A Genuinely Inquisitive 20-something Attempts To Discuss Complex Subjects With His Asshole Of A Friend (668 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.84 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manic Velocity (View user info) at 2005-08-18 17:52:44 EDT
A genuinely inquisitive 20-something (me) attempts to discuss...
PERPETUAL MOTION
"Do you ever think about perpetual motion?"
"*Sigh*, shut the fuck up."
"No seriously. It's kind of like how light is only visible when it hits something. Objects are always in motion until they are stopped."
"No seriously. Shut the fuck up."
"It's like, if this chair wasn't here, I'd just keep falling until I hit the floor."
"Congratulations. You've discovered gravity."
"Shut the fuck up."
---
GLOBAL WARMING
"Stupid hippies."
"Word."
---
LEAP YEARS
"I had a friend in Cub Scouts who was born on a leap year. So while most of us were 8 or 9 years old, he was technically 4."
"I was in Boy Scouts. Cub Scouts are pussies."
"Did you ever make a weather rock?"
"What the fuck is a weather rock?"
"It's a rock that tells the weather when you put it outside. If the rock is wet, then it's raining. If the rock is warm, then it's sunny. If the rock is white, then it's snowing."
"Cub Scouts are pussies."
---
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE
"Who did you vote for?"
"That's none of your business."
"Oh."
---
THE TIDES
"Did you know that the tides in the ocean are controlled by the moon?"
"No."
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"No."
"Damnit, fucker. Tell me if you're being sarcastic!"
"Why are you so angry?"
"I'm not angry. I just want to know if you're fucking with me."
"Why would I fuck with you?"
"Because that's who you are."
"Dude, that really hurts me."
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"No."
---
HYDROGEN AS A FUEL SOURCE
"I think hydrogen fuel cells are a good idea."
"That's nice."
"Inflation is just going to keep pushing those gas prices up. People need to start jumping on the bandwagon for a more fuel efficient economy."
"I'm hanging up now."
"Wanna go get Wendy's?"
"You buying?"
"Sure."
"Alright."
---
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
"You know about The Butterfly Effect, right?"
"Yeah. That theory that says the flapping wings of a butterfly can cause a chain reaction to produce a tidal wave on the other side of the earth."
"Do you think it's true?"
"Of course, dumbass. Shit happens because something else caused it. If a guy runs a red light, that causes a chain reaction to produce a car accident."
"So if the wings of a butterfly can cause a tidal wave, what do you think happens when we fart?"
"I read about an earthquake in China today that killed a few thousand people."
"Let's go get Taco Bell."
---
ABSOLUTE ZERO
"What's absolute zero?"
"That's when something is at its coldest."
"But there technically is no such thing as cold. You can't measure how cold something is, you can only measure the amount of heat it has."
"God I hate you."
"Well think about it! Cold is nothing but the absence of heat!"
"Fine. Then 'absolute zero' means 'absolute zero heat'. Happy?"
"I guess I can't argue with that."
---
NIHILISM / DARWINISM
"What color is this apple?"
"Red."
"But what you and I interpret as 'red' could be two entirely different things."
"No. Because red is red, no matter what you're taught."
"But our minds interpret things in different ways."
"Look, stupid, light only reflects off of things in one way. Light doesn't pick and choose how it reflects based on who is looking at something."
"So we're both taught that it's red, but are we both seeing the same color?"
"Yes! Because light reflects off it the same way!"
(This conversation actually took place, and lasted for about two hours. I refuse to transcribe the entire thing here.)
---
KARMA
"Do you believe in karma?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Well, maybe not entirely. I just know that I don't have karma."
"How do you figure?"
"If I punch you as hard as I can, are you going to try to hit back?"
"No. You're bigger than me."
"See? I can do whatever I want to you and not suffer any consequences. I have no karma."
---
THE WATER CYCLE
"What's the water cycle?"
"I don't know."
"Is it like how water changes from solid, to liquid, to gas?"
"I don't fucking know. Shut up."
"I think that's what it is."
---
EINSTEIN'S THEORY OF RELATIVITY
"Do you know about Einstein's Theory of Relativity?"
"Yes."
"Isn't it cool to think about?"
"No."
"I think it's cool. Imagine yourself going so fast that the rest of the world appears to slow down. But only to you. To the rest of the world, time is carrying on like normal, but you're going so fast that you can't perceive it."
"I'm glad you watch the Discovery Channel."
"Did you ever see Flight of the Navigator?"
"*Sigh*, yes."
"That kid experienced the theory of relativity. He traveled so fast through time that he didn't age."
"Christ, shut up!"
---
CORIOLIS EFFECT
"Did you know the Coriolis Effect doesn't actually exist? It just depends on the way the toilet is constructed."
"Damnit, now I have to piss."
"Check and see which way your toilet flushes!"
"How about you come here and I show you up close and personal which way my toilet flushes!"
"Are you being sarcastic?"
"No!"
---
CRYONICS
"Do you think Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen and hidden somewhere in the Disney World theme park?"
"What?"
"Well, that's the urban legend."
"Where do you get this shit?"
"Around. I hope they unfreeze him quick and make Disney cool again."
"You're 21 years old, and you're worried that Disney is no longer cool?"
"I just miss movies like Fantasia. Did you think Walt really dropped acid before he made that?"
"Jesus. What the fuck?"
"Just another urban legend. I think it's possible."
"That's... that's really great."
---
BLACK HOLES
"What do you think about black holes?"
"They're collapsed stars with so much density that they suck in everything around them. What else is there to know?"
"Do you think they lead to other dimensions?"
"I guess it's possible. Why don't you go to NASA and ask them to send you into one?"
"But what if I died?"
"You could die every time you set foot out of your apartment. You can't let the fear of death get in the way of your accomplishments."
"That's not very comforting."
"Greatness doesn't come easy my friend. Are you willing to risk death to be the first person to travel into a black hole?"
"Not really."
"Then shut up about it."
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-08-19 19:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if Einstein had someone like your friend to bounce his ideas off of.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-19 13:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I started a wagbandon? Hurrah!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-19 09:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you jumped the shark with this bandwagon.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-08-19 09:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-19 08:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:10:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good.
Borderline on only a +1 because this has already been redone once.
But its pretty damned good so +2
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-19 07:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is how conversations go when I'm drunk
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-19 03:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this wandbaggon
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-19 03:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast
-
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
-
...
No.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-19 02:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy stuff like this.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-08-19 02:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-19 00:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More gold!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-19 00:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha!
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-08-18 23:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this sounds like a series of conversations between a stoned person and a sober person.
which is always entertaining.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-08-18 21:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way better than mine.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-08-18 21:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hysterical.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-18 20:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyable
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-08-18 19:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice re-write.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These are dangerously close to conversations between ETS and myself.
Submitted by gabrielpm (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. Your friend sounds exactly like a friend of mine
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
decent. I think we need a few new discussion topics around here though....
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good.
Borderline on only a +1 because this has already been redone once.
But its pretty damned good so +2
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-08-18 18:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed out loud when the water cycle came up.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-18 17:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-18 17:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this version the best!