Slow Burn (1798 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.4 on 105 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-08-22 23:20:02 EDT
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Entry 1
I had a few different ideas for this title that I could have written about. In the end, I had to follow my muse. I know how much we all like to open a nice Uber Madness post and see lots of pretty words, and I know how difficult it is to compare apples and oranges, but here you go anyway.Do your worst.
My tribute to 60's pop:
slowburn.mp3 (3 MB) [audio/mpeg]
- VS -
Entry 2
Another vein in my leg erupts as if my blood is made of gunpowder, - all sparkles, and gore - and I scream again.It takes a second for the pain dampeners to react; my bio circuitry has been overclocked for close to 3 day's now and it's running on the edge of total failure. My body temperature reaches a completely new high, as it has with each new eruption and I'm thinking that whatever is happening to me is coming to a climax.
The burn is not as slow as it was. It's getting worse, the eruptions are getting closer together and I don't need to be a bio tech to know that, very soon, my whole body is going to explode through the thin mirrored material of my stealth suite like a grisly Vesuvius of sticky red Nanites.
I don't mind dying so much. That is not what is bringing the tears to my eyes, and it isn't the pain either. No, it's the knowledge that I'm bringing the team down with me that's making my guts cold, despite the fire running through my veins. It is the hard unforgiving understanding that the only family I have ever had is being cut to pieces by the Mercs on the other side of the room.
I have watched stars detonate and worlds go cold with these people. I've shared my blood and circuitry with them, watched them set attack ships on fire and seen their faces run the gambit of every emotion that the human parts of us still allow.
They're dying badly and I'm to blame, and it's making me forget why I'm here.
My left leg goes out and I go down in a heap behind a statue of someone more regal than I, just in time to avoid a bolt of plasma that would have ripped through my unprotected head.
Takeshi is to my right. He's on his knees behind a marble bench and he's yelling something in Neo-Japanese. I can see him clearly, as he fires at the team across the room in the desperately haphazard way that is reserved for a warrior's last stand. He's Shogun incarnate, the embodiment of vengeance and steadfast determination. I'm thinking that if anyone's going to make it out of this it's him, and then a bolt catches him high in the left shoulder and rips through the mirrored protection of his suit. It flashes bright yellow against him then punches its way through, sending gristle and metal and the glistening wet tissue of his last human lung onto the floor behind him.
I cannot mourn him. There is no time, and out of all of us he was the one who needed to die the most. He has been far less than human for two long, he's lost too much of himself in too many battles, his soul is binary.
There is another sizzle and thud to my left and I turn in time to see Katya glance at me in shock. She is on her knees behind a Venusian fountain and her free hand is pressed against the strangely flat portion of her chest where the abundant mound of her left breast should be pushing against her suit. She gasps in pain then sends me a wink that tells me it is ok; tells me without speaking, that breasts are the easiest thing to replace, and then the porcelain side of the fountain explodes and takes her head with it, filling the air with a sickening cloud of red bioluminescent hair and redder blood.
Harper replies to their onslaught and there is a flash of black light on the other side of the room as part of the barricade the Mercs are using implodes. A big man in full combat armor steps into view. He's missing his left arm and the top left corner of his head and he's making a sound that's something akin to a child learning to say the letter B.
The blaster in my left hand kicks and fires, as if it has a mind of it's own, and the rest of his head turns instantaneously black like an overdone roast as he falls dead to the floor.
The grenade was well placed. I can see a good portion of the left leg of another of the Mercs. I raise both blaster's to take the shot and then a vein in my forearm erupts, tearing a whole in my suit and sending a long stringy gout of blood and fire up against my face.
I do not take the shot.
I fall back to the floor; my head hits the immaculately sculpted tiles hard. The world becomes clear for a moment, then slips sideways and I am not there anymore.
I'm two days ago and I'm sitting across from the bastard who killed us all.
His name is Father Pykuss and he is about as regular a son-of-a-bitch as I have ever seen. He's smiling the kind of smile that makes little children hide behind their mother's skirt and his thin hawkish face is wrinkled enough to tell me he's a Puritan, which means he hates everything that I am.
"Linden Kitano I presume."
His voice is like sandpaper and it belies his age. It reaffirms my guess that he is an Anti-moddite. He's part of the swelling tide of fanatics in the church who walk the tightrope between doctrine and murder to bring and end to the supposed tool of the Devil that is bio modification.
I nod but I know he does not need my confirmation. He doesn't presume anything. He knows damned well who I am. I can see it in his yellow-rimmed eyes.
God I'm tired of the lies of old men.
His attire is white and business-like and the collar around his skinny neck is black. His head his shaved and he has a scarified cross on his narrow forehead. A quick scan with my modified left eye tells me he is not carrying any weapons, at least none made of metal.
"Might I have a word with you?"
The bar is cool, dark, and empty enough for my tastes but it is boring. I have been out of work too long and I cannot help but welcome this little bit of intrigue despite the warning in my guts. I glance towards Harper as he orders our drinks from the holographic woman behind the counter at the other side of the room, and then turn my attention back to the priest. It occurs to me that he should not know I'm here and I want to ask him how he does, but something beyond my control stills my tongue and makes me gesture to the seat across from me.
He grunts as he settles uneasily into the chair then turns his rheumy eyes back on me and smiles that horrible smile again.
"Is it true that you no longer serve the Corp Mr Kitano?"
I nod again, then swallow the dryness out of my throat and reply emotionlessly.
"I'm freelance now."
"Ah yes, the rumors are true... you know, the Galaxycast is still being updated with stories of your teams latest exploits."
I nod again then look at my hands self-consciously.
"I signed a contract. The Corp is allowed to use my name for the next two years."
"This must bother you."
It does and it doesn't but I don't give the bastard the satisfaction of knowing either way. There's something smug about the way he's sitting there and I decide it was a mistake to let him.
"Speak your mind or get out."
His face softens a little and he lowers his eyes in the way of bullshit apology.
"I apologize if the question was indiscreet Mr Kitano. I'm 80 years old and, like most old men, tend to forget the rules of polite society."
His words almost make me laugh. It's been a long time since anyone accused me of being a member of 'Polite Society'.
"Might I ask your age?"
My treacherous mouth almost lets it slip that I'm the same age as him, give or take a few years, but I catch the words before they leave me and bite them to death. It's obvious that Pykuss isn't just here to make an offer. Something about the set of his grizzled jaw tells me he's here to pass judgment as well, and I'm not going to let him know the extent of the gear implanted into my body; the modifications to my genetic core that keep me young.
"You may not and you're out of time old man."
"Very well, my offer is this: We wish you to become a spokesman for us. We want you to speak for our cause, to become our banner carrier in a manner of speaking."
This time I do laugh, and I see Harper turn his broad frame from the glitch-ridden holotender at the bar and take notice.
"I've been offered a lot of jobs in my life Pykuss but never one so ill fitted to my talents."
"Oh but you would be perfect Mr. Kitano. Your exploits have made you famous. There have been books written and drama's cybercast about you. Children wake up in the morning and count the days until they are old enough to get their first implant, so they can be just like their hero. If you were to join our cause, it would lend a new kind of credence to the teachings of his Holiness."
I shake my head and open my mouth to give him a message for his Holiness but he quickly interrupts me, and for the first time I notice a passion burning behind his eyes like a fever.
"How many souls have you ripped from the universe Mr Kitano? How much of Heaven and Hell has been populated by you and your team? I cannot believe that a lifetime of killing does not way heavily on a man like you. You have peered into the eyes of God and Satan both, I can see it on your face. I am giving you a chance to help us bring a return of innocence to the world. I offer you a one time shot at absolution and I urge you to take it."
Something about his words brings that old anger up from the part of my guts that are closest to my balls and it takes everything in me not to reach across the table and snap his old neck.
I take a deep breath then finish off the rest of my drink, let burn its way down my throat, then give him my murderer look and reply somberly.
"It's a helluva a thing seein a man die, especially one you killed. It makes you feel like something ain't right with the world cuz of you, like you murdered some part of it when you cooked the life out of him. When I was younger, it bothered me. It no longer does."
And just like that, the fire in his eyes goes out. He doesn't look so much prophetic as used up and I can tell he's passed judgment on me.
"You've lived a life of vengeance Mr. Kitano, but it isn't yours to give. It belongs to the Lord and when it comes, it burns... it burns slow. Will you at least take some time to think on what I have said? I implore you, if we cannot rely on you there are other routes we must take, an example will have to be made."
Harper puts the drinks on the table hard, then runs one meaty hand through his thick black Irish hair, and crosses his arms across his chest. He lets his big dark stare fall on the startled old man and the warning in them is clear.
"You have my answer old man. I think you should leave before my friend here shows you the sidewalk. He has less patience for zealots than I do."
Pykuss looks from me to Harper then grunts and stands.
"Very well, you have made your point. I offer my hand as a gentleman."
He sticks his bony fingers towards Harper first, and then turns to me when the warning in the big man's face becomes darker.
Something inside me is screaming unease. His sleeve has ridden up his skinny forearm a bit and there are jagged scars following the line of his veins as if they were ripped out. There are straighter surgical scars running perpendicular to the start and end of the ragged ones, as if someone has gone in and replaced his bodies' faulty wiring. I'm uneasy about placing my palm against his but I do, because the man is a threat and I'm wired to pass a bio-tracer into his system should I ever need to track him.
I take his hand and shake it twice then let go and for a second there is a tingle in my palm, but my intrusion circuitry doesn't alarm me to any transfer of Nanite materials.
He smiles that smile again and then he turns and shuffles out of the bar and a day later, my temperature is rising higher than my Bio-Mods can compensate for.
8 hours later, Katya detects the Nanite virus in my blood. I tell her what I want her to do to me, and two hours after that, in the shower, a vein in my left foot self-destructs.
It takes me longer than it should to find the old Priest. The building his order uses is well shielded against bio-electronic intrusion, but after awhile I pinpoint the signal and a day later, the team is assembled and I am leading them to their deaths.
We didn't gear up for combat. I'm not crazy enough to mount an assault on a religious compound in the heart of the Galactic Coalition. We had gone in with the express purpose of catching the old man off guard but he'd anticipated our skill. He'd known we'd get past the compounds defenses unnoticed, and so he set his trap for us in the spacious sculpture filled waiting room outside his study.
The Mercs he hired are not as good as we are but they don't need to be. They have a plasteel barricade set up in front of the office and most of the room is pre-sighted. The heavy steel doors behind us have locked down and as another bolt burns the air near the top of my head, I realize that I was to hasty in my planning. Ive brought us all to ruin because I realized that the scars on the old Priest's arms meant he had been infected once and survived, that he had a cure. I let the ever-increasing burning dictate the terms of my strategy and now I have Takeshi and Katya's blood on my hands.
God I'm hot. The burning may be slow, like the old Priest said, but it's nowhere slow enough.
A quick glance at an antique mirror hanging from a marble column nearby confirms my fears. My typically pale face is lobster red, and there are thin curls of smoke rising from my scalp. My eyes are bulging and the part of them that isn't green is as red as my face.
Harper's grenade has given us a chance. It has opened their defenses enough that we would normally make short work of them, but I am useless and we are down two people, which leaves Me Harper and Meyers.
Meyers is next to go.
He has his pulse pistol in one hand and he is pulling on Katya's headless corpse with the other. The black tattoos covering his face give him the visage of an old world Shaman but there is something behind his eyes I have never seen before, and it takes me a moment to realize its grief. I had not realized they were lovers but it makes perfect sense now that I do, and then I can see Harper's face through the hole in his chest and he goes to whatever hell is reserved for people like us.
The air is filled with the stench of burnt flesh and metal, mingled with a cacophony of weapon fire and yells. It is as much a home as I have ever had. It's a home I've never particularly cared for, but right now I hate it with a passion I didn't know was possible.
There is a steady hail of fire on Harper's position, and very little on mine and suddenly I realize that there's a reason for that. They have been putting just enough fire on me to keep me down because they want me alive. The old man has plans for me. That is why they didn't just wire the room to explode when we stepped in and that's why they aren't using combat drones.
Harper takes a hit from a beam weapon on his arm but the angle is extreme and his mirrored suit deflects it.
They know they have us now and it's making them bolder than they should be. One of them steps out to get a better angle on my brother and I fire a volley with the pistol in my wounded arm. A bolt hits him in the neck and cooks it immediately. He goes down hard, and then I put a bolt into the arm of another of the Mercs as he reaches out to haul his dead comrade to cover. Yet another of them reveals himself and I take aim but the circuitry in my left eye cannot take the burn and my vision in it blinks out as it sparks then goes dead.
For a moment, I am lost in a kind of surreal serenity.
There is a chandelier hanging above me. It's made of crystal crosses and it dances with the light of blaster fire. There is a picture on the wall of a woman in a white dress. She's holding her hand out to a small naked child and her beautiful porcelain face is forever frozen in a sad smile. There is a vase on a pedestal and a landscape from another world is inlaid into it with shining gold and glittering platinum, and I am thinking that this is not so bad. I'm thinking there are worse places in the Universe to die.
Harper yelps as a bolt singes the top of his head and I look over with my one good eye in time to see him doing something to his pistol. It takes me a second to figure out what he has in mind - and once I do - I open my mouth to order him down but it's too late. He's already half way to throwing it, so I do my best to cover him.
He jumps up and throws the pistol towards the hole in the barricade just as a bolt catches him perfectly in the elbow. It spins him hard to the floor, and the pistol falls short, halfway between him and the barricade, still held firmly by my friends severed hand and forearm.
I don't need to see the future to know what's coming next. I almost hear the big man's roar before it comes out of his lips. I whisper a silent goodbye to the last of my family and fire blindly at the enemy as he bolts over his cover and grabs his severed arm.
Another bolt glances off his back as he picks it up, and two more turn the top half of his body to mush but it is too late. The pistol sails into the hole in the barricade and there is a startled yell and then a blinding flash.
One of the Mercs stumbles out from behind the barricade, blood running freely from the holes in his head where his eyes used to be. I raise my steaming weapon to finish him off but another explosion throws me onto my back as some piece of mercenary ordinance detonates and disintegrates the barricade and everyone behind it.
The quiet that follows is almost deafening. I'm tempted to stay here, on my back, but there's something I need to do, so I force myself up and limp towards the hole in the great oak doors and the Priest cowering somewhere beyond.
Half way there, I think I can see him reaching for something in his desk. I raise my pistol but then the pressure and heat in my leg hits a crescendo, and it explodes in a shower of blood and sparks as every vein in it bursts.
Someone is screaming and the world is red. I'm somewhere beautiful I think. Somewhere evil too, but I cannot remember where. I know I came here to do something but I cannot quite remember what. I think it was something to do with a Priest, maybe a confession.
It is hot here. I think I'm on fire. I think the circuitry in my head is cooked. I should get Katya to fix it like she did my hand and... oh... now I remember.
The world flicks back into crystal inferno clarity and the old man is standing over me. He has that smile on his face again and a Laz pistol in his hand. It is sleek, silver, and useless beyond 5 meters. It is a woman's weapon but it is very effective when he runs its beam high across my left arm, severing it and my pistol from the rest of me. The laser cauterizes the wound instantaneously and strangely painlessly and I can't help but think 'Great, there goes another 10 percent'.
When I open my eyes, the Priest is close. He's kneeling over me and trying his best not to stain his white suit with my blood.
"You were wrong Mr. Kitano." He croons, "I'm watching you die and I feel like things are right with the world."
I smile back and his face becomes filled with alarm. He makes to move away but he's old and too slow despite my weakness. I grab him by the neck with my good right hand and pull him close so he can hear me say, "Feel the burn Motherfucker." And then I initiate the purge sequence I had Katya install into my palm ports.
He screams high and loud as I fill him with everything that I am. He struggles but I hold on with every bit of strength in my failing body as a couple hundred million microscopic machines fill him with my speed, and strength, and slow burning.
Except it isn't going to be slow with him.
His skin begins to crisp my hand almost immediately but I hold on until the strength leaves me completely.
The virus I've given back to him still thinks it's in me. It is spreading through him like wildfire; replicating and assimilating the other Nanites around it. It's gathering them in every vein of his body and turning up the heat to critical mass.
Pykuss stands up straight and vibrates as if he has a couple thousand volts running through him. He coughs wetly and takes a shaking step sideways then cries out.
"Oh!"... "GOD!"
He takes another step then stops, and suddenly he is not a man anymore. He's a great red cloud of blood and stars. He's the most horrible thing I've ever seen and I turn my head away until I hear him slump wetly to the floor beside me.
I can feel my bio circuitry starting to shut down. It's useless without the Nanites to maintain it and suddenly I feel old but that's just fine.
The purge couldn't have removed them all. There's probably a couple million left but that is hardly enough to affect anything.
I can feel the blood running out of me unhampered and the room is getting dark. Sleep is calling me and I think I will let it take me away.
Maybe I will wake up later, maybe I will not. I don't really care.
It's cool in this place... so... perfectly... cool... and my team is calling me.
Entry 1:
Adamdidit2u
bigbabylons
c1ndy
Confuzitron
d_prime
DonkeyOnTheEdge
electrictoothsyndrome
FilthyAssistant
FuckTheArmy
Genko
jack11058
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
morontian
ParlorTrick
peckerhead
pen_name
Pentameter
polyamorousaj
rad1101
RyuFu
satchel
sparkle_pink
Spuds002
Stin
Unabonger
youarsoghey
25 eligible votes (28 total) *
Entry 2:
a_reader
antluvdog
AshyLarry
badassmofo
Banga3386
Berty
bob
BobLobla
Circe
CoffeeAndSmokes
Crystle
dasteve
domenad
engine13
ess-arr
Fungah
HadToBeDone
hinschn
iddqd
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JulsInsane
kimmy02721
Kre8rix
LadyPlural
loki
Magicaddict
Method
mrwolf
munkeypants
MyNameIsTim
Natsukau
NOWorNEVER
project_nessa
redraven
rurumon
sg11588
sideshow
Slovin
Snark
stevie_says
supadupapupa
supersloth
The_Yellow_Dart
ThineJericho
thorpe
tlozoot
WildcatMcGee
William_Q_Percy
williamson
Xcuses
Yes
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
zakalwe
43 eligible votes (55 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-08-26 13:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS, most fucked up bridge ever. WTF?? hahahaha I loved it.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-08-26 11:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked the song, the end was a bit much the sudden tamberine section took me off guard a little. I think it could be really good if you polished up the sound a little, I think some of the notes are little harsh.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-25 20:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks dude. Your entry was good too, especially for being sick and shit.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-25 17:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have big brass balls my friend. I enjoy this song alot. This kind of music isn't my bag, but I still like it, which says alot.
Unfortunately I can't play it that loud because the slightest sound makes me want to crack my head open with a mallet.
+2 for entry one.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-25 15:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks ParlorTrick.
Jack, don't be silly. You're shit is good.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-25 12:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS. well done, man. as usual, when i listen to your stuff, it makes me want to light my guitars on fire and hang myself with my mike cord. in the best possible way. no one knows more than i how time consuming and painful the recording process can be. frankly, it sounded like you spent more than 15 hours on it. you have big brass balls for trying this.
Snark: that's a pretty good story, especially if you were sick.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-25 12:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS -- I love the song and quite possibly you.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-25 11:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, cause if I'd posted the lyrics then people would have just read those and not bothered to download the song, which half probably didn't anyway.
By the way...to those of you who voted against me on the basis of 'effort', or who questioned the originality of the song. I'd like to get something straight. The song is original. I wrote the words and music, and I spent about 15 hours just recording it. I started at around 7:00pm on Sunday and stayed up all night till 10:00am on Monday working on it... Just so you know.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-25 11:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have posted the lyrics.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-25 11:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh baby don't cry. Dry your eyes, cause it's all right.
The feelings you're feeling now will only fade with time
and the memories eventually will rock themselves to sleep
and they will never even say 'goodbye'.
Come lie with me and we'll share all of our dreams,
cause nothing is ever quite as good as how we make it seem
and we'll take pictures of each other we will never need
because together is always where we'll be.
Now suddenly everything looks all too plain.
Somehow we've both allowed our love to grow mundane.
And why we never say 'I love you, dear' or ask 'how was your day'
is because something is always in the way.
And now that we're through, I long for you everyday
happiness I found in you, but happiness has gone away.
How things became predictable, I really cannot say,
but I will love you forever anyway.
Slow burn, the world turns as I sing this tune.
The inspiration's gone, the spirit flown, to where, I have no clue.
Where you once filled my heart with joy, now all I feel is blue,
because this picture is all that's left of you.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-25 10:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author 1 - big balls to do that. You had beach boys stuck in my head all day. I had a hard time making out some of the lyrics, so any real significance of the title was lost on me. Catchy tune, though.
Author 2 - Wicked job. I could tell you banged this out, but you have such good ideas that even the rushed material comes out like gold. Hopefully you'll be able to put more thought into your next entry if you make it to the next round.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 WTF?
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Once again.. glad my vote doesn't count
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-08-24 11:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They were both quite good. Entry one has it for originality, and I actually think that the song is rather catchy. Well done, both authors.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-24 11:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-08-24 11:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good god. It was hard to pick the better one. Good song, good story. Fucking A.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-08-24 11:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-08-24 10:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-24 10:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
TOO LONG!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-08-24 10:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-08-24 09:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have the badwith to download anything over 500kb, but here is a vote for doing something I assume is different.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-08-24 07:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-08-24 05:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was close...
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-24 01:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for 1...whynot
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-08-23 23:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-08-23 23:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to vote on this, I really do. But something's not working right with entry 1, so I'm not voting.
Entry 2 though, kicked my ass. Very visceral description of the virus blowing his shit up. Very cool description of the slaughter. Nice set up, good backdrop for the story.
Really, really cool.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-08-23 22:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-08-23 21:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1. Balls-of-steel move.
#2. Character who may very well have steel balls.
#1. First reaction: Jesus, this actually isn't too bad...
#2. First reaction: Jesus, this is bad...
#1. Fluffy AM pop rip-off?
#2. Fearsome Blade Runner rip-off?
#1. I have zero musical talent and could never do that shit.
#2. There's stuff I would have done differently, but still...
Summary: As much as I would like to vote for all the work and heart that went into #1, I like to write and am I biased toward the written word. #2 gets the vote for some very good little details and a great action scene.
#1, that really was impressive. Sorry I couldn't see both of you advance. If there is a Ballsy Move Award, you should get it.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-08-23 21:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-08-23 20:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-23 18:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really like entry 1.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-23 18:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i LIKE NUMBER 1. SORRY
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-08-23 17:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked the song better, what can I say?
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2005-08-23 17:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-08-23 16:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-08-23 16:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry #2 was a (long) creative take on the title and very well written, but
Entry #1 Struck a chord and I voted for the tune in my head.
*Slow burn, the world turns..."
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-08-23 16:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, sweet story.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-23 16:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author #2, I Liked your Premise, but the, godawful's punctuation's killed's you're story's.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-23 15:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-08-23 15:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice song, but Entry 2 was really great.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-08-23 14:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-08-23 13:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-08-23 12:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, but a little long
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-08-23 11:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-08-23 11:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-08-23 11:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-08-23 11:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two was good, but the song got me.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2005-08-23 10:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked the song, im sure it said what you were going for, but i couldn't bring myself to vote for it, especially when number two was pretty decent.
number 2, you barely got the vote. well written, and i liked how you slowly brought us into the know.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-23 08:54:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ people, if you can't listen to it at work then don't vote.
------------------------------
Ubermadness is a writing competition. Most people look at it at work.
I appreciate someone doing something different, but they have to be ready if people wanted a story, or if they can't listen.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1- always good to try something new.
2-graphic, good, won the vote
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-08-23 09:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
two was great!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-23 08:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ people, if you can't listen to it at work then don't vote.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-23 08:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 Just want to let you know.
I played the song on my work computer and I had two people ask me who I was listening to. They both agreed that it was some quality stuff you put together. They couldn't believe that someone put something like that together for a intarweb competition.
Just thought you should know
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-08-23 08:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to vote for entry one.
Excellent production values, you can just really tell all the effort that went into it.
Entry two was awesome as well, but I feel obligated to pick number one.
Great job the both of you
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-08-23 07:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not even reading the second entry.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-08-23 07:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-23 07:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Couldn't get entry one to play at work.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-08-23 06:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-23 06:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed author 1's song but only to an extent, seemed a little monotonous.
Author #2 Good story.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-08-23 06:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i voted for 1 because the author has balls to try something that "probably" won't get a lot of votes because people don't have the time or patience to download it, or don't appreciate the style of music.
and while i liked the idea of number two, it seemed rather hastily thrown together, and could have used some editing. there were at least three cringeworthy gramatical errors: word confusions such as way vs. weigh, that totally threw me off.
sorry, it's early in the morning and i'm feeling prickish...
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-08-23 06:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just about #2, though there were grammatical errors that stopped it from being excellent.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-08-23 04:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-08-23 04:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent, Excellent, Excellent. I didn't listen to the first one because I'm at work.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-23 03:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*biting nails*
12-12 right now
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-08-23 03:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Many a time I've babbled on about how UM is a 'writing' competition and blah blah blah, but you've just changed my mind. This was fucking awesome, and I like the fact you were willing to take a risk so late in the competition.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-08-23 03:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, but entry two is overworked. I couldn't read past the second paragraph so I'm giving my vote to entry one for having balls.
I wish I had speakers.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-23 02:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-08-23 02:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for effort..?
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-08-23 01:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:48:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 1 -
If you have that song recorded at a higher bitrate/quality I would really love a copy after the competition is over.
---------
Me too! Even if it isn't higher quality or anything. I'm sure I already have a copy, considering I just downloaded it and everything. But I don't know where the mp3 would be/don't feel like looking.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-23 01:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, this was tough...
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-08-23 01:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought entry 2 was wonderful and interesting... but how could I not vote for music? Especially when I actually liked the song.
Great creative work, well, both of you really.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author 1 -
If you have that song recorded at a higher bitrate/quality I would really love a copy after the competition is over. Had a hard time hearing the lyric.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This in no way is a reflection of Post 2's quality.
I really liked it.
But I also really liked the song.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I appreciate the effort that went into Entry 2. I also like the way this author incorporated "slow burn" into this highly imaginative story. Well done.
Entry 1: I assume this is a song that you have written and that neither the music or lyrics are plagiarized. Based on that assumption and because you caught me at the exact right time -- just home after a long hard shift -- you are getting my vote.
The instruments are slightly out of tune but that holds true for the musical instruments of the sixties. The vocals are good and I really like this tune. I give away my age when on closing my eyes and remembering... this song could well have been played at one of hundreds of folk festivals held in the 1960's. It's the second encore and someone like Bob Dylan is at center stage; Joan Baez, Arlo Guthrie, Neil Young, Graham Nash, Valdy and James Gordon have been invited back on stage for this grand finale. The crowd loves it -- and so do I. Great job!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As well written as entry 2 was (and it was, don't get me wrong), it didn't grab me. It was also great to see something different, especially at this stage in the competition.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile.....and
I will continue to exercise my prerogative to punish book length, Uber III, submissions.
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As much as I would have liked to vote for ETS - I feel as if I kind of have to because I downloaded the song - the story was just fucking brilliant. Everything you could want from a Snark story.
This was the first really really tough decision I had to make. I just ended up getting that little bit more enjoyment out of the story.
Snark for Uberlord III.
Submitted by hinschn (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S. - I've no idea if the song's original or not, and frankly don't care ... I decided to save Google searching until after reading the second entry, and it definitely beat out the first.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
an unfair comparison but that was awesome.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I listened to the song, but I still enjoyed the story better.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-08-23 00:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this should be interesting
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder who #1 could be...
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, entry 1 was a really great song. Original idea.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-08-22 23:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment