My Stapler (450 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.44 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Goose <goosehkr at hotmail dot com> (View user info) at 2005-08-16 11:06:56 EDT
This is my stapler.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My stapler is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My stapler, without me, is useless.
Without my stapler, I am useless.
I must fire my stapler true.
I must shoot straighter than my enemy,
who is trying to kill me.
I must shoot him before he shoots me.
I will.
My stapler and myself know that what counts in war,
is not the rounds of fire,
the noise of our burst,
nor the smoke we make.
We know it is the hits that count.
We will hit.
My stapler is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses,
its strengths,
its parts,
its accessories,
its sights and its barrel.
I will ever guard it against
the ravages of weather and damage.
I will keep my stapler clean and ready,
even as I am clean and ready.
We will become part of each other.
We will.
Before God I swear this creed.
My stapler and myself are the defenders of my country.
We are the masters of our enemy.
We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until there is no enemy,
but Peace.
User Reviews
Submitted by mazellan (user info) at 2005-08-16 12:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I only read the beginning, but the fact you could find this much to write about a stapler deserves a 1 I think
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2005-08-16 12:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked cicre's so he gets this +2, not you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
circe kinda ruined it for ya.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
anything but the red swingline is blasphemy.
it doesn't bind up as much
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was actually working on another version, but I can't compete with Circe.
Damn that Bob in office B.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have given you a +1 if you put a picture of Milton at the end.
Could have been better, but it made me smile.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:10:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Full Metal Jacket was a kick-ass movie.
_____________________
And it made a great sample on that Fear Factory album.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is my stapler.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My stapler is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My stapler, without me, is useless.
Without my stapler, I am useless.
I must fire my stapler true.
I must staple straighter than my enemy,
who is bob in office B.
I must staple much faster than he.
I will.
My stapler and myself know that what counts in life,
is not the size of paper,
the triplicate forms,
nor the stacks we make.
We know we have to staple fast.
and we will.
My stapler is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses,
its strengths,
its parts,
its accessories,
its staples and hinge.
I will ever guard it against
the thieving hands of Susan down the hall.
I will keep my stapler here at my desk,
even as I am here at my desk.
We will become part of each other.
We will.
Before God I swear this creed.
My stapler and myself are the defenders of my paycheck.
We are the masters of the paperwork.
We are the saviors of my boss.
So be it, until there is no paperwork,
but Peace.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude...
This would have been great if you had actually changed the words and kept the rhythem and rhyme. Instead all you did was sub rifle for stapler and put a little picture at the end.
Sorry man.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-16 11:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Full Metal Jacket was a kick-ass movie.