Review of Eminem (540 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.68 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Travis The Travesty (View user info) at 2005-08-21 10:40:21 EDT
Eminem rules. He is like a giant eagle with huge claws, but I'm not scared because I know it's just a song. Sometimes I forget Eminem is just a song and I am all like "whoa, damn, is this a horror movie?" but then I remember it is just a song. Eminem is the best rapper ever. You could never rap like Eminem, even if you were Eminem's dad. Eminem's dad is a loser, but Eminem isn't. You know what? It's really bizarre. Eminem raps, but his skin is white. That's nuts! But also cool. The guy is magic and a half. If you put Eminem in a hat then a million dollars and Dr. Dre would come out. That's a pretty cool trick.
I bet Eminem could jump up and down seven times and not even fall over. Can you do that? Even if you can, you're still not Eminem. So there. I mean, come on. This dude used to be poor, but now he's rich. His Mom was a dumb head but did that stop Eminem? No way. The guy is crazy, and by crazy I mean really hardcore. He used to live in a trailer, but now he doesn't. I bet you live in a stupid house with your Mom, or something. Eminem doesn't live with his Mom anymore, that makes him awesome. She tried to take all his money away but did Eminem let her? Hell no. If someone tried to take my money away I wouldn't let them, even if they were my Mom.
Eminem's Mom isn't as good as Eminem. Eminem is a great parent but his Mom isn't. Eminem has a little girl and that means he's a father. You can tell Eminem is a good father because he says he loves his daughter all the time. Loving your daughter means you're a good father. I saw it in a book once. The book was about flowers, or something, but the main part was how loving stuff makes you rad. Eminem has all these tattoos, and one of them is of his daughter. Isn't that sweet? If I had a daughter I would get tattoos over her all over my face so she knew I loved her. That's the best way to let someone know you love them, by drawing them on your head. Eminem doesn't have any tattoos on his head yet, maybe he isn't smart enough, but I know some day he will be. Eminem is a genius.
Sometimes Eminem gets angry and says he hates stuff, but can't you tell he's only joking? It's okay to hate stuff if you're only joking. Once I told a bird it was stupid but I knew the bird didn't care, because I wasn't being serious. In reality, I loved that bird, and I know it loved me too. I could tell it loved me because it had eyes. Those eyes were so pretty. I bet Eminem thinks his daughter has pretty eyes. Eminem loves his daughter. Eminem's daughter is cool, because her dad is Eminem. Once I had a dream about Eminem and it was about how cool he was and, man, it was the best dream ever. Eminem was just sitting there, being awesome, and then I woke up. I wish I could have that dream again.
Eminem doesn't talk about dreams, though, because he is a gangster. Gangsters are strong. If I were a gangster then I wouldn't be allowed to have any dreams anymore because my job would be to act strong and bash people. That's what a gangster's job is, to bash people. Bashing people is cool and it makes you a gangster. If you were a gangster then you could bash anyone in the world, even other gangsters. Sometimes Eminem gets into fights but he always wins because he's the strongest gangster out. If there was a fight between all the gangsters then Eminem would punch his way to a glorious victory because his muscles are strong. I don't know where Eminem got his strong muscles from, but I think it was from the beach. Heaps of muscly people are at the beach. I like the beach.
Once there was this time when Eminem felt lonely, but that didn't stop Eminem from becoming famous because Eminem is rad. He knows how to succeed, and that is by bashing people and calling them dumb. If someone thinks you are dumb then the best thing to do is write a rhyme about how stupid they are. Here is a rhyme I wrote: yo, dude, you're dumb, so why don't you go drink some rum? Here is another rhyme I wrote: woof woof woof, you are a poof. I think the second rhyme is the best because dogs go woof. Sometimes gangsters call each other dogs. That's because dogs are tough, but also friends. Gangsters are really tough but deep down they are friends. Gangsters have to stick together in this world because the world is really hard to beat. It's like the end boss in a video game. Sometimes I get angry at video games, but mostly they are fun. Do you like video games? I do.
When Eminem makes fun of people, it is just a game. Can't you tell he is just mucking around? If you can't then you're dumb. Dumb people suck, because they don't like Eminem and also because they aren't smart like Eminem and me. What's the problem with dumb people, anyway? They can't even count to a thousand. My Mom taught me to count to a thousand, but Eminem's Mom didn't. Eminem's Mom is mean. She took all these stupid drugs and made Eminem angry. What a stupid head. Eminem doesn't like being angry but he is so awesome that it doesn't bother him, he can just brush it off like a duck. Ducks have this special skin that makes the water not stick to them. Water is sticky, but not as sticky as honey. Honey tastes nice. Do you like Honey? Winnie the Pooh does.
I bet Eminem calls his daughter "honey" but only when nobody is watching, because he has to protect his reputation. In the world of gangsters, reputation is important. Gangsters live in a different world from us. It is a magical world. There are dragons, monsters, and guns. If you lived in the gangster world then you would die in about a second, because only gangsters can survive there and you aren't a gangster, unless you are, in which case you rule. I'm not a gangster yet but I will be someday. I can feel it in my bones. When I'm a gangster I'll know how to break your bones in half and it will hurt you so much but there'll be nothing you can do about it because I'm a gangster, baby.
Eminem writes all these songs and they're so awesome. If I could write songs like Eminem then I would be rule. Sometimes I think I rule but then I realize I'm just joking around, but Eminem isn't joking around, except when he is. There are many different types of Eminem. He is really contradictory, which means he's a genius. All geniuses are hard to understand, because they're better than us. We aren't really the same as geniuses. Geniuses are special. Are you special? I bet you are. My favorite Eminem song is "Stan" because it is a very good story. Why can't people understand how much I love Eminem?
My rating for Eminem is 10 out of 10, but please keep in mind I am a very harsh critic. This is not some stupid fake 10 out of 10, this is a real 10 out of 10.
User Reviews
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-08-21 21:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-21 15:45:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh my god, I think this is a serious post.
Dude, don't say shit like that. It hurts my head to consider that as a possibility.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-21 18:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-21 16:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
W00t!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-08-21 16:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-21 15:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh my god, I think this is a serious post.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-21 14:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EvolvedChicken (user info) at 2005-08-21 13:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The post was good for a while. You just went too long with it. And who cares if anyone makes 2 posts in one day? If you're angry because someone posts more than once in a day, go outside and don't you dare try to reproduce.
Submitted by ChannelDunlap (user info) at 2005-08-21 12:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate this post because its retarded. Maybe if you're retarded, you'd like it, but if you're not, you won't. Its so retarded because the guy who wrote it is probably retarded as well. Maybe someday while he's cleaning his drool off his face, it might fall into his keyboard and he wouldn't be able to post this retarded things anymore. I really hate retarded people. Well, not all retarded people, but this retarded person for sure. Go fuck yourself.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-21 12:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope Eminem dies, and then you die. Not neccessarily in that order either.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-08-21 12:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
if this was less funny, it would be hitler.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yer
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a homosexual, just like your hero Feminem.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i havent read the site for a while, so i may be wrong, but this seems like a complete rip-off of realultimateninja.net (or whatever it is), in style. so its unoriginal on two levels.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no cindy, the first one was funny - the last two are just sad 'americas most wanted' re-enactments of the first one.
dude, try saying something else.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Rules are rules, Cindy,
I dont care how funny this is,
If I have to limit my posts to one a day, so does this guy,
Sorry.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's wrong with you all- these are funny!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-21 11:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-21 10:52:01 (#)
Ranking: -1
What the hell?
________________________
indeed.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-21 10:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What the hell?
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-21 10:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like Eminem ... but doesnt mean I like this ...