I woke up in a Hardy Boys book this morning (828 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.83 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (View user info) at 2005-08-20 12:53:18 EDT
So I woke up today a bit confused.
I had gone out last night and enjoyed copious amounts of beers. When I say that I mean that I was drunk, but not to the point of memory loss or absolute stupidity. This morning, however, would disagree with me.
I arrived home from the party and enjoyed a glass of water to soften the hangover the next day (which it did). After finishing my glass of water, I went into my room, locked the door behind me, and undressed (yeah, that's right, I sleep naked, can you handle the image of a naked pineapple?). I proceeded to pass the fuck out.
This morning I awoke to the sound of my sister typing on my computer. I was out of it, but still remembered that I was naked under my blanket. I made sure I wasn't exposed in any way, when I realized I was wearing pants. My sister left the room, and I got up to discover a new and ambiguous day.
Ok, I was wearing my jeans from last night with no underwear, and my door was open --how did this happen. I walked towards the bathroom to make sure that there wasn't a puking in the middle of the night (though I doubted that I was that hammered).
WTF? The carpet is wet, and so are the clothes I left on the floor. Oh this is not good, what the hell happened in the middle of the night?
Oh shit did I pee on the floor?
*sniff*
It doesn't smell like urine, but then again I have a horrid sense of smell. Let's dab a napkin on it. It's a clear liquid. The clothes are also covered in an odorless, clear liquid. The ambiguity continues.
So I spilled water in the middle of the night? What the hell happened? I tried to reach back in my barren mind to retrieve the answer, but I couldn't.
Maybe my room mates smelled/heard something and opened the door with a key (it is one of those doors that a flathead screwdriver can open). Upon seeing a pee/vomit spot, they watered it down, and threw me in some jeans for decency (or after a shower).
Maybe I got up in the middle of the night, and my drunken ass put on jeans with no underwear. I came back after taking a sloppy piss (which the toilet would agree with) and forgot to lock the door behind me. So that means the water is from...
Damn it damn it damn it!
Wait, what's this? My teeth whitening kit is in my room (it usually is in the bathroom). The mouth piece is missing... WTF?
Did my drunken ass get up in the middle of the night and decide to whiten my teeth after pissing on the floor?
This day is already fucked up and it isn't even noon.
Before I figure out the answer myself, can you guys propose what the hell happened? Please nothing involving ghey menz and/or badgers.
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-04-15 06:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-09-11 04:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's so obvious, im not even going to tell you
i HOPE you've figured it out by now.
Submitted by JML (user info) at 2005-08-21 03:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, that happened to me at afriends house recently after a night of serious drunkage...
i woke up before eveyone else....no harm no foul !!!!
still not sure what went wrong :(
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-08-20 16:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh well I think it is a little less extreme as I have come to find out.
After investigating the rest of the apartment, I found wet spots all over the floor, everywhere.
So I either had a pee fest in everyone's room, or the hours of rain last night seeped into the floor of our below ground apartment. It's extremely odd that this of all nights we discover this though. I'll have to be sober the next night it rains cats and dogs to find out.
My sister didn't know about any strange goings ons last night, but I suspect my other room mate might. I'll have to ask him to get to the bottom of it though.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-08-20 15:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where is the wet odorless spot on the carpet? If it's near where you could have rolled over from bed an puked on the floor or on the way to the bathroom, you probably threw up then threw on some jeans (cause they're less revealing than boxers) to grab stuff to clean it up with. I assume all your cleaning agents are not in your bedroom which would explain the jeans, unlocked door and wet but non-smelly spot on the carpet.
OR
If you drank enough, urine doesn't always have a strong scent... in which case you peed on your floor and I don't know what else happened.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHit man Im stumped. A good story though!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My God man! You mean to tell me that on the entire campus NO ONE has a blacklight?!
Blacklights are coooooool!
No?
Ok then, go to Walmart, buy a blacklight bulb (a couple of bucks or less), go home and take a shade off of a lamp, screw in the bulb, turn out the lights, and pass the lamp over the spot.
Viola!
A homemade urine detection device. Also works in locating where Fifi or Fido pee'd while you where out.
Just a helpful little hint from your friendly neighborhood forensicgirl.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:36:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate those moments. I really do. My guess is, that you wanted to take a dump, but didn't reach the toilet in time. messy. so you cleaned it all up which explains the water, but that made you puke. into the toilet this time. To get the foul smell of booze, zigs, and womit out of your mouth you decided to use your teeth-whitening set.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:19:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
My theory is that a gnome broke into your house and masturbated onto your floor, and then whitened his yellow gnome-teeth.
--------------------------------
LOL
--------------------------------
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:06:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, BTW, when a pineapple is naked, does that just mean it has had the spiney skin taken off?
--------------------------------
Yes. I usually take it off because the ladies don't like being scratched during the night.
I don't have a black light unfortunately, but leave it to forensicgirl3 to suggest such a thing. What other goodies do you guys usually tote to a crime scene?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My theory is that a gnome broke into your house and masturbated onto your floor, and then whitened his yellow gnome-teeth.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, BTW, when a pineapple is naked, does that just mean it has had the spiney skin taken off?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-08-20 13:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you have a blacklight? If you do, turn out all the lights you can and pass the blacklight over the wet spot (that sounds obscene). If it is urine, it'll show up.
You crazy crazy KU guys!
Did one of your friends get your whitening kit out for the mouth bit? Maybe he thought you would grind your teeth and went and fetched it for you.
It might be water. Then again, if you were drinking a lot, it could be watered down piss. Get a blacklight!