The Swamp of Sorrows (583 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.57 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NumLock (View user info) at 2005-08-17 01:16:23 EDT
I am in the process of writing this story, and wanted to get some feed back whether or not the rest of it was worth sharing or not. I would appreciate any feedback, good or bad. Thanks for reading.
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The tale of my quest through the Swamp of Sorrows is best described as fruitless.
The name that was given to me centuries ago is Fal'nuil. I was raised in the lands West of the Ruined Temple. Me and my kin enjoyed many years of peace, song, and prosperity. Praise Quel'la for our rich soil and lush green forests! It took someone with great fortitude to resist the enchanting music of our forest, and for that we were blessed. Water dropped from the great falls 50 feet in the air, and came rolling down in a rush of confusion until finally settling comfortably in the gully below. Whether the people knew it or not, The Falls were under a great enchantment and it is from there we drew our power. Those like me who have studied under The Great Enchantress are able to see the faeries rise from the basin of the falls, and float merrily, as if to the tune of a great harpsichord, into infinity as they graced our lands with whispers of peace and merriment. The faeries are invisible to the unskilled eye, they appear as an early morning mist rising from the ground after a rain has passed on a hot night. Our magic was strong in those days, and it is only now that I realize that we had all taken it very much so for granted. That is all I will say of my homeland for now. I have scrolls scattered throughout the lands that go into the joy we all came to expect on each rising sun that shall remain hidden for the time being, only to be found when these Dark Days are over ..if ever.
I was given my reason for being when The Great Enchantress informed me of the invasion on our people. Bands of Undead Legion were traveling to our plane of existence through the forbidden portals. I may never come to know how the Dark Prince Arthrall acquired the Wands of Destiny needed to unlock the portals, but for now, that is the least of my concerns. To cleans the cursed Swamp of Sorrows was to be my quest, and for that, I needed an army.
To be continued..
User Reviews
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-08-18 21:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seems a bit like an allegory for the biblical Fall From Grace, the undead being the resultant masses cursed with sin- not that I think of the bible as anything more than an epic mythology- probably not your intention, the allegory I mean. I like Clive Barker, but he's about as "fantasy" as I get in reading. This reminds me of an excerpt/synopsis of one of his books.
Fatten it up and roll on. ++
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-17 11:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by minnowtaur (user info) at 2005-08-17 02:48:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
why dont you say this is derived from Warcraft? jeeze Arthall=Arthas, right?
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Because I didn't. My computer is ancient, and cannot support much more than solitaire. If I *COULD* run that game (or any game for that matter), I would probably be playing it instead of posting/reviewing on Uber.
Thanks for the reviews, I won't be checking this post anymore until I post the first chapter.
Submitted by minnowtaur (user info) at 2005-08-17 02:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why dont you say this is derived from Warcraft? jeeze Arthall=Arthas, right?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I re-read it several times and upped my rating. It sounds as though
it would be more novel length than a short story. It has definite promise.
Next installment, please!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Look up the phrase "purple prose." The concept is great, but remember what the
writing books say: "Show, don't tell." Excess verbiage will kill your story
faster than anything. Read Stephen King's "On Writing."
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little cliched and over the top with the names, but like someone said before me, needs more than a paragraph to judge a story.
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cheers.
I'm mainly looking for people who would be interested in reading more. I don't see alot of this on Ubersite and do not want to come all out with it it in one giant post. I appreciate the critism though, thanks.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs way more before anyone can make an accurate judgement.
Submitted by ChannelDunlap (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Never been a fan of fantasy writings. I'd say more action, less metaphorical descriptions.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-08-17 01:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd read some more of it, I guess. This isn't really long enough to give me an idea of whether or not you have any ability to write something of this nature.
So there's some forbidden portals and some faeries and some magic wands and some scrolls and some magic and a hero seeking an army to fight off a legion of undead warriors? What can you do with it? That's really all that matters.