli army, thank you very much.
Submitted by RydinJ (user info) at 2005-09-16 22:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit everyday was a time crunch in basic, but man i wont bitch i loved basic. Id go back to basic anyday than dealing with the day to day BS or garrison or even deployment.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-25 13:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep going...
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-08-22 15:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:28:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you guys ever have to do the 4 man push ups? You know you make a square with your arms on the ground and your feet on someones back and someones feet on your back. We used to get that with team drills.
_____________________________
ATTN GHEY MENZ!
sorry...couldn't resist.
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I swear I saw that in a porno movie once...wait, I mean A FRIEND told me he saw it in a porno movie, yeah, thats it...
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2005-08-17 18:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wanna bone you
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:45:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you guys ever have to do the 4 man push ups? You know you make a square with your arms on the ground and your feet on someones back and someones feet on your back. We used to get that with team drills.
_____________________________
ATTN GHEY MENZ!
sorry...couldn't resist.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-16 07:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-08-15 22:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you don't love Basic, you don't love life.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-15 22:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Shut up, man!" I sotto voce'd at him.
___________________
Sotto voce is a verb, too?
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-08-15 21:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OOOO-RAH!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-08-15 19:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-15 19:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another BCT story, takes me back to days i never want to redo, although some of it was fun. cant wait for your fun story. should be a whole 2 lines.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-15 19:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by atomicmac (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:18:08 (#)
Ranking: 1
heh, heh, I loved being a Drill Sergeant...
When did you go through Basic? I don't think you are there now, as easy as it's gotten in the last few years. I can't imagine Blogging on the training schedule.
How many days and a wake up?
-=-=-
went through basic in ought five, and got out this april.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-08-15 19:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
keep it up.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUNNY. Also, terrifying.
Submitted by atomicmac (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh, heh, I loved being a Drill Sergeant...
When did you go through Basic? I don't think you are there now, as easy as it's gotten in the last few years. I can't imagine Blogging on the training schedule.
How many days and a wake up?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everytime i go duck hunting i think someone gonna start yelling and spitting in my ear
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by chemokenny (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:44:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Month 14 in Iraq - "I'm beginning to think the college money wasn't worth it"
=-=-=-
good luck, man.
Submitted by chemokenny (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Month 14 in Iraq - "I'm beginning to think the college money wasn't worth it"
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:36:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a shame boys need to be molded into killers in order to "become men". Basic training is brainwashing. Or just brainforming.
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Here asshole, here's a rifle - good luck in Iraq, fucknuts.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh. Sounds like all kinds of fun
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hell yeah. 4-man pushups and 4-man situps too. we also did the drill of throwing everything from your wall locker out the window. that will have to be another story...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you guys ever have to do the 4 man push ups? You know you make a square with your arms on the ground and your feet on someones back and someones feet on your back. We used to get that with team drills.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wasn't brainwashed, dude. I don't know what you are talking about. what you are talking about. not brainwashed not brainwashed not kill brainwashed you not brainwashed bastard brainwashed not.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ours was more like: "All hands layed to the aft brow!"
Then there was a similar session of phisical punishment know to todays sailor as "ABANDON SHIP"
Abandon Ship was pushing all of the bunks back to the walls, so as to afford our RDC's a more spacious environment to beat our asses in.
This sound familliar to anyone?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember distincly our first wake up, a large stick in a trash can and a lot of shouting.
Soon followed by our first assembly where all of our stuff was thrown out the barracks windows.
Took 3 hours to get everything you owned back in order.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-15 13:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a shame boys need to be molded into killers in order to "become men". Basic training is brainwashing. Or just brainforming.
In any case, worth reading.
Hell, just go read 'Starship Troopers'.