Welcome to the New Sox. Same as the Old Sox. (811 hits)
Category: SportsLabels: sports
Rating: 1.38 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-08-18 14:15:40 EDT
On Monday, August 15th, I went to the Detroit Tigers/Boston Red Sox game. During the three and a half hours I was there, I saw more people wearing Red Sox attire than I did in the entire two years I lived in Maine. It was almost as if the city of Boston had uprooted itself and moved to the Detroit area. Now don't get me wrong, it's nice to see such a large fan base, but there's one problem. These people are not true fans, they're posers.
For nineteen years, I lived near Cincinnati, Ohio. During that time, I was the one and only Red Sox fan in my little town; the only kid who could recite the starting lineup of my beloved Beantown Nine without missing a beat; the only person wearing a blue hat with a bright red B; the only baseball card collector who had more cards of Jim Rice Dwight Evans, and Wade Boggs than he did of Barry Larkin, Chris Sabo, or Eric Davis. You see, from 1987 until recently, the Red Sox Nation was made up of residents of the greater New England area and New Yorkers who wanted to piss of Yankee fans along with a few people like me scattered around the country.
These days, Sox "fans" are everywhere. Hundreds of them sprout up around the country on a daily basis like dandelions in a garden. To some people, dandelions are a pretty yellow flower, but that's not reality. The truth is, a dandelion is an unsightly weed that does nothing but detract from the beauty of the flowers surrounding it, just like the newest crop of Boston fans.
You can't even leave your house anymore without seeing someone wearing a Boston hat; however, that is an excellent way to determine whether or not someone is a real fan or just another a poser. Allow me to explain. After the sweep of the Cardinals, I was at a hockey game with a friend and I got up to get a beverage during the first period. When I got to the concession stand, I noticed there was another man standing there wearing a Sox hat. He saw my hat, I saw his, we high-fived and talked about the Yankees series, specifically Robert's steal, Papi's homeruns, and Schilling's ankle, as we waited in line.
These pseudo Sox fans, however, are just the opposite. I was in a Starbucks a few months ago and there was another guy sitting by the front door wearing a Boston hat. As I was walking out the door, we made eye contact and grinned and said "Go Sox." He replied by staring at me blankly before finally mumbling: "Huh? Oh yea. Right. Go Sox."
See, posers don't give a damn about the Red Sox or what they accomplished, they just want to align themselves with a winner. They're nothing but bandwagon jumpers. They're the same people who cheer for the Yankees, Cowboys, and Lakers when they're having good seasons, then claim to have always been a fan. Yea right. Sure you were.
These people couldn't pick Fisk, Doerr, Cronin, Lynn, Oil Can, or Dewey out of a lineup, but they have the career statistics of Yaz, Teddy Ballgame, Papi, Nomar, and Pedro memorized like their first phone number.
They've never heard of the "Million Dollar Outfield" (Speaker, Hooper, & Lewis), but they can talk at length about Manny's mental health, Damon's hair, and Trot's injury.
Mention Bucky Dent and they'll stare at you blankly, but say the names Roger Clemens, Bill Buckner, Aaron Boone, or Grady Little and they'll foam at the mouth with rage. Hey poser, you're not fooling anyone. Take the hat off.
"But Tom," people say to me. "You were born in Ohio. How can you be a Red Sox fan?"
How? Because I'm a glutton for punishment and I'm loyal. Of the three major sports, I have stayed faithful to the following three teams:
The Cleveland Cavaliers.
Why I like them: They are the only basketball team in Ohio.
Why I hate them: The last time they made the playoffs was 1998. They have not won a playoff series since 1993. Their starting five in the late '80s/early '90s are on Michael Jordan's Christmas card list under the heading: "My Bitches." They did their part to ruin the NBA in the mid '90s with their "slow it down and milk the 24 second clock" style of play. They finally make a good move by drafting LeBron and for two years surrounded him with rejects from the cast of Hang Time.
The Cincinnati Bengals
Why I like them: They were and still are my mom's favorite team, so I grew up watching Boomer, Brooksie, Fulcher, and Munoz underachieve.
Why I hate them: See the previous sentence. They haven't had a winning season since 1990, and even then they were a disappointing 9-7. They went to the Super Bowl in 1988 and didn't even make the playoffs the next season (which was unheard of back then). They have the worst record in the NFL in the last 20 years. From 1990 to 2000 they made their draft picks by having a monkey fling poo at names on a dry-erase board. Their head coach choices were so bad that when they hired Bruce Coslet to replace David Shula the entire fan base was ecstatic. When they finally began to show signs of life, they changed their uniforms to something out of a bad science fiction movie. I could keep going, but I'm about to throw the computer monitor through a window.
The Boston Red Sox:
Why I like them: I remember watching them play the Angels in the 1986 ALCS (when I was seven) and thinking their uniforms and logo were cool as hell. A few weeks later, I was watching game six of the World Series with my grandparents and they explained that the Sox had not won a championship since 1918. Then I saw the ball dribble through Buckner's legs and I felt so bad for them that they instantly became my favorite team. I've loved them ever since and have never strayed, not even when the Reds won the 1990 World Series. Sure, the Reds are local, but Boston is my team.
Why I hate them: Where do I start? Let's put it this way, being a Red Sox fan is like cheering for a wildebeest on an episode of Wild Kingdom. The first time you see a show, you sit in your chair and watch as the wildebeest glides across the plains of Africa. "What a beautiful wildebeest," you think to yourself. "I hope it doesn't get killed by one of those lions they showed at the beginning of the show."
After about half an hour, you're completely entranced by the wildebeest's grace and beauty. The more you watch it walk around, the more you like it. "This is the coolest animal ever," you say to no one in particular.
55 minutes into the episode, the wildebeest is still walking around and you're positive it's going to elude the predators and live a long, healthy life. Suddenly and without warning, one of the lions leaps from off screen and crushes the wildebeest's skull in its jaw. As this happens, you cover your mouth with your hand and stare at the screen in absolute shock at the events that just transpired, then you say something like, "I can't believe that just happened."
The thing is, you knew the entire time there were lions roaming around, but you're still shocked and disappointed that they killed your wildebeest. From then on, each time you watch a show about wildebeests you know deep down that the animal is doomed. You're just waiting for the fatal strike.
That's the way it is to be a Red Sox fan. You're nervous as hell until the game is over. You watch games waiting for one bonehead play to escalate into a six run inning for the other team. It's frustrating as hell. At least, it was until last year. Last year a miracle occurred. The Red Sox marched through the playoffs and won the World Series in dramatic fashion, recovering from a 3-0 deficit to topple the Yankees in the ALCS, then sweeping the talented Cardinals to earn the title of World Champions.
It was like the weight of the world had been lifted from every Red Sox fan's shoulders. From that point on, I watched games differently. The Sox were no longer lovable losers. They were now winners. Ice cold assassins, capable of beating any team in the league in a seven game series.
Then Monday night happened. As I previously mentioned, I was at the game. I stood and shouted when I saw Schilling exit the bullpen and walk to the mount like a professional wrestler. I listened to the chorus of boos and bloody sock comments from the fans around me. I watched like a proud father as he mowed down a batter to end the eighth inning and protect the slim two run lead. I cheered until my throat hurt as he walked off the field. I laughed as the hometown fans collected their belongings and left, knowing there was no way their team could beat Schilling.
After watching him cruise through the eighth, I felt like a little kid going to the mall to see Santa Claus for the first time. The previous inning had been like catching a glimpse of him as he walked to his chair and sat down - a preamble to the main event. The ninth began with me anxiously standing in line to see him again and I knew it would end with me telling him about the Red Ryder BB Gun I wanted for Christmas as the elf behind the gate snapped away with his camera. It was going to be fantastic.
The Tigers, however, had other plans. Before I could tell Santa what I wanted, they yanked down his beard right in front of me, exposing the man underneath. Placido Polanco singled to right, Dimitri Young belted a towering shot off the center field wall, scoring Polanco and resulting in a triple as the remaining fans around me roared to life. The tying run was a mere 90 feet away from home with only one out and Schilling looked frustrated.
Two years ago, that familiar feeling of dread would have overtaken me after Polanco's single and I would have been in full panic mode. Monday night, however, I still believed these were the same Red Sox who turned around the entire outlook of the franchise and that Schilling would be able to somehow regain control and get the save ... yea, and maybe a wildebeest will bitch-slap a lion with its hoof and run to safety.
The Tigers then had Nook Logan pinch run for Young, but it didn't matter. After Magglio Ordonez hit a shot to left-center, a ninety year old man could have limped home with a cane and still scored easily. The game was now tied and I was frantically searching for a paper bag to breathe into.
After a brief moment of reprieve following a Schilling strikeout, someone named John McDonald smacked a single down the left field line to score Ordonez and the crowd went insane. Home plate was surrounded by white jerseys as the entire Tigers team celebrated their victory over the boys from Boston.
One of the worst offensive teams in the league scored three runs in the bottom of the ninth off of Boston's ace to win the game 7-6. Welcome to the new Sox, just like the old Sox.
Maybe now the bandwagon will clear out a bit.
(A few select pictures and a few notes from the game coming either tomorrow or Monday.)
User Reviews
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
white sox bitch. white sox.
we'll see your asses in the playoffs.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO TIGS! We're like the wildabeast too, except we're killed in the first 5 minutes of the documentary and have to sit there watching hoping that somehow the animal will come back to life.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-18 17:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 sox
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-18 16:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't like any sports until a few years ago when I joined a softball league.
Now I love the GAME. I don't even care if it's two teams I don't care about.
I'd still watch the game.
I am a Red Sox fan because I admire them. I have been fascinated with their history and the rivalries.
I love Boston and I love baseball.
Now my coworkers on the other hand don't even watch the games. They just like to drool
over the cute players and cheer that "our" team won.
Bah.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Go Tigers!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The cashew thing ... ahhh ha ha ha ha ha.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I met Oil Can Boyd a few years back. Apparently my high school was where he got his nickname. he volunteered for an experiment with my physics teacher, and the teacher accidentially tipped an oil can and dumped oil all over his head. That's how the name stuck. He comes back every few years or so and pays the teacher a visit. Oil Can is a cool guy.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Tis a shame, for Dane Cook is quite funny. He came to my school twice while I was there. Dane Cook. At Fordham University. A Jesuit school.
Let's just say the whole "Christ Chex" bit didn't go over to well with the priests and zealots, causing my group of friends and me to idolize him.
I haven't tried that cashew thing yet, though.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Spooner, I do. You just don't read them.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72555
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72717
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:52:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
"But Tom," people say to me. "You were born in Ohio. How can you be a Red Sox fan?"
It's like being a Michigan fan from Colombus. I can't stand people who's favorite sports teams are not even close to where they grew up. It's not like you lived in Nebraska and had no one to cheer for. I'd plus 2 this based on the content, but you ended it like a whiney bitch.
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Spook, I hate that too, BUT the Sox are the ONLY team I like that isn't from Ohio. (Well, Notre Dame is awesome, but my entire family loves the Irish like Rudy's family.) It would be different if I lived in New York or Baltimore and liked the Sox, but the only local baseball team was the Reds and it's not like they ever play each other.And when you like a team from 1986 on and follow them religiously, it's acceptable.
Plus I lived in Maine for two years, so I get to claim residence.
And whiny bitch? What? Eat me.
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-18 15:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sox
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So it's my not so subtle references that prompt you to +2 me ... I like that.
You were the ONLY person who got the Dane Cook reference in the last one.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:36:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Spoon, why do you harbor so much hostility towards me these days?
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Because you started writing about sports and stopped writing funny things.
WRITE FUNNY THINGS AGAIN
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"But Tom," people say to me. "You were born in Ohio. How can you be a Red Sox fan?"
It's like being a Michigan fan from Colombus. I can't stand people who's favorite sports teams are not even close to where they grew up. It's not like you lived in Nebraska and had no one to cheer for. I'd plus 2 this based on the content, but you ended it like a whiney bitch.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should -2 this to hell out of principle, because I view the Red Sox as something I stepped on that won't come off my shoe. Like dog shit chewing gum or something.
That being said, I'm gonna guess that the title of the post is a reference to Rage Against the Machine (that song from Battle of Los Angeles, forgot the name of it). So that alone gets +2. Unless I find out otherwise.
Same thing happened with your football post. Me being the green-blooded Jets fan that I am, I should have -2'd it save for the Dane Cookage.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:35:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh boo hoo. I'd give 20 dollars to have a million poser Penguins fans making sure my franchise didn't fold up and move.
Also, my little brother bought a Red Sox hat the other day, and I chewed him out for it. His comeback was that he also had a Yankees hat.
So he's a fan of Mariners, roots for the Pirates when they're doing well, but has both Red Sox and Yankees hats.
BANDWAGON
(I didn't read all of this, I can't stand the Red Sox, and I *cannot* stand Red Sox fans. SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE CARES. You and Bill Simmons can both blow me.)
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kick your brother's ass, and make him pick a team, then put all the other hats in a box in the basement.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though they're posers it a refeshing change from all the NY posers that dominated for so long. I can't tell you how many times I've had people asking me if I'm going to be a Sox fan when I move to Boston in two weeks.
I Won't.
I'm not really a baseball fan, but if I had to back a team it will always and forever be my hometown heroes. The O's.
I was looking at a place two blocks from Fenway and the proximity excited me because of all the energy and hoopla that would go along with the games, then I realized most sports fans are assholes and I'd rather not deal with it. Well that and the apartment was a fucking shoebox.
It's funny about growing up in MD. The colts left town before I was into sports, and I like many others despised the redskins. I grew up likeing the 49ers (Joe Montana and Jerry Rice) but they were deep sixed as soon as Baltimore got a team, even if they picked faggy purple for their colors.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nicely said.
i think it started in 2002.
that was when i first noticed it, anyway. and after the 03 alcs, and last year, obviously, its mushroomed.
its weird...like having a bandwagon form around the team i love somehow takes away from that special thing i had all my life.
my very first memory was my dad waking me up in 1986, holding me in front of the tv, making me watch the end of a game with him and my grandfather. then they cried. that was the last time i saw my dad cry... until last october, when he called me crying...'i wish my father could have been alive to see this."
i remember back in the day...and even as recently as this year, before the playoffs...walking around in a city (other than boston) running into another guy wearing sox gear would ALWAYS get a "go sox" and a little fist-pound-the-air kinda deal.
not anymore.
and they have those hats that are already broken in and beat up. so you can't tell who's had the hat the longest. my 8 1/4 gameday fitted from 1999 looks exactly like those blue faded stretchy things they sell in bobs all around the country.
its sad, but at the same time, i'm happy.
so i guess you could say i'm conflicted
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Spoon, why do you harbor so much hostility towards me these days?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh boo hoo. I'd give 20 dollars to have a million poser Penguins fans making sure my franchise didn't fold up and move.
Also, my little brother bought a Red Sox hat the other day, and I chewed him out for it. His comeback was that he also had a Yankees hat.
So he's a fan of Mariners, roots for the Pirates when they're doing well, but has both Red Sox and Yankees hats.
BANDWAGON
(I didn't read all of this, I can't stand the Red Sox, and I *cannot* stand Red Sox fans. SHUT THE FUCK UP. NO ONE CARES. You and Bill Simmons can both blow me.)
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair enough Tom, I just read your comment on that Krissi post and it stuck in my mind. I thought maybe you'd be leaving us or something.
No beef.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Call up Papelbon."
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Done. He started Tuesday's game.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:22:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
why keep posting if you hate this place so much.
not starting anything I'm just asking.
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I don't hate this place at all. I love the fact that I have a site to post all this stuff and it saves it for me on my user tab. What I do not like are all the idiots who have taken over the site and all the alters.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72550 sawx linkwhore
me earliest baseball memory was watching game six in 86 with my dad. like you, i've been a fan ever since. because my dad is from Mass, i get a little more street cred, i guess.
honestly, i think schilling needs to take the rest of the season off to rehab the ankle. call up Papelbon to fill out the rotation, maybe call delcarmen back up, whatever you need to do. get rid of remlinger, that worthless hack, and make timlin the closer. delcarmen shows some potential to be a setup man...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
baseball sux - candlepin bowling, now THERE'S a sport for ya!
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo Go Sox!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
why keep posting if you hate this place so much.
not starting anything I'm just asking.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha ha ha
gotcha
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-18 14:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 you motherfucker