Hunting and Gathering in the New Millenium (1140 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsLabels: Classics
Rating: 1.41 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by d_prime <dprime.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-08-24 12:31:51 EDT
I went to a job interview at Tim Horton's this morning, because I figured that with every one going back to school, there'd be a lot of space for people who were willing to work into the fall. On the way there I changed my mind and decided that I don't want to take the risk until I know how much time I'm going to have in September, but it wouldn't seem right if I blew them off, so I went any way, not knowing what to do.
When I got there, a man of about 35, in a black suit, greeted me almost instantly and walked me into the back office. I was actually surprised at how formal it was.
The room wasn't that neat, and it was obvious that every one who worked there shared the same office. He introduced him self as the manager, we exchanged names, sat down on two metal fold-out chairs, and he started asking me questions for the job that I no longer wanted.
"So what past jobs have you had?"
"Oh, many."
"Really? That's good. What were they, and why did you leave them?"
"I don't know where to start; there've been so many."
"Well, start at the beginning."
"Hm. Okay, from 25 000BC to 10 000BC I was a hunter/gatherer. You know people say that prostitution is the world's oldest profession? Well they're wrong. There was a time when every one in the world was a hunter/gatherer. Any way, that only lasted for about 15 000 years. Then the rise of civilization began along with the rise of specialization and that was less needed."
"I see," he said, sitting perfectly still, as though he couldn't believe that I was saying this completely seriously; I guess most 15 year-olds he gets who aren't trying for the job make a 'your mom' joke and leave. He didn't say any thing and just let me continue.
"Well, I went into agriculture at 10 000BC. Then at 5 000BC I realized that every one was getting out of hunting/gathering and there was a huge market for it, so I went back to my original job. That lasted until 2 000BC when hunting and gathering truly went out."
"Ah..." he seemed a little less worried and a little more as though we were two old friends sharing a joke.
"Then in 2 000BC I changed again and became a guidance councilor."
"..a guidance councilor?" He seemed a little bothered by this answer, as though it was the first weird thing I had said.
"Yeah. That was when being a guidance councilor really picked up. Back in 25 000BC, no one really had use for them. A high school student would walk into the office and the guidance councilor would say 'So, what do you want to do after school? There are three options.' 'Three?' the kid would ask. 'Yes. You can be a hunter/gatherer, or a gatherer/hunter.' 'I see, and what's the other one?' 'Oh, well, you can die.' Really all they needed to do was post those three options on the board in the hallway and it would have been much more efficient, but all the people who would do stuff like that we're too busy hunting/gathering or pretending to be guidance councilors."
"What does this have to do with any thing?"
"Oh right! Well, like I said, in 2 000BC I became a guidance councilor. But a few centuries before Christ, with the rise of Rome happening, I decided that guidance councilor was too controversial a job. So I went into Bronze. It was the Bronze age, and besides, at that point hunting and gathering was definitly out."
"Are you being serious?"
There was a pause.
"More serious than you'll ever know." I looked out the window blankly, as though not paying attention to him and thinking about something deep and meaningful.
"Well hunting and gathering is going to make a comeback. I was really just going to stay here as a part time job well I start a hunting/gathering business, but come to think of it, that wouldn't be very fair to you."
I got up, shook his hand, thanked him, and left without looking back.
I had gazelle to hunt.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-08-30 14:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-29 19:41:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
More than 1 post in a week! Tisk tisk tisk...
What makes your standards any less arbitrary than mine?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't an AIM, you know, right?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-08-25 00:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AIM shitbirds!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why don't they just have every sport on ice? They could put soccer on ice, basketball on ice, Nascar on ice, football on ice. Even baseball! That'd be awesome! Instead of putting fuckin' plays on ice, they should put sports on ice.
And for Hockey, which is already on ice, they can add rockets.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, Cuban definitely fucked up on that. I was also pissed when they got rid of Van Exel.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 23:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was dissapointed when they gave up Nash.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, you bastard. It was Belfour I was talking about. What are your thoughts on the Mavericks?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep fighting the good fight
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, why is every one on the Internet so angry?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 22:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, thanks; damn Microsoft Word and my dyslexia. Though, I really don't believe that that was why you -2'd it.
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think Billy ran out of things to say on his one retarded post and decided to come over here and give a retributional -2.
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Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:46:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, and he joins Zakalwe in the league of people who are embarassed that I make more sense than them, and so use 'You're 15' as an arguement. Little do they know that that makes it worse.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=councilor
___________________________________________________________
I am bored so I will finally respond to this nonsense.
A: It wasn't retribution, it was in "most recently reviewed" at the time. I thought it was a gay waste of words trying to be clever but coming off like a 6th grader ESPECIALLY because of the ridiculous spelling mistakes.
B: You said "guidance councilor". One who sits on the "Council of Guidance"??? No, one who gives counsel. The fact that you still tried to argue that point shows AGAIN how stupid you are.
"From now on, call me... Betty"
-Betty of Kung Pao: Enter the Fist
(henchman of the Evil Council)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-08-24 21:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck that game rules. Age of Empires 1, and X-Wing Alliance, are the only two games I have had on my compouter for about three years.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Drew: Dallas's goalie is Marty Turco.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 20:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much of an atheist as I am, I don't support (nor reject; I don't really care) the movement to 'secularize' calender terms. Several of the days of the week are named after Norse Gods. Why aren't we changing those?
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-08-24 19:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You mean BCE and CE, right?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 18:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're an asshole
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 18:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm tired *phew*
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 18:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about Ubercon Austin, fucker. If you can make it as far as Dallas I can take care of the rest of it.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They're rivals and Dallas beat out the Sharks back in 2001, while San Jose just defeated Dallas for the division title and defeated the team that defeated them in the play-offs. GO SHARKS!
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your logic is flawed and unreasonable.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On, I love The Sharks, and therefore I hate The Stars.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bocephus, you never explained your hatred for the Stars.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think Billy ran out of things to say on his one retarded post and decided to come over here and give a retributional -2.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, and he joins Zakalwe in the league of people who are embarassed that I make more sense than them, and so use 'You're 15' as an arguement. Little do they know that that makes it worse.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=councilor
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently this Psychojellybean is an astrophysicist and works for NASA.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm using the Canadian/British spelling.
Also 'every' and 'one' are both words, and they work together in that context. So, it's both. Derrrrrr.
Stop trying to cover up your retributional rating you pompous ass hole.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Stars had some great players. Hull, Modano, and that goalie whose name I forgot. Why do you hate them?
Submitted by psychabillyjean (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's counselor not "councilor" and everyone is one word! Damnit you're retarded. I would let a typo go, but you did it over and over proving your stupidity.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bocephus, I still dont believe you are 15. You should try to make it to this Ubercon Austin they are trying to put together. If you do I'll buy you a hooker and a Pepsi.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Mavs play there? Damn. I'll just have murder the entire team. I also thank you for my new name.
Comment before Drew's: That was great. You're the coolest 21 year-old ever, and will be/have been for the next 5.2 years!
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Motherfucker I will kill you for that. Anyways they play at the American Airlines Center. A stadium that was built a few years ago where the Dallas Mavericks also play. You are lucky I'm not that into hockey or I would beat you, but if you ever bad mouth the Mavericks or Cowboys I'll will send you anthrax.
Now that you are an honorary Texan I will call you "Bocephus" from this day forward.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're the coolest 15 year old I've ever known. Except for myself when I was 15. I kicked ass. Now I've worked my way up the social ladder, and am the coolest 21 year old I know.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh. Okay. Fair enough.
I'll be an honorary Texan, so that I can burn down the Dallas Stars' arena.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about I make you an honorary Texan?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 17:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:31:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73815#1546472
How dare you! Take that back!
IM SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FAVORITE *emo tears*
_____________________________________________________________
Sorry d_prime. I dont really consider you a Canadian. You are an American as far as I am concerned or at least you act that way.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well of course Pepsi is a sponsor. After all they have the fucking Pepsi 400 race. There just isnt a "Pepsi" car. Well not that I know of anyways.
Anyone that knows anything knows that Dr.Pepper is far superior to that horse urine Pepsi.
Submitted by pharmgirl147 (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 Because I just got back from having an Iced cap, and +1 because you had a pepsi vending machine instead of coke!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew both of those things!
http://www.pepsi.com/home.php And you may want to look at this. NASCAR GUY!
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No but there is a race called the Pepsi 400. There is a Dr. Pepper car though. Why is it you dont know this but you know what an oxotoper is?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't there a Nascar driver who advertises for Pepsi?
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a disgrace to NASCAR fans.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Back when Toronto and Buffalo played at the Eastern Conference finals, Pizza Pizza made a comibation of special toppings called the 'hockey pizza.'
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I drink both. My Step Father got me hooked on Dr.Pepper. I drink tons of caffeinated drinks. All the pop ones are Pepsi products.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-24 16:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Touche.
Which reminds me, is there a way to insert accent marks without cutting and pasting from a text editor (Word, notepad, WordPerfect, etc?) Shoot, does cutting and pasting work?
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:05:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
What does sex have to do with tires? Absolutely nothing. Why are they still affiliated in commercials? Becuase every one's obsessed with the former.
In most places, this only works with sex. In Canada, it works with hockey. This is Canada, remember. Besides, they want to build up the 'Canadian' coffee place image. We love donuts and coffee, and by 'we' I mean 'I, and maybe someone else; I don't know.'
+2 for this comment alone.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Motherfucker. Would you start drinking Dr.Pepper?
Pepsi tastes like battery acid.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What does sex have to do with tires? Absolutely nothing. Why are they still affiliated in commercials? Becuase every one's obsessed with the former.
In most places, this only works with sex. In Canada, it works with hockey. This is Canada, remember. Besides, they want to build up the 'Canadian' coffee place image. We love donuts and coffee, and by 'we' I mean 'I, and maybe someone else; I don't know.'
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-24 15:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh. Um, why would you want coffee made by a hockey player? I mean, I know he doesn't actually make it, but what sense does the Hockey->Coffee transition make?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim Horton was a hockey player a few decades ago and that's a coffee shop named after him.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell is a Tim Hortons?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pro:
If any one is on a school or work computer with certain pages blocked, it is most likely done in a way that one can over-ride by using an alternative proxy. I've provided the following so that you can do this.
Go to http://www.cgip.ath.cx When it asks you for a user, put in 'cgip' When it asks you for a pass, put in 'ath.cx' You will be able to use that to browse and it won't be stopped by the security on the computer.
If this doesn't work, they're almost certainly doing it through the browser, so all you have to do is download mozilla firefox and make an attempt with that. If that and the proxy toghether don't work, come tell me what happens, and I'll do further research.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time you do that, go into detail about your ex manwhoring days during the huntering/gathering depression!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute, pepsi man.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor, aren't you retired?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 14:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That depends on what kind of map you have. Fishing is vulnerable, and farms never run out. Unless it's a water-based map, that's not really true.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Controlling fishing is critical to having your economy booming when you hit the third age.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're always talking about the global economy and the potential nuclear holocaust, but no one talks about how they will influence the other. Holocaust = rise in hunting/gathering.
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This country can use as many Hunter/Gatherers as it can have when the nuclear holocaust comes about. That should be in about 3 days, so you're lucky you didn't take that job.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed. It's even better because I do/will go in there all the time.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for tim horton's.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 13:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*were
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck are crisps? Are you French?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AOE and crisps =+2
Submitted by The_T_Man (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If he had offered me a job, I would have taken it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brand new Shlongy!
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I use 12 spinning wing decoys and a block of 600 decoys.
I mostly gather now
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-08-24 12:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to apply for a part time job just so I can steal this.
And I would have offered you a job.