Order in the Court (305 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.67 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rixes (View user info) at 2005-08-16 23:39:16 EDT
True courtroom conversations.
Q: Do you recall telling the police that you passed out at that time?
A: I passed out, yes. I passed out. I think I blacked out. I passed out, but I don't know if I was really out. I just remember blacking out, and I assume I passed out. If I didn't pass out, maybe just my mind blacked out.
Judge: Had you been drinking that day? Alcohol, I mean?
Defendant: Uh-huh.
Judge: Had you?
Lawyer: Answer it audibly.
Judge: Had you been drinking alcohol that day?
Defendant: Audibly.
Lawyer: Do you now wear corrective glasses?
Witness: There are three of you?
Judge: How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
Defendant: I'm guilty as hell.
Judge: Let the record reflect the defendant is guilty as hell.
Lawyer: Officer, at this point in your mind, did you consider him to be a suspect in the homicide?
Officer: No. I really did not have enough intelligence to make that decision.
Q: I take it you helped milk the cows?
A: I milked them.
Q: Did you help with breeding at all?
A: The bulls did the breeding. I couldn't do that.
Lawyer: When you said that, there was some hesitation. Have you heard of others that you haven't heard about yet?
Q: So you don't recall the exact distance?
A: That he was from me? Or I was from him?
Lawyer: What about the research?
Witness: I don't think there is any research on that. There's a logical hunch that may be true, but I know of no research study that would support that.
Lawyer: What about just common sense?
Witness: Well, I am not here using common sense. I'm here as an expert.
Lawyer: Now, Doctor, which way would someone fall after receiving a twelve-gauge shotgun blast directly in the chest?
Witness: Down.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-18 13:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Common Sense isn't so common. Fucking retards
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-17 09:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-17 09:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or a fuck up...either or
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i believe that in england, the judge is the dude that chiefly interogates the witness.
so my guess...is that it's england.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Judge: Had you been drinking that day? Alcohol, I mean?
Defendant: Uh-huh.
Judge: Had you?
Lawyer: Answer it audibly.
Judge: Had you been drinking alcohol that day?
Defendant: Audibly.
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why is the judge interrogating the witness and the lawyer admonishing him?
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lawyer: Now, Doctor, which way would someone fall after receiving a twelve-gauge shotgun blast directly in the chest?
Witness: Down.
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I giggled out loud for this one... and I never seen these before either, but then I never read stupid chain emails. Maybe that is why my email accounts are void of SPAM.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll have salami on rye
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had to cover court in J-school. The best was the dude that represented himself.
Somedays, I just go sit in a courtroom and hang out. It's teh fun.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-17 00:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had to cover court in J-school. The best was the dude that represented himself.
Somedays, I just go sit in a courtroom and hang out. It's teh fun.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-16 23:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
New to me.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2005-08-16 23:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I typed it from a book smartass.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2005-08-16 23:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're going to get -2 for this. You shouldn't copy and paste internet shit that everyone has seen thousands of times for years..