Would you employ me? If not, why not, dammit? (1675 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.4 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stin (View user info) at 2005-08-15 14:20:09 EDT
So here I am in the US, just waiting for the red tape and paperwork to be completed so that I can work over here. In the mean time, I figured the most useful thing I could do would be to chase down my references and revamp my CV into its American equivalent, a resume.
I can't get hold of anyone who wants to write nice things about me for love nor money (although threatening to put a brick through their window and eat their firstborn probably didn't help), but I have spent some considerable time playing with my CV. What you see below is the result of many hours fighting with my husband about US-UK equivalencies, some well-meaning advice from my mother-in-law and me finally saying "screw it, I'm doing it the way I want to".
What I'm asking you high-earning, shining American professional people on Ubersite, anyone who's ever written a resume and anybody else who has an opinion, quite frankly is whether, based on the state of this and my cover letter, would you offer me an interview or maybe even be silly enough to give me a job.
__________________________________________
Dear Sir,
I would like to apply for the position of <administrative job title> which you have recently advertised on <website address>.
Please find my resume and references enclosed for your perusal.
As you can see, I have considerable previous administrative experience, and feel that I would be able to bring this to benefit your company. I am responsible and reliable, with excellent interpersonal and communication skills. I exercise tact and diplomacy in contact with others, leading me to good workplace relationships. I believe firmly in the importance of seeing a task through to completion and take pride in achieving the best results possible, enjoying the satisfaction of seeing a piece of work come together. I participate well in a team, and enjoy the opportunity to work from my own initiative.
I have held a full, clean UK Driving Licence since July 2000, and am working to acquire a Maine State Drivers Licence.
If you require any further information please do not hesitate to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
Stin
___________________________________________
Stin The Mad
Somewhere
Some Town
Maine 04XXX
(207) 332-XXXX
Skills Profile
* High levels of numeracy and literacy
* Proficient with information technology, including
- Microsoft Office
- EPOS Systems
* Logical problem solving techniques
* Ability to think clearly and perform well under pressure
* Confidence when presenting information and findings
* Friendly, approachable customer service and good telephone manner
* Excellent organisational and administrative skills, including data entry
* Capability to assimilate new concepts quickly and prioritise accordingly
Qualifications and Achievements
Parkstone Grammar School - Dorset, England
(Academically selective High School with examination results in top 5% nationally)
A-Level in Physics, Chemistry, Music, General Studies, Mathematics, Applied Mathematics
(Equivalent to High School AP / College Prep classes)
GCSE (A* - B) in English, English Literature, Mathematics, Double Award Science, Business Studies, German, History, Graphic Products, Music
(5 GCSEs at Grade C is equivalent to a High School Diploma)
Nottingham Trent University - Nottingham, England
Year 1 BSc (Hons) Physics & Computing for Sciences
Professional Skills Test September 2003
Word 90%
Excel 92%
Access 92%
Typing Speed 50wpm
Data Entry 6300cph
Employment History
March '05 - May '05
Showband Musician - Comesailawaywithme Cruiselines
Playing saxophone, flute and clarinet as part of a 7 piece band aboard the De/Az Entertainment, backing Las Vegas-style production shows with click track and guest performers, and also live sets as required.
April '04 - March '05
Residential Lettings Administrator - Toenail & Rancid Estate Agents
Responsible for sourcing rental property and new tenants, liaison with landlords, tenants, local government and tradesmen, referencing of new tenants, administrative duties, preparation of legal documents, audiotyping, viewings on properties, key processing and storage, running the office at weekends, implementing client database, collecting rent, dealing with maintenance issues and overdue rent. Keyholder.
January '04 - March '04
Cashier - Wonderful Service Station (Exxon UK)
General cashier duties including customer service, cash reconciliation, forecourt control and merchandising.
September '03 - January '04
Temporary Assignments - FUBAR Personnel
Including reception, office administration, works order generation, typing, purchase and sales invoice processing, data entry, filing and photocopying.
March '03 - September '03
Drawing Office Administrator - Magic Engineering Limited
Entry of new parts and subassemblies into in-house database, generation and distribution of new machine specifications, modification of existing machine specifications, distribution of change details to parts, subassemblies and machines, pulling and marking 3rd angle orthographic projection drawings for manufacture. Liaison between Sales and Production Control departments regarding changes, parts and manufactured parts. Filing of specification information and microfilm drawings of existing parts. Reception training on in-house switchboard.
March '02 - March '03
Cashier - Marvellous Service Station (Exxon UK)
Customer service, money handling, cash reconciliation, forecourt control. Supervisory experience of young weekend staff. Keyholder. Nightshift (sole worker), opening up store for customer use. Experience with finding data from archive videotapes for police use. Certified Competent Person for receipt of fuel deliveries.
May '01 - November '01
Trend Analyst & Administrator - Inyourface
Self-employed. Collection and collation of overnight deposit rates for Euros, Sterling and Dollars. Production of reports of information, presentation of findings in written form through use of spreadsheets, graphs and analysis of trends. Administrative duties including payroll, accounts and writing correspondence regarding work.
__________________________________________________
(All names changed to protect the not-so-innocent, and to prevent you from hunting me down and murdering me in my sleep)
Now obviously it loks a little prettier on the page than that, but that's the information. Any helpful suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.
Just to ensure that this post isn't a complete waste of your time, here's a pretty picture.
User Reviews
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-09-18 09:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A mercurial job history and today's competitive
employment environment mean that outstanding letters of reference
will be key.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75246
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-09-13 07:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You did HOW MANY A-levels?!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-09-05 04:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-08-16 05:30:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know people, do you want me to have a word?
Admittedly none are employers in Maine, but it might just work.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ha ha ha ha
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-08-16 09:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worst Resume ever. Seriously. Hire a professional to spice it up. I would post mine, but it would take to much work to edit out sensitive data.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-08-16 09:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hire you...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-16 06:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit woman, you've had seven jobs in four years. Fuck you haven't even managed to stay in the same country for three decades AND your a newlywed so chances are your going to end up impregnated soon anyway. You have a degree in an industry that requires constant training/certification and is glutted anyway with younger, more highly qualified individuals. Why should I employ you?
Sorry to be harsh, as an employer that's what I'm going to think when I look at your CV, although of course, I would never admit that officially. Your going to have to get a noisy, high-preassure job and sit there for 2-3 years before your really employable in a capacity with prestige.
Unlucky mate.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-08-16 05:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know people, do you want me to have a word?
Admittedly none are employers in Maine, but it might just work.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-08-16 04:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think MS Word has a resume template.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-16 03:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you don't stick at a job very long do you?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-16 02:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You seem capable.
Can you make coffee?
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-08-16 02:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can't you hook on the streetcorner?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-15 23:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like Xcuses needs a visit from the Office Gnome.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-15 19:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't hire you because you spend too much time on the computer
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 18:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks P-Peon, appreciated.
Cindy, I have 4 A-levels and 2 AS so it's not quite as mental as it seems. AS Maths and Applied. And this was back in the day before they fucked up the system with that whole A2 bullshit.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-15 18:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and honey leave off the part about the drivers license, unless you are getting a job that requires you to drive it is none of their fucking business if you take the bus or not.
And don't worry about the whole degree thing. I don't have one, but then again I'm a loser who only made 60k last year.
No one calls me Dr. Peon, but at least I don't have to see blood on a daily basis.
Submitted by jimmiss (user info) at 2005-08-15 17:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No degree, no job. No dipoloma, no job. Just like the rest of us. You just got lucky with your earlier jobs. Sorry to break it to you.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-15 17:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what you doing with 6 A levels you mentalist!?
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-15 17:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then just use these below for an admin resume. You may also want to bullet point your job duties and mention any software that you used. MS Office programs are good for that. List any programs you have used individually (Excel, Access, Powerpoint) because there are many different versions of office that contain different programs (they all have Word, but other then that it's up in the air).
Email programs are good to mention too. If you can use Lotus Notes and Outlook it's a plus.
April '04 - March '05
Residential Lettings Administrator - Toenail & Rancid Estate Agents
September '03 - January '04
Temporary Assignments - FUBAR Personnel
March '03 - September '03
Drawing Office Administrator - Magic Engineering Limited
If you put in too many jobs that aren't associated, they will assume you are just sending your resume to ANYONE who may give you a job.
This is America so act like an American. You don't need the fucking job *pfffffft* they need you. Make them want you. It's all about presentation.
Don't ask me where that last part came from, but the rest is pretty solid advice.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have an entertainment CV, a musicians CV, a general CV (this one) and a retail CV. As I said, I'm looking for admin work, not anything specific so it seems a little pointless to separate it all out any further.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:28:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would only include the past job experiences relevant to the job you are looking for, as well as the most recent 1 or 2. Listing more than 5 jobs (especially if they were fairly short term in length) looks bad because then an employer might think that you like to hop from job to job, and why should they hire you if you are just gonna quit soon anyways? Or worse yet, they think that you have been fired many times in a short period. Either way, it looks bad.
Just stick with it, I had to apply to about 180 jobs before I got the one I am currently doing. It is worth it in the end.
-------------------------------
I agree with sideshow. Leave out shit that has nothing to do with the job you are looking for.
Make separate resumes for different job types. For example I have 1 for finance and 1 for information Technology. You can list several on monster.com and they will show up in different employer searches according to keywords.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Check your email.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhh the questions employers are not allowed to ask in America
Married?
Age?
Sexual preference (just threw that one in)
seriously, when I used to hire people there was a huge list of questions we were not allowed to ask. There is always a way to side step it but none-the-less it was annoying to be so restricted
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-08-15 16:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Work experience goes before college experience on an American resume.
This sentence: As you can see, I have considerable previous administrative experience, and feel that I would be able to bring this to benefit your company.
should read: I have considerable previous administrative experience which will benefit your company.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They don't want to know how old you are in america??
Weird.
Well, fuck it. It's going in. This one's for the queen, dammit.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2nd January 1983.
I did have it on there, but my mother-in-law told me to take it off because "they shouldn't be asking you that" and apparently I'm a little on the young side.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats your DOB, stin?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I expect to get asked about the fact that I seem to be a job-hopper, although I'm actually not. There are reasons behind it, but I don't really feel like explaining it all right now. Just rest assured that there IS an explanation.
I wanted to include the jobs which I have, as they all cover slightly different skills and experience. I have a job history going back at least four jobs beyond what I have on my resume.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? What did I do now?
*looks sheepish*
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:05:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:58:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool. Email the word version to uberfilthy.at.gmail.com , gimme enough time to print it out (editing requires nicotine) and you can have a filthy-style cv back shortly.
You might not like it, but i've got every job I ever applied for, so hopefully that counts for something. Whether the septics will be able to handle the genius of it is another matter entirely.
-----------
I hate you.
--------------
Ditto
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would only include the past job experiences relevant to the job you are looking for, as well as the most recent 1 or 2. Listing more than 5 jobs (especially if they were fairly short term in length) looks bad because then an employer might think that you like to hop from job to job, and why should they hire you if you are just gonna quit soon anyways? Or worse yet, they think that you have been fired many times in a short period. Either way, it looks bad.
Just stick with it, I had to apply to about 180 jobs before I got the one I am currently doing. It is worth it in the end.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
in the off chance, some secretary made a mistake and you got an interview;
it would be 4-6 people simultaneously asking for the danish
and what's next?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
where in the us?
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Work experience:
SomePublic Univerity 2002 - Present
Rabid Code Monkey
Useful skills:
- Looking busy
- Putting emu heads on any body <---------------Bwahhhhhhhahahah!!!
- Proficient at swearing
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a couple of things - convert all the British spelling to American (i.e. organisation).
I've done a fair amount of hiring, and my first question to you would be "Wow, you're had a lot of different jobs, haven't you?"
Your work experience is quite varied, and that could be viewed as a negative - so I would spin it your way.
Say 'I like new challenges and new work environments. The work experience that I've gathered in all of these different kinds of jobs have given me the ability to tackle any kind of problem. In addition, I've been able to utilize my work experiences to come up with many different problem-solving strategies, for example (at this point, name some problems, and then how you fixed them.)
Americans like direct, real-world examples. You want to give the aura that you can handle any crap that gets thrown at you.
'Self-starter', 'quick learner' - these are helpful adjectives - nobody wants to spend all day training some newb.
If your interviewer is female, and perhaps older - you may score some points going the 'tea and crumpets' route - show some British-ness (yes, not a word, I know) - displaying some English charm makes you desirable in a work environment (and yes, there is no such thing as Scottish or Welsh charm, so dont go there).
If your interviewer is male, try and throw in some AMERICAN sport analogies (clean-bowled for six sounds like slang for a term in the penitentiary). This shows that you are not some stuck-up English chick, but you can be a 'regular guy'.
Anyways, if I can think of more, I'll post 'em.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, first maybe you need to clarify what sort of "Admin Assistant" you are wanting to be. Because, I've got an "Administrative Assistant" and what that essentially translates to is "secretary." Sure, she's SUPPOSED to be more than that, but in reality? Not so much.
But I've heard tell of AA's that are actually more a part of the Big Goings On in other companies. Just never seen one myself.
Anyway, "for your consideration" works too.
Being a fab and groovy team play is important, and it may be why they pick YOU over someone else come interview time, but at this stage in the hiring process, they care more about your abilities than your personality. Personality will come later, after you have your foot in the door. You may mention that you aren't completely socially retarded, because that IS important in the day-to-day work world, but again, skillz is what count right now.
Resume revisions require more thought, so no comment at this time.
As for "hamming up" your cover letter . . . Well, one way to look at it is as sort of an exploitation of who you are. Playing a silly part and selling yourself out (or selling yourself short) to fit into some preconceived notion of what an Englishwoman is. Another way of looking at it is using a legitimate fact about you to set you apart from the hundreds and hundreds of other people who will be applying for the job. The job of your resume and cover letter are to GET THE ATTENTION of your future employer.
I happen to think that the innate American preconception of English people as smart, proper and organized would be an asset to you here. I think that it plays to your advantage in this case and I see no shame in using it to your advantage. But maybe that's just me.
I'm not saying that you should go over the top, but maybe make it charming and professional . . . UK-Style.
Wanna hear a funny story? No? Too bad. The place where I get my hair cut has an English lady answer their phones and make appointments. Why? Because she's got a kick-ass, sexy, English accent. This fact as much as anything else makes their shop a little more hoity-toity than it would be otherwise. I mean, hell, they're all, like INTERNATIONAL and stuff!
Work it, baby. That's all I'm saying.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:58:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool. Email the word version to uberfilthy.at.gmail.com , gimme enough time to print it out (editing requires nicotine) and you can have a filthy-style cv back shortly.
You might not like it, but i've got every job I ever applied for, so hopefully that counts for something. Whether the septics will be able to handle the genius of it is another matter entirely.
-----------
I hate you.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It all depends on what job you want to do or, in todays economy, what you should settle for.
I recommend you take the first thing you can get. How many jobs are in Maine?
I suppose you could be a crab fishermen or work for a park...
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 15:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are a darling. Cheers, mate.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool. Email the word version to uberfilthy.at.gmail.com , gimme enough time to print it out (editing requires nicotine) and you can have a filthy-style cv back shortly.
You might not like it, but i've got every job I ever applied for, so hopefully that counts for something. Whether the septics will be able to handle the genius of it is another matter entirely.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Filthy, email me and I'll email it to you in Word if that helps?
clcampion.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maine? That's just below us. Come up Quebec instead. We're lazy socialists. I must have down 3 weeks of solid actual work since the beggining of 2005. :-)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teeph, would it be ok if I said "I have submitted... for your consideration" instead? I don't like the work "review" there at all, it's a very American useage.
---
DONT BLAME THAT SHIT ONUS JUST BECAUSE UBER USES IT
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Una, I married a Mainah. And besides, having worked out of Galveston TX, I much, MUCH prefer it up in New England.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stin, can I rewrite this in Word for you? You can chuck it away if it's shit, but it might give you a few ideas
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:52:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice, Filthy. I like it.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but...but...
Maine?
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd cut all the chaff out of the covering letter - I've never read one all the way through in my life, so you might as well keep it brief.
Suggested rewrite:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am writing in reference to the position of <blah>, recently advertised in <blah>.
I am a responsible and enthusiastic worker, and my proven ability to excel in an team environment makes me ideal for this role. I have considerable administrative experience and am looking for a long term opportunity to utilise and enhance my skills in this field.
I look forward to having the opportunity to discuss with you how I may benefit your organisation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:35:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, get your typing speed up. Lie if you have to. No. Actually, don't. They might test you.
_____________________
Jeez man, I'm applying to be an admin assisitant, not a freaking audiotypist!!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stin give me a day and I'll try and show you what I mean. I'm too busy at work to give proper attention to this
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Xcuses, if it needs cleaning up, how do you suggest I do it? What seemed out of place to you?
Thanks for that advice, Rainelark.
Teeph, would it be ok if I said "I have submitted... for your consideration" instead? I don't like the work "review" there at all, it's a very American useage.
Should I just take out what a fab and groovy team player I am and let that some out in person, or do I need to make something of it just to get an interview?
The resume is a perfect two sides, as I have it spaced. If it's too long, what can I sensibly omit?
The thing with the cruiseship gig is that it's why I'm in America in the first place. I also feel that it's important to have the timeline complete - I have a big enough gap from when I was working to when I will be allowed to work without making it any bigger.
I deliberately "dumbed down" my CV just so that it was readable. I'm obviously English, because all of my work history (with the exception of the cruiseships) is in the UK, and my references will be from England. There seems little point in "hamming it up".
Thanks for putting in the two minutes to read, everyone.
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you worked for fubar too?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll be fine.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Professional Skills Test September 2003
Word 90%
Excel 92%
Access 92%
Typing Speed 50wpm
Data Entry 6300cph
=====
I dunno but to me these aren't "skills". This is like saying "I can dial a phone number". To me anyway. It kind of belittle all the cool stuff you seem to have done. In my unimportant opinion anyway.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. OMG FUCKING WITH YOU AND IT IS WORKING OBVIOUSLY
2. SINCE WHEN IS A GAY MAN A LESBIAN?
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad - only two men work at my library, and one is seriously gay. So I guess what you mean is I know how to get hired by the big powerful lesbians?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get on AIM. Hadley Tobedone demands it.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ha! FUBAR!!!
(acronym for Fucked Up Beyone All Recognition"
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Toenail & Rancid Estate Agents"
HAHAHAHAHA!
I've got nothing helpful, but that was great.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and an anal retentive, obsesive compulsive attention to detail is a must.
Also, get your typing speed up. Lie if you have to. No. Actually, don't. They might test you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:27:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would add more computer skills. Be sure to put in internet experience, e-mail software, Excel, etc. For some reason my employer wanted to know all of those details when I was hired, possibly because a lot of Americans are apparently not as computer-literate.
-----------
I would listen ro RaineLark, because some broad from riverside with a california stripper handle knows all about how to get used, erm, I mean hired by big powerful menz.
DONTCHa>
OMGKIDDING
ONLY IF I GET SOME.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
why would you move to Maine???
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay. You asked.
Second paragraph - I don't like the word "perusal." I'm thinking "review" is part of the boilerplate here.
Third paragraph - when I think of an office assistant, the FIRST thing I want is their organizational skillz and their desire to see things through to completion. The fact that you are a nice person and easy to get along with is secondary. Show that in the interview.
Into the actual Resume itself - Seems a little long. I didn't copy/paste/print, but it looks a like it might be going over the "One Page Limit." Never have a resume longer than one page unless you've got some DAMN impressive stuff on page 2.
I'm considering telling you to take out the part about playing in the band on the cruise ships. It completes your timeline, but it isn't relevant to what you're applying for. Might even make people who haven't met you peg you as a flake.
Going back to the "perusal" thing, I'm thinking you can go a couple ways here. You're English, right? Well, most Americans are going to presume that you are smarter than they are based on your use of the Queen's English. This might be something that could work for you, if you were to go a little more "Super Nanny" with your verbiage here. Mostly, this letter/resume reads as if an American wrote it. If you English it up a bit, it COULD work in your favor.
That's about all I've got for the two minutes I took to look over it (which is about what you can expect from an employer as well).
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your resume needs to be cleaned up but you have lots of good experience
Good luck
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not here, baby,
We see, "Las Vegas Style' and give you a firm Fuck off.
Love,
Rad.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
try and translate those job titles more into US terms, such as "accounts payable / receivable " and "Executive assistant" or "Secretary"
Possibly go by one of the local temp agencies and have them test you on individual Microsoft Office subprograms and update with that.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you think "proficient at swearing" qualifies as a transferrable skill in this day and age? Because I can cuss like a sailor.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry dear.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. I was trying too hard to be funny.
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would add more computer skills. Be sure to put in internet experience, e-mail software, Excel, etc. For some reason my employer wanted to know all of those details when I was hired, possibly because a lot of Americans are apparently not as computer-literate.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, your resume makes you look more qualified than me. Mine dgoes something like this:
Work experience:
SomePublic Univerity 2002 - Present
Rabid Code Monkey
Useful skills:
- Looking busy
- Putting emu heads on any body
- Proficient at swearing
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stin... nits... nitty! I knew it.
I'll hire you... which is to say, higher you with an injection of morphine, upon which time you can slurp my knob in ecstacy, thinking that you're flying through a paradise moonscape and sucking on a didgeridoo.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm looking to hire a personal ball washer...interested?
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-15 14:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're hired.