Review of Tom Cruise (483 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.07 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Travis The Travesty (View user info) at 2005-08-21 21:42:06 EDT
Review of Tom Cruise
I love Tom Cruise like George Bush loves his ranch. It's perfectly normal. There's nothing homosexual about it. Tom Cruise, the man is just rad. I'm strong enough to admit it. It took me a long time to get this strong. I pumped weights for at least seven days, but it was worth it. I'm pretty sure I could beat George Bush in an arm wrestle by now, but not Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is huge, in several ways. Firstly, he has big muscles, even though he's short. Are you short? If you are, then you suck, unless you're Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is the only cool and short guy in the world, except for Yoda, but I don't think Yoda is real. I think Star Wars just made him up. That's pretty mean, to just make someone up. I wonder how Yoda feels about that, is he angry that someone just made him up and that he doesn't really exist? I'll have to ask Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise knows everything.
People ask me why Tom Cruise knows everything and I tell them it's because of Scientology. Scientology is the smartest religion in the world because it has "science" in its name. Well, not totally, it only has "scien", but it's close enough for me. Is it close enough for you? I hope so. Some people say close enough isn't good enough, but I don't believe them. After all, nobody is perfect, right? Wrong. Tom Cruise is perfect, and you know why? Well, I don't, but it has something to do with the part in "Risky Business" where he does the dance in his underwear. When people put sunglasses on and dance to music in their underwear then they become cool, but only if their name is Tom. A wise man told me Tom is a magic name. I forget exactly who told me, but I think it was Tom Cruise, or maybe I just invented it inside my brain. My brain invents many inventions. For instance, a machine that does all your work for you. This machine is called a "robot". Sounds cool, hey?
If Tom Cruise had a pet robot then he would treat that robot nicely because Tom is an ace guy. Have you noticed I'm just calling him Tom from now on? That's because I think about him so much. Thinking about people all the time makes them your friend. Tom and I are best friends. Sometimes we go to the beach, but only when I'm asleep. Sleep rules. Once I slept for a whole ten hours and when I woke up it was too late to go to school so I stayed home and watched Tom Cruise movies and it was the best day of my life. I wish inside my little heart that I could go back and give that day a visit. I would say to it "hello, day, you are the favorite day in my life," and the day would be happy. The movies I watched on that day were "Top Gun" and "Days of Thunder". I liked "Top Gun" better because guns rule, but I didn't see many guns in that movie so it was pretty confusing. Still, Tom Cruise was in it, so it ruled. Do you ever love something but not understand it? That's how I feel about Tom Cruise. I wish he'd open up to me like he does to Oprah.
Why does Tom Cruise like Oprah more than me? It's not fair. I'm calling the cops. Whenever I watch Oprah all she does is talk about books and women. Her show should be called the woman book show featuring Oprah. Why isn't it called that? I dunno, man, it's a mystery for the ages. Mysteries can be fun, but not this one. This one is hurting my brain. Do you ever feel like you need to remember something but you just can't remember it because it's too hard? That's what happens to me when I think about Oprah, then I remember what I was looking for: Oprah is a loser. I hate her. If Oprah died I would probably laugh, but I would have to cover my mouth because if Tom saw me laughing like that he might not be my friend anymore. Oprah and Tom are friends. They go to Scientology chuch together and play games. Sometimes they do puzzles, but mostly games. The games they play are Monopoly, Snakes and Ladders, and Poker. I wonder if they ever play adult poker? Oprah probably looks sexy without any clothes on, but not as sexy as Tom!
My rating for Eminem is 10 out of 10, but please keep in mind I am a very harsh critic. This is not some stupid fake 10 out of 10, this is a real 10 out of 10.
http://users.tpg.com.au/adsl3a08/reviews/ - magic special fun
User Reviews
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-22 08:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 la loo la loo rah...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-22 05:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still funny
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-08-22 05:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shit...that'a about all I can come up with.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-22 02:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid yet funny.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-08-22 02:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-08-22 00:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
x-nay on the rapcray.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-08-21 23:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not sure what your going for here Travis but it reads like a rambling ramble.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-21 23:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
die
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My rating for Travis the Travesty is 10 out of 10, but please keep in mind I am a very harsh critic. This is not some stupid fake 10 out of 10, this is a real 10 out of 10.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best series EVAR!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, you got the travesty part right.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this was retarded.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-21 22:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow...it's not old at all yet!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-08-21 21:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-08-21 21:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was funny.
Once.
3 or 4 posts ago.
About some other dude in California or someplace.
*Yawn*
Submitted by Travisty (user info) at 2005-08-21 21:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OOPS! I mean Tom!